I don't even know why I bother doing posts like this, where all I say is "Hello, I don't have time to write." It's so pointless. And yet here I am doing it.
I also know I said I wouldn't just use this thing to bitch so I'm going to try to refrain from doing that but
FUCK, my lead actor dropped out of my directing scene TODAY. Today is Tuesday. The final performance is on SATURDAY. I want to kill this kid, but I can't. I can't even call him and yell at him because the motherfucker doesn't have a cell phone and trying to convey the amount of anger and disappointment I'm feeling through an e-mail is just going to frustrate me even more. Luckily my friend Skyler volunteered to step into the role when I called him in a blind panic this afternoon so he's hopefully memorizing lines right this second and we're gonna have two rehearsals between now and Saturday and since it should be very clear to my professor that I had to have a last minute actor switch I hope he'll grade leniently and everything should be okay. The whole thing pissed me off, though. A month of rehearsals down the drain. This is exactly why I hate projects that require me to rely on other people. I will never trust again! (Melodramatic gasp, hand to forehead, faints to couch, etc.)
This particular week is going to suck because I have to stage manage directing scenes every night this week from 3 until midnight and then on Saturday from 11 until 6. RIDICULOUS, in a very bad way. The mornings are taken up by various rehearsals and attempting to wear the dog out as much as possible so that he's okay with being home alone for 9 hours every day. And somewhere in there I have to memorize lines and blocking for the scene I'm in on Saturday and write the 10 page paper that's due next Wednesday. Wednesday night I'll cram for my final on Thursday. Next Friday I'll finally have a free day and I figure I'll really need to rest by then. Which leaves that Saturday and Sunday to work on the final Stage Management paper that's due Monday and my final promptbook and script analysis for Directing that's due on Tuesday. Oh, and my dog needs to do several obedience classes Saturday-Tuesday so I can get my money's worth by finishing the course before I leave for Christmas.
It's gonna suck. But this pre-Christmas vacation time of year kind of sucks for everyone, I think. As much as I love Thanksgiving, it just gives me a taste of vacation that makes it that much harder to wait until Christmas.
Christmas is so soon, though! And it's gonna be a great break. For the first time in five years I won't have anything to do over break at all. No schoolwork, no preparing for auditions, no working on college or grad school applications. An entire month of doing absolutely nothing unless I want to do it! And so many fun things are lined up: visiting my friends in Fort Worth for a few days, Christmas itself, the family trip to Vegas for Chelsea's birthday, Mike coming here to San Marcos to stay for almost a week...I cannot wait.
Anyway, I was gonna attempt to get some work done on my paper tonight but after our final theatre history class all of us including the professor went to the bar for drinks and two hours and a few drinks later I'm no longer in a working mood. I am in a GOOD mood, though. I think every class should end at the bar. It was great to just chill with everyone for a while and not think about school-related things. And of course we all vowed to hang out a lot more often because we had so much fun together but it's just so hard to find the time. Graduate school really is a strangely solitary thing.
I also can't concentrate on my paper because I keep thinking about how awesome Thanksgiving was and how I really just want to be sitting somewhere laughing with Mike right now.
Soon, soon, soon.
Alright, I'm gonna go organize my stage management notebook and memorize my lines since that doesn't require complete sobriety.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
(Insert tiny smiley face here)
Thanksgiving Break has succeeded my expectations.
I'd like to attempt to write about it eventually but I have way too much work this week and this break has been one of those things that's gonna be kinda tricky to get into words anyway. So good, so fun, so much more complicated than I'd like to pretend it all is.
But I'm happy, and even knowing I have to go back to school tomorrow and work to the point of exhaustion for the next two weeks doesn't make me feel down. Because it's almost Christmas and two weeks go by so fast and there's a lot to look forward to right now.
I'd like to attempt to write about it eventually but I have way too much work this week and this break has been one of those things that's gonna be kinda tricky to get into words anyway. So good, so fun, so much more complicated than I'd like to pretend it all is.
But I'm happy, and even knowing I have to go back to school tomorrow and work to the point of exhaustion for the next two weeks doesn't make me feel down. Because it's almost Christmas and two weeks go by so fast and there's a lot to look forward to right now.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Thanksgiving Break tomorrow!!!
Tomorrow I'm flying home for Thanksgiving.
It's been years since I've looked forward to going to El Paso this much. I'm excited about Thanksgiving dinner, and meeting my parents' dog Lola the basset-shepherd mix for the first time (she looks so awesome in pictures!), and eating at Hudson's and Julio's, and drinking at the Ale House, and being "best friends" with Mike for a few days.
It's gonna be awesome. Even if break is only half as good as I think it's going to be, it's still going to be pretty damn good.
Even though I never did write Major Paper number 2 and will now have to work on it at least a little bit over break. Oh well, whatever. Maybe I'll be able to focus better at home (Ha. Haha). On the bright side, my Stage Management professor changed our final project to something much, much easier today so that's one less thing to stress out about. So I'm gonna try to rest and have a good time and rejuvenate so that even if I have to work my ass off when I get back it won't kill me.
Maybe I'll update when I'm in El Paso, maybe I won't. Have a happy Thanksgiving either way.
It's been years since I've looked forward to going to El Paso this much. I'm excited about Thanksgiving dinner, and meeting my parents' dog Lola the basset-shepherd mix for the first time (she looks so awesome in pictures!), and eating at Hudson's and Julio's, and drinking at the Ale House, and being "best friends" with Mike for a few days.
It's gonna be awesome. Even if break is only half as good as I think it's going to be, it's still going to be pretty damn good.
Even though I never did write Major Paper number 2 and will now have to work on it at least a little bit over break. Oh well, whatever. Maybe I'll be able to focus better at home (Ha. Haha). On the bright side, my Stage Management professor changed our final project to something much, much easier today so that's one less thing to stress out about. So I'm gonna try to rest and have a good time and rejuvenate so that even if I have to work my ass off when I get back it won't kill me.
Maybe I'll update when I'm in El Paso, maybe I won't. Have a happy Thanksgiving either way.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Any man of mine
This morning I was on the phone with Mike and we got on the subject of how he's a girl juggler, how he'll sometimes have several girls he's dating/seeing/talking to/whatever all together at the same bar on the same night and how he's proud of his ability to...how shall I say this...well, to work all of them simultaneously without pissing anybody off.
