Somebody read this brief synopsis of Artaud's Theatre of Cruelty, please. Now tell me that I'm not losing my mind. The third paragraph does in fact say "Tacos are the rulers of the world. Theatre of the Taco", right?
I read that right now and it just about killed me. I've been working on my Theory final since 3:00 this afternoon with just a few short breaks, so obviously I'm kind of tired and bored with the whole thing and I wouldn't put it beyond myself to hallucinate the Theatre of the Taco thing.
I want to know who typed that. I'm a big fan of Wikipedia and use it for quick references all the time, but never as a completely reliable reference, and this is exactly why. Anyone can write a Wikipedia entry and include any nonsense they want. This is by far the best nonsense I've ever seen, though. I wonder why the writer included it in the first place. Just to be weird? Or maybe in the hopes that some kid would copy and paste it into a research paper and try to pass it off as his own work and then have to explain to the professor why he included the stuff about the taco in the middle of the paper? Anyway, it made me laugh.
I don't have time for a real entry, since I really do have to finish this final tonight. It's not due until Wednesday, but I figure if I can get this (at least mostly) done tonight then tomorrow and Tuesday can be for writing my From Morn to Midnight paper and Wednesday and Thursday until 6:00 can be for working on my Dramaturgy final. I only have 1 1/2 essays left to write on the Theory exam, so I guess I should just watch a couple more hours of Sopranos and get this test over with.
Found out I got an A on my Directing scene, by the way. That's awesome. I'll turn in my journal for that class tomorrow and then be done with it and I should get an A in the class for sure even if for some reason he hates my journal. Theory will be an A, Dramaturgy should be as long as I don't fuck up the final and the paper (I think I can fuck up one or the other, but not both). Now it's just Playwriting I'm worried about, which sucks because that was supposed to be my blow off class. It has nothing to do with my degree plan, I just took it because I needed twelve hours of course work. I'm gonna be pretty pissed off if I get a B in that class. Oh well, everything is already turned in for that class so it's too late to change anything now. I'll just keep my fingers crossed, I guess.
Alright. Back to the theatre of cruelty and futurism and absurdism...sadly, I bet the Theatre of the Taco is more interesting than all of those things combined.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
Forsooth?
I'm lying on the couch right now with my laptop resting on a pillow on my lap. Cohen is lying beside me with his head on my chest, snoring away and being as cuddly and sweet as he can possibly be. It's times like this that I can't remember how I lived happily before my basset hound and wireless internet.
Despite the fact that it has been really busy, I've been having a great week. Projects I've finished this week:
-Theory paper in which I applied feminist theories to an episode of The Sopranos. (And I found out today that I got a 95 on it. Holla! Even if I get a "C" on my final--and that's not going to happen--I practically have a guaranteed "A" in that class now) "A"s make me happy. "A"s on papers that I write the night before they are due make me even happier.
-The group project for Dramaturgy. We presented tonight, and even though it wasn't technically a contest, my group totally won.
-My play. I wrote a play! And it's not terrible. I mean, it's not good, but I'm not completely humiliated by the idea of it being read. I'm only somewhat humiliated by the idea of it being read.
-The scene I directed.
-The scene I acted in.
So yeah, it has been crazy, but it has been good.
Directing scenes last night were particularly good. We teched in the afternoon and then performed in the evening. Tech rehearsal was actually my favorite part. I think every theatre person in the world has a love/hate relationship with tech rehearsals. They're usually long and can get really frustrating and boring (especially if you're an actor or a crew member) and spending hour after hour in a mostly-dark theatre doesn't do much good for anyone's sanity, but there's something so incredibly exciting about seeing the full picture for the first time. The set, the lights, the first time you get to hear the sound cues...I get chills every time.
Directing and acting in the same night was interesting. I'm definitely more of a director than an actor. In my book, directing is just so much more exciting. I'm not sure why, especially since acting tends to earn you more glory, but for me it's much more thrilling to sit in the audience and see my creation on the stage than to be on the stage myself. Of course, there's also more stress with directing because once the show starts you have absolutely no control. You can just sit in the audience and hope everything goes according to plan. When I'm acting I don't feel quite as exhilerated, but at least as an actor you still get to retain control over the performance. I like that aspect of it. But given the choice I'd pick directing over acting any day, even if I were equally talented at both (and wow, I'm not. I'm no actress, and I know it! Not that I'm necessarily a great director, either, but I feel much more confident in that arena).
Anyway, Measure for Measure went well. My actors all came through and did an awesome job for me and my professor seemed happy with it overall. And then the show I was in, Speed-the-Play, went over so much better than I thought it would.
I was really worried about it because it is such a complicated show (actually, the show itself probably isn't all that complicated, but my director chose a concept that had us staging it in a complicated way). It's a parody of four David Mamet plays and takes place in dozens of locations, and each of us played three or four different characters. We had five major scene changes in the play, and the actors changed each scene ourselves as sort of a dance performance, so we had to dance around while also remembering what parts of the set needed to change. We each also had three or four different quick costume changes. It was physically exhausting because it was all so fast. Mainly I was just worried that we'd forget some part of the scene change and get everything all mixed up, but somehow we pulled it off. The only problem? We had wooden signs on each portion of the set that we would change to designate the location ("Danny's Apartment" "Bernie's Apartment",etc). On the restaurant portion of the set the sign was sitting on the table. Well, in the last scene when Shanthi and I went to sit down at the table the sign somehow fell and crashed off the platform to the floor below. We were doing the parody of Glengarry Glen Ross at that point, and my actual first line as I sit down is "We're gonna win that fuckin' cadillac, Aaronow." So we sit down at the table, the sign comes crashing down (and I mean CRASHING. LOUDLY) and without even really thinking about it I glanced down at the sign, said, "Fuck it," and then continued with, "We're gonna win that fuckin' cadillac, Aaronow" without missing a beat. I was already in angry cussing guy mode, it just came out! Later once the show was over and I actually had a second to breathe and think about it I realized what I'd done and wondered if maybe I should have just ignored it. But the sign falling was such a big distraction that it didn't seem like one of those "just let it go" moments. That was definitely a moment when it was more wise to acknowledge the problem in character and continue. So that's what I did, without really thinking about it. The funny thing is, everyone got such a kick out of it. People kept coming up to me and saying, "Nice save," and, "That was hilarious," and the usual half dozen people had to comment on how funny it is to hear the word "fuck" come out of my mouth.
Why is that, anyway? Why is it so funny to everyone when I say fuck? In fact, the entire reason I got cast in this show in the first place was because the director just found it so damn funny everytime I said "fuck" and "asshole" and "jack off". Is it that I have a little high pitched voice? Is it the juxtaposition of my freckled girly face and the dirty words? Seriously, I will never, ever understand why people find the whole thing so funny, but it never fails. Every single place I've ever been in my life people expect me to be this innocent, naive person and they're always shocked to find out what I'm really like.
So yeah, directing scenes went well, and the best thing about getting them out of the way the first night is that for the rest of the week all I have to do is watch the rest of them.
Alright, I'm out. But first, here's a laugh: Click on this link and refresh the page until my picture and horrible, horrible quote pop up at the top. Note as you refresh that I am definitely the cutest Celebrity Classic Scholar (not that that's saying much...not that that's saying ANYTHING). Also note that one of those guys has quintuplets (!!!!!). I am so embarrassed by this damn thing. So embarrassed that I have to share it with you! I didn't even know it existed until a few days ago when our department secretary sang out, "I saw you on the computer!!" as I walked into the office and I had to figure out what the heck she was talking about. The thing is, I vaguely remember the e-mail I got telling me to send the committee a picture and a thank you letter so that they could use it in "advertising" to try to lure in more sponsors for the golf tournament. This scholarship pays for most of my tuition each semester so I definitely don't mind writing a thank you letter. But I don't remember writing the cheesiest thank you letter ever written in the history of the universe. My dad maintains that I probably didn't actually write it and they just made up some stuff and attributed it to me, but sadly, I'm sure I did write it. In the right mood (and right before Christmas break, and at 3 or 4 in the morning) I am capable of being just that corny. Also, they've attributed my words to someone named Kristi as well, but yeah. I wrote that nonsense. That's corny enough to even make Kymberli proud!
