Didn't think I'd let the new year start without doing this again, did you? I've been doing it for years.
1). What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Presented a paper at a conference, called 911 on purpose (sadly, I've done it accidentally twice...not my fault my phone automatically dials the emergency number when you hold down the 7 key), lived in Stratford, went to Padre for spring break, saw the Rolling Stones and Imogen Heap in concert. Those are a few things off the top of my head, nothing too major I suppose.
2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did a decent job with resolutions. My three resoluations last year were to work out twenty days every month, make a home cooked meal at least twice a month, and get a paper published or accepted to a conference. I was good with the workout goal. I possibly didn't make it this month since I stopped keeping track since I came home for Christmas, but I think I probably did twenty days. I did okay with cooking at home twice a month until October, when I got too busy with school stuff and dropped the ball. And I did get to present a conference paper! This year I think I'll keep it simple and not make specific resolutions. I'm just gonna try to stick to my 2007 mantra, (Stronger and Smarter) and try to be more in the moment and less worried about the future, especially the parts of it I can't possibly control.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.
4) Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness. That was one of the positive things about 2006.
5) What countries did you visit? En-ga-land! And I went to Mexico with Cassie's wedding party on Friday, and even though Juarez is RIGHT THERE, I suppose it still counts. And Canada, if you count spending a total of 14 hours in the Toronto airport, which I personally don't but you can if you want to.
6) What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A masters degree and a boyfriend (at least, I'm pretty sure I want a boyfriend...still feeling a little gun shy I think). And I'd like to have my Ph.D. candidacy, obviously, but I guess that's not technically something I lacked in 2006 per se, since it wasn't yet an option in 2006. But yeah. It'd be nice to have it in 2007.
7) What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I am having a hard time coming up with a specific date, but I'm hoping that ultimately I'll remember the days I was having a great time in England. I think I'll also always remember my spring break trip to Padre, for both good and bad reasons. Oh, and I'll definitely always remember the night of my parents' 50th birthday party, for lots of reasons. Hehe.
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year? Writing my paper in Stratford and getting it accepted to the conference in Ohio, and dramaturging Rocky.
9) What was your biggest failure? Letting myself fall apart over Mike. He's really not worth all the shit I put myself through. Nobody is worth that much negative emotional effort, and the worst part is I KNEW that and still wasted a lot of time being depressed about it anyway. It was just a big waste of energy, and even though I know logically that the only way out of it was to get through it, I'm still annoyed with myself for focusing so much energy on the negative this year when plenty of positive stuff was also happening in my life.
10) Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really. That most recent cold/flu thing was probably the worst sickness I suffered all year.
11) What was the best thing you bought? I didn't buy the entire thing, but I put some of my own money towards England and that was the best thing I did all year.
12) Whose behavior merited celebration? Mandi, for always being so graceful under pressure and still maintaining her sense of humor and strength even though she has had to deal with more crap this year than anyone should have to deal with in a decade. And Kymberli for following her dreams and taking her chances in New York. I love my girls.
13) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mike's, obviously. Surprise, surprise. But mainly I'm appalled with myself for letting his appalling behavior actually bother me that much. Stupid.
14) Where did most of your money go? Rent, as always. Other than that, food and travel expenses.
15) What did you get really, really, really excited about? Not much, honestly. I guess the most exciting thing was getting ready to go to England, although that experience was so much work as well that it was exciting in a different way than the usual pure "I'm going to Europe!" excitement. It was still awesome, though. And I got excited every time I was going to do fun things with my family, like my two trips to Las Vegas, our trip to Houston, coming home for my parents' birthday party and the Stones concert, etc.
16) What song will always remind you of 2006? "I'm bringing sexy back. YEP!"
17) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Maybe a little sadder, but only because I feel much less certain about the future than I did at this time last year. I'm feeling happier in general right now though than I have at pretty much any other point over the course of 2006, though, so that's a good thing. I'm finally pretty much happy all the time now with very brief moments of sadness, instead of the other way around.
ii. thinner or fatter? No noticeable change either way.
iii. richer or poorer? I made a bit more money this year than I did last year, but again, there has been no major noticeable change.
18) What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I'd read more plays, done more research for my thesis project, and had more sex (just being honest!)
19) What do you wish you'd done less of? Crying (I am not a crier most of the time, so I'm hoping it's out of my system for at least the next year), eating fast food
20) How did you spend Christmas? Flew back from Las Vegas with Chelsea the morning of Christmas Eve, had fondue that night with my parents, brother, grandparents, and relatives from New Jersey, opened some gifts and laughed a lot, slept, woke up the next morning, checked stockings, opened more gifts, got together with the whole family again and ate a lot of prime rib. It all went by really quickly again.
21) Did you fall in love in 2006? No, I fell out of love instead. Blech.
22) How many one-night stands? Uh, half of one? There was the night we went to the club in Stratford and I drank too many vodka energy drinks and ended up in bed with someone but a) the main reason I slept in his bed was because my roommate was already with Irish guy in my room so I couldn't go in there, b) we didn't actually have sex or even fool around all that much beyond kissing, and c) the only reason it was only one night was because that's what I wanted it to be. Had I wanted it to be something more it would have been, at least for a while. In short, I don't think it really counts.
23) What was your favorite TV program? Big Love. I can't wait for it to start again! Also Lost and Grey's Anatomy
24) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone right now. I don't even really intensely dislike anyone right now.
25) What was the best book you read? Probably The Time Traveler's Wife
26) What was your greatest musical discovery? Carrie Rodriguez, Snow Patrol (better late than never)
27) What did you want and get? To present a conference paper, to be involved in some productions at Texas State (got A LOT of that!), to study in England
28) What did you want and not get? A healthy relationship, a surprise windfall of money
29) What was your favorite film of this year? Probably Little Miss Sunshine, although I can't remember many other films I saw right off the top of my head
30) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24. My birthday itself was boring since it fell on a Sunday two days before Rocky opened so I was too busy with rehearsal and putting together my lobby display to really celebrate. But two days before my birthday, Mandi threw me and her boyfriend Jason a birthday party (we share a birthday) and I had a great time. We went out on the square and then went back to Mandi's for dancing and Jello shots and funny conversations. It was a really good birthday celebration. Then a few days after my birthday my siblings and Chelsea's Mike took me out for dinner, which was also nice.
31) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Never having to worry about finances. Wouldn't it be great to never have to worry about money and whether you're going to have enough? It doesn't buy happiness, sure, but never having to worry about it at all would sure make life much less stressful all around.
32) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Lazy. I have a lot of really cute clothes, and I love dressing up for box office or going out. The thing is, I put on a work uniform three or four mornings a week now and then when I get home I usually shower and just put on my pajamas at 4:00 in the afternoon unless I have specific plans to go somewhere later in the evening. My other bad habit is putting on my workout clothes when I get up in the morning since I know if I put the workout clothes on I will actually work out at some point during the day. But then I don't exercise right away, I end up going to run errands and doing my laundry or whatever and before I know it it's time for night class or rehearsal and I'm still in my workout clothes and I haven't worked out yet, so then I end up wearing my workout clothes all day but not actually working out until 10:00 at night and...well, it's stupid. One of my goals for 2007 is to get better about working out and walking Cohen first thing during the day just so I have more opportunities to put on real clothes.
33) What kept you sane? Cohen and Jose. They were always there when I needed a warm body to cuddle and "kiss" away my tears when I was sad, and walking Cohen is always a big mood booster for me. Plus nothing in the world is funnier than a silly basset hound steam shoveling his head around the living room and howling with his nose shoved under the recliner. He made me smile and laugh every single day, and it's so nice to have something alive and happy to see you to come home to, even if it's not actually a human being. I'm not big on actually talking about my problems, I'd much rather just sit with someone quiet and let myself be sad for a while, and animals are great for that. I don't know what I'd do without them in my life.
34) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Justin Timberlake? I don't know, I don't do the celebrity crush thing. You know that.
35) What political issue stirred you the most? Uh...I listen to the news on NPR every afternoon, so do I at least get credit for knowing what's going on in the world of politics and world conflicts even if I'm too self-absorbed and selfish to really bring myself to worry about any of it too much? The two things I do care quite a bit about and will always get worked up about are abortion rights and gay marriage, and I'll support both in every way I can, but I can't honestly say I've been politically active this year at all whatsoever. I'm not even registered to vote where I live right now (shhhhh).
36) Whom did you miss? Matthew, and all the other people I was already missing prior to 2006 (Kymberli, Mike, all of my college friends, my family...I have friends scattered across the country now, so no matter where I go for the rest of my life I'll be missing someone important)
37) Who was the best new person you met? Richie my favorite Canadian, and Debbie. I think I can count them as one person since they're pretty much always together, to the point where it's never, "Where's Debbie?" or "Did you call Richie?", it's "Did anyone tell DebbieandRichie?" They're both smart, fun, and funny, and I'm so bummed we only get to be in the same place for ten months.
38) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. There are some factors in my life that I cannot control, cannot fix, and cannot make better. And when things don't go my way, all I can do is make as many positive choices as I can and know that eventually my fortune will change for the better, I just have to hold on until it does. Also, there's no point in trying to predict your own future, because there's no way to know what's going to happen next and it's best to just not even try.
39) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
(Uh, that's the positive spin on things, but it's best to take a glass-half-full view of things, wouldn't you say?)
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
2006 in Review Part I
I've been seeing this all over, so I figured I'd try it. It's a summary of the year, as revealed via the first sentence of the first post in each of the twelve months of 2006.
1. Can you believe it's 2006?
2. I'm not really watching the Super Bowl today.
3. So I just did a word cloud.
4. So this semester ends in a month, more or less.
5. Today should have been awesome, except that Mike completely fucked things up.
6. A week from today I'll be at the airport in Toronto, an hour away from boarding my flight to London Heathrow.
7. Unfortunately this 100th post isn't going to be anything momentous.
8. So, I met a crazy man at the river today.
9. I think I'm getting sick.
10. I know I'm not the busiest person in the world.
11. Why yes, I did have a birthday today.
12. Why am I finding it so impossibly hard to just sit down and write my personal statement for Ph.D. applications?
Well, that wasn't very exciting. Okay, how about this one : I'm going to think of each month and write down the first memory that pops into my head from that particular month, whatever it may be. It has to be the first thing I remember, even if it's not actually the most momentous thing that happened that month. (Wow, can you tell how bored I am right at this exact moment?)