I admitted to him that yes, that's a skill, and that most guys suck at that. But I also told him that women aren't stupid and that we always see through that no matter how smooth the guy is. I warned him that the minute he leaves, all of the girls get together and wonder aloud who he's really interested in and what kind of game he's trying to play. Any woman reading this knows I'm right, because that's what girls do. And I warned him that right now the girls are playing along, but that they won't play along forever.
And I think any woman reading this will agree. If not, forgive me for generalizing. But seriously, here's how it works for me, and I'm assuming for most people because I see it in action all the time.
If I'm out somewhere and I run into a guy I'm interested in, and he's clearly flirting with me as well as several other girls at the bar, I'll play along for one night. Why? Because it's competition. In that way guys are smart. They know that we girls instinctively want to beat out all of the other girls and be the most desirable one in the room, so we're gonna do our best to look hot, to turn on the charm, to come across as witty and sexy and fun. I do it, and every other girl I know does it whether she admits it or not. The hope is always that I'm gonna be the "winner", that even though said guy has been flirting with half a dozen people over the course of the night, I'm the one that's going to get the phone number, the ride home, the goodnight kiss, the invitation to come home with him, the prize.
The thing is-and I really do believe this-the better girls are only going to play the game for so long. I personally will only work for a guy one time. Maybe, maybe twice, if I really think that there's an undeniable special bond between us. I find it degrading to have to work for a guy's attention. Call it old school if you will, but I believe if a guy is really interested in me he's going to be the one to ask for my number, he's going to call me, he's going to leave his group of friends to come over to talk to me, etc. I just don't believe that a guy I could have a great relationship with is going to make me be the one to make the first move and work for the relationship. Simply because that's not the sort of guy I'm attracted to. I believe that if the guy is right for me I won't have to work hard to attract him. And vice versa, since I don't think the right guy will have to work hard to attract me, either.
I would like to believe that any girl with self confidence and self respect feels the same way. If this sort of attitude makes me hard to get, or a snob, so be it. I personally don't feel like that's the case. Mike sort of implied that this attitude is going to make it hard for me to find a guy, but I disagree completely. It's gonna make it easier for me to find a guy that's compatible with me.
It works like this: Say Hypothetical Guy, Hypothetical Slut, Hypothetical Angel-Girl, and I are all at a bar. HS, HAG (haha, hag) and I are all flirting with HG. If HG doesn't realize pretty quickly that I'm the best of all of the girls he's flirting with and make some sort of commitment to me (taking my number and not theirs, talking much more to me than to them, whatever), then he's obviously not the one for me. Maybe he can't see that I'm the best. Maybe for him I'm honestly NOT the best (which is often the case and I readily admit that, I by no means believe I'm the best possible girl in the world for every guy). In either case, I'm not gonna try to convince him otherwise. Because the thing is, I am confident enough to believe that there are enough guys in the world who will naturally think that I AM the best girl for them that I shouldn't have to bust my ass convincing the others to fall for me. And if that's not the case, if there's not a single guy in the world for whom I'm the most desirable girl on the planet, then I'd rather just be alone. I would honestly rather be single forever than to be with a guy that I had to work for.
Because I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near it. I have plenty of flaws that a lot of people would never want to deal with. But I'm smart and driven and am the sort of person that will always make ends meet no matter what I have to do and will never just sit at home drinking up the paycheck. I'm really good at keeping the house neat. I won't give you a hard time about having women friends because I'm good at keeping jealous feelings to myself (when I have them at all). I'll let you go to strip clubs and watch football and play videogames without complaining about it (well, so long as you're not playing videogames instead of like, holding down a steady job). I'll even do those things with you if you want me to! I'm pretty and ( am determined to never be one of those married women that lets herself go and if my mother is any indication I might even get better looking as I get older. I am adventerous and like to travel and try new things and I'd be willing to try almost any crazy idea you had in mind. I don't expect fancy presents and I don't want to be spoiled. I'm very easy-to-please. I have a great sense of humor. I'm a lot of fun in bed. I think I'd be a really good (albeit somewhat neurotic) mother to your children-even though I can't guarantee I won't let the shopping cart go in a parking lot with our child still strapped into the seat. I'll make you feel really, really special.
The best possible guy out there for me will realize all of that without me having to throw myself at him to make him see it. He's going to be able to see how awesome I am on his own, without me having to find a way to convince him. I believe that.
And that's why this girl doesn't work for any man.
I admitted to him that yes, that's a skill, and that most guys suck at that. But I also told him that women aren't stupid and that we always see through that no matter how smooth the guy is. I warned him that the minute he leaves, all of the girls get together and wonder aloud who he's really interested in and what kind of game he's trying to play. Any woman reading this knows I'm right, because that's what girls do. And I warned him that right now the girls are playing along, but that they won't play along forever.
And I think any woman reading this will agree. If not, forgive me for generalizing. But seriously, here's how it works for me, and I'm assuming for most people because I see it in action all the time.
If I'm out somewhere and I run into a guy I'm interested in, and he's clearly flirting with me as well as several other girls at the bar, I'll play along for one night. Why? Because it's competition. In that way guys are smart. They know that we girls instinctively want to beat out all of the other girls and be the most desirable one in the room, so we're gonna do our best to look hot, to turn on the charm, to come across as witty and sexy and fun. I do it, and every other girl I know does it whether she admits it or not. The hope is always that I'm gonna be the "winner", that even though said guy has been flirting with half a dozen people over the course of the night, I'm the one that's going to get the phone number, the ride home, the goodnight kiss, the invitation to come home with him, the prize.
The thing is-and I really do believe this-the better girls are only going to play the game for so long. I personally will only work for a guy one time. Maybe, maybe twice, if I really think that there's an undeniable special bond between us. I find it degrading to have to work for a guy's attention. Call it old school if you will, but I believe if a guy is really interested in me he's going to be the one to ask for my number, he's going to call me, he's going to leave his group of friends to come over to talk to me, etc. I just don't believe that a guy I could have a great relationship with is going to make me be the one to make the first move and work for the relationship. Simply because that's not the sort of guy I'm attracted to. I believe that if the guy is right for me I won't have to work hard to attract him. And vice versa, since I don't think the right guy will have to work hard to attract me, either.
I would like to believe that any girl with self confidence and self respect feels the same way. If this sort of attitude makes me hard to get, or a snob, so be it. I personally don't feel like that's the case. Mike sort of implied that this attitude is going to make it hard for me to find a guy, but I disagree completely. It's gonna make it easier for me to find a guy that's compatible with me.