Oh, and that picture? I already had it cropped to the right size and was too lazy to look for another one, so that's what I sent the committee. Little do they know, that the picture was taken at last year's theatre banquet and just before that picture was taken I had been sitting in a car in the alumni center parking lot chugging beer with Kymberli, Michael, and Jessica because there was no alcohol at the actual banquet. We did the same thing before our graduation ceremony a few weeks later, because we're just classy like that. I'm sure the Celebrity Classic Scholar Committee would be proud of me.
Also note that I am a "Supple Scholar". Sounds vaguely dirty, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm not sure exactly why I've been designated the Supple Scholar, but it means that the scholarship automatically renews next year. One of my professors also let it slip unofficially today that my Fine Arts Department scholarship is going to be renewed as well. So now I'm just waiting to hear about renewal of one more scholarship, but either way those two alone should cover tuition next year, so it's a big relief to have that taken care of again. You might even say it "gives me great peace of mind." Ugh.
Despite the fact that it has been really busy, I've been having a great week. Projects I've finished this week:
-Theory paper in which I applied feminist theories to an episode of The Sopranos. (And I found out today that I got a 95 on it. Holla! Even if I get a "C" on my final--and that's not going to happen--I practically have a guaranteed "A" in that class now) "A"s make me happy. "A"s on papers that I write the night before they are due make me even happier.
-The group project for Dramaturgy. We presented tonight, and even though it wasn't technically a contest, my group totally won.
-My play. I wrote a play! And it's not terrible. I mean, it's not good, but I'm not completely humiliated by the idea of it being read. I'm only somewhat humiliated by the idea of it being read.
-The scene I directed.
-The scene I acted in.
So yeah, it has been crazy, but it has been good.
Directing scenes last night were particularly good. We teched in the afternoon and then performed in the evening. Tech rehearsal was actually my favorite part. I think every theatre person in the world has a love/hate relationship with tech rehearsals. They're usually long and can get really frustrating and boring (especially if you're an actor or a crew member) and spending hour after hour in a mostly-dark theatre doesn't do much good for anyone's sanity, but there's something so incredibly exciting about seeing the full picture for the first time. The set, the lights, the first time you get to hear the sound cues...I get chills every time.
Directing and acting in the same night was interesting. I'm definitely more of a director than an actor. In my book, directing is just so much more exciting. I'm not sure why, especially since acting tends to earn you more glory, but for me it's much more thrilling to sit in the audience and see my creation on the stage than to be on the stage myself. Of course, there's also more stress with directing because once the show starts you have absolutely no control. You can just sit in the audience and hope everything goes according to plan. When I'm acting I don't feel quite as exhilerated, but at least as an actor you still get to retain control over the performance. I like that aspect of it. But given the choice I'd pick directing over acting any day, even if I were equally talented at both (and wow, I'm not. I'm no actress, and I know it! Not that I'm necessarily a great director, either, but I feel much more confident in that arena).
Anyway, Measure for Measure went well. My actors all came through and did an awesome job for me and my professor seemed happy with it overall. And then the show I was in, Speed-the-Play, went over so much better than I thought it would.
I was really worried about it because it is such a complicated show (actually, the show itself probably isn't all that complicated, but my director chose a concept that had us staging it in a complicated way). It's a parody of four David Mamet plays and takes place in dozens of locations, and each of us played three or four different characters. We had five major scene changes in the play, and the actors changed each scene ourselves as sort of a dance performance, so we had to dance around while also remembering what parts of the set needed to change. We each also had three or four different quick costume changes. It was physically exhausting because it was all so fast. Mainly I was just worried that we'd forget some part of the scene change and get everything all mixed up, but somehow we pulled it off. The only problem? We had wooden signs on each portion of the set that we would change to designate the location ("Danny's Apartment" "Bernie's Apartment",etc). On the restaurant portion of the set the sign was sitting on the table. Well, in the last scene when Shanthi and I went to sit down at the table the sign somehow fell and crashed off the platform to the floor below. We were doing the parody of Glengarry Glen Ross at that point, and my actual first line as I sit down is "We're gonna win that fuckin' cadillac, Aaronow." So we sit down at the table, the sign comes crashing down (and I mean CRASHING. LOUDLY) and without even really thinking about it I glanced down at the sign, said, "Fuck it," and then continued with, "We're gonna win that fuckin' cadillac, Aaronow" without missing a beat. I was already in angry cussing guy mode, it just came out! Later once the show was over and I actually had a second to breathe and think about it I realized what I'd done and wondered if maybe I should have just ignored it. But the sign falling was such a big distraction that it didn't seem like one of those "just let it go" moments. That was definitely a moment when it was more wise to acknowledge the problem in character and continue. So that's what I did, without really thinking about it. The funny thing is, everyone got such a kick out of it. People kept coming up to me and saying, "Nice save," and, "That was hilarious," and the usual half dozen people had to comment on how funny it is to hear the word "fuck" come out of my mouth.
Why is that, anyway? Why is it so funny to everyone when I say fuck? In fact, the entire reason I got cast in this show in the first place was because the director just found it so damn funny everytime I said "fuck" and "asshole" and "jack off". Is it that I have a little high pitched voice? Is it the juxtaposition of my freckled girly face and the dirty words? Seriously, I will never, ever understand why people find the whole thing so funny, but it never fails. Every single place I've ever been in my life people expect me to be this innocent, naive person and they're always shocked to find out what I'm really like.
So yeah, directing scenes went well, and the best thing about getting them out of the way the first night is that for the rest of the week all I have to do is watch the rest of them.
Alright, I'm out. But first, here's a laugh: Click on this link and refresh the page until my picture and horrible, horrible quote pop up at the top. Note as you refresh that I am definitely the cutest Celebrity Classic Scholar (not that that's saying much...not that that's saying ANYTHING). Also note that one of those guys has quintuplets (!!!!!). I am so embarrassed by this damn thing. So embarrassed that I have to share it with you! I didn't even know it existed until a few days ago when our department secretary sang out, "I saw you on the computer!!" as I walked into the office and I had to figure out what the heck she was talking about. The thing is, I vaguely remember the e-mail I got telling me to send the committee a picture and a thank you letter so that they could use it in "advertising" to try to lure in more sponsors for the golf tournament. This scholarship pays for most of my tuition each semester so I definitely don't mind writing a thank you letter. But I don't remember writing the cheesiest thank you letter ever written in the history of the universe. My dad maintains that I probably didn't actually write it and they just made up some stuff and attributed it to me, but sadly, I'm sure I did write it. In the right mood (and right before Christmas break, and at 3 or 4 in the morning) I am capable of being just that corny. Also, they've attributed my words to someone named Kristi as well, but yeah. I wrote that nonsense. That's corny enough to even make Kymberli proud!
Oh, and that picture? I already had it cropped to the right size and was too lazy to look for another one, so that's what I sent the committee. Little do they know, that the picture was taken at last year's theatre banquet and just before that picture was taken I had been sitting in a car in the alumni center parking lot chugging beer with Kymberli, Michael, and Jessica because there was no alcohol at the actual banquet. We did the same thing before our graduation ceremony a few weeks later, because we're just classy like that. I'm sure the Celebrity Classic Scholar Committee would be proud of me.