January: Hanging out at Chugging Monkey on 6th Street with Mike.
February: Sobbing on Chelsea's couch during Cohen's birthday party, the day Mike called to tell me that he and Jenny were officially a couple.
March: In Padre at spring break, wading into the Gulf of Mexico in the middle of the night still wearing all of my clothes, freezing, buzzed, and simultaneously more depressed and more hopeful and more confused than I've ever felt in my entire life.
April: I honestly cannot think of a single vivid memory of anything that happened in April. Or rather, I don't want to admit that the only thing I immediately remember from April is taking Cohen for a nighttime walk around the apartment complex while crying/yelling at Mike on the phone.
May: Doing yoga warm ups in summer Shakespeare class, Jen teasingly telling me that she purposely took the spot behind me during the daily sun salutes because she liked to look at my cute butt.
June: Amanda and I happily drinking an entire bottle of mead (the one Alex purchased at the Tower of London) during the pre-party at our B&B in Stratford the night before Amanda's birthday.
July: Crying with Mike as we stood in the parking lot of his apartment complex and rain poured down and thunder crashed very theatrically as I told him I couldn't speak to him ever again [Wish I'd stuck to my guns initially on that one, incidentally, but oh well.]
August: Chelsea and I sharing an entire cheese plate in the middle of the night in our hotel room in Houston.
September: Our first grad student night of the semester, drinking 99 cent strawberry margaritas and already knowing that I was going to have so much fun with everyone.
October: Falling down the stairs the night Night of the Iguana was sold out. Haha.
November: Sitting outside on my cousin Jen's back patio on Thanksgiving, drinking red wine with Richie and my cousins as little Hannah played with her Barbies on the floor beside me.
December: Laughing with Kymberli and all of my relatives and the guys at Rachel's rehearsal dinner.
To be completely honest, I've never been more happy to begin a new year. 2006 was the first year of my life that hasn't been basically an improvement over the year before. My life has always gotten progressively better, or at least held steady from year to year at a pretty good place, but 2006 was definitely not a great year for me. It's unfair to say that it was a bad year, because it definitely wasn't. Many good things happened this year. My time in England was amazing. My trips to Las Vegas in January and December were both great. Careerwise, 2006 has been my most successful year yet. I met some great new people, finally made one very close friend and several other good friends in grad school, felt financially stable, had a lot of fun times with my family. But ultimately, I know 2006 will always be dominated by bad memories of my final split with Mike. Unfortunately that overshadows almost everything else, no matter how hard I try to focus on all the really good parts of the year. I finally feel like I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel as far as all of that is concerned, and nowadays I can say "I'm okay and ready to move on" and seriously mean it. But I have to also honestly admit that I'm damaged now in a way I wasn't prior to this year. I'm not angry about that anymore. I think it needed to happen, I needed to get hurt badly once so that I'm smart enough to hopefully never let it happen again. It's part of growing up, and I think I needed to go through all the pain this year to get on to the different, hopefully better things that are coming up in my life. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and all that, and that's definitely the case in this situation. But my acceptance of the events of 2006 as a necessary lesson in my life doesn't exactly mean I enjoyed almost an entire year of learning it.
Really, I think 2006 sucked for almost everyone. Other than the two people I know that got/will get married this year and my parents, who seemed to be having the time of their lives pretty much all year long, and Chelsea, who seems pretty happy now that she's with her Mike, everyone else I know seems to be thinking of the past year as dull at best and traumatic and depressing at worst. My grandfather was in and out of surgeries during the second half of the year and spent most of his time firmly convinced he'd be dying at any moment (that's only sort of a joke). One of my best friends lost her father to cancer this summer and is currently dealing with a relationship that has seemingly been on its last legs for months, the other spent 2006 dealing with her parents' divorce, adjusting to a difficult move, and handling asshole men in general. Another very good friend just found out a tumor she had treated three years ago is back, only this time she's not going to be able to do chemo treatments again because she simultaneously found out the original chemo treatments have permanently damaged her heart. And all of that is just the tip of a pretty crappy iceberg.
When I think back on this year, it's not fun to reminisce like it usually is. I have to think of specific days and moments to have happy memories of 2006. If I think of the year as a whole, I mostly feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach coupled with a thought process that is something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, I'm glad I already got through that and this year is almost over."
I don't want to seem ungrateful. Like I said, I had plenty of good times even if there weren't quite enough to balance out the bad. I'm still alive and healthy and am once again mostly happy, and I'm surrounded by friends and family who love me and will with any luck and grace struggle out of their difficult times as well. Things could be much, much worse. I'll try to keep focusing on the good, and be grateful for all the ups I had this year, and in time I know I'll mostly forget all the downs.
Still, 2007 can't get here fast enough.
1. Can you believe it's 2006?
2. I'm not really watching the Super Bowl today.
3. So I just did a word cloud.
4. So this semester ends in a month, more or less.
5. Today should have been awesome, except that Mike completely fucked things up.
6. A week from today I'll be at the airport in Toronto, an hour away from boarding my flight to London Heathrow.
7. Unfortunately this 100th post isn't going to be anything momentous.
8. So, I met a crazy man at the river today.
9. I think I'm getting sick.
10. I know I'm not the busiest person in the world.
11. Why yes, I did have a birthday today.
12. Why am I finding it so impossibly hard to just sit down and write my personal statement for Ph.D. applications?
Well, that wasn't very exciting. Okay, how about this one : I'm going to think of each month and write down the first memory that pops into my head from that particular month, whatever it may be. It has to be the first thing I remember, even if it's not actually the most momentous thing that happened that month. (Wow, can you tell how bored I am right at this exact moment?)
January: Hanging out at Chugging Monkey on 6th Street with Mike.
February: Sobbing on Chelsea's couch during Cohen's birthday party, the day Mike called to tell me that he and Jenny were officially a couple.
March: In Padre at spring break, wading into the Gulf of Mexico in the middle of the night still wearing all of my clothes, freezing, buzzed, and simultaneously more depressed and more hopeful and more confused than I've ever felt in my entire life.
April: I honestly cannot think of a single vivid memory of anything that happened in April. Or rather, I don't want to admit that the only thing I immediately remember from April is taking Cohen for a nighttime walk around the apartment complex while crying/yelling at Mike on the phone.
May: Doing yoga warm ups in summer Shakespeare class, Jen teasingly telling me that she purposely took the spot behind me during the daily sun salutes because she liked to look at my cute butt.
June: Amanda and I happily drinking an entire bottle of mead (the one Alex purchased at the Tower of London) during the pre-party at our B&B in Stratford the night before Amanda's birthday.
July: Crying with Mike as we stood in the parking lot of his apartment complex and rain poured down and thunder crashed very theatrically as I told him I couldn't speak to him ever again [Wish I'd stuck to my guns initially on that one, incidentally, but oh well.]
August: Chelsea and I sharing an entire cheese plate in the middle of the night in our hotel room in Houston.
September: Our first grad student night of the semester, drinking 99 cent strawberry margaritas and already knowing that I was going to have so much fun with everyone.
October: Falling down the stairs the night Night of the Iguana was sold out. Haha.
November: Sitting outside on my cousin Jen's back patio on Thanksgiving, drinking red wine with Richie and my cousins as little Hannah played with her Barbies on the floor beside me.
December: Laughing with Kymberli and all of my relatives and the guys at Rachel's rehearsal dinner.
To be completely honest, I've never been more happy to begin a new year. 2006 was the first year of my life that hasn't been basically an improvement over the year before. My life has always gotten progressively better, or at least held steady from year to year at a pretty good place, but 2006 was definitely not a great year for me. It's unfair to say that it was a bad year, because it definitely wasn't. Many good things happened this year. My time in England was amazing. My trips to Las Vegas in January and December were both great. Careerwise, 2006 has been my most successful year yet. I met some great new people, finally made one very close friend and several other good friends in grad school, felt financially stable, had a lot of fun times with my family. But ultimately, I know 2006 will always be dominated by bad memories of my final split with Mike. Unfortunately that overshadows almost everything else, no matter how hard I try to focus on all the really good parts of the year. I finally feel like I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel as far as all of that is concerned, and nowadays I can say "I'm okay and ready to move on" and seriously mean it. But I have to also honestly admit that I'm damaged now in a way I wasn't prior to this year. I'm not angry about that anymore. I think it needed to happen, I needed to get hurt badly once so that I'm smart enough to hopefully never let it happen again. It's part of growing up, and I think I needed to go through all the pain this year to get on to the different, hopefully better things that are coming up in my life. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and all that, and that's definitely the case in this situation. But my acceptance of the events of 2006 as a necessary lesson in my life doesn't exactly mean I enjoyed almost an entire year of learning it.
Really, I think 2006 sucked for almost everyone. Other than the two people I know that got/will get married this year and my parents, who seemed to be having the time of their lives pretty much all year long, and Chelsea, who seems pretty happy now that she's with her Mike, everyone else I know seems to be thinking of the past year as dull at best and traumatic and depressing at worst. My grandfather was in and out of surgeries during the second half of the year and spent most of his time firmly convinced he'd be dying at any moment (that's only sort of a joke). One of my best friends lost her father to cancer this summer and is currently dealing with a relationship that has seemingly been on its last legs for months, the other spent 2006 dealing with her parents' divorce, adjusting to a difficult move, and handling asshole men in general. Another very good friend just found out a tumor she had treated three years ago is back, only this time she's not going to be able to do chemo treatments again because she simultaneously found out the original chemo treatments have permanently damaged her heart. And all of that is just the tip of a pretty crappy iceberg.
When I think back on this year, it's not fun to reminisce like it usually is. I have to think of specific days and moments to have happy memories of 2006. If I think of the year as a whole, I mostly feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach coupled with a thought process that is something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, I'm glad I already got through that and this year is almost over."
I don't want to seem ungrateful. Like I said, I had plenty of good times even if there weren't quite enough to balance out the bad. I'm still alive and healthy and am once again mostly happy, and I'm surrounded by friends and family who love me and will with any luck and grace struggle out of their difficult times as well. Things could be much, much worse. I'll try to keep focusing on the good, and be grateful for all the ups I had this year, and in time I know I'll mostly forget all the downs.