It works like this: Say Hypothetical Guy, Hypothetical Slut, Hypothetical Angel-Girl, and I are all at a bar. HS, HAG (haha, hag) and I are all flirting with HG. If HG doesn't realize pretty quickly that I'm the best of all of the girls he's flirting with and make some sort of commitment to me (taking my number and not theirs, talking much more to me than to them, whatever), then he's obviously not the one for me. Maybe he can't see that I'm the best. Maybe for him I'm honestly NOT the best (which is often the case and I readily admit that, I by no means believe I'm the best possible girl in the world for every guy). In either case, I'm not gonna try to convince him otherwise. Because the thing is, I am confident enough to believe that there are enough guys in the world who will naturally think that I AM the best girl for them that I shouldn't have to bust my ass convincing the others to fall for me. And if that's not the case, if there's not a single guy in the world for whom I'm the most desirable girl on the planet, then I'd rather just be alone. I would honestly rather be single forever than to be with a guy that I had to work for.
Because I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near it. I have plenty of flaws that a lot of people would never want to deal with. But I'm smart and driven and am the sort of person that will always make ends meet no matter what I have to do and will never just sit at home drinking up the paycheck. I'm really good at keeping the house neat. I won't give you a hard time about having women friends because I'm good at keeping jealous feelings to myself (when I have them at all). I'll let you go to strip clubs and watch football and play videogames without complaining about it (well, so long as you're not playing videogames instead of like, holding down a steady job). I'll even do those things with you if you want me to! I'm pretty and ( am determined to never be one of those married women that lets herself go and if my mother is any indication I might even get better looking as I get older. I am adventerous and like to travel and try new things and I'd be willing to try almost any crazy idea you had in mind. I don't expect fancy presents and I don't want to be spoiled. I'm very easy-to-please. I have a great sense of humor. I'm a lot of fun in bed. I think I'd be a really good (albeit somewhat neurotic) mother to your children-even though I can't guarantee I won't let the shopping cart go in a parking lot with our child still strapped into the seat. I'll make you feel really, really special.
The best possible guy out there for me will realize all of that without me having to throw myself at him to make him see it. He's going to be able to see how awesome I am on his own, without me having to find a way to convince him. I believe that.
And that's why this girl doesn't work for any man.
The holidays are coming!
It's Christmas time at my apartment!! Fully aware of the fact that it is only November 19th, I put up Christmas decorations today anyway. I was thinking about it and realized that since I'm going to be in El Paso until November 28th and then in Fort Worth December 15th through the 18th and then back to El Paso for Christmas that I really won't have much time to actually enjoy the holiday season here. Only a couple of weeks, really. And I also realize that the week after Thanksgiving is probably going to be my most difficult school week so far so I doubt I'll have time to actually sleep much that week, much less hang lights on my patio. So I did it today. Now my apartment is all cute and Christmas-y (inside, anyway. Even though I already hung the outdoor lights I don't think I'll actually use them until after Thanksgiving because I don't think it's really fair to subject my neighbors to my own personal holiday festivities six whole weeks before Christmas). Anyway, my favorite part of the whole thing is my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree. It's a live tree but, well, I got it at Target. And it's only a foot tall. And now it's COVERED in lights and silver and red ornaments that completely overwhelm the poor little tree. And yet I sorta love it.
What else has been going on around here, you ask? Not much. We have a show going on at school this week so I've been dressing up and managing the box office every night since Tuesday. Tomorrow is the last day of the run and then my job is over for the rest of the semester, other than figuring out grades for all of my workers, which should be really easy. I think I have the easiest assistantship by far, even when people get trapped in the elevator after the show and Allyssa the house manager and I have to stand in the box office pretending that we're figuring out who to call for emergency help but secretly trying not to laugh too hard about the whole thing. And even when grumpy old men glare at me through the box office window and demand that I fix things that I a) didn't mess up in the first place and b) have no idea how to fix since they aren't actually my job. I'm nothing if not a problem solver.
I had a fun weekend. I once again have managed to completely avoid actually doing any meaningul work on my second research paper. Oh, but on the bright side I rocked-I mean seriously ROCKED-my first research paper. I got a 95 on my first draft, which shocked the hell out of me. And then when I presented my paper on Thursday the professor described my presentation as "polished" and my paper as "conference-ready", which is thrilling since I totally didn't practice my presentation at all and I still can't fathom that I wrote something that other scholars might actually find interesting. Hello, tangent. So, back on track. Major paper number 2. Paper number 2 doesn't exist yet, but that's what tomorrow is for. I plan to at least do the bulk of the research tomorrow. Seriously. Because all I've done so far this weekend is sleep a lot, go out for sushi and watch the new Harry Potter movie with my siblings, and hit the River Pub for post-show drinks with Allyssa and Jay. Which is all fine and good, but that's a whole lot of "social" for me and I really do need to get some work done tomorrow or I'm not going to be able to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving. And I really, really want to be able to do that.
What else has been going on around here, you ask? Not much. We have a show going on at school this week so I've been dressing up and managing the box office every night since Tuesday. Tomorrow is the last day of the run and then my job is over for the rest of the semester, other than figuring out grades for all of my workers, which should be really easy. I think I have the easiest assistantship by far, even when people get trapped in the elevator after the show and Allyssa the house manager and I have to stand in the box office pretending that we're figuring out who to call for emergency help but secretly trying not to laugh too hard about the whole thing. And even when grumpy old men glare at me through the box office window and demand that I fix things that I a) didn't mess up in the first place and b) have no idea how to fix since they aren't actually my job. I'm nothing if not a problem solver.
I had a fun weekend. I once again have managed to completely avoid actually doing any meaningul work on my second research paper. Oh, but on the bright side I rocked-I mean seriously ROCKED-my first research paper. I got a 95 on my first draft, which shocked the hell out of me. And then when I presented my paper on Thursday the professor described my presentation as "polished" and my paper as "conference-ready", which is thrilling since I totally didn't practice my presentation at all and I still can't fathom that I wrote something that other scholars might actually find interesting. Hello, tangent. So, back on track. Major paper number 2. Paper number 2 doesn't exist yet, but that's what tomorrow is for. I plan to at least do the bulk of the research tomorrow. Seriously. Because all I've done so far this weekend is sleep a lot, go out for sushi and watch the new Harry Potter movie with my siblings, and hit the River Pub for post-show drinks with Allyssa and Jay. Which is all fine and good, but that's a whole lot of "social" for me and I really do need to get some work done tomorrow or I'm not going to be able to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving. And I really, really want to be able to do that.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Turkey-flavored soda
Ugh, I can't bring myself to do anything productive these days. I haven't done any studying/writing at all today. I didn't really do any this weekend, either. I did the reading I absolutely had to do for tomorrow and nothing else. I have all of this stuff due in the two weeks after Thanksgiving, plus I have to stage manage a show when I get back here so I won't have much free time. Logically, this means I should be working my ass off this week but I just don't want to do it.