Also note that I am a "Supple Scholar". Sounds vaguely dirty, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm not sure exactly why I've been designated the Supple Scholar, but it means that the scholarship automatically renews next year. One of my professors also let it slip unofficially today that my Fine Arts Department scholarship is going to be renewed as well. So now I'm just waiting to hear about renewal of one more scholarship, but either way those two alone should cover tuition next year, so it's a big relief to have that taken care of again. You might even say it "gives me great peace of mind." Ugh.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
One Track Mind
Proof that I've already been a grad student way too long:
During my nap this afternoon I dreamt that Amanda and I were at a lecture given by Michel Foucault. Of all the things my subconscious could have thrown out for me to dream about, I get a Foucault lecture? I'm dreaming about attending lectures by French philosophers. There's something very wrong about that. From here on out I'd like my brain to confine thoughts of post-structuralist theory to waking hours only, thank you.
The dream-lecture was actually strangely fun, though. Amanda and I were drinking copious amounts of red wine, as in we each had our own bottle of wine and were pouring glass after glass throughout the lecture. Everyone around us was drinking wine, too, and it was really more party than lecture. The weirdest thing about the dream (as if dreaming about Foucault isn't weird enough in and of itself) was that after the lecture I was walking home along a riverbank and I accidentally dropped my cell phone into the river and decided to strip off all my clothes and dive in after it. Except that I wasn't wearing real clothes, I was wearing just a toga (?!) and I didn't seem to care too much that there were quite a few people around who saw me jump into the river naked. Actually, I'm not sure why jumping into the river after my phone involved being naked in the first place, because in real life I sure wouldn't waste time stripping my clothes off. Who would?! I did manage to save the cell phone and get it working again, though. The phone was bright red.
Because of the wine and the cell phone I decided that red was a significant color in the dream. So just out of curiousity I looked up the meaning of dreaming about the color red. Turns out red symbolizes raw energy, intense passion, and sexual impulses. I take this to mean that my dream is implying that I haven't been getting laid enough lately. Surprise, surprise.
P.S.-Did you click on the link? There's a reference to Foucault's time at the Ecole Normale Superieure, which makes me laugh because in Theory class tonight Kelly was lecturing on Pierre Bourdieu, another Ecole Normale Superieure attendant. Kelly speaks fluent French and has a perfect accent (she majored in French at her college in Thailand). I mention all this just to say that five minutes into her lecture Kelly fires off the phrase "Ecole Normale Superieure" in perfect French and then says "I wonder about that. Is it normal, or is it superior? Maybe only superior to a certain degree," and then without missing a beat she continued her lecture while the rest of us almost collapsed trying to contain our laughter. Maybe you had to be there to understand how spot-on her delivery was, or maybe you just have to know her and understand Kelly's quirky, dry sense of humor (after 8 months of friendship I still can't always tell when she's kidding and when she's being dead serious), but it was funny as hell.
During my nap this afternoon I dreamt that Amanda and I were at a lecture given by Michel Foucault. Of all the things my subconscious could have thrown out for me to dream about, I get a Foucault lecture? I'm dreaming about attending lectures by French philosophers. There's something very wrong about that. From here on out I'd like my brain to confine thoughts of post-structuralist theory to waking hours only, thank you.
The dream-lecture was actually strangely fun, though. Amanda and I were drinking copious amounts of red wine, as in we each had our own bottle of wine and were pouring glass after glass throughout the lecture. Everyone around us was drinking wine, too, and it was really more party than lecture. The weirdest thing about the dream (as if dreaming about Foucault isn't weird enough in and of itself) was that after the lecture I was walking home along a riverbank and I accidentally dropped my cell phone into the river and decided to strip off all my clothes and dive in after it. Except that I wasn't wearing real clothes, I was wearing just a toga (?!) and I didn't seem to care too much that there were quite a few people around who saw me jump into the river naked. Actually, I'm not sure why jumping into the river after my phone involved being naked in the first place, because in real life I sure wouldn't waste time stripping my clothes off. Who would?! I did manage to save the cell phone and get it working again, though. The phone was bright red.
Because of the wine and the cell phone I decided that red was a significant color in the dream. So just out of curiousity I looked up the meaning of dreaming about the color red. Turns out red symbolizes raw energy, intense passion, and sexual impulses. I take this to mean that my dream is implying that I haven't been getting laid enough lately. Surprise, surprise.
P.S.-Did you click on the link? There's a reference to Foucault's time at the Ecole Normale Superieure, which makes me laugh because in Theory class tonight Kelly was lecturing on Pierre Bourdieu, another Ecole Normale Superieure attendant. Kelly speaks fluent French and has a perfect accent (she majored in French at her college in Thailand). I mention all this just to say that five minutes into her lecture Kelly fires off the phrase "Ecole Normale Superieure" in perfect French and then says "I wonder about that. Is it normal, or is it superior? Maybe only superior to a certain degree," and then without missing a beat she continued her lecture while the rest of us almost collapsed trying to contain our laughter. Maybe you had to be there to understand how spot-on her delivery was, or maybe you just have to know her and understand Kelly's quirky, dry sense of humor (after 8 months of friendship I still can't always tell when she's kidding and when she's being dead serious), but it was funny as hell.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Just Happy
I just had to post briefly to say...I'm happy.
So often lately I've been writing about school stress, or the stuff with Mike that made me sad. (Incidentally, now that I've edited this journal and made it more public I realize that it has the weird effect of making it seem as though perhaps Mike is the only guy I've ever really been in a relationship with, because this journal a) begins about the time Mike and I started quasi-dating again after years of being more-or-less broken up, and b) by choice I've effectively eliminated any details of any other guys I've dated. That's not really important, just something weird I'm realizing).
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I keep forgetting to write about the good things. Things like the fact that even when the school work drives me crazy and I spend 7 straight hours working on a group project (like this afternoon) I fundamentally really enjoy what I'm studying. The fact that I can watch an hour of The Sopranos and analyze it from the viewpoint of a feminist scholar and actually call that "doing my homework." Or the fact that I really feel like I have close friends here now, friends that I can see myself knowing for life. Or the fact that I can put on the flowy white skirt I bought last weekend and put on my headphones and dance around my bedroom until I twirl too much and get dizzy and have to collapse on the bed laughing and nobody else can possibly walk in on this embarrassing display (although apparently I'm willing to post the scene on the internet for you to roll your eyes at).
I don't know, I'm just in a good mood today for little reasons, and I'm realizing that it has been a while now since I had a truly bad day. And that's a really good feeling, realizing that even though I still get a little pang in my heart now and then when I really think about it (oh, how poetic) I've made myself get to a good place. I feel a bit invincible today. Hopefully that's a sign that it's going to be a good week, because I have a lot of very important work due this week and it would be nice to have luck on my side.
Alright, I gotta go read Dallas and the Ideology of Mass Culture for my (last!) dramatic theory class on Tuesday, and there's a basset hound looking at me pitifully from the doorway, so I'm out.
So often lately I've been writing about school stress, or the stuff with Mike that made me sad. (Incidentally, now that I've edited this journal and made it more public I realize that it has the weird effect of making it seem as though perhaps Mike is the only guy I've ever really been in a relationship with, because this journal a) begins about the time Mike and I started quasi-dating again after years of being more-or-less broken up, and b) by choice I've effectively eliminated any details of any other guys I've dated. That's not really important, just something weird I'm realizing).
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I keep forgetting to write about the good things. Things like the fact that even when the school work drives me crazy and I spend 7 straight hours working on a group project (like this afternoon) I fundamentally really enjoy what I'm studying. The fact that I can watch an hour of The Sopranos and analyze it from the viewpoint of a feminist scholar and actually call that "doing my homework." Or the fact that I really feel like I have close friends here now, friends that I can see myself knowing for life. Or the fact that I can put on the flowy white skirt I bought last weekend and put on my headphones and dance around my bedroom until I twirl too much and get dizzy and have to collapse on the bed laughing and nobody else can possibly walk in on this embarrassing display (although apparently I'm willing to post the scene on the internet for you to roll your eyes at).