Still, 2007 can't get here fast enough.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Yikes
Last night Chelsea and I had a near death, or at least near injury and near expensive car repairs experience.
We had gone out to the bars on Cin Street along with Chelsea's best friend Valerie, which proved to be pretty lame on the whole. We had fun together, but the scene was just sort of blah. We had a few drinks, I marveled at how few attractive men there are in this city, I saw Mike briefly but he didn't see me and I opted not to talk to him which felt weird but not terrible. I didn't see anyone else I knew from high school, which makes me feel really old. 24 doesn't seem like it should make me feel too old for the college bar scene, but it sort of does. It did last night, anyway.
Chelsea and I left Valerie with a guy she was flirting with and headed home at about 1:45. We were on the freeway just past downtown, cruising just under the speed limit in the middle lane. A truck was in the right lane driving slightly in front of us. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere a silver sports car came zooming up behind us in the left lane, going way over the speed limit. Just as the car got ahead of us in the left lane it made a sharp turn and crossed directly in front of us at a 90 degree angle to our car. Chelsea was able to slam on the brakes and save us, and we watched as the car slammed into the truck in the right lane. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen a car do in real life. I still can't figure out how the driver was able to cross in front of us at that angle. It didn't seem like he just swerved, it seemed intentional, deliberate. I hope it wasn't, because how creepy would that be? But still, it was very unnatural and scary. We pulled over for a minute and I called 911, the first time I've ever had to call 911 for anything. A few other cars pulled over to help so as soon as they told me they were sending an ambulance and we realized there were plenty of other (probably more competent) people helping, Chelsea and I left since we'd both been drinking and even though we weren't drunk it seemed a good idea not to hang out and wait for the police. I gave the dispatcher my phone number, so I imagine they'll call me if they need someone to be a witness about the accident. The wreck didn't look nearly as bad as it could have been, the front part of both cars hit and it seems like most of the damage was just to headlights and bumpers, which is sort of amazing considering the high speed at which they hit. But then as Chelsea and I continued back to our side of town we saw THIRTEEN police cars driving the opposite direction on the freeway. They can't all have been headed to that one accident, so now I'm wondering what the heck else was going on last night.
I'm just glad Chelsea was driving the speed limit. If she'd been going 5 miles an hour faster, we would have been the car that got hit. But we're okay, and Chelsea gets to celebrate her birthday today and we're apparently going to make it to the new year. But be careful, everybody, there are a lot of crazy drunks on the roads out there.
We had gone out to the bars on Cin Street along with Chelsea's best friend Valerie, which proved to be pretty lame on the whole. We had fun together, but the scene was just sort of blah. We had a few drinks, I marveled at how few attractive men there are in this city, I saw Mike briefly but he didn't see me and I opted not to talk to him which felt weird but not terrible. I didn't see anyone else I knew from high school, which makes me feel really old. 24 doesn't seem like it should make me feel too old for the college bar scene, but it sort of does. It did last night, anyway.
Chelsea and I left Valerie with a guy she was flirting with and headed home at about 1:45. We were on the freeway just past downtown, cruising just under the speed limit in the middle lane. A truck was in the right lane driving slightly in front of us. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere a silver sports car came zooming up behind us in the left lane, going way over the speed limit. Just as the car got ahead of us in the left lane it made a sharp turn and crossed directly in front of us at a 90 degree angle to our car. Chelsea was able to slam on the brakes and save us, and we watched as the car slammed into the truck in the right lane. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen a car do in real life. I still can't figure out how the driver was able to cross in front of us at that angle. It didn't seem like he just swerved, it seemed intentional, deliberate. I hope it wasn't, because how creepy would that be? But still, it was very unnatural and scary. We pulled over for a minute and I called 911, the first time I've ever had to call 911 for anything. A few other cars pulled over to help so as soon as they told me they were sending an ambulance and we realized there were plenty of other (probably more competent) people helping, Chelsea and I left since we'd both been drinking and even though we weren't drunk it seemed a good idea not to hang out and wait for the police. I gave the dispatcher my phone number, so I imagine they'll call me if they need someone to be a witness about the accident. The wreck didn't look nearly as bad as it could have been, the front part of both cars hit and it seems like most of the damage was just to headlights and bumpers, which is sort of amazing considering the high speed at which they hit. But then as Chelsea and I continued back to our side of town we saw THIRTEEN police cars driving the opposite direction on the freeway. They can't all have been headed to that one accident, so now I'm wondering what the heck else was going on last night.
I'm just glad Chelsea was driving the speed limit. If she'd been going 5 miles an hour faster, we would have been the car that got hit. But we're okay, and Chelsea gets to celebrate her birthday today and we're apparently going to make it to the new year. But be careful, everybody, there are a lot of crazy drunks on the roads out there.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The Day After
"There's nobody in this world I hate more than T.O. Except the Pope."
I think that was the best comment Grandpa made during this year's Christmas festivities. (Incidentally, I don't think he has a personal vendetta against this particular pope, he just dislikes any organized religion but particularly Catholicism...I think it mostly stems from the fact that he's an ob/gyn who has worked most of his life in the county hospital and he gets frustrated with the poor women coming to the hospital to give birth to the tenth child they can't support because they're devoutly Catholic and don't believe in birth control) Grandpa also pointed out several times that this could be his last Christmas, but got mad at me when I pointed out that it could be anybody's last Christmas. The boys spent most of Christmas dinner telling dirty jokes over the prime rib. It was pretty much Christmas as always.
My aunt, uncle, and two cousins from New Jersey are visiting for Christmas, so it has been fun hanging out with them. Cohen enjoyed the Christmas Eve fondue and ate enough meat for six basset hounds. We've all been laughing a lot and I'm having a good time.
I got some really nice Christmas presents: a few shirts and sweaters, a pair of Citizens of Humanity jeans (I have now fully rationalized wearing jeans that cost $200 a pair. After all, what else do you wear pretty much every day of your life? Plus they really are ten times more comfortable), a couple of books, a bunch of makeup and perfume and lotion and other girly things like that, some workout clothes and workout DVDs. Chelsea's Christmas gift to me was a ticket to see The Lion King when it tours through Austin in March, and she and Shane gave me my very belated birthday present, a gift certificate to the Four Seasons! I'm extremely excited about that. I'm thinking I'll probably use it at the spa. Mmmm, the spa. The biggest surprise was my grandma's Christmas gift to all of us. She decided that all of her grandchildren need to see the nation's capitol, so she's paying for my family and my aunt's family to take a vacation to Washington D.C. (The relatives from New Jersey have already been to Washington D.C. a few times, so they're getting a trip to Colorado to go skiing instead). I don't know when we'll go, probably sometime this summer, but I'm already excited. I feel like it's the only major U.S. city I've never visited, so it's about time (I'd say L.A., New York, Chicago, and Washington D.C. are the four big ones, wouldn't you?). Plus we always have a really good time on family vacations, so I'm glad we already have one in the works for this summer. The other big surprise was that it turns out my great-grandmother, who passed away last December, left all of us grandkids some money. It wasn't a lot of money, but in my case it's enough to buy some new bedding, the one Christmas gift I wanted but didn't actually get. So all in all it was a very good Christmas for materialistic reasons as well as the more important family fun reasons.
Want to know what my favorite Christmas present was, though? When I was a baby I was obsessed with this book called Hide and Seek With Wilma Worm. My mom likes to tell the story of the time I made my dad read it so much one afternoon he finally got fed up and hid it under a couch cushion and then later that night she had to call him at work to figure out where he'd put it because I was having a screaming fit and wouldn't go to sleep without reading the book. We also have an entire page in my baby photo album that is nothing but pictures of various relatives reading the book to me. At some point I finally outgrew the book and it got lost, but on Christmas Eve I opened a present from Grandma and there it was, a used copy of Hide and Seek With Wilma Worm!! I hadn't seen it in twenty years. It's fabulous, it teaches you to count all the way to five. I can see why my parents despised reading it over and over again. But I loved it so much I used to sleep with it at night like it was a stuffed animal. It's nice to have a copy of it again.
So that was my Christmas. I hope everyone else feels pleasantly spoiled and stuffed full of food and loved today, too.
I think that was the best comment Grandpa made during this year's Christmas festivities. (Incidentally, I don't think he has a personal vendetta against this particular pope, he just dislikes any organized religion but particularly Catholicism...I think it mostly stems from the fact that he's an ob/gyn who has worked most of his life in the county hospital and he gets frustrated with the poor women coming to the hospital to give birth to the tenth child they can't support because they're devoutly Catholic and don't believe in birth control) Grandpa also pointed out several times that this could be his last Christmas, but got mad at me when I pointed out that it could be anybody's last Christmas. The boys spent most of Christmas dinner telling dirty jokes over the prime rib. It was pretty much Christmas as always.
My aunt, uncle, and two cousins from New Jersey are visiting for Christmas, so it has been fun hanging out with them. Cohen enjoyed the Christmas Eve fondue and ate enough meat for six basset hounds. We've all been laughing a lot and I'm having a good time.
I got some really nice Christmas presents: a few shirts and sweaters, a pair of Citizens of Humanity jeans (I have now fully rationalized wearing jeans that cost $200 a pair. After all, what else do you wear pretty much every day of your life? Plus they really are ten times more comfortable), a couple of books, a bunch of makeup and perfume and lotion and other girly things like that, some workout clothes and workout DVDs. Chelsea's Christmas gift to me was a ticket to see The Lion King when it tours through Austin in March, and she and Shane gave me my very belated birthday present, a gift certificate to the Four Seasons! I'm extremely excited about that. I'm thinking I'll probably use it at the spa. Mmmm, the spa. The biggest surprise was my grandma's Christmas gift to all of us. She decided that all of her grandchildren need to see the nation's capitol, so she's paying for my family and my aunt's family to take a vacation to Washington D.C. (The relatives from New Jersey have already been to Washington D.C. a few times, so they're getting a trip to Colorado to go skiing instead). I don't know when we'll go, probably sometime this summer, but I'm already excited. I feel like it's the only major U.S. city I've never visited, so it's about time (I'd say L.A., New York, Chicago, and Washington D.C. are the four big ones, wouldn't you?). Plus we always have a really good time on family vacations, so I'm glad we already have one in the works for this summer. The other big surprise was that it turns out my great-grandmother, who passed away last December, left all of us grandkids some money. It wasn't a lot of money, but in my case it's enough to buy some new bedding, the one Christmas gift I wanted but didn't actually get. So all in all it was a very good Christmas for materialistic reasons as well as the more important family fun reasons.