The only productive thing I've actually felt like doing lately is exercising, and at least that's something but it's not gonna help me finish the semester.
There's really no point to this entry, since I have nothing to say.
Have you seen those sodas flavored like Thanksgiving food? They come in a gift set at Target. There's turkey, stuffing, mashed potato, brussel sprout, and cranberry. They sound AWFUL (well, except for cranberry; that would probably be pretty g00d) and yet I really want to taste each one. Just to see what they are like. If it wasn't $2 per soda I'd probably buy the set just to see what it's like. It makes me think of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and that bubble gum that's a three-course meal. Maybe I can get some people to split the cost with me. If two or three people bought the set together it wouldn't be that expensive, and I bet you'd only want one sip of each of those sodas anyway. Who wants to try it?
I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. Food, family, fun, just chillin' for six days (assuming I get my act together and actually do my work this week, that is).
I'm so lazy. Also, I'm having intense difficulties making decisions right now, about little things and big things. Hopefully this doesn't last long, because I usually have a gut instinct about pretty much everything that I can more or less trust, but my instincts have apparently totally abandoned me this week. It sucks. How do you indecisive people live like this?
P.S.-I just told Mike about wanting to try the Thanksgiving-flavored sodas, and his respose was, "You're turning violet, Violet!" Exactly!! Let's get some!
The only productive thing I've actually felt like doing lately is exercising, and at least that's something but it's not gonna help me finish the semester.
There's really no point to this entry, since I have nothing to say.
Have you seen those sodas flavored like Thanksgiving food? They come in a gift set at Target. There's turkey, stuffing, mashed potato, brussel sprout, and cranberry. They sound AWFUL (well, except for cranberry; that would probably be pretty g00d) and yet I really want to taste each one. Just to see what they are like. If it wasn't $2 per soda I'd probably buy the set just to see what it's like. It makes me think of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and that bubble gum that's a three-course meal. Maybe I can get some people to split the cost with me. If two or three people bought the set together it wouldn't be that expensive, and I bet you'd only want one sip of each of those sodas anyway. Who wants to try it?
I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. Food, family, fun, just chillin' for six days (assuming I get my act together and actually do my work this week, that is).
I'm so lazy. Also, I'm having intense difficulties making decisions right now, about little things and big things. Hopefully this doesn't last long, because I usually have a gut instinct about pretty much everything that I can more or less trust, but my instincts have apparently totally abandoned me this week. It sucks. How do you indecisive people live like this?
P.S.-I just told Mike about wanting to try the Thanksgiving-flavored sodas, and his respose was, "You're turning violet, Violet!" Exactly!! Let's get some!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Lonely?
So, I was talking to Mike tonight about how we've been getting so close again within the past couple of months, and he hypothesized that maybe one of the reasons we're getting close again is that I'm lonely here and since I don't know many people I end up talking to him a lot more than I did when I was in Fort Worth and had any number of people to call and hang out with when I was feeling even remotely bored.
The thing is, I know he should be right. For all intents and purposes I probably should be feeling lonely here. The majority of my social interaction here happens before, in, and after class or with all of the people that work for me in the box office. Beyond that I hang out with my sister and brother in Austin, I make small talk with my neighbors and the people I've met at the dog park with Cohen, and Matthew and I go out together every once in a while. I went from a life in Fort Worth where it wasn't a weekend unless there had been a crazy night at the bar or a theme party and even on slow social weeks I was going out at least twice a week, to here where I actually dress up and go out two, maybe three times a month. The majority of my truly meaningful social interaction takes place over the phone with people that live elsewhere. All of that should probably make me sad, but it doesn't.
I feel very content here. For the first time since middle school I actually feel like I'm getting enough sleep most days (even when I'm "tired" now it's nowhere near the complete brain-fog exhaustion I felt so many mornings in high school and college). I enjoy my classes and after a semester that has been successful so far I feel pretty smart most days. I take a lot of walks and get a lot of exercise. I'm being good to myself in a way I haven't been in a long, long time. Even though most of the people I know here are still just acquaintances at this point, I can walk into the theatre building now and have people say, "Hi, Ashley!" I can sit with my fellow grad students and feel comfortable bitching about other people, which is a test of friendship for me. Ha. If I really need something, I feel like there are people I could call who would help me. I guess if I'm totally honest with myself I sometimes (much less often than one might think) feel a small pang of jealousy when I talk to Jenny or Mike or Kymberli or whoever and they are on their way out to meet friends at the bar, but oddly enough I just don't think of that sort of thing as part of my life here. I don't miss it because it just wouldn't fit somehow. Which is not to say I'm never gonna have a wild night at the bar again, just that I no longer feel unfulfilled without it.
The annoying thing is, I feel like I'm constantly having to justify my happiness to other people. I'm doing it right here in my own journal for god's sake! I'm perfectly happy with my life until someone else asks me if I did anything exciting over the weekend, or whether or not there are any interesting guys here. And then suddenly I feel inadequate, like I should invent some kind of guy drama just to make my life sound more interesting, or like I have to rationalize the fact that I really don't have much of a social life by explaining just how much hard work this masters program is and how I literally don't have time to go out anymore. Which is kind of true many weeks, but not always. Lord knows I could squeeze in time to go out and party hard if I really wanted to. But I don't want to. Not very often, anyway. It's sort of like when I first moved into the dorms when I was a freshman in college and some nights I would just want to lie in bed with a magazine but I didn't feel like I could do that because every single time I tried someone would be knocking on my door with a pitying look, asking if I wanted to come down to someone else's room to hang out so I wouldn't be lonely. I guess it's hard for other people to relate to someone who is as naturally introverted as I am. People who need other people to feel satisfied don't understand someone like me who can have one twenty minute conversation a day and honestly consider that enough social interaction. I get a lot more than that, and I don't want to imply that I don't appreciate all of my friends and love spending time with them because I do. I never regret the times I actually do go out and interact with the world. But in terms of sheer need, I don't really NEED many people. Friendships are a nice added bonus of life, but I don't need a ton of them. Two or three people who truly "get" me are all I've ever really needed. Maybe this is exactly why it does take me so long to warm up to get really close to new people. After all, I can't say I'm really desperately seeking them out.