I don't know, I'm just in a good mood today for little reasons, and I'm realizing that it has been a while now since I had a truly bad day. And that's a really good feeling, realizing that even though I still get a little pang in my heart now and then when I really think about it (oh, how poetic) I've made myself get to a good place. I feel a bit invincible today. Hopefully that's a sign that it's going to be a good week, because I have a lot of very important work due this week and it would be nice to have luck on my side.
Alright, I gotta go read Dallas and the Ideology of Mass Culture for my (last!) dramatic theory class on Tuesday, and there's a basset hound looking at me pitifully from the doorway, so I'm out.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Hail! (And other things)
In case you needed more proof that I am in fact an expert at procrastination, I offer this: Tonight in Dramaturgy I got my education outreach packet back, and I got a 98 on it along with the comments "Well-written!" and "Strong work." This is completely baffling to me, because I did the majority of the assignment the night before it was due. I was actually working on it and printing stuff out right up until ten minutes before class started.
I just don't get how this keeps happening. I keep waiting for my luck to run out and my professors to realize that I consistently throw things together at the very last minute, but so far I guess I'm still coming across as the poster child for organization and, um, togetherness.
I also got a big compliment today. I'm in a Directing Styles class this semester. The scene I'm directing is from Measure for Measure, and I've been relatively happy with it, especially considering that I have absolutely no level of Shakespeare expertise (I've studied Shakespeare in terms of a couple of English classes and I enjoy reading it and I get it, but I have no practical experience with it-my knowledge of scansion is really sketchy, for example. Luckily that should change after the intensive Shakespeare class I'm doing this summer!) Anyway, I've been satisfied with how my scene is progressing all along, but suddenly today I feel pretty good about it because my friend Paul, who TAs the class, mentioned that the professor told him, "It's too bad Ashley's emphasis isn't directing." Which means he thinks I'm a decent director! That makes me happy, because even though directing is just my cognate and not my actual emphasis, I like to know that people respect what I do as a director. I would like to get more heavily into directing again one of these days. It's just too bad I had to make a choice between history/criticism and directing, because I honestly like both equally.
Alright, enough bragging about myself. Time to brag about someone else for a second. Speaking of Paul, he defended his thesis and did his comprehensive exam today and he passed! YAY! That makes me really happy for him, and subsequently happy for me, too, because if Paul can successfully get through his defense that gives me hope that I'll get through mine next year when it's my turn. Of course, I can't imagine the faculty letting someone defend their thesis and take their comprehensive exam if they didn't feel that the person was ready. It seems to me that passing is kind of a given once you get that far along, but what do I know? It just seems that it would be way too cruel to let someone get as far along as the thesis defense and then not clear them for graduation (unless the person just totally fucked up and clearly hadn't studied at all, I guess). It must feel so good to be in Paul's position. I can't wait until I'm two weeks away from my graduation! One more year...
Other good things to talk about today:
1) I was supposed to have a big dramaturgy paper due a week from today, but Dr. C pushed it back and now it's not due until the day of our final exam on May 4th. That makes me so incredibly happy.
2) Speaking of papers, I've decided to use an episode of The Sopranos as the basis for my final paper for Dramatic Theory class. Since I've been watching The Sopranos more or less non-stop in my free time for the past two weeks (I'm now midway through season two!) I figured I might as well find a way to actually make my obsession productive!
3) I found out today that I'm gonna get to room with Amanda and Liz in Stratford this summer! See, we're staying at a bed-and-breakfast for the three weeks we're in England, and I was just going to have to room with a girl I don't know. There are 10 of us going to Stratford, and the only person I know well is Amanda. Amanda and Liz are good friends (they work together) but I don't know Liz very well. So Amanda had asked me very early on if I'd mind if she roomed with Liz and I said nah, I don't care. I can pretty much coexist with anyone, especially since I doubt we'll be spending much time in our rooms anyway. So I was going to be randomly assigned to room with one of the other girls, all of whom are strangers to me at this point. But! Today Dr. C. mentioned to me that she found out there are going to be three double rooms at the B&B, a triple room, and one single room. She wanted to know if I wanted to be put into the drawing for the people that are fighting it out for the single room. But I was like, "Wait, there's a triple room? 'Cause if there's a triple room I'd actually like to room with Amanda and Liz." Dr. C. said that would actually make things a lot easier if we'd just agree to take the triple, so yay! Amanda is thrilled, and I'm looking forward to actually getting to know Liz since we're just acquaintances right now. So all in all that worked out perfectly.
4) In other Stratford-related news, we got assigned our scenes that we'll be working on all session for the showcase we're going to perform in Stratford. I'll be playing Rosalind in a scene from As You Like It, which should be fun. I'm so nervous, though! It has literally been years since I took an acting class. I hope I don't totally suck.
Well, this has gotten lengthy again, but I just want to add that we had a CRAZY storm here today. It was pouring rain when I got to class tonight, and as we were sitting in class we could hear rain and hail pounding on the roof. We couldn't see what was actually going on since there are no windows in any of the classrooms in the theatre building (which is a huge pet peeve of mine, but whatever) but when I got out of class later I found out that the hail had been HUGE. Up at campus it wasn't too bad, thankfully. My car seems just fine...although I haven't seen it in daylight yet. But the outlet mall got hit badly. Apparently the hail there was baseball sized and bigger! Matthew works down there and he said there was literally a couple million of dollars of damage done to the mall, and thousands of cars were badly damaged by hail, Matthew's among them. Man, I've never seen anything like it. His car is totaled by hail. The back windshield is completely shattered and gone, the front one is cracked in a bunch of different places, and the entire car is dented. Something tells me Matthew will probably be getting a new car out of the deal. Crazy...I'm just glad no one I know was hurt today. Damn weather.
I just don't get how this keeps happening. I keep waiting for my luck to run out and my professors to realize that I consistently throw things together at the very last minute, but so far I guess I'm still coming across as the poster child for organization and, um, togetherness.
I also got a big compliment today. I'm in a Directing Styles class this semester. The scene I'm directing is from Measure for Measure, and I've been relatively happy with it, especially considering that I have absolutely no level of Shakespeare expertise (I've studied Shakespeare in terms of a couple of English classes and I enjoy reading it and I get it, but I have no practical experience with it-my knowledge of scansion is really sketchy, for example. Luckily that should change after the intensive Shakespeare class I'm doing this summer!) Anyway, I've been satisfied with how my scene is progressing all along, but suddenly today I feel pretty good about it because my friend Paul, who TAs the class, mentioned that the professor told him, "It's too bad Ashley's emphasis isn't directing." Which means he thinks I'm a decent director! That makes me happy, because even though directing is just my cognate and not my actual emphasis, I like to know that people respect what I do as a director. I would like to get more heavily into directing again one of these days. It's just too bad I had to make a choice between history/criticism and directing, because I honestly like both equally.
Alright, enough bragging about myself. Time to brag about someone else for a second. Speaking of Paul, he defended his thesis and did his comprehensive exam today and he passed! YAY! That makes me really happy for him, and subsequently happy for me, too, because if Paul can successfully get through his defense that gives me hope that I'll get through mine next year when it's my turn. Of course, I can't imagine the faculty letting someone defend their thesis and take their comprehensive exam if they didn't feel that the person was ready. It seems to me that passing is kind of a given once you get that far along, but what do I know? It just seems that it would be way too cruel to let someone get as far along as the thesis defense and then not clear them for graduation (unless the person just totally fucked up and clearly hadn't studied at all, I guess). It must feel so good to be in Paul's position. I can't wait until I'm two weeks away from my graduation! One more year...
Other good things to talk about today:
1) I was supposed to have a big dramaturgy paper due a week from today, but Dr. C pushed it back and now it's not due until the day of our final exam on May 4th. That makes me so incredibly happy.