Want to know what my favorite Christmas present was, though? When I was a baby I was obsessed with this book called Hide and Seek With Wilma Worm. My mom likes to tell the story of the time I made my dad read it so much one afternoon he finally got fed up and hid it under a couch cushion and then later that night she had to call him at work to figure out where he'd put it because I was having a screaming fit and wouldn't go to sleep without reading the book. We also have an entire page in my baby photo album that is nothing but pictures of various relatives reading the book to me. At some point I finally outgrew the book and it got lost, but on Christmas Eve I opened a present from Grandma and there it was, a used copy of Hide and Seek With Wilma Worm!! I hadn't seen it in twenty years. It's fabulous, it teaches you to count all the way to five. I can see why my parents despised reading it over and over again. But I loved it so much I used to sleep with it at night like it was a stuffed animal. It's nice to have a copy of it again.
So that was my Christmas. I hope everyone else feels pleasantly spoiled and stuffed full of food and loved today, too.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas!!
So, happy Christmas 2006! How was yours? Mine has been pretty terrific so far. I'd tell you about it, but I'm thinking I should wait until the entire holiday is actually over since we haven't had Christmas dinner yet and heaven forbid I do a Christmas post without waiting to see if my grandfather says anything ridiculous and entertaining at the dinner table this evening.
But I can tell you about Las Vegas and Rachel's wedding! I can't tell you in great detail because I have to share this computer (which is working again, thank god) with five people and any minute now somebody is going to want it since I've already been on for about an hour, but I'll give you the highlights.
But I can tell you about Las Vegas and Rachel's wedding! I can't tell you in great detail because I have to share this computer (which is working again, thank god) with five people and any minute now somebody is going to want it since I've already been on for about an hour, but I'll give you the highlights.
- Getting to see Kymberli. Enough said.
- The rehearsal dinner, which was at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant in The Venetian. They went all out, with an entire hour of wine and appetizers before the dinner even started and then a three course meal with more wine. I think I personally polished off an entire bottle of red wine, and everyone else at my table seemed to do the same. The food was delicious, too.
- Hanging out with a whole bunch of my cousins. I especially had fun with my cousins Jamie and Carly from California, who I hadn't seen in several years. I remember when we were kids and they'd come to El Paso and visit us in the summer and we'd go to Wet and Wild and make up dance routines to movie musicals. And now we dance at clubs and drink too much wine, and life is more fun than ever!
- The groom's friends. Chelsea, her boyfriend Mike, Kymberli, Jamie and I grabbed a table at the rehearsal dinner and wound up sitting across from four of the groom's best friends, who ended up being some of the funniest people I've met in a long, long time. Possibly some of the funniest people I've met ever. Over the course of the weekend we ended up meeting more of his friends, and they were all hilarious and most of them were attractive too, although unfortunately most of them were also married or too recently divorced and probably too old for me. I had fun hanging out with them, though. They kept us laughing all weekend, usually at inappropriate moments. Like during Rachel and John's toast at the rehearsal dinner, for example, when Kurt turned to us at the table and stage whispered, "I hope they make it". I don't know if it's just 'cause we were all buzzing or what, but it was so damn funny. We all had to stifle our laughter, which of course only made us want to laugh harder. Kymberli was literally crying with silent laughter. The entire dinner was like that. My aunts at the next table kept looking over at us like, "What the heck is going on over there?" I would just shrug, like "Hey, cute funny Jewish guys. Can you blame us?"
- After the rehearsal dinner Kymberli ended up going back to the room and Mike ditched us to play poker, so Chelsea, Jamie, my aunt Claudia and I went out. Jamie won't be 21 until August so she borrowed the bride's ID to try to get into the clubs, and it actually worked the first time. A club promoter got us into Tao, a nightclub at the Venetian. I liked Tao a lot, it was really pretty inside, all red and black and full of candles. I've been to a lot of the Vegas clubs now, and this one is definitely one of my favorites. Of course, since it was a Vegas club there were the usual mostly-naked girls that are paid to dance on platforms around the club or just lounge around on elevated beds touching each other's legs. My favorite were the two girls sitting in a tub of sorts wearing nothing but sparkly pasties. Every time we're in Vegas Chelsea and I wonder aloud why we don't get paid to just stand around in underwear bobbing slightly to the music and looking bored. Maybe I'll just get a boob job and move to Vegas if this whole school thing doesn't work out for me. So yeah, the girls were ridiculous but that's just a given in Las Vegas. The dancing was fun, the drinks were strong, the lighting was flattering, I recommend it. Especially if you can get in without paying cover, like we did.
- Then Jamie and I tried to use these free passes to Jet that we'd gotten from a club promoter at the Mirage, but the bouncers there were smart enough to recognize that Jamie doesn't remotely look 27 years old, and that's how she got Rachel's ID taken away. Oops. By the time I left Las Vegas yesterday, Jamie still hadn't spilled to our cousin that her ID had been confiscated. Fortunately, I think Rachel only lent Jamie her ID card because she also had her passport with her. Otherwise it's gonna be like, "Congratulations, you got married! And you're staying in Las Vegas, because now you can't get on an airplane!"
- The champagne brunch buffet at The Mirage. I ate about three meals at once. I am a glutton.
- I won a hundred dollars playing blackjack!!!
- The wedding ceremony itself, because it was super short, because the minister had a weird voice that was fun to mock later, because my cousin got married in an orange dress and I think that's cool, and because at the moment when the minister said, "We are here today to join this man and this woman..." I turned around and saw our friends from the rehearsal dinner solemnly reach out to each other and grasp hands. And then we were all laughing at an inappropriate time, again.
- Realizing that for the first time in a long, long time I watched a wedding without imagining my own. And instead of feeling sad about the fact that I no longer have someone in my life I can see myself marrying someday, I realized I feel liberated, like there are so many possibilities. Right now I'm happy in a way I haven't been for a long time. It may be too soon to say this, but I think maybe the spell is finally broken, so to speak. I feel good. Really, really good.
- The wedding reception, held in a ballroom at The Venetian. We had another full meal and it was open bar again. Fun times. Expensive times, probably, but fun times. Thank you to whoever hooked us up all weekend, it was awesome.
- Walking down the strip with Kymberli after the wedding, singing, "I'm bringing sexy back. YEP!" over and over again and amusing only ourselves. At one point Kymberli said, "We're the most annoying people on the strip" and I thought about it and said, "No. Sadly, we probably aren't." Because have you BEEN to Las Vegas?
- Leaving Las Vegas with more money than I came with.
I'll post a link to pictures when I get home next week.
In the meantime, have a great Christmas!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Broken Internet
The internet at my house here in El Paso sucks. In fact, the whole computer sucks, and by "sucks" I actually mean, "is totally frozen and not working at all". I'm typing this from my laptop at my dad's bar where I can pick up the wireless internet from the coffee shop next door. It's 1:00 in the afternoon so I have this entire huge bar to myself...kind of creepy, actually, especially considering how insanely windy it is outside right now.
Anyway, the timing on the internet being down sucks because I really wanted to upload another one of my applications before I go to Las Vegas on Friday, but oh well. I have until January 5th, there's time.
But hey, did you hear that? Vegas on Friday!! Chelsea and I are going up there for my cousin Rachel's wedding, and since Chelsea invited her boyfriend, I invited Kymberli. It should be fun. I'm excited, anyway. My main goal is not to drink TOO much, although I've yet to decide what exactly I mean by "too much". Especially since part two of my Vegas goals is to get as many men as possible to buy drinks for Kymberli and I just by batting my eyelashes. (Forgive me, but most of the time it's amazingly easy and I can't help but take advantage) I just know I don't want to be hungover when we come home on Christmas Eve since it's my favorite part of the holidays and I'm going to be angry at myself if I can't enjoy it. So I'll try to be sensible, or at least as sensible as one can be in Vegas when your cousin is getting married at the Venetian and there are dance clubs to visit and hands of blackjack to be played.
So yeah, I'm about to go to Las Vegas and apparently for the time being my access to the internet is going to be sporadic, so don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while.
And now I'm off to compare digital cameras since Mom promised me she'd take me to the store today to get a new one. Yay!!
Anyway, the timing on the internet being down sucks because I really wanted to upload another one of my applications before I go to Las Vegas on Friday, but oh well. I have until January 5th, there's time.
But hey, did you hear that? Vegas on Friday!! Chelsea and I are going up there for my cousin Rachel's wedding, and since Chelsea invited her boyfriend, I invited Kymberli. It should be fun. I'm excited, anyway. My main goal is not to drink TOO much, although I've yet to decide what exactly I mean by "too much". Especially since part two of my Vegas goals is to get as many men as possible to buy drinks for Kymberli and I just by batting my eyelashes. (Forgive me, but most of the time it's amazingly easy and I can't help but take advantage) I just know I don't want to be hungover when we come home on Christmas Eve since it's my favorite part of the holidays and I'm going to be angry at myself if I can't enjoy it. So I'll try to be sensible, or at least as sensible as one can be in Vegas when your cousin is getting married at the Venetian and there are dance clubs to visit and hands of blackjack to be played.
So yeah, I'm about to go to Las Vegas and apparently for the time being my access to the internet is going to be sporadic, so don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while.
And now I'm off to compare digital cameras since Mom promised me she'd take me to the store today to get a new one. Yay!!
Monday, December 18, 2006
Booze Hound
Hi.
Does anybody know how to republish their entire blog in blogger beta? It's annoying me that all the posts don't look the same anymore, but I can't seem to figure out how to just republish the whole blog (which I think would solve my problem, right?). Anyway, if you know how to do it, let me know.
I was walking Cohen around my old elementary school this afternoon and I ran into my fifth grade teacher. She recognized me walking down the street and said hello and we chatted for a minute. Afterwards I couldn't decide if I should be horrified that I apparently still look more or less the same as I did as an 11 year old or if I should be flattered that someone who taught me thirteen years ago still remembers me at all.
