It's my annual New Year's Eve day tradition:
1). What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Lived completely on my own without my family or a roommate, lived in central Texas, took graduate school classes and wrote graduate-level research papers, owned a dog...those are the major ones I suppose.
2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year's resolutions:
#1 Graduate from college--Yeah I did!!!!
#2 Get into a graduate school and ideally get an assistantship to help pay for it--Done and done!
#3 Stop rationalizing that having sex counts as working out and actually work out outside of the bedroom at least four times a week. Think how great your body could be if you were having sex AND working out! Besides, it’s clearly not a good idea to depend on regular sex for the health benefits. --Other than the months of January and February when I was hurt and the month of June where I was really busy with the Van Cliburn competition at work (and technically running around a lot anyway) I worked out twenty or more days a month. So all in all I did pretty damn good on keeping my new years' resolutions this year.
Resolutions for 2006:
#1 Keep up my workout routine and continue working out at least twenty days a month, hopefully every single month this year.
#2 Start cooking at home more often. It was the Christmas of cookbooks-I got two of them for some reason-so I think that's a sign that I need to translate my Food Network addiction into some actual cooking. I was originally going to resolve to make a home cooked meal once a week, but I think I'll start out with at least twice a month and work my way up from there. And only meals that actually require a recipe count towards this goal.
#3 Get a paper published and/or accepted for presentation at a conference.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really. A couple of my cousins popped out babies but that doesn't really count since I am not really close to either of them.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Me: Hey, did we know anyone that died this year? Not really, huh?
Chelsea: Great-Grandma.
Me: Oh yeah. Well, there's that.
So that answers that question. My great-grandmother died a few days before Christmas. I'd just visited her over the summer but prior to that hadn't seen her in three years and even though I liked her just fine I can't say we were close.
5) What countries did you visit? Sadly, none. I didn't even manage to make it to Mexico this year.
6) What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More money!! I don't know. Honestly, I have pretty much everything I want right now. I guess if I have to pick something I'll say I'd like to make a really close grad school friend, since at this point I have a lot of friends that I hang out with in class and outside of class sometimes but not really anyone that I call to gossip with everyday and I kinda miss that.
7) What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I've actually been thinking about this the past few days and I think that date would be May 13th. I remember the actual date because it was the day before I graduated from TCU. It was just an awesome day. The day of graduation itself was exhausting and, to be honest, kind of boring, but the day before graduation was PERFECT. I was already in a great mood from all the partying we'd been doing all week long, and that was the day of my graduation party at Michael's. My whole family was there, and pretty much everyone I'd met and loved during my college years came out to celebrate, and I was just really, really happy. Not to mention that's the day I got my Cohen!!
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into graduate school and getting all the scholarships and the assistantship to pay for it, definitely. Well, and actually graduating from college of course but it has sort of been a given my whole life that I was gonna graduate from college eventually so that didn't feel like such a huge accomplishment, even though I know that technically it is. Graduating summa cum laude was pretty big, I suppose.
9) What was your biggest failure? Honestly, while I passed the course and got certified and actually got good reviews from my supervising teacher and my professors, I don't think I did so great at student teaching. I definitely phoned in that entire semester and completely coasted through that job. So I didn't fail, but in retrospect I know I could have done it all a lot better if I hadn't been so busy drinking and fooling around and sleeping only four hours a night for most of the semester. Haha.
10) Did you suffer illness or injury? Way back in January I fell down some stairs in a parking garage at a theatre conference and sprained my ankle pretty badly and had to be on crutches for a while. And then I proceeded to limp around until like, March. That SUCKED. And then in August my wisdom teeth started hurting like hell (right as I was in the middle of my big move, thanks a lot teeth!) and I had to have all four of them pulled. Those were the worst things.
11) What was the best thing you bought? I didn't buy anything awesome, but the best thing I got this year was definitely Cohen. When my sister dropped him into my lap at lunch the day before graduation and told me he was mine, it was seriously one of the happiest moments of my life. I can't remember ever being so excited about anything. I love that basset hound way too much. I tell him every night that he can't leave me until I have more basset hounds and preferably a human family of my own. Because pathetic as it is, if something were to happen to him right now I'd be a wreck. I always knew I wanted a dog, but I never knew it would be as much fun as it is.
12) Whose behavior merited celebration? Oh hell, I don't know. Let's say everyone who graduated with me. That's a good answer. Oh, oh, and Kymberli for finally taking a serious step towards getting her weight under control and getting healthy. I'm so proud of her for starting a program and I hope she sticks with it. Oh, and I almost forgot, I was really proud of my dad when he got inducted into the Texas Restaurant Hall of Honor this year. That was cool.
13) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Every year I do this, and every year I HATE this question. I hate it even more than the merited celebration question and I think that one is pretty stupid too. Hmmmm...maybe Jorge. For a while I thought he had potential to actually do something with his life if he could just get his act together, but lately he just seems to be on a huge downward spiral. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to him much anymore because I just know he's going to be drunk and ridiculous, which is sad because six months ago I considered him one of my best friends.
14) Where did most of your money go? Rent, same as always. I have to spend about half of my monthly paycheck on rent for my one-bedroom apartment (obviously, I don't get paid much). Other than that, probably eating out. I eat way too much fast food. I'm cutting back in 2006. That's why I need to learn to cook.