2) Speaking of papers, I've decided to use an episode of The Sopranos as the basis for my final paper for Dramatic Theory class. Since I've been watching The Sopranos more or less non-stop in my free time for the past two weeks (I'm now midway through season two!) I figured I might as well find a way to actually make my obsession productive!
3) I found out today that I'm gonna get to room with Amanda and Liz in Stratford this summer! See, we're staying at a bed-and-breakfast for the three weeks we're in England, and I was just going to have to room with a girl I don't know. There are 10 of us going to Stratford, and the only person I know well is Amanda. Amanda and Liz are good friends (they work together) but I don't know Liz very well. So Amanda had asked me very early on if I'd mind if she roomed with Liz and I said nah, I don't care. I can pretty much coexist with anyone, especially since I doubt we'll be spending much time in our rooms anyway. So I was going to be randomly assigned to room with one of the other girls, all of whom are strangers to me at this point. But! Today Dr. C. mentioned to me that she found out there are going to be three double rooms at the B&B, a triple room, and one single room. She wanted to know if I wanted to be put into the drawing for the people that are fighting it out for the single room. But I was like, "Wait, there's a triple room? 'Cause if there's a triple room I'd actually like to room with Amanda and Liz." Dr. C. said that would actually make things a lot easier if we'd just agree to take the triple, so yay! Amanda is thrilled, and I'm looking forward to actually getting to know Liz since we're just acquaintances right now. So all in all that worked out perfectly.
4) In other Stratford-related news, we got assigned our scenes that we'll be working on all session for the showcase we're going to perform in Stratford. I'll be playing Rosalind in a scene from As You Like It, which should be fun. I'm so nervous, though! It has literally been years since I took an acting class. I hope I don't totally suck.
Well, this has gotten lengthy again, but I just want to add that we had a CRAZY storm here today. It was pouring rain when I got to class tonight, and as we were sitting in class we could hear rain and hail pounding on the roof. We couldn't see what was actually going on since there are no windows in any of the classrooms in the theatre building (which is a huge pet peeve of mine, but whatever) but when I got out of class later I found out that the hail had been HUGE. Up at campus it wasn't too bad, thankfully. My car seems just fine...although I haven't seen it in daylight yet. But the outlet mall got hit badly. Apparently the hail there was baseball sized and bigger! Matthew works down there and he said there was literally a couple million of dollars of damage done to the mall, and thousands of cars were badly damaged by hail, Matthew's among them. Man, I've never seen anything like it. His car is totaled by hail. The back windshield is completely shattered and gone, the front one is cracked in a bunch of different places, and the entire car is dented. Something tells me Matthew will probably be getting a new car out of the deal. Crazy...I'm just glad no one I know was hurt today. Damn weather.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Who wants to make decisions for me?
I'm having one of those days where everything is overwhelming.
The biggest reason is that I have four MAJOR projects due next week and the only one of the four I actually feel okay about is my final directing scene (two out of the four projects I haven't even started on!).
And since I'm such a damn worrier lately I've decided to start stressing about things that make absolutely no difference at this exact moment, like trying to figure out where I might want to apply to get my PhD. Mandi and I had a long talk with Christin after class tonight. She's finishing up her dissertation at UT right now and lately she's been giving us advice about finding good programs, applying, etc. I know that I really do want my PhD eventually, but sometimes I have a very hard time envisioning myself as a PhD candidate. I just don't feel like I'm smart enough to handle it. Given, I felt the same way about getting a masters before I started this program and obviously I'm handling the work just fine. And logically, maintaining a 4.0 in a masters program (so far) should imply that I could get into a doctoral program and handle the work. But a doctoral program just seems so intense. For one thing, it would be another THREE TO FIVE YEARS of school. That's a whole lot of school. Given, I'd be teaching and working during that period, but still. It also doesn't help that I have no idea at this point what area I'd want to focus on for a dissertation. I know that I'm into dramaturgy, but even though I'd love to do that I'm not sure that I'm qualified to get into a dramaturgy program (mainly because I'm lacking the foreign language proficiency most of them want). I did feel relieved when Christin told me she didn't know what she wanted to do her dissertation on when she applied to her current program, so that's reassuring. And I realize I don't have to really get concerned about any of this until after the summer. I also realize that I have a ton of options. I don't have to go directly into a doctoral program. I can teach high school, I can get one of those travel jobs I've talked about, I can do something else entirely. But at the same time, having a Dr. before my name is something I'd like to accomplish, especially since I've already come this far. And it kind of seems like as long as I'm on a roll I should keep going.
Ah, Future, you're so scary! Exciting, but scary.
The other major thing that has me stressed out is a summer job. See, I thought I had this problem solved. Last Friday I applied for a job as a teller at the bank where Mandi is working right now. I passed the teller test and was basically promised by the manager that there will be a job for me when I come back from England in July. Which is perfect! A part-time job that starts in July. BUT. The job has a set schedule. A schedule that would work out ideally with my school and box office schedule. I actually love the idea of having a set schedule. The problem is that it's just too set, though. It's one of those "real" jobs that only lets you have one sick day a month and five days of vacation for the entire year. And I'm just not sure I can make that fly. At first I thought I could, but now that I'm thinking about it I'm just not sure. What if miraculously one of my papers actually gets chosen for a conference? I need to know that I can get a weekend off without consequence to go to it. And then there's December, when I'm supposed to be in two weddings, one of which is in El Paso. I'm gonna need a whole lot more than five days off during the month of December.
So now I'm thinking that maybe I do need to apply for some different jobs, but the idea of pounding the pavement and going from place to place filling out applications is not at all appealing. Plus a restaurant or bar job would probably have the opposite problem and be too flexible, not letting me have a set schedule during the school year when I'll really need one.
And not working during the summer and just waiting until I start getting my box office paycheck again in October is definitely not an option. I need to earn money somehow.
So I'm torn. Do I take the bank job and just quit come December when I'm gonna need all that time off? Do I try to find a restaurant job and hope that I can make it work when school starts in the fall?
The other thing with applying to restaurants right now is that I can't envision anyone wanting to hire me to start work immediately when I'm gonna be leaving for three weeks in June. Why hire me just a few weeks before I'm leaving the country? But I'd really like to have a job lined up for when I get back, and I can't really imagine anyone that needs help hiring someone in May who can't actually start until July.
So yeah, I don't know what to do. It's times like this when I really, really miss my job at Bass Hall. Damn, that job was ideal. Such good money, so flexible...
Oh well. I had a really good weekend! Drinking with Kelly, Shanthi, and then Matthew on Thursday night at Showdown, hanging out with Matthew and Chelsea on Friday and Saturday night, walking Cohen and Morty in a charity walk, and an Easter picnic with my siblings (Chelsea and I made deviled eggs and fancy ham sandwiches that involved caramelized onions and brie, among other ingredients. We're awesome. Shane, of course, heard us mention the word "ham" on the phone and decided he'd just buy his own lunch from Subway. Punk! He also somehow failed to realize that a picnic at the river might actually involve swimming so he showed up in khaki shorts and a polo shirt and had to roll his pants up to his thighs to wade with us, making him look like the cliched image of one of those ambiguous German tourists. I really wish I'd thought to take a blackmail picture. I love my goofy brother!)
So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. A little stressed, but I know this is just that day I have every two months or so when I have to panic about my future, and everything is gonna work out just fine.
I promise to stop stressing and whining soon.
P.S.-I found out today that there is someone living across the hall from me and his name is Roland and he works for Budweiser. I may not be doing anything I SHOULD be doing, but I'm getting better at this spying stuff!
The biggest reason is that I have four MAJOR projects due next week and the only one of the four I actually feel okay about is my final directing scene (two out of the four projects I haven't even started on!).