And yes, I'm home for the holidays. So far nothing all that exciting or crazy has happened, although I did take Cohen to my dad's bar on Saturday night, on my dad and grandpa's insistence. The bar was packed with hundreds of people watching the Cowboys game, but Dad just carried Cohen into the bar. For a while nobody even really noticed he was there since he just lay under the table eating a new bone I'd brought for him. Then during the second half of the game he sat on Dad's lap. It was really cute, actually. He was a really good boy and didn't bark at all, and everyone in the bar was coming over to pet him so he was in basset hound heaven. Too bad we're not more like Europe, where well-behaved dogs are allowed in many of the bars and stores and nobody bats an eye.
I feel like I was going to tell a couple more stories, but I guess I've forgotten them.
Also, I suppose I should mention it's my goal to not see Mike while I'm home. I just finally snapped last week, realized that I'm lying to myself when I am saying I just want us to be friends when obviously I was still hoping for something more, and realized that if he's about to start dating seriously again I don't want to be around at all when that happens. It hurts too much. I've also acknowledged that I'm not going to be able to get over him fully and completely until I meet someone else to think about, but talking to him in the meantime was hard as often as it was fun. I still hope that we're going to be friends someday, but I know I'm just not to that point yet and I can't keep rushing myself to get there. So in the spirit of the new year and a clean slate I decided to just stop talking to him for a while and wait until I am honestly completely over him and really don't care about his half dozen hos. Then I'll start talking to him again. I just can't be sad about him anymore, you know? It has been almost a whole year. And that's not to say I'm moping about him constantly, because that's definitely not the case. There are many days now when I honestly don't care, and I've managed to go entire six week periods without having a cry about it. But there were also still days when he'd be talking about a new girl and it would make me really, really sad. And I just can't do that to myself anymore. Even one hour of crying about him at this point is too much, you know? If he's going to have a girlfriend other than me, I just don't need to witness it at this point. And someday when I once again have a boyfriend of my own or I've finally been single long enough to be ninety five percent comfortable with it and I finally realize in my heart what I already know in my head, which is that I'm mourning the idea of our relationship more than our relationship itself and that I am just as happy without him as I would have been with him (if not more so), then we'll start talking again. But not until then. Or at least, that's what I'm trying to make myself do.
It's hard, especially being here in El Paso, which is admittedly a bit boring when for the time being the only people I have to go out with are my parents (not that my parents don't bring the party, because they do, as you well know). But I guess in theory I am here to visit my FAMILY and maybe it's about time to make up for the five years of holidays in which I probably saw more of my boyfriend/ex than I did of my dad. But you know, it's not as hard as I thought it would be, and not nearly as hard as this was when I first tried it back in July. In fact, I almost feel like I could actually get used to this.
It's the smart thing to do. And it's going to make me stronger in the long run. And that's my motto for the coming year. If it doesn't make me stronger or smarter, then it has no place in my life in 2007. (And happier, I suppose, although I've discovered that complete happiness is actually pretty fleeting, so making a choice just because "it will make me happy" doesn't really work. Plus "it will make me happy" allows for choices like kissing inappropriate men and drinking that fifth vodka tonic, and I don't think a good life mantra should easily allow for such choices...at least not at this point in my life. So I figure it's better to aim for overall peace and contentment, which is really just a deeper sort of happiness anyway, right? Stronger+smarter=happier in the long run anyway, I figure).
Does anybody know how to republish their entire blog in blogger beta? It's annoying me that all the posts don't look the same anymore, but I can't seem to figure out how to just republish the whole blog (which I think would solve my problem, right?). Anyway, if you know how to do it, let me know.
I was walking Cohen around my old elementary school this afternoon and I ran into my fifth grade teacher. She recognized me walking down the street and said hello and we chatted for a minute. Afterwards I couldn't decide if I should be horrified that I apparently still look more or less the same as I did as an 11 year old or if I should be flattered that someone who taught me thirteen years ago still remembers me at all.
And yes, I'm home for the holidays. So far nothing all that exciting or crazy has happened, although I did take Cohen to my dad's bar on Saturday night, on my dad and grandpa's insistence. The bar was packed with hundreds of people watching the Cowboys game, but Dad just carried Cohen into the bar. For a while nobody even really noticed he was there since he just lay under the table eating a new bone I'd brought for him. Then during the second half of the game he sat on Dad's lap. It was really cute, actually. He was a really good boy and didn't bark at all, and everyone in the bar was coming over to pet him so he was in basset hound heaven. Too bad we're not more like Europe, where well-behaved dogs are allowed in many of the bars and stores and nobody bats an eye.
I feel like I was going to tell a couple more stories, but I guess I've forgotten them.
Also, I suppose I should mention it's my goal to not see Mike while I'm home. I just finally snapped last week, realized that I'm lying to myself when I am saying I just want us to be friends when obviously I was still hoping for something more, and realized that if he's about to start dating seriously again I don't want to be around at all when that happens. It hurts too much. I've also acknowledged that I'm not going to be able to get over him fully and completely until I meet someone else to think about, but talking to him in the meantime was hard as often as it was fun. I still hope that we're going to be friends someday, but I know I'm just not to that point yet and I can't keep rushing myself to get there. So in the spirit of the new year and a clean slate I decided to just stop talking to him for a while and wait until I am honestly completely over him and really don't care about his half dozen hos. Then I'll start talking to him again. I just can't be sad about him anymore, you know? It has been almost a whole year. And that's not to say I'm moping about him constantly, because that's definitely not the case. There are many days now when I honestly don't care, and I've managed to go entire six week periods without having a cry about it. But there were also still days when he'd be talking about a new girl and it would make me really, really sad. And I just can't do that to myself anymore. Even one hour of crying about him at this point is too much, you know? If he's going to have a girlfriend other than me, I just don't need to witness it at this point. And someday when I once again have a boyfriend of my own or I've finally been single long enough to be ninety five percent comfortable with it and I finally realize in my heart what I already know in my head, which is that I'm mourning the idea of our relationship more than our relationship itself and that I am just as happy without him as I would have been with him (if not more so), then we'll start talking again. But not until then. Or at least, that's what I'm trying to make myself do.
It's hard, especially being here in El Paso, which is admittedly a bit boring when for the time being the only people I have to go out with are my parents (not that my parents don't bring the party, because they do, as you well know). But I guess in theory I am here to visit my FAMILY and maybe it's about time to make up for the five years of holidays in which I probably saw more of my boyfriend/ex than I did of my dad. But you know, it's not as hard as I thought it would be, and not nearly as hard as this was when I first tried it back in July. In fact, I almost feel like I could actually get used to this.
It's the smart thing to do. And it's going to make me stronger in the long run. And that's my motto for the coming year. If it doesn't make me stronger or smarter, then it has no place in my life in 2007. (And happier, I suppose, although I've discovered that complete happiness is actually pretty fleeting, so making a choice just because "it will make me happy" doesn't really work. Plus "it will make me happy" allows for choices like kissing inappropriate men and drinking that fifth vodka tonic, and I don't think a good life mantra should easily allow for such choices...at least not at this point in my life. So I figure it's better to aim for overall peace and contentment, which is really just a deeper sort of happiness anyway, right? Stronger+smarter=happier in the long run anyway, I figure).
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Better
I'm happy to report that I'm no longer dying.
This morning I got out of bed and actually felt like doing more than lying on the couch, as opposed to the past few mornings which involved downing a bunch of Dayquil and forcing myself to put clothes on.
I even went to a little party tonight, partly to celebrate the holidays and partly to celebrate my friend/professor who just earned her doctorate last week. There was a ton of homemade Greek food, sugar cookies with the best icing ever, and good wine, so I was really happy (and really stuffed; apparently I am completely incapable of stopping myself from eating plateful after plateful of spanakopita). I also talked to a lot of people who had sound advice about things to do with my life if and when I don't get into Ph.D. programs this fall, so I left feeling not only full and happy, but reassured.
I also read today that 2007 is going to be a sensual year for me. I can't wait!
This morning I got out of bed and actually felt like doing more than lying on the couch, as opposed to the past few mornings which involved downing a bunch of Dayquil and forcing myself to put clothes on.
I even went to a little party tonight, partly to celebrate the holidays and partly to celebrate my friend/professor who just earned her doctorate last week. There was a ton of homemade Greek food, sugar cookies with the best icing ever, and good wine, so I was really happy (and really stuffed; apparently I am completely incapable of stopping myself from eating plateful after plateful of spanakopita). I also talked to a lot of people who had sound advice about things to do with my life if and when I don't get into Ph.D. programs this fall, so I left feeling not only full and happy, but reassured.
I also read today that 2007 is going to be a sensual year for me. I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Samuel T.I. Cohen, CGC
Good news all around today!
First and foremost, Cohen passed his Canine Good Citizen test this evening! You may recall that we first tried to get his CGC certification back in October but he failed the test the first time around. So we did six more weeks of training, mostly consisting of a good half hour every day of practicing walking on a loose leash, and today we took the test again and he passed! Admittedly, we barely passed by the skin of our teeth, but a pass is a pass, right? Not bad for a basset hound who isn't even two years old yet! Now my basset has his first title and is officially Samuel T.I. Cohen, CGC. Sounds fancy, huh? I couldn't be more proud of my little guy:
First and foremost, Cohen passed his Canine Good Citizen test this evening! You may recall that we first tried to get his CGC certification back in October but he failed the test the first time around. So we did six more weeks of training, mostly consisting of a good half hour every day of practicing walking on a loose leash, and today we took the test again and he passed! Admittedly, we barely passed by the skin of our teeth, but a pass is a pass, right? Not bad for a basset hound who isn't even two years old yet! Now my basset has his first title and is officially Samuel T.I. Cohen, CGC. Sounds fancy, huh? I couldn't be more proud of my little guy:
I still really want to get him fully certified to do therapy work, but at this point I think I'm going to have to wait on that until at least next fall, once I'm (hopefully) settled somewhere else and he's a bit older and calmer. But at least we have the CGC now, which is the first step. In the meantime, I'm thinking of enrolling us in a tracking class this spring. It's a bit pricey but I love taking classes with him and I like giving him a chance to use his brain for something other than wondering what our neighbors are doing outside. Plus I think he'd LOVE tracking since it would give him a chance to really work with his instincts instead of against them. We'll see if I get ambitious enough to try it (the beginners classes are at 8 AM since it's easiest to track early in the morning when there's dew on the ground, apparently--that's the one major deterent).