Like I said, the only thing that bothers me about my current lifestyle is that I feel as though other people must find me extremely boring. And I wish I didn't care about that, but like I said, it's hard to justify to other people that I really am satisfied when I realize that to an observer my life must seem exceedingly dull.
Oh well. I'll be "exciting" when I'm on vacation in Fort Worth and have bar-hopping buddies. I may even be somewhat exciting when I'm in El Paso. But right here, right now, I just don't want to do anything more than what I'm doing. And I personally don't see what's wrong with that. Maybe someday I'll get bored with this and start seeking out more social interaction. But until then, I don't want people feeling bad for me. Just because my current lifestyle wouldn't make an interesting reality television show doesn't mean it isn't perfectly satisfying for me. And if I do eventually get really bored and lonely, I'll let you all know so you can save me.
The thing is, I know he should be right. For all intents and purposes I probably should be feeling lonely here. The majority of my social interaction here happens before, in, and after class or with all of the people that work for me in the box office. Beyond that I hang out with my sister and brother in Austin, I make small talk with my neighbors and the people I've met at the dog park with Cohen, and Matthew and I go out together every once in a while. I went from a life in Fort Worth where it wasn't a weekend unless there had been a crazy night at the bar or a theme party and even on slow social weeks I was going out at least twice a week, to here where I actually dress up and go out two, maybe three times a month. The majority of my truly meaningful social interaction takes place over the phone with people that live elsewhere. All of that should probably make me sad, but it doesn't.
I feel very content here. For the first time since middle school I actually feel like I'm getting enough sleep most days (even when I'm "tired" now it's nowhere near the complete brain-fog exhaustion I felt so many mornings in high school and college). I enjoy my classes and after a semester that has been successful so far I feel pretty smart most days. I take a lot of walks and get a lot of exercise. I'm being good to myself in a way I haven't been in a long, long time. Even though most of the people I know here are still just acquaintances at this point, I can walk into the theatre building now and have people say, "Hi, Ashley!" I can sit with my fellow grad students and feel comfortable bitching about other people, which is a test of friendship for me. Ha. If I really need something, I feel like there are people I could call who would help me. I guess if I'm totally honest with myself I sometimes (much less often than one might think) feel a small pang of jealousy when I talk to Jenny or Mike or Kymberli or whoever and they are on their way out to meet friends at the bar, but oddly enough I just don't think of that sort of thing as part of my life here. I don't miss it because it just wouldn't fit somehow. Which is not to say I'm never gonna have a wild night at the bar again, just that I no longer feel unfulfilled without it.
The annoying thing is, I feel like I'm constantly having to justify my happiness to other people. I'm doing it right here in my own journal for god's sake! I'm perfectly happy with my life until someone else asks me if I did anything exciting over the weekend, or whether or not there are any interesting guys here. And then suddenly I feel inadequate, like I should invent some kind of guy drama just to make my life sound more interesting, or like I have to rationalize the fact that I really don't have much of a social life by explaining just how much hard work this masters program is and how I literally don't have time to go out anymore. Which is kind of true many weeks, but not always. Lord knows I could squeeze in time to go out and party hard if I really wanted to. But I don't want to. Not very often, anyway. It's sort of like when I first moved into the dorms when I was a freshman in college and some nights I would just want to lie in bed with a magazine but I didn't feel like I could do that because every single time I tried someone would be knocking on my door with a pitying look, asking if I wanted to come down to someone else's room to hang out so I wouldn't be lonely. I guess it's hard for other people to relate to someone who is as naturally introverted as I am. People who need other people to feel satisfied don't understand someone like me who can have one twenty minute conversation a day and honestly consider that enough social interaction. I get a lot more than that, and I don't want to imply that I don't appreciate all of my friends and love spending time with them because I do. I never regret the times I actually do go out and interact with the world. But in terms of sheer need, I don't really NEED many people. Friendships are a nice added bonus of life, but I don't need a ton of them. Two or three people who truly "get" me are all I've ever really needed. Maybe this is exactly why it does take me so long to warm up to get really close to new people. After all, I can't say I'm really desperately seeking them out.
Like I said, the only thing that bothers me about my current lifestyle is that I feel as though other people must find me extremely boring. And I wish I didn't care about that, but like I said, it's hard to justify to other people that I really am satisfied when I realize that to an observer my life must seem exceedingly dull.
Oh well. I'll be "exciting" when I'm on vacation in Fort Worth and have bar-hopping buddies. I may even be somewhat exciting when I'm in El Paso. But right here, right now, I just don't want to do anything more than what I'm doing. And I personally don't see what's wrong with that. Maybe someday I'll get bored with this and start seeking out more social interaction. But until then, I don't want people feeling bad for me. Just because my current lifestyle wouldn't make an interesting reality television show doesn't mean it isn't perfectly satisfying for me. And if I do eventually get really bored and lonely, I'll let you all know so you can save me.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Peaceful
1. Lighting candles and stretching out on the couch with a good book.
2. Waking up early in the morning, cuddling up closer to a guy I love, and falling back to sleep.
3. The first night of summer or Christmas vacation.
4. Swimming with the current when I'm in the river.
5. A rainy afternoon.
6. A long shower after a good workout.
7. Rubbing my basset hound's belly.
8. Watching seals or dolphins or fish swim.
9. Sitting around a fireplace sipping hot chocolate and Baileys.
10. The cabin in Ruidoso.
You can play, too, if you want.
2. Waking up early in the morning, cuddling up closer to a guy I love, and falling back to sleep.
3. The first night of summer or Christmas vacation.
4. Swimming with the current when I'm in the river.
5. A rainy afternoon.
6. A long shower after a good workout.
7. Rubbing my basset hound's belly.
8. Watching seals or dolphins or fish swim.
9. Sitting around a fireplace sipping hot chocolate and Baileys.
10. The cabin in Ruidoso.
You can play, too, if you want.
Wasting Time
| You Belong in London |
 |
What City Do You Belong In?
Why does that result not surprise me at all?
It's Wednesday and I don't have school today, so I should be productive and work on my paper, but am I? Nope. I am gonna go to rehearsal in 3 hours, though, even if that's the only thing I actually do today. And I'm getting up at 3:45 a.m. so I can be in Austin by 5 a.m. tomorrow to feed the homeless for Alpha Psi Omega, so I figure I deserve to be lazy today.