And since I'm such a damn worrier lately I've decided to start stressing about things that make absolutely no difference at this exact moment, like trying to figure out where I might want to apply to get my PhD. Mandi and I had a long talk with Christin after class tonight. She's finishing up her dissertation at UT right now and lately she's been giving us advice about finding good programs, applying, etc. I know that I really do want my PhD eventually, but sometimes I have a very hard time envisioning myself as a PhD candidate. I just don't feel like I'm smart enough to handle it. Given, I felt the same way about getting a masters before I started this program and obviously I'm handling the work just fine. And logically, maintaining a 4.0 in a masters program (so far) should imply that I could get into a doctoral program and handle the work. But a doctoral program just seems so intense. For one thing, it would be another THREE TO FIVE YEARS of school. That's a whole lot of school. Given, I'd be teaching and working during that period, but still. It also doesn't help that I have no idea at this point what area I'd want to focus on for a dissertation. I know that I'm into dramaturgy, but even though I'd love to do that I'm not sure that I'm qualified to get into a dramaturgy program (mainly because I'm lacking the foreign language proficiency most of them want). I did feel relieved when Christin told me she didn't know what she wanted to do her dissertation on when she applied to her current program, so that's reassuring. And I realize I don't have to really get concerned about any of this until after the summer. I also realize that I have a ton of options. I don't have to go directly into a doctoral program. I can teach high school, I can get one of those travel jobs I've talked about, I can do something else entirely. But at the same time, having a Dr. before my name is something I'd like to accomplish, especially since I've already come this far. And it kind of seems like as long as I'm on a roll I should keep going.
Ah, Future, you're so scary! Exciting, but scary.
The other major thing that has me stressed out is a summer job. See, I thought I had this problem solved. Last Friday I applied for a job as a teller at the bank where Mandi is working right now. I passed the teller test and was basically promised by the manager that there will be a job for me when I come back from England in July. Which is perfect! A part-time job that starts in July. BUT. The job has a set schedule. A schedule that would work out ideally with my school and box office schedule. I actually love the idea of having a set schedule. The problem is that it's just too set, though. It's one of those "real" jobs that only lets you have one sick day a month and five days of vacation for the entire year. And I'm just not sure I can make that fly. At first I thought I could, but now that I'm thinking about it I'm just not sure. What if miraculously one of my papers actually gets chosen for a conference? I need to know that I can get a weekend off without consequence to go to it. And then there's December, when I'm supposed to be in two weddings, one of which is in El Paso. I'm gonna need a whole lot more than five days off during the month of December.
So now I'm thinking that maybe I do need to apply for some different jobs, but the idea of pounding the pavement and going from place to place filling out applications is not at all appealing. Plus a restaurant or bar job would probably have the opposite problem and be too flexible, not letting me have a set schedule during the school year when I'll really need one.
And not working during the summer and just waiting until I start getting my box office paycheck again in October is definitely not an option. I need to earn money somehow.
So I'm torn. Do I take the bank job and just quit come December when I'm gonna need all that time off? Do I try to find a restaurant job and hope that I can make it work when school starts in the fall?
The other thing with applying to restaurants right now is that I can't envision anyone wanting to hire me to start work immediately when I'm gonna be leaving for three weeks in June. Why hire me just a few weeks before I'm leaving the country? But I'd really like to have a job lined up for when I get back, and I can't really imagine anyone that needs help hiring someone in May who can't actually start until July.
So yeah, I don't know what to do. It's times like this when I really, really miss my job at Bass Hall. Damn, that job was ideal. Such good money, so flexible...
Oh well. I had a really good weekend! Drinking with Kelly, Shanthi, and then Matthew on Thursday night at Showdown, hanging out with Matthew and Chelsea on Friday and Saturday night, walking Cohen and Morty in a charity walk, and an Easter picnic with my siblings (Chelsea and I made deviled eggs and fancy ham sandwiches that involved caramelized onions and brie, among other ingredients. We're awesome. Shane, of course, heard us mention the word "ham" on the phone and decided he'd just buy his own lunch from Subway. Punk! He also somehow failed to realize that a picnic at the river might actually involve swimming so he showed up in khaki shorts and a polo shirt and had to roll his pants up to his thighs to wade with us, making him look like the cliched image of one of those ambiguous German tourists. I really wish I'd thought to take a blackmail picture. I love my goofy brother!)
So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. A little stressed, but I know this is just that day I have every two months or so when I have to panic about my future, and everything is gonna work out just fine.
I promise to stop stressing and whining soon.
P.S.-I found out today that there is someone living across the hall from me and his name is Roland and he works for Budweiser. I may not be doing anything I SHOULD be doing, but I'm getting better at this spying stuff!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Won't You Be My Neighbor?
My upstairs neighbor is outside right now blasting music from his car as he cleans it out. Or at least it looks like he's cleaning it out. I don't know, I can't really tell exactly what he's doing since I'm just being a nosy neighbor glancing at him through my window (in my defense, I wouldn't have even noticed he was out there in the first place if he hadn't been blaring the music). He's milling around moving stuff in and out of the car and occassionally carrying things upstairs.
I mention this in the first place because this neighbor is such a mystery to me. Actually, pretty much all of my neighbors are enigmas to me, but this guy I really can't figure out. I can't figure out if he's single or not. I'm somewhat intrigued by this neighbor, not because I find him particularly attractive (he's cute enough but definitely not keeping me up nights) or interesting (we've never really talked other than greetings), but mainly because he has an In-N-Out Burger license plate holder, which intrigues me because it means he has family or interests in California/Arizona/somewhere not Texas, and I like that.
I can't figure out what his deal is, though.
Like:
He's almost always by himself when he pulls up in his car and he often has a bag of fast food and a single drink. This leads me to believe he's eating most of his meals on his own and not bringing home food for anyone else, so he's single.
His car is sometimes gone overnight. He must have somewhere else where he spends nights. He's in a relationship.
Every now and then a girl is in his car when he pulls up. He's in a relationship.
Weeks will go by without me seeing the girl at all. Clearly she's just a friend and he's single.
He's cleaning out his car. Single guys don't usually clean their cars unless it's to impress someone. He's gotta be in a relationship.
He always parks like a jackass, slanted across two parking spaces on purpose. And his car is NOT that cool. If he had a girlfriend, she wouldn't let him park his car like that. He's gotta be single.
I noticed when he was cleaning out his car that there was a bright pink bag in the back of it. HOPEFULLY he's in a relationship, because I'm not sure with a straight guy is doing with a girly pink bag otherwise.
In other neighbor mysteries, there's the guy that lives next door to me. I was completely convinced that he was gay, mostly because of his mannerisms and because of the fact that he's always unnaturally tan, even in the middle of winter. I just love making assumptions about people I barely know! Ha. That, and one night at around 4:30 A.M. when I was outside with Cohen I saw the neighbor showing a guy out of the apartment. True, it could just be a straight guy friend leaving after a night of videogames or something, but do guys walk each other to the door and stuff like that? I'm pretty sure they don't.
But then about a month ago I walked out my door one afternoon right into the middle of a screaming, crying fight this neighbor was having with a girl. From what I saw and heard of it (and it wasn't much, since I pretty much turned around and took the dog right back inside as soon as I realized there was a screaming match going on in the breezeway) it definitely seemed like a lovers' quarrel. So I can't figure out what's going on there, either.
Then there's the girl who lives directly above me. I won't hear a single sound from upstairs for weeks at a time. No footsteps, no water running, no nothing. Then suddenly for several nights in a row I'll hear banging and crashing late at night, or foosteps and the sound of the shower running in the morning and I'll know that somebody is actually living up there. But for weeks at a time it's like nobody is there at all. I have no idea what's up with that.