Anyway, after the test I took my new Canine Good Citizen to meet Chelsea for dinner and then convinced her to come to Zilker Park with me so we could walk the Trail of Lights. It was pretty and fun and festive, and Cohen enjoyed himself, too (although since dogs obviously can't appreciate Christmas lights his experience was less Trail of Lights and more Trail of Discarded Turkey Leg Bones and Popcorn. Oh well!)
The other good news of the day is that I got a 100 on my Backgrounds paper and presentation. You know, the paper where I did nothing but strive for the 65 I needed to get an A in the course? The paper that I opted to read aloud in class instead of creating an actual presentation like most of my classmates because by that point I just didn't care anymore? The paper that I researched, outlined, and wrote all in one twelve hour period that was really more like a seven hour period because I took several breaks and a two-hour nap? Yeah. You'd think I'd be happy about this, and technically it is good news because hey, my lovely GPA is still lovely, but really it just kind of pisses me off. What I wrote was for all intents and purposes a piece of crap. Seriously, it was. I'm not being hard on myself, it was CRAP. It was worthy of more than a 65, true, but it wasn't worthy of more than an 85, and I'd say that's being generous. I have a suspicion that the professor (who was annoying on so many levels and as far as I'm concerned is completely unqualified to be teaching a graduate level class) didn't bother grading our papers at all and gave everyone in the class 100s. And no, that doesn't make me happy AT ALL. It pisses me off, not because I put in any effort (I didn't), but because some people in the class obviously actually did, and it would be completely unfair for us all to get the same grade when some of us (especially me) were such slackers about this project. The thing is, there's really no way for me to find out if my theory is true because I always feel so awkward asking about grades, especially when in return I have to say I got a 100 (which inevitably sounds like bragging). Plus it will just piss me off even more if I find out that I got a 100 and other people didn't. Because I know I'm a decent writer, I know that I'm good at procrastinating successfully, and I know that I'm good at presenting papers most of the time. But I'm not that good. Nobody is that good. Nobody should be allowed to be that good. Grrr.
Oh well, it's over. I got my A, whether or not I actually earned it. And I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or something.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Hmmmm
So apparently nobody wants to play the game I'm calling "Let's Pretend Friday Night Never Happened" and instead wants to actually talk about Friday night and all of the hows and the whys and the implications. Which is kind of difficult, considering I don't remember any of those things and there are no implications as far as I'm concerned.
Thank god break officially starts on Tuesday, and since I'm already done with everything I can continue to hide out until then, which is easy because did I mention I'm dying and I don't really want to do anything other than lie on the couch or in a hot bath anyway?
Being sick really makes me want to be in El Paso. I loaded Cohen into the car tonight so the poor dog could actually get out of the house for longer than five minutes at a time (I haven't felt up to walking him for real and I feel terrible about that) and I went and got myself some soup, wishing the whole time that I had someone around who could take care of me. I realize I'm being a big whiny baby about this, but when I feel lousy I just want my mom. Not that my mom actually does anything particular for me when I'm sick, I just think it's instinct.
Oh well. I'll be home next week, with all the good and the little bit of bad that entails. In the meantime I have animals that like to cuddle and a lot of cough syrup.
Thank god break officially starts on Tuesday, and since I'm already done with everything I can continue to hide out until then, which is easy because did I mention I'm dying and I don't really want to do anything other than lie on the couch or in a hot bath anyway?
Being sick really makes me want to be in El Paso. I loaded Cohen into the car tonight so the poor dog could actually get out of the house for longer than five minutes at a time (I haven't felt up to walking him for real and I feel terrible about that) and I went and got myself some soup, wishing the whole time that I had someone around who could take care of me. I realize I'm being a big whiny baby about this, but when I feel lousy I just want my mom. Not that my mom actually does anything particular for me when I'm sick, I just think it's instinct.
Oh well. I'll be home next week, with all the good and the little bit of bad that entails. In the meantime I have animals that like to cuddle and a lot of cough syrup.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Definitely Dying
So yeah, I'm definitely sick for real. I finally managed to stop throwing up and actually eat some soup around 1 a.m. yesterday, but then I woke up this morning for work and felt like crap in an entirely different way. I'm not nearly as queasy anymore, but now I have a sore throat and a cough and a runny nose and an itchy back, all my usual cold symptoms (P.S., does anyone else in the world feel like you need someone to be scratching your back constantly when you have a cough? I know my sister does, but usually when I describe that as a cough symptom people look at me like I'm crazy.)
I'm not surprised that I'm sick. I finished with school on Thursday, and I always get sick within days of finishing school. It happens every December and every May. It's like I finally get to relax completely and then I collapse. Fortunately I made it through work this morning and now all I have to do for the rest of today and all day tomorrow is play Halo and address my Christmas cards, so if I have to be sick now is a pretty good time to do it.
The basset is whining to go out, so I'd better go.
I'm not surprised that I'm sick. I finished with school on Thursday, and I always get sick within days of finishing school. It happens every December and every May. It's like I finally get to relax completely and then I collapse. Fortunately I made it through work this morning and now all I have to do for the rest of today and all day tomorrow is play Halo and address my Christmas cards, so if I have to be sick now is a pretty good time to do it.
The basset is whining to go out, so I'd better go.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Blech
So I think I'm dying. Last night there was an end of the semester party for the theatre department. The guys that threw it were calling it "The Night You'll Never Remember" party, but unfortunately I remember far too much about the party, especially the part of the party where I ended up kissing an undergrad that I don't even particularly like when I'm sober and then throwing up a lot. I knew before I even went out last night that I was in one of those moods that would probably end with some inappropriate making out, but even I can't figure out how or why I ended up kissing this guy, of all people. What can I say, I'm a happy, spread-the-love kind of drunk and when I drink too much I can be persuaded into kissing pretty easily. Fortunately it's not equally easy to persuade me into bed so I don't worry about it too much. A little kissing never hurt anyone, and I definitely don't have nights like that very often. Actually, I just now remembered that Amanda and I were three-way kissing with one of the gay boys last night, so I guess I was just in a kissing mood. I hadn't done that since college! (And for the life of me I can't remember who the guy was. Zach maybe? I have no idea...maybe Amanda remembers)
So yeah, I actually had a lot of fun last night until I turned into "the throw up monster", as Chelsea would say. And now I'm feeling sort of embarrassed today, and grateful that everyone is leaving for a month and by the time everyone gets back in January the rumor mill will be on to other things.
The thing is, I haven't been able to stop throwing up all day long. I didn't get out of bed until 5:00 this evening, and I actually intended to work out and clean my house, but then I realized all I'm capable of doing is lying on the couch. This is not a normal hangover. I tend to have headache hangovers and not queasy stomach hangovers, so that alone makes it different, but I have never in my life thrown up this much and I have had nights where I've had much, much more to drink. And even during hangovers where I was queasy, I've always been able to just throw up once and then feel substantially better. This hangover isn't working like that. I'm in the bathroom about once an hour, and the only thing I've been able to have all day is Sprite, but even that I always end up throwing up eventually (in fact, I'm only drinking it just so that I have something to throw up other than stomach acid. Gross but true). This is ridiculous. It's not normal. Is it possible that an allergic reaction could be making me throw up? Because last night I drank the trashcan punch and afterwards I had that itchy throat, swollen lip feeling that I get when I'm having an allergic reaction. I didn't worry about it too much at the time because it seemed minor enough, but now I'm wondering if that's why I can't stop throwing up. Anyway, this SUCKS. I hope I'm feeling better in the morning because I have to work tomorrow.
In other news, I just took Cohen outside and there is a topless girl in the hot tub. She's in there with a guy and I only saw her from the waist up, so I suppose it's possible that they're both totally naked. I realize there aren't any signs or anything specifically forbidding nude swimming, but come on! It's not a private pool! Surely that counts as indecent exposure and is illegal, right? I don't need to see boobs when I'm just trying to walk my dog, that's all I'm saying.
So yeah, I actually had a lot of fun last night until I turned into "the throw up monster", as Chelsea would say. And now I'm feeling sort of embarrassed today, and grateful that everyone is leaving for a month and by the time everyone gets back in January the rumor mill will be on to other things.
The thing is, I haven't been able to stop throwing up all day long. I didn't get out of bed until 5:00 this evening, and I actually intended to work out and clean my house, but then I realized all I'm capable of doing is lying on the couch. This is not a normal hangover. I tend to have headache hangovers and not queasy stomach hangovers, so that alone makes it different, but I have never in my life thrown up this much and I have had nights where I've had much, much more to drink. And even during hangovers where I was queasy, I've always been able to just throw up once and then feel substantially better. This hangover isn't working like that. I'm in the bathroom about once an hour, and the only thing I've been able to have all day is Sprite, but even that I always end up throwing up eventually (in fact, I'm only drinking it just so that I have something to throw up other than stomach acid. Gross but true). This is ridiculous. It's not normal. Is it possible that an allergic reaction could be making me throw up? Because last night I drank the trashcan punch and afterwards I had that itchy throat, swollen lip feeling that I get when I'm having an allergic reaction. I didn't worry about it too much at the time because it seemed minor enough, but now I'm wondering if that's why I can't stop throwing up. Anyway, this SUCKS. I hope I'm feeling better in the morning because I have to work tomorrow.
In other news, I just took Cohen outside and there is a topless girl in the hot tub. She's in there with a guy and I only saw her from the waist up, so I suppose it's possible that they're both totally naked. I realize there aren't any signs or anything specifically forbidding nude swimming, but come on! It's not a private pool! Surely that counts as indecent exposure and is illegal, right? I don't need to see boobs when I'm just trying to walk my dog, that's all I'm saying.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Let the Nail Biting Begin!
The online applications for the two California schools have been submitted. Tomorrow the paper portions of those applications will be put in the mail. Now that those two applications are finished, I've basically done everything I need to do for three of the four other applications, so I'll probably try to get those ones in the mail by late next week. And then it's just a matter of finishing the super long shot application, which involves writing an actual paper specifically for the application. Thankfully that one isn't due until February so I can procrastinate a bit longer.