Burnout sucks. I so don't feel like anything but sitting on the couch, watching Style Network, and eating leftover birthday cake.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Birthday Roundup
So, I turned 23 yesterday. 24 hours later, I will say it hasn't been bad so far. Even though I do wish for the first time in my life that I could actually be younger. I briefly considered doing 22 Part II, but I am beginning to embrace and accept 23. After all, I don't want to eventually be one of those ladies who claims to be turning 35 when everyone knows for a fact she's 42. Plus maybe 23/2006 will be the year something BIG happens. Whatever something BIG might be.
My birthday was fun. It was more lowkey than the birthday celebrations I've had the past few years, but since I've been living a more lowkey life in general lately I liked it that way. My birthday started with happy birthday phone calls (and one "Happy Birthday, let's have sex!" phone call, which is good because a birthday is just not everything it should be unless there's hot action in some form) on Friday night/Saturday afternoon (not Saturday morning, since I happily slept through Saturday morning!). Then I went to Cohen's obedience class on Saturday afternoon and he was really good in class. He focused, he didn't "talk" the whole time like he usually does. I like to think his cooperation was his birthday present to me. Haha.
Saturday night was my birthday dinner at McCormick and Schmick's. It was delicious. I ate so much fish and talked both Chelsea and my cousin Asra into getting desserts I wanted to try so I was able to have chocolate cake, pecan pie, and quatro leches (not tres, QUATRO!) for dessert, and the Cosmopolitans at McCormick and Schmick's are beyond perfect. It was great. My grandparents threw the little party, which was really, really nice of them, and my siblings came along with my aunt, uncle and cousins and my great aunt and uncle. Big, crazy family thing. I had a good time. I thought I'd be home in time to go out for a birthday drink with Matthew, but I didn't end up getting back here until almost midnight. That's okay, though, since I was more or less celebrated out anyway.
Then today I used some of my birthday money to hit the outlet malls. I got several things and had one of those awesome days when every time I took something to the register to pay expecting it to be a certain amount it was actually less. Once it was like, fifty bucks less than I thought it was gonna be because both items I had picked out were 65% off, which I hadn't realized when I picked them out. That made my day.
What made it even better was that my sister surprised me tonight with a great present. She told me to come up to her house around dinner time to pick up my gift and said, "Don't eat, we'll pick up food when you get here." Which of course should have tipped me off to her surprise, but I was being really dense today and was very focused on my new jeans so I didn't really think twice about it. Well, when I got to her house she gave me a casserole dish of chicken enchiladas! She made the birthday dinner my mom always made for me when I was growing up, the birthday dinner I haven't actually had since my 18th birthday, the last one I spent at home. How sweet is that?! And as if that weren't enough, after dinner she came out of her bedroom with my very favorite chocolate cake with 24 candles in it (yes, it now takes an entire box of candles to adorn my birthday cake if you add "one to grow on"). Chelsea is awesome at presents. Anyway, Shane came over and had dinner with us, too, and I loved it. It made the weekend complete.
Oh, and then tonight we took pictures for my Christmas cards. The basset and I are part of a basset hound "Howliday" Card Exchange and I ordered my cards tonight. As a preview, here is my favorite mistake picture:
My birthday was fun. It was more lowkey than the birthday celebrations I've had the past few years, but since I've been living a more lowkey life in general lately I liked it that way. My birthday started with happy birthday phone calls (and one "Happy Birthday, let's have sex!" phone call, which is good because a birthday is just not everything it should be unless there's hot action in some form) on Friday night/Saturday afternoon (not Saturday morning, since I happily slept through Saturday morning!). Then I went to Cohen's obedience class on Saturday afternoon and he was really good in class. He focused, he didn't "talk" the whole time like he usually does. I like to think his cooperation was his birthday present to me. Haha.
Saturday night was my birthday dinner at McCormick and Schmick's. It was delicious. I ate so much fish and talked both Chelsea and my cousin Asra into getting desserts I wanted to try so I was able to have chocolate cake, pecan pie, and quatro leches (not tres, QUATRO!) for dessert, and the Cosmopolitans at McCormick and Schmick's are beyond perfect. It was great. My grandparents threw the little party, which was really, really nice of them, and my siblings came along with my aunt, uncle and cousins and my great aunt and uncle. Big, crazy family thing. I had a good time. I thought I'd be home in time to go out for a birthday drink with Matthew, but I didn't end up getting back here until almost midnight. That's okay, though, since I was more or less celebrated out anyway.
Then today I used some of my birthday money to hit the outlet malls. I got several things and had one of those awesome days when every time I took something to the register to pay expecting it to be a certain amount it was actually less. Once it was like, fifty bucks less than I thought it was gonna be because both items I had picked out were 65% off, which I hadn't realized when I picked them out. That made my day.
What made it even better was that my sister surprised me tonight with a great present. She told me to come up to her house around dinner time to pick up my gift and said, "Don't eat, we'll pick up food when you get here." Which of course should have tipped me off to her surprise, but I was being really dense today and was very focused on my new jeans so I didn't really think twice about it. Well, when I got to her house she gave me a casserole dish of chicken enchiladas! She made the birthday dinner my mom always made for me when I was growing up, the birthday dinner I haven't actually had since my 18th birthday, the last one I spent at home. How sweet is that?! And as if that weren't enough, after dinner she came out of her bedroom with my very favorite chocolate cake with 24 candles in it (yes, it now takes an entire box of candles to adorn my birthday cake if you add "one to grow on"). Chelsea is awesome at presents. Anyway, Shane came over and had dinner with us, too, and I loved it. It made the weekend complete.
Oh, and then tonight we took pictures for my Christmas cards. The basset and I are part of a basset hound "Howliday" Card Exchange and I ordered my cards tonight. As a preview, here is my favorite mistake picture:
Isn't his sweater awesome? I never thought I'd be one of those women who dresses up dogs, but what can I say? I put it on him as a joke and then had to buy it. Oh, and his tongue is not actually in my mouth, but it was pretty damn close! If you want one of the real cards, e-mail me your mailing address and I'll send them out closer to the holidays.
Anyway, it's bedtime because tomorrow is Monday. Only two more weeks until Thanksgiving break!!
Friday, November 04, 2005
It's the freakin' weekend!!
Text message I just sent to Kymberli: "According to him we're going to be 'best friends' at Thanksgiving. Naturally, I assume that means we're going to sleep together."