And then there's the apartment across the hall. It used to belong to my friend Kolby, but she moved out in January and sublet it to someone. In late January a big group of people came along and moved some furniture in, but then nobody actually came to live there for another month or so. It was like it was just being used as a storage unit (I know that nobody was living there because the apartment managers leave notes on our doors about various events all the time, and the notes would stay on the door across the hall for days until they finally blew away). Then one day last month some random girl said hello to me in the parking lot and introduced herself, so I figured she must be the new neighbor. But I haven't seen her since. Meanwhile, right after spring break I was coming home one evening and saw a kinda creepy looking older Hispanic guy waiting to be let into the apartment across the hall, and now for a couple of weeks there's been some sort of Nascar cardboard cutout prominently displayed on the patio, which doesn't lead me to believe that it's a girl's home after all. And I still never, ever, EVER see anybody going in or out of that apartment, and the blinds are always closed. So maybe there's still nobody living there.
So basically, I've just used this entire entry to admit that I spy on all of my neighbors but my detective skills really suck. I should probably go back to doing useful things...like homework. Or watching more of The Sopranos. I started watching the first season over the weekend. A whole bunch of people have been talking about it for years, so I finally decided to give it a try. I realize I'm definitely coming in at the eleventh hour here and I'm the last person in the entire damn country to jump on the Sopranos bandwagon, but I'm so glad I did. I'm on episode 9 already! That means I've watched 8 hours of The Sopranos in the past, oh, three days. It's just that good, people. I'm hoping they'll release the first part of the sixth season on DVD this year (once the first part of the season actually finishes up, that is) and then I'll be able to catch up completely and watch the final episodes with everyone else. I also plan to start and then catch up with Lost in time to watch the third season, too. Aren't you proud that I have such ambitious plans for TV viewing?
I mention this in the first place because this neighbor is such a mystery to me. Actually, pretty much all of my neighbors are enigmas to me, but this guy I really can't figure out. I can't figure out if he's single or not. I'm somewhat intrigued by this neighbor, not because I find him particularly attractive (he's cute enough but definitely not keeping me up nights) or interesting (we've never really talked other than greetings), but mainly because he has an In-N-Out Burger license plate holder, which intrigues me because it means he has family or interests in California/Arizona/somewhere not Texas, and I like that.
I can't figure out what his deal is, though.
Like:
He's almost always by himself when he pulls up in his car and he often has a bag of fast food and a single drink. This leads me to believe he's eating most of his meals on his own and not bringing home food for anyone else, so he's single.
His car is sometimes gone overnight. He must have somewhere else where he spends nights. He's in a relationship.
Every now and then a girl is in his car when he pulls up. He's in a relationship.
Weeks will go by without me seeing the girl at all. Clearly she's just a friend and he's single.
He's cleaning out his car. Single guys don't usually clean their cars unless it's to impress someone. He's gotta be in a relationship.
He always parks like a jackass, slanted across two parking spaces on purpose. And his car is NOT that cool. If he had a girlfriend, she wouldn't let him park his car like that. He's gotta be single.
I noticed when he was cleaning out his car that there was a bright pink bag in the back of it. HOPEFULLY he's in a relationship, because I'm not sure with a straight guy is doing with a girly pink bag otherwise.
In other neighbor mysteries, there's the guy that lives next door to me. I was completely convinced that he was gay, mostly because of his mannerisms and because of the fact that he's always unnaturally tan, even in the middle of winter. I just love making assumptions about people I barely know! Ha. That, and one night at around 4:30 A.M. when I was outside with Cohen I saw the neighbor showing a guy out of the apartment. True, it could just be a straight guy friend leaving after a night of videogames or something, but do guys walk each other to the door and stuff like that? I'm pretty sure they don't.
But then about a month ago I walked out my door one afternoon right into the middle of a screaming, crying fight this neighbor was having with a girl. From what I saw and heard of it (and it wasn't much, since I pretty much turned around and took the dog right back inside as soon as I realized there was a screaming match going on in the breezeway) it definitely seemed like a lovers' quarrel. So I can't figure out what's going on there, either.
Then there's the girl who lives directly above me. I won't hear a single sound from upstairs for weeks at a time. No footsteps, no water running, no nothing. Then suddenly for several nights in a row I'll hear banging and crashing late at night, or foosteps and the sound of the shower running in the morning and I'll know that somebody is actually living up there. But for weeks at a time it's like nobody is there at all. I have no idea what's up with that.
And then there's the apartment across the hall. It used to belong to my friend Kolby, but she moved out in January and sublet it to someone. In late January a big group of people came along and moved some furniture in, but then nobody actually came to live there for another month or so. It was like it was just being used as a storage unit (I know that nobody was living there because the apartment managers leave notes on our doors about various events all the time, and the notes would stay on the door across the hall for days until they finally blew away). Then one day last month some random girl said hello to me in the parking lot and introduced herself, so I figured she must be the new neighbor. But I haven't seen her since. Meanwhile, right after spring break I was coming home one evening and saw a kinda creepy looking older Hispanic guy waiting to be let into the apartment across the hall, and now for a couple of weeks there's been some sort of Nascar cardboard cutout prominently displayed on the patio, which doesn't lead me to believe that it's a girl's home after all. And I still never, ever, EVER see anybody going in or out of that apartment, and the blinds are always closed. So maybe there's still nobody living there.
So basically, I've just used this entire entry to admit that I spy on all of my neighbors but my detective skills really suck. I should probably go back to doing useful things...like homework. Or watching more of The Sopranos. I started watching the first season over the weekend. A whole bunch of people have been talking about it for years, so I finally decided to give it a try. I realize I'm definitely coming in at the eleventh hour here and I'm the last person in the entire damn country to jump on the Sopranos bandwagon, but I'm so glad I did. I'm on episode 9 already! That means I've watched 8 hours of The Sopranos in the past, oh, three days. It's just that good, people. I'm hoping they'll release the first part of the sixth season on DVD this year (once the first part of the season actually finishes up, that is) and then I'll be able to catch up completely and watch the final episodes with everyone else. I also plan to start and then catch up with Lost in time to watch the third season, too. Aren't you proud that I have such ambitious plans for TV viewing?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Fake It Until You Make It
So this semester ends in a month, more or less. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. Actually, I can't believe how fast this entire year has gone by. It's already getting to be time to start thinking about what I want to do after I finish grad school, which is kind of a scary prospect.
I'm not as worried about it all as I was when I was getting to this point of my undergrad work, though, mostly because to a certain extent I feel that I'm already set. I'm certified to teach high school, and after this I have the masters and should have no problem getting a teaching job somewhere. I've always known I wanted the masters, but in my mind the doctorate is a little more optional. Yes, I'd like it and I want it eventually, but I don't feel the need to go directly into a doctoral program. If it works out that way, great. If not, well, I feel like I can get some theatre-related job, or maybe even do something completely different for a while. Part of me still really loves the idea of doing some travel-related job for a while, especially if I'm not in any sort of relationship and there's nothing to tie me down by the time I'm getting close to finishing school. The only downside to that would be leaving Cohen and Jose. I'm not sure if I could leave my basset and cat for months at a time if I got some sort of travel job. Of course, this is all a moot point and I really don't need to start thinking seriously about this until later in the year anyway.
What I do need to think about right now, though, is all the crap I have to get done in the next three-ish weeks. The basic list:
-Education outreach Powerpoint for The Rover, the show that I'm now assistant dramaturging (surprise!)
-Write an original one-act play (ha, reading that it just sounds ridiculous, but I'm actually already about six or seven pages into it)
-Write a 15-20 page dramaturgical paper on From Morn to Midnight
-Write a 5 page analysis of a show for Theory
-Major season planning group project for Dramaturgy
-Final performance of my twenty minute Directing scene, and the scene that I'm performing in as well (this includes several rehearsals between now and then and figuring out/finding costumes and music)
That's all the major stuff. The nice thing is after that I really only have to take two finals, and one of them will be a take home final. So if I can just make it through April 26th I think I'll have gotten through the toughest part.
If I'm not around much between now and then, well, now you see why.