And then it's time to just sit and wait. I have to say, I honestly don't feel very confident and hopeful about all of this. I also know that as much as I say I don't care all that much and will just keep trying until I do eventually get in somewhere, I know that I will be pretty bummed if I don't get any offers. Still, if I don't get any offers I'll chalk it up to my path lying elsewhere, at least temporarily. The world of academia is pretty cutthroat and maybe trying to work towards a tenure-track position is not necessarily the path I take if I want to do the marriage-and-family thing eventually anyway. I don't know. There could be something else out there for me if this doesn't pan out.
That's the frustrating part of all of this, of course. The not knowing. You all should know by now that I HATE not knowing what is going to happen to me. I can deal with whatever the outcome might be, I just want to know what it's going to be one way or the other as soon as possible. I had one of my mini melodramatic fits about the uncertainties of my love life tonight. You know, whining about how I'm going to be alone forever and be the crazy lady with the basset hounds and have to get one of my gays to knock me up just so I can have some semblance of a family. That fit. Which was a nice change from this week's main theme, which has been the "I'm never going to get a theatre-related job and the past six years of school will have been a huge waste because I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a cynical bartender, thank God I didn't actually have to shell out any of my own money for this useless education" fit. The question, of course, is why can't I just chill the fuck out and stop worrying about the future all together? But I can't stop worrying about it. Because apparently that's what I do, I worry. Which is not to say I'm walking around all the time with this cloud of doom hanging over my head worrying about the future and never actually enjoying the hear and now. Because I do enjoy the present very much. Especially lately. But I guess it all boils down to the fact that I'm just too pragmatic to ever really forget that that the future is rapidly bearing down on me and I can't stop it. Besides, I was the girl who started having panic attacks worrying about her own death at the ripe old age of SEVEN, so none of this should be surprising to me.
(I no longer have panic attacks when thinking about my own death, just so you know. I haven't had one for years now. Not because I've actually learned to stop fearing death, but because I've learned how to shut that portion of my brain down when I feel a panic attack coming on. So that's progress, at least. Also, I've always been skilled at confining panic attacks to the privacy of my own bedroom late at night, and I'm also not so sure that these are actual panic attacks in the true sense of the word anyway. Uhuh. Anyway. Moving on before you all think I'm totally crazy.)
Speaking of the future, I have an 8-page paper and a presentation due on Thursday, and have I started writing the paper? Nope. Have I started outlining the paper? Nope. Do I even know exactly what my topic is going to be? NOPE! Seems like every semester I have to push the envelope just a bit more in terms of how much I can procrastinate and still actually complete all of my work. In this case it isn't helping at all that I got a 99 on our last test and can get a 65 on both the paper and the presentation and still end up with an A in the class. So since I'm aiming for like, C-calibur work I don't exactly feel like this is something I need to worry about. But I'm sure I'll be cursing my decision around this time tomorrow night as I gradually realize I'll be staying up all night to finish the damn thing. But hey, Thursday night this semester is over!
And then it's time to just sit and wait. I have to say, I honestly don't feel very confident and hopeful about all of this. I also know that as much as I say I don't care all that much and will just keep trying until I do eventually get in somewhere, I know that I will be pretty bummed if I don't get any offers. Still, if I don't get any offers I'll chalk it up to my path lying elsewhere, at least temporarily. The world of academia is pretty cutthroat and maybe trying to work towards a tenure-track position is not necessarily the path I take if I want to do the marriage-and-family thing eventually anyway. I don't know. There could be something else out there for me if this doesn't pan out.
That's the frustrating part of all of this, of course. The not knowing. You all should know by now that I HATE not knowing what is going to happen to me. I can deal with whatever the outcome might be, I just want to know what it's going to be one way or the other as soon as possible. I had one of my mini melodramatic fits about the uncertainties of my love life tonight. You know, whining about how I'm going to be alone forever and be the crazy lady with the basset hounds and have to get one of my gays to knock me up just so I can have some semblance of a family. That fit. Which was a nice change from this week's main theme, which has been the "I'm never going to get a theatre-related job and the past six years of school will have been a huge waste because I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a cynical bartender, thank God I didn't actually have to shell out any of my own money for this useless education" fit. The question, of course, is why can't I just chill the fuck out and stop worrying about the future all together? But I can't stop worrying about it. Because apparently that's what I do, I worry. Which is not to say I'm walking around all the time with this cloud of doom hanging over my head worrying about the future and never actually enjoying the hear and now. Because I do enjoy the present very much. Especially lately. But I guess it all boils down to the fact that I'm just too pragmatic to ever really forget that that the future is rapidly bearing down on me and I can't stop it. Besides, I was the girl who started having panic attacks worrying about her own death at the ripe old age of SEVEN, so none of this should be surprising to me.
(I no longer have panic attacks when thinking about my own death, just so you know. I haven't had one for years now. Not because I've actually learned to stop fearing death, but because I've learned how to shut that portion of my brain down when I feel a panic attack coming on. So that's progress, at least. Also, I've always been skilled at confining panic attacks to the privacy of my own bedroom late at night, and I'm also not so sure that these are actual panic attacks in the true sense of the word anyway. Uhuh. Anyway. Moving on before you all think I'm totally crazy.)
Speaking of the future, I have an 8-page paper and a presentation due on Thursday, and have I started writing the paper? Nope. Have I started outlining the paper? Nope. Do I even know exactly what my topic is going to be? NOPE! Seems like every semester I have to push the envelope just a bit more in terms of how much I can procrastinate and still actually complete all of my work. In this case it isn't helping at all that I got a 99 on our last test and can get a 65 on both the paper and the presentation and still end up with an A in the class. So since I'm aiming for like, C-calibur work I don't exactly feel like this is something I need to worry about. But I'm sure I'll be cursing my decision around this time tomorrow night as I gradually realize I'll be staying up all night to finish the damn thing. But hey, Thursday night this semester is over!
Monday, December 04, 2006
Huh?
So apparently Blogger has gotten rid of the old text color I was using. So I picked this pink color in the meantime because it's close enough to what I had before (horribly clashing, but whatever), but I'm kind of annoyed. Where did the old color go? Oh well, I just discovered how easy it is to play with the template now that I am using this beta blogger business, so maybe I'll mess with it over break and make something completely new. Or not. We'll see.
Also annoying? I discovered on Friday that the thief that took my camera also took the charger and USB cord for my mp3 player. It was all in the same drawer as the camera so I'm sure the person going through my drawers just took everything that looked like it might possibly go with the camera. So I was all happy that my mp3 player was in Austin with me and didn't get taken, but the mp3 player is pretty useless if I can't charge it or upload music to it, now isn't it? So I called Dell and found out that because this particular mp3 player hasn't been manufactured in (gasp!) 9 months that they no longer carry any of the parts for it and I ended up having to go through their spare parts department where luckily I was able to get a refurbished cable and an AC adaptor that "should" work. So that's fine (other than the fact that I'm now out the $40 it took to replace the missing parts) but I'm sort of angry at Dell for making my mp3 player basically obsolete. I haven't even had it for two whole years yet! It's not like I'm looking for parts for a ten year-old computer or something. Does anyone else feel like that's sort of ridiculous?
ALSO annoying? I got a letter from the electric company saying my bill is past due and that they will be disconnecting my power on 12/04. Which happens to be tomorrow! There are a couple of problems with this. Number one, I never got a bill from the electric company this month, and yeah, I suppose it's sort of my fault for not realizing earlier that I hadn't paid an electric bill in more than a month but when they change the due date every month, how am I supposed to keep track? Plus when I did actually think of it (which admittedly wasn't until late last week) I assumed they were just off because of the Thanksgiving holiday and if I hadn't gotten the bill by this week I'd call them and see what was up. Lo and behold, I checked the mail today and got the letter saying they'll disconnect my power on 12/04 unless I pay the bill in full by 5:00 PM on 12/01. But when did I get this letter? Not on Friday, because I checked mail on Friday and it wasn't there. Nope, this letter didn't arrive until 12/02, a day AFTER my past-due amount was due. Idiots. So now I have to get down to the city utility department tomorrow and explain myself, hopefully before they actually shut off my power.
In better news, I finished the online portion of my two most pressing applications today (the crazy California ones due on the 12th). Now all I have to do is write the statement of purpose and then a two-page directing statement one of them wants and I can overnight everything to California. Given, those are the hardest parts for me, but I fully intend to sit down and finish them tomorrow. Shouldn't be impossible, since I have the whole day off from work and I apparently have to wake up at 8 AM to yell at the electric company anyway. And if I can finish those tomorrow then I can put everything in the mail on Tuesday and spend the rest of Tuesday and all day Wednesday writing my stupid paper for Backgrounds (which hopefully won't matter too much because hopefully I aced Thursday's test and therefore only need a 75 or so on the paper to make an A in the class...)
I am so ready for it to be Friday. That's my self-imposed, absolutely-the-latest-it-can-be-mailed deadline for putting my California applications in the mail, and my paper will be presented and turned in by then. I may just have to be awake 24/7 Tuesday through Thursday to make it happen, that's all.
Also annoying? I discovered on Friday that the thief that took my camera also took the charger and USB cord for my mp3 player. It was all in the same drawer as the camera so I'm sure the person going through my drawers just took everything that looked like it might possibly go with the camera. So I was all happy that my mp3 player was in Austin with me and didn't get taken, but the mp3 player is pretty useless if I can't charge it or upload music to it, now isn't it? So I called Dell and found out that because this particular mp3 player hasn't been manufactured in (gasp!) 9 months that they no longer carry any of the parts for it and I ended up having to go through their spare parts department where luckily I was able to get a refurbished cable and an AC adaptor that "should" work. So that's fine (other than the fact that I'm now out the $40 it took to replace the missing parts) but I'm sort of angry at Dell for making my mp3 player basically obsolete. I haven't even had it for two whole years yet! It's not like I'm looking for parts for a ten year-old computer or something. Does anyone else feel like that's sort of ridiculous?