Sometimes I crack myself up!
I'm so glad it's the weekend. I said I wasn't going to do any schoolwork after my scene today, but I actually lied. First of all, I forgot that I actually had to sit through my 3 hour Drama Research class tonight after turning in my paper. And then the class actually got me kind of excited about the idea of submitting papers for conference and publication so when I got home tonight I searched the Internet for calls for papers, and actually found a couple of debut scholar panels that could potentially accept my paper. One of them is for the Texas Educational Theatre Association conference in January in Austin, which would be incredibly convenient, obviously, because I wouldn't have travel expenses. The other one I'm looking into is the Mid America Theatre conference, which would be in Chicago in March. And there's an international theatre conference in Helsinki, Finland in August that also includes a debut scholars panel, but as awesome as that would be I don't think I'll apply for that one since it would put me in Finland right up until the day before Katy's wedding and obviously that just won't fly. It might be stupid to make a decision that could potentially affect my career just to be part of a wedding, but that's just how much I care about Katy. She is more important than Finland!
Of course, this is assuming that anybody actually wants to publish my papers/ invite me to present at conferences, which at this point seems like such a long shot to me. I just can't imagine people reviewing my paper and wanting to do anything more than laugh at me and pat me on the head with a condescending look. Plus there's the fact that I have only actually written one major graduate level research paper so far. My second paper is just a 200 word abstract with a professor's scrawled comments all over it at this point. Oh, and this is assuming my professors here even approve of my papers. Obviously if they don't like them then submitting them to anyone is utterly pointless.
It's kind of scary, this whole paper thing. The paper that I turned in today feels like the first big step down my ultimate career path. I feel like if I don't get a paper published or speak on a conference panel by the end of this school year I'll really need to rethink my goals. And that makes me so nervous. People have always told me I have a talent for writing*, and so far my professors here seem to think so as well. But I just worry that perhaps everyone is lying to me and that after all of this build-up and "Yes, you have the skills to do this," and "You will get a teaching job somewhere," that I'll fall flat on my face. And I won't even be expecting it because ever since I picked this career path I've been told that yes, this is something I'm capable of doing well. So yeah. It's scary. But kind of exciting at the same time.
Anyway, today was fun. I had lunch with my grandparents and with my grandma's sister and her husband, and it was nice. Nothing really notable happened (which is surprising, considering my grandpa was involved) but I enjoyed myself.
Now it's time to eat candy and chill and watch television and be a bum until Sunday. Sweeeet.
*Please don't take this journal as an actual indication of my writing abilities or intelligence because, good lord, have you read this thing?!
Sometimes I crack myself up!
I'm so glad it's the weekend. I said I wasn't going to do any schoolwork after my scene today, but I actually lied. First of all, I forgot that I actually had to sit through my 3 hour Drama Research class tonight after turning in my paper. And then the class actually got me kind of excited about the idea of submitting papers for conference and publication so when I got home tonight I searched the Internet for calls for papers, and actually found a couple of debut scholar panels that could potentially accept my paper. One of them is for the Texas Educational Theatre Association conference in January in Austin, which would be incredibly convenient, obviously, because I wouldn't have travel expenses. The other one I'm looking into is the Mid America Theatre conference, which would be in Chicago in March. And there's an international theatre conference in Helsinki, Finland in August that also includes a debut scholars panel, but as awesome as that would be I don't think I'll apply for that one since it would put me in Finland right up until the day before Katy's wedding and obviously that just won't fly. It might be stupid to make a decision that could potentially affect my career just to be part of a wedding, but that's just how much I care about Katy. She is more important than Finland!
Of course, this is assuming that anybody actually wants to publish my papers/ invite me to present at conferences, which at this point seems like such a long shot to me. I just can't imagine people reviewing my paper and wanting to do anything more than laugh at me and pat me on the head with a condescending look. Plus there's the fact that I have only actually written one major graduate level research paper so far. My second paper is just a 200 word abstract with a professor's scrawled comments all over it at this point. Oh, and this is assuming my professors here even approve of my papers. Obviously if they don't like them then submitting them to anyone is utterly pointless.
It's kind of scary, this whole paper thing. The paper that I turned in today feels like the first big step down my ultimate career path. I feel like if I don't get a paper published or speak on a conference panel by the end of this school year I'll really need to rethink my goals. And that makes me so nervous. People have always told me I have a talent for writing*, and so far my professors here seem to think so as well. But I just worry that perhaps everyone is lying to me and that after all of this build-up and "Yes, you have the skills to do this," and "You will get a teaching job somewhere," that I'll fall flat on my face. And I won't even be expecting it because ever since I picked this career path I've been told that yes, this is something I'm capable of doing well. So yeah. It's scary. But kind of exciting at the same time.
Anyway, today was fun. I had lunch with my grandparents and with my grandma's sister and her husband, and it was nice. Nothing really notable happened (which is surprising, considering my grandpa was involved) but I enjoyed myself.
Now it's time to eat candy and chill and watch television and be a bum until Sunday. Sweeeet.
*Please don't take this journal as an actual indication of my writing abilities or intelligence because, good lord, have you read this thing?!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Miraculous
Today is a momentous day in my life because...
I ACTUALLY FINISHED A PAPER BEFORE MIDNIGHT!!
True, I finished it at 11:30 the night before it is due, but still. For me that's a serious lack of procrastination, especially since it isn't due until 5:00 tomorrow. Normally I'd be finishing it around, oh 3:30 tomorrow. But now I can spend the afternoon having lunch with my grandparents, who are coming to town for the weekend. Word!
Starting right now, I'm not doing anymore school work until Sunday evening. Wait, let me amend that: Starting tomorrow the minute I'm finished acting in the scene from SubUrbia in directing class I'm not doing anymore school work until Sunday evening. It's my birthday on Saturday, I'm allowed to do that.
Relaxation. Ahhhhh.
P.S.-There's this show on the Food Network right now about a wedding where the couple had the most incredible appetizers. Tiny little hamburgers the size of a quarter, and teeny little grilled cheese sandwiches, and these macaroni and cheese tart things, and bite-sized pies. Baby comfort foods! I'm so thrilled with the tiny appetizers! I want some for my birthday! Or wait, maybe that's too ambitious since my birthday is the day after tomorrow. Who wants to make me a plate of teeny tiny appetizers for Christmas?! I'll take a picture of it and then eat it. I'm so serious.