I would write about something more interesting than my grueling school schedule, but I'm not in the mood. Good things have been happening, though. Lots of fun times with Matthew and my girl friends and my family (when I'm not so busy maybe I'll tell you about the night last weekend when Chelsea and I attempted to ride her bike to the Common concert, "attempted" being the key word), some nice volunteer stuff, some successes at school. Nothing guy-related, unfortunately, since I still spend way too much time thinking about how dumb Mike is. The good thing about this is the more time I spend thinking of ways he's being dumb, the more able I am to honestly say, "Wow, getting over him really is a good thing." I'm still kind of wary about trying to make myself get over him because I still believe that he and I have something special, but the longer he's with this bartender girlfriend of his, the more I realize that if he stays with her that just means I can and will do better for myself. I hate to get all vengeful and petty because I know that's stupid, but part of me firmly believes that I will ultimately have the last laugh in all this. I just wish someone better would come along soon 'cause I think that's the last step I'm missing. I've pretty much gotten my act back together, now I just miss having a guy for entertainment. But let me say that even though I tend to think about Mike whenever I come here to write, in general I'm not really sad anymore.
When I was in high school my friend Melissa always used to make fun of me because when I was mildly unhappy with something I'd usually just pretend I was okay with it until I actually WAS okay with it. (Note that I said mildly unhappy. I don't believe in this theory when you're actually in a really bad, miserable, emotionally or physically damaging situation. That's just unhealthy). Melissa used to always tell me that I should let myself feel sad and angry, but you know what I've discovered about myself? I don't LIKE feeling sad and angry. Not for extended amounts of time, anyway. It's cathartic to a certain extent and then it just gets old and starts making me feel out of control, and we all know how much I hate feeling out of control. Plus there are always, always reasons to be sad and angry, and the more you let yourself feel that way the more you find other ways to continue feeling that way, and it just gets worse. It does for me, anyway. So instead I let myself get the initial period of intense sadness and anger out of the way, and then I subscribe to the "Fake it until you make it" philosophy.
I had already been doing this myself for years, and then I found actual scientific evidence backing it up. Given, this scientific evidence came from some magazine along the lines of Glamour so I'm not sure how much credibility it actually has, but whatever. The article said that studies show that if you're not quite happy, you need to fake it until suddenly one day you'll realize you're not faking it anymore and you actually ARE happy.
And you know what? That works for me. If I'm mildly unhappy (like I have been for the past month or so. The first two weeks I was seriously miserable, after that it just turned into mild unhappiness) the best way to get myself out of it is just to pretend that I'm perfectly happy and that everything is just fine and that I don't care about whatever is bugging me. And that forces me to start focusing on the positive instead of on the negative, and before long I'm actually more or less happy again. That doesn't mean there aren't still days that come along and knock me down and set me back a few steps again, but for the most part now I really am feeling happy.
It has been so long since I've been really unhappy about something that I'd forgotten about that theory, but I'm glad I rediscovered it. Like I said, I don't pretend this would ever work for true depression, but for mild ennui and mopiness, it really does work wonders for me.
Anyway, I'll be back soon with exciting stories. In the meantime let me do my school work, okay?
I'm not as worried about it all as I was when I was getting to this point of my undergrad work, though, mostly because to a certain extent I feel that I'm already set. I'm certified to teach high school, and after this I have the masters and should have no problem getting a teaching job somewhere. I've always known I wanted the masters, but in my mind the doctorate is a little more optional. Yes, I'd like it and I want it eventually, but I don't feel the need to go directly into a doctoral program. If it works out that way, great. If not, well, I feel like I can get some theatre-related job, or maybe even do something completely different for a while. Part of me still really loves the idea of doing some travel-related job for a while, especially if I'm not in any sort of relationship and there's nothing to tie me down by the time I'm getting close to finishing school. The only downside to that would be leaving Cohen and Jose. I'm not sure if I could leave my basset and cat for months at a time if I got some sort of travel job. Of course, this is all a moot point and I really don't need to start thinking seriously about this until later in the year anyway.
What I do need to think about right now, though, is all the crap I have to get done in the next three-ish weeks. The basic list:
-Education outreach Powerpoint for The Rover, the show that I'm now assistant dramaturging (surprise!)
-Write an original one-act play (ha, reading that it just sounds ridiculous, but I'm actually already about six or seven pages into it)
-Write a 15-20 page dramaturgical paper on From Morn to Midnight
-Write a 5 page analysis of a show for Theory
-Major season planning group project for Dramaturgy
-Final performance of my twenty minute Directing scene, and the scene that I'm performing in as well (this includes several rehearsals between now and then and figuring out/finding costumes and music)
That's all the major stuff. The nice thing is after that I really only have to take two finals, and one of them will be a take home final. So if I can just make it through April 26th I think I'll have gotten through the toughest part.
If I'm not around much between now and then, well, now you see why.
I would write about something more interesting than my grueling school schedule, but I'm not in the mood. Good things have been happening, though. Lots of fun times with Matthew and my girl friends and my family (when I'm not so busy maybe I'll tell you about the night last weekend when Chelsea and I attempted to ride her bike to the Common concert, "attempted" being the key word), some nice volunteer stuff, some successes at school. Nothing guy-related, unfortunately, since I still spend way too much time thinking about how dumb Mike is. The good thing about this is the more time I spend thinking of ways he's being dumb, the more able I am to honestly say, "Wow, getting over him really is a good thing." I'm still kind of wary about trying to make myself get over him because I still believe that he and I have something special, but the longer he's with this bartender girlfriend of his, the more I realize that if he stays with her that just means I can and will do better for myself. I hate to get all vengeful and petty because I know that's stupid, but part of me firmly believes that I will ultimately have the last laugh in all this. I just wish someone better would come along soon 'cause I think that's the last step I'm missing. I've pretty much gotten my act back together, now I just miss having a guy for entertainment. But let me say that even though I tend to think about Mike whenever I come here to write, in general I'm not really sad anymore.
When I was in high school my friend Melissa always used to make fun of me because when I was mildly unhappy with something I'd usually just pretend I was okay with it until I actually WAS okay with it. (Note that I said mildly unhappy. I don't believe in this theory when you're actually in a really bad, miserable, emotionally or physically damaging situation. That's just unhealthy). Melissa used to always tell me that I should let myself feel sad and angry, but you know what I've discovered about myself? I don't LIKE feeling sad and angry. Not for extended amounts of time, anyway. It's cathartic to a certain extent and then it just gets old and starts making me feel out of control, and we all know how much I hate feeling out of control. Plus there are always, always reasons to be sad and angry, and the more you let yourself feel that way the more you find other ways to continue feeling that way, and it just gets worse. It does for me, anyway. So instead I let myself get the initial period of intense sadness and anger out of the way, and then I subscribe to the "Fake it until you make it" philosophy.
I had already been doing this myself for years, and then I found actual scientific evidence backing it up. Given, this scientific evidence came from some magazine along the lines of Glamour so I'm not sure how much credibility it actually has, but whatever. The article said that studies show that if you're not quite happy, you need to fake it until suddenly one day you'll realize you're not faking it anymore and you actually ARE happy.
And you know what? That works for me. If I'm mildly unhappy (like I have been for the past month or so. The first two weeks I was seriously miserable, after that it just turned into mild unhappiness) the best way to get myself out of it is just to pretend that I'm perfectly happy and that everything is just fine and that I don't care about whatever is bugging me. And that forces me to start focusing on the positive instead of on the negative, and before long I'm actually more or less happy again. That doesn't mean there aren't still days that come along and knock me down and set me back a few steps again, but for the most part now I really am feeling happy.
It has been so long since I've been really unhappy about something that I'd forgotten about that theory, but I'm glad I rediscovered it. Like I said, I don't pretend this would ever work for true depression, but for mild ennui and mopiness, it really does work wonders for me.
Anyway, I'll be back soon with exciting stories. In the meantime let me do my school work, okay?
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