ALSO annoying? I got a letter from the electric company saying my bill is past due and that they will be disconnecting my power on 12/04. Which happens to be tomorrow! There are a couple of problems with this. Number one, I never got a bill from the electric company this month, and yeah, I suppose it's sort of my fault for not realizing earlier that I hadn't paid an electric bill in more than a month but when they change the due date every month, how am I supposed to keep track? Plus when I did actually think of it (which admittedly wasn't until late last week) I assumed they were just off because of the Thanksgiving holiday and if I hadn't gotten the bill by this week I'd call them and see what was up. Lo and behold, I checked the mail today and got the letter saying they'll disconnect my power on 12/04 unless I pay the bill in full by 5:00 PM on 12/01. But when did I get this letter? Not on Friday, because I checked mail on Friday and it wasn't there. Nope, this letter didn't arrive until 12/02, a day AFTER my past-due amount was due. Idiots. So now I have to get down to the city utility department tomorrow and explain myself, hopefully before they actually shut off my power.
In better news, I finished the online portion of my two most pressing applications today (the crazy California ones due on the 12th). Now all I have to do is write the statement of purpose and then a two-page directing statement one of them wants and I can overnight everything to California. Given, those are the hardest parts for me, but I fully intend to sit down and finish them tomorrow. Shouldn't be impossible, since I have the whole day off from work and I apparently have to wake up at 8 AM to yell at the electric company anyway. And if I can finish those tomorrow then I can put everything in the mail on Tuesday and spend the rest of Tuesday and all day Wednesday writing my stupid paper for Backgrounds (which hopefully won't matter too much because hopefully I aced Thursday's test and therefore only need a 75 or so on the paper to make an A in the class...)
I am so ready for it to be Friday. That's my self-imposed, absolutely-the-latest-it-can-be-mailed deadline for putting my California applications in the mail, and my paper will be presented and turned in by then. I may just have to be awake 24/7 Tuesday through Thursday to make it happen, that's all.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Personal Angst
Why am I finding it so impossibly hard to just sit down and write my personal statement for Ph.D. applications? That should be one of the easiest parts, shouldn't it? It's just two to three pages about me and what I am interested in and what I want to do. It should not be hard to just sit down and churn something out. And yet it is. I had the same problem when filling out my grad school applications, too.
And the thing is, it's not that I don't know what I want to do. I mean, there are still quite a few areas where I'm vague, but I know enough. I know that even though my background at this point is fairly equally balanced between classical and modern theatre, I prefer contemporary theatre to anything else (this despite my summer-long immersion in Shakespeare). I know that I get a huge rush from directing and that I'd like to direct new plays or modernized classics. But I also know that while I often enjoy modernized Shakespeare or modernized classical theatre, I don't like when people screw around with Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller or any plays that are still relatively new because I want to see those ones as I feel the playwright intended them to be performed (and no, I DON'T know why I hate the one but don't mind the other). I like expressionism and surrealism and symbolism but get easily annoyed with absurdism, despite the fact that they are all pretty similar in a lot of ways. I want to teach college, and if given a choice I'd love to teach dramatic theory or any theatre history course. Part of the reason I want to be a professor is that I presume by doing so I'll have time for my own research and writing, which I enjoy even as I bitch about it endlessly. I especially enjoy researching productions. I love to travel and hope that my future will include a lot of it, whether it's for research or teaching a study abroad course or whatever. I flirt with the idea of theatre management or being an artistic director and I think it would be awesome to do season planning and discover new playwrighting talent. I am also recently obssessed with the idea of making theatre more accessible to the public, making it both more affordable and more appealing. I am particularly obsessed with the idea of making theatre more accessible to young people. I don't want anyone in this country to have to wait until college (much less first have to have the opportunity to go to college in the first place) to see their first "real" live performance. I don't want anyone to believe that "theatre" only means stuffy Shakespeare and The Crucible. I don't know how I personally am going to help accomplish this goal, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
How is it that I can write all that here in less than twenty minutes but I can't make it articulate and format it into a statement of purpose? Ugh. Maybe that's a start at least. Maybe. At least I typed up my CV today and managed to do some research for my paper that is due on Thursday, so I haven't been a total slacker.
And because I actually did some work today, I can now play videogames for a couple of hours guilt-free. On Thursday morning at work I got to talking to the kitchen boys about videogames [Incidentally, I'm still not all that close to most of the other servers. We get along at work and we chat but I don't hang out with any of them outside of work but a lot of them hang out with each other so I always end up feeling a little bit out of the loop. Since I have no desire to be sleeping with anyone I work with and since that seems to be what everyone else is into--that and constant drinking--I don't really mind being a little out of the loop. And I'm not the only one in my position, there is a definite divide between the "lifers" who have been working there for a really long time and don't do anything else and those of us who are students and only work a few shifts a week. There are a lot more lifers than part-timers, though, hence my feeling out of the loop. But enough about restaurant politics, the point I was going to make is that I don't feel close to any of the servers but the kitchen boys love me for some reason]. I mentioned to the guys that I've beaten a few Zelda games and really like Guitar Hero and DDR and any game where you race cars and any game with cute characters and all puzzle games, and somehow they decided that they could take this minor interest in videogames and turn it into a full-blown addiction. I tried to explain that I'd dated a serious gamer for three years and while that certainly got me interested in gaming it never turned into an obssession and if that didn't turn me into a gamer nothing would, but they wouldn't listen to me. And that's why Martin showed up to work on Friday morning with an Xbox and his copy of Halo and threw it all into the back of my car when I got to work and said, "There. Practice on easy mode, learn how to talk shit, and soon you'll be playing with us all the time." And that's how I ended up playing Halo for over an hour last night and why I've been telling myself all day that if I could get some real work done I could play some more. I hate to admit it, but there's something incredibly cathartic and almost soothing about obliterating aliens. Plus the music is really cool. I can't say that this is the start of an addiction, but Carlos is supposed to bring me more games at work tomorrow, and I have to admit I'm kind of excited.
I just wish they'd waited to start my "training" until next week, because it was hard enough to buckle down and work on these stupid applications and papers before.
Anyway, I think I'm gonna go to the Christmas fair here in town and have some campfire biscuits and hot chocolate for dinner. I've been out with my friends all weekend (dinner and drinks at Outback last night and checking out the new Irish pub in town followed by Rocky's and post-last call drinking at my apartment afterwards on Thursday) so I'm a little tired and think that will be all for me tonight. I can't wait until next weekend, when hopefully I'll have nothing to do.
And the thing is, it's not that I don't know what I want to do. I mean, there are still quite a few areas where I'm vague, but I know enough. I know that even though my background at this point is fairly equally balanced between classical and modern theatre, I prefer contemporary theatre to anything else (this despite my summer-long immersion in Shakespeare). I know that I get a huge rush from directing and that I'd like to direct new plays or modernized classics. But I also know that while I often enjoy modernized Shakespeare or modernized classical theatre, I don't like when people screw around with Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller or any plays that are still relatively new because I want to see those ones as I feel the playwright intended them to be performed (and no, I DON'T know why I hate the one but don't mind the other). I like expressionism and surrealism and symbolism but get easily annoyed with absurdism, despite the fact that they are all pretty similar in a lot of ways. I want to teach college, and if given a choice I'd love to teach dramatic theory or any theatre history course. Part of the reason I want to be a professor is that I presume by doing so I'll have time for my own research and writing, which I enjoy even as I bitch about it endlessly. I especially enjoy researching productions. I love to travel and hope that my future will include a lot of it, whether it's for research or teaching a study abroad course or whatever. I flirt with the idea of theatre management or being an artistic director and I think it would be awesome to do season planning and discover new playwrighting talent. I am also recently obssessed with the idea of making theatre more accessible to the public, making it both more affordable and more appealing. I am particularly obsessed with the idea of making theatre more accessible to young people. I don't want anyone in this country to have to wait until college (much less first have to have the opportunity to go to college in the first place) to see their first "real" live performance. I don't want anyone to believe that "theatre" only means stuffy Shakespeare and The Crucible. I don't know how I personally am going to help accomplish this goal, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
How is it that I can write all that here in less than twenty minutes but I can't make it articulate and format it into a statement of purpose? Ugh. Maybe that's a start at least. Maybe. At least I typed up my CV today and managed to do some research for my paper that is due on Thursday, so I haven't been a total slacker.
And because I actually did some work today, I can now play videogames for a couple of hours guilt-free. On Thursday morning at work I got to talking to the kitchen boys about videogames [Incidentally, I'm still not all that close to most of the other servers. We get along at work and we chat but I don't hang out with any of them outside of work but a lot of them hang out with each other so I always end up feeling a little bit out of the loop. Since I have no desire to be sleeping with anyone I work with and since that seems to be what everyone else is into--that and constant drinking--I don't really mind being a little out of the loop. And I'm not the only one in my position, there is a definite divide between the "lifers" who have been working there for a really long time and don't do anything else and those of us who are students and only work a few shifts a week. There are a lot more lifers than part-timers, though, hence my feeling out of the loop. But enough about restaurant politics, the point I was going to make is that I don't feel close to any of the servers but the kitchen boys love me for some reason]. I mentioned to the guys that I've beaten a few Zelda games and really like Guitar Hero and DDR and any game where you race cars and any game with cute characters and all puzzle games, and somehow they decided that they could take this minor interest in videogames and turn it into a full-blown addiction. I tried to explain that I'd dated a serious gamer for three years and while that certainly got me interested in gaming it never turned into an obssession and if that didn't turn me into a gamer nothing would, but they wouldn't listen to me. And that's why Martin showed up to work on Friday morning with an Xbox and his copy of Halo and threw it all into the back of my car when I got to work and said, "There. Practice on easy mode, learn how to talk shit, and soon you'll be playing with us all the time." And that's how I ended up playing Halo for over an hour last night and why I've been telling myself all day that if I could get some real work done I could play some more. I hate to admit it, but there's something incredibly cathartic and almost soothing about obliterating aliens. Plus the music is really cool. I can't say that this is the start of an addiction, but Carlos is supposed to bring me more games at work tomorrow, and I have to admit I'm kind of excited.
I just wish they'd waited to start my "training" until next week, because it was hard enough to buckle down and work on these stupid applications and papers before.
Anyway, I think I'm gonna go to the Christmas fair here in town and have some campfire biscuits and hot chocolate for dinner. I've been out with my friends all weekend (dinner and drinks at Outback last night and checking out the new Irish pub in town followed by Rocky's and post-last call drinking at my apartment afterwards on Thursday) so I'm a little tired and think that will be all for me tonight. I can't wait until next weekend, when hopefully I'll have nothing to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)