I ACTUALLY FINISHED A PAPER BEFORE MIDNIGHT!!
True, I finished it at 11:30 the night before it is due, but still. For me that's a serious lack of procrastination, especially since it isn't due until 5:00 tomorrow. Normally I'd be finishing it around, oh 3:30 tomorrow. But now I can spend the afternoon having lunch with my grandparents, who are coming to town for the weekend. Word!
Starting right now, I'm not doing anymore school work until Sunday evening. Wait, let me amend that: Starting tomorrow the minute I'm finished acting in the scene from SubUrbia in directing class I'm not doing anymore school work until Sunday evening. It's my birthday on Saturday, I'm allowed to do that.
Relaxation. Ahhhhh.
P.S.-There's this show on the Food Network right now about a wedding where the couple had the most incredible appetizers. Tiny little hamburgers the size of a quarter, and teeny little grilled cheese sandwiches, and these macaroni and cheese tart things, and bite-sized pies. Baby comfort foods! I'm so thrilled with the tiny appetizers! I want some for my birthday! Or wait, maybe that's too ambitious since my birthday is the day after tomorrow. Who wants to make me a plate of teeny tiny appetizers for Christmas?! I'll take a picture of it and then eat it. I'm so serious.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
TiCkEtS
I'm bored. I'm sitting in the box office by myself waiting for tickets to print. Part of my job is printing tickets for all of the events at this on-campus auditorium that the theatre department isn't actually involved with at all. We just print tickets because I guess we're the only place on campus with a ticket printer. I guess I shouldn't bitch because apparently the guy who managed the box office last year actually had to sell all of the tickets to the auditorium events, too, and at least I don't have to worry about selling them. I just print them, deliver them to the lady who does sell them, and my job is over.
The thing is, there are 850 tickets to print, and this ticket printer is so. incredibly. slow. It prints one ticket every five seconds. I know because I just timed it. That may sound fast, but it's not. I started this print job at 1:40 and it's 3:20 now and it's not done.
I guess I also can't bitch because I technically get paid to work this job 20 hours a week and since the last show closed at the beginning of October I really haven't worked at all. I changed the answering machine message on the phone one day and...yup, that's about it. For this semester at least this job has been really, really easy. I'm here a lot during show time, but since only four weeks out of this semester are show weeks, I'm doing next to nothing. I'm so glad I have this job instead of being an actual TA with papers to grade and classes to sit in on. Of course, next semester there are more shows and less freshmen box office lackeys, so things may change then. But at least I got one really easy semester out of the deal.
I should be using the time I'm sitting in the office productively, to work on my rough draft that's due for Major Research Paper #1 on Thursday. But you know what? I'm not. I'm not because I just noticed that my professor finally posted our midterm grades and I got a 92. YES! The class average was a 78, so I don't know how the hell I pulled off a 92, especially since our essays were supposed to be "elegant" and my writing was the furthest thing from elegant you can possibly imagine. [Incidentally, "elegant"? You want "elegant" essays when we only have two hours to write THREE of them and you only discussed the information on the test for about an hour in class in the first place? I'm just sayin'...] At any rate, 45% of my grade in the class is now a solid A, and since I'm just aiming for a B in Drama Research in the first place I don't feel the need to put forth a lot of effort on this first draft, especially since, well, it's a draft [Also, incidentally, I don't think that rough drafts should be worth fifteen percent of a final course grade. It's a DRAFT, woman!]
I'm also not working right now because my mind is totally elsewhere. I had the best night last night, and I can't stop thinking about it. Man, it was...erotic. Seriously. That's the only word for it. I really can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I have a secret now, in a very good way. The crazy thing is, it was one of the most sexually charged experiences I've ever had, and we aren't even in the same town, much less the same bed. I love technology!
And no, I'm not giving any more details than that. Except to clarify that yes, this experience was with someone I have a very close and intimate relationship with. I don't want to give the impression that I'm having some sort of tawdry cyber sex with internet strangers or something. Eeek.
Alright, I gotta run. Tickets are almost done printing, I have class in an hour, and I just remembered that I have a paycheck to pick up at the administration building. Hell yeah!
The thing is, there are 850 tickets to print, and this ticket printer is so. incredibly. slow. It prints one ticket every five seconds. I know because I just timed it. That may sound fast, but it's not. I started this print job at 1:40 and it's 3:20 now and it's not done.
I guess I also can't bitch because I technically get paid to work this job 20 hours a week and since the last show closed at the beginning of October I really haven't worked at all. I changed the answering machine message on the phone one day and...yup, that's about it. For this semester at least this job has been really, really easy. I'm here a lot during show time, but since only four weeks out of this semester are show weeks, I'm doing next to nothing. I'm so glad I have this job instead of being an actual TA with papers to grade and classes to sit in on. Of course, next semester there are more shows and less freshmen box office lackeys, so things may change then. But at least I got one really easy semester out of the deal.
I should be using the time I'm sitting in the office productively, to work on my rough draft that's due for Major Research Paper #1 on Thursday. But you know what? I'm not. I'm not because I just noticed that my professor finally posted our midterm grades and I got a 92. YES! The class average was a 78, so I don't know how the hell I pulled off a 92, especially since our essays were supposed to be "elegant" and my writing was the furthest thing from elegant you can possibly imagine. [Incidentally, "elegant"? You want "elegant" essays when we only have two hours to write THREE of them and you only discussed the information on the test for about an hour in class in the first place? I'm just sayin'...] At any rate, 45% of my grade in the class is now a solid A, and since I'm just aiming for a B in Drama Research in the first place I don't feel the need to put forth a lot of effort on this first draft, especially since, well, it's a draft [Also, incidentally, I don't think that rough drafts should be worth fifteen percent of a final course grade. It's a DRAFT, woman!]
I'm also not working right now because my mind is totally elsewhere. I had the best night last night, and I can't stop thinking about it. Man, it was...erotic. Seriously. That's the only word for it. I really can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I have a secret now, in a very good way. The crazy thing is, it was one of the most sexually charged experiences I've ever had, and we aren't even in the same town, much less the same bed. I love technology!
And no, I'm not giving any more details than that. Except to clarify that yes, this experience was with someone I have a very close and intimate relationship with. I don't want to give the impression that I'm having some sort of tawdry cyber sex with internet strangers or something. Eeek.
Alright, I gotta run. Tickets are almost done printing, I have class in an hour, and I just remembered that I have a paycheck to pick up at the administration building. Hell yeah!
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