It's That Time Again

Yes, it's that time again. That time that occurs every two months or so where I proceed to freak out about THE FUTURE and have an entire day where I feel on edge and uneasy before finally half-heartedly convincing myself that it's all going to be okay somehow.

And it will be. I know that. I'm a smart girl with a lot of marketable skills. Even if I don't get to do exactly what I want to do with my career right now I'm going to find some way to make a living and be somewhat successful and not starve to death. I guess I'm just a little freaked out right now because the first of the applications for PhD programs are due in three weeks and I honestly don't know what my chances are. But considering most of the programs I'm applying to take two people--TWO PEOPLE--the chances are probably not great. I don't know how many people apply, but if they're only taking two people each semester, statistically there's not a very good likelihood that I'll be one of them.

And that scares me a little, mostly just because I don't have a good plan B right now. And I feel like I really, really need to start making a Plan B, because spending the next year or two bartending in El Paso doesn't sound very appealing. But that's as far as my mind has gotten: PhD program, or back to El Paso to regroup. And I think I'd be able to regroup pretty quickly and not have to spend much time living in El Paso before I found something better to do, but ideally I'd like there to be a seamless transition from this step to the next step so that I don't have to spend time in El Paso at all.
(Incidentally, I'm pretty sure that going back to El Paso really isn't my only other option, but like I said, that's as far as my mind has gotten).
(Oh, and also, please don't interpret this as El Paso bashing. I actually like El Paso, I seriously do. It's just that there's not much theatre there so going back to El Paso automatically feels like quitting/giving up my dreams and that's why I'm against going back to El Paso. It has nothing...okay, very little...to do with the actual place or the people there)

So yeah. My plan is to work a little bit on my applications every day and get them all sent off before Christmas break is over. I'm freaking out, but I'm going to be okay. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, even if it doesn't work out the way I hope it will. All in all I'm lucky. I need to remember that, always. And hey, maybe if this whole school thing falls through I'll at least get a boyfriend out of the deal. Because apparently I can have love or I can have career success but I can't manage to have both at the same time.

I was feeling bad because I feel like I didn't really do anything productive today, but then I realized I
A) Closed the box office down for the semester and compiled everyone's hours
B) Took down my lobby display
C) Took Cohen to his obedience class in Austin
D) Did laundry
E) Caught up on uploading all my pictures
F) Designed and ordered my Christmas cards*
G) Made a detailed list of what I need for each application and when they are due

And really, that's not bad for a Monday.

*If you'd like a Christmas card featuring an adorable basset hound, a somewhat pissed off tuxedo cat, and me, e-mail or myspace message me or leave me a comment if you're not paranoid about internet weirdos and I'll send you a card full of holiday cheer!