15) What did you get really, really, really excited about? Graduating from college. The week prior to graduation was the single most exciting week of the entire year. Moving to my new hometown was also exciting, but it was a more bittersweet excitement because I had to leave behind so many people I love in Fort Worth.
16) What song will always remind you of 2005? Hmmm...Kanye West's "Gold Digger".
17) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I think I'm happier. At this exact moment, on New Year's Eve, I am happier than I was on New Year's Eve last year. I think 2006 has a lot of potential.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner by a few pounds. Although I was even thinner before I came home for Christmas. I've been eating non-stop for two weeks now. I still think I'm thinner than I was last year, though.
iii. richer or poorer? I'm technically poorer (poorer? Is that really a word? It's awful) but because I'm more or less supporting myself now I feel richer. I can't wait to get my scholarship money next month, though, I NEED it.
18) What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I'd accepted more invitations. I'm so damn antisocial. My classmates invite me out fairly often and I say no a lot, and I don't even know why. I'm too lazy, I'd seriously rather just chill on my couch with the dog. But I need to stop doing that because I don't have enough good stories anymore. I think in 2006 I need to go out more often.
19) What do you wish you'd done less of? I need to spend less time on the internet. Seriously. The amount of time I wasted browsing the internet when I was supposed to be doing research is ridiculous.
20) How did you spend Christmas? Man, Christmas came and went really fast this year. I would think it hadn't even happened yet except that my bottom dresser drawer is full of opened gifts and, hey, it's New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was fondue and presents at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Christmas Day was stockings, presents, and cinnamon rolls here in the morning, then a prime rib Christmas dinner in the evening. And then on Christmas night Mike and I went to Maverick's and I got to hang out with his friend Haley for the first time and then he and I spent the rest of the night snuggling and other not-so-innocent things in the "murder room". It was a good Christmas, it just wasn't very eventful and it really did come and go faster than any other Christmas in my life so far.
21) Did you fall in love in 2005? I don't know yet. I'm scared to think too hard about that question right now.
22) How many one-night stands? None. I was really good this year. Or really boring, depending on how you look at things.
23) What was your favorite TV program? Curb Your Enthusiasm, America's Next Top Model, and every single thing on the Food Network other than Emeril Live.
24) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope. There is that creepy guy that lives in my apartment complex, but I certainly don't hate him I'm just a little scared of him. Luckily, he hasn't called me on break so perhaps he has actually given up. Plus I'm going to try to ensure that he'll run into me and Mike hanging out in the apartment complex hot tub one night while Mike's in town and he'll figure that I'm taken and leave me alone from now on.
25) What was the best book you read? I read so many books it's hard to keep track....I don't know if I'd say it's the best thing I read all year, but the thing that made the biggest impression on me (and it's actually a play) was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
26) What was your greatest musical discovery? Um, I discovered that I really, really like The Rolling Stones. I don't think that counts, though, since obviously I knew they existed long before 2005.
27) What did you want and get? Mainly I just wanted to get into graduate school and have a plan for something to do after college graduation, and thankfully I got that.
28) What did you want and not get? I think last year I mentioned that I'd like a committed relationship, a guy to call my boyfriend. And I still don't have that. But I'm also STILL not positive that I want that right now, so it's all good.
29) What was your favorite film of this year? Sadly, there was not a single movie that made a big impression on me this year. I was just thinking the other day that 2005 was a pretty lackluster year as far as movies go. Here's hoping 2006 will be more exciting.
30) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23. It was a pretty low key birthday. My grandparents were in town for it and threw me a birthday party at McCormick and Schmick's in Austin. My siblings were there, and my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was really good. Then the next day my sister surprised me by cooking me the birthday dinner Mom always used to make while I was growing up. It was a good birthday but very, very tame compared to my past few birthdays.
31) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I hate this question, too. I don't know. I was pretty satisfied as it was. I know that's a cop-out answer, but seriously, I don't know.
32) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? In early 2005 I was teaching so I had to dress up pretty much every day and I wore dress pants and skirts and a lot of sweaters and dress shirts. Since I moved I've been pretty lazy and I wear jeans basically non-stop, except when I go to class in my workout clothes, which I do far too often. I've kind of gone from one extreme to the other. I still love dressing up to go out, I just don't do it much these days.
33) What kept you sane? Writing in my private journal, and being able to bitch about stuff to Mike, Kymberli, and Jenny.
34) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I've never been one to lust over celebrities, and the older I get the less I care. Although my sister and I do like talking about how hot Nigel from America's Next Top Model is.
35) What political issue stirred you the most? I've been depressingly apathetic this year. I hate to be one of those young Americans who doesn't care but, well, for the most part I just can't get interested in politics. I vote, I keep a bit of a pulse on things I really care about like abortion rights, but beyond that I don't pay much attention. I guess you could consider Hurricane Katrina a political issue, and if that's the case that's about the only one I really cared much about. It was the first time I've ever donated money to disaster relief funds. (Confession I probably shouldn't make but will anyway: I donated more money to animal relief than I did to the Red Cross. But hey, at least I donated, right?)
36) Whom did you miss? I miss all of my Fort Worth friends, especially Kymberli. I hate not being able to go out for drinks with her or just lie on the floor watching trash TV with her whenever we feel like it. I also miss Mike, but I'm so used that feeling now I can't really remember when I didn't miss him.
37) Who was the best new person you met? I'd have to say my friend Mandi. Of all my grad school friends she is the one that I have most clicked with. She's in a really serious relationship so we don't go out much, but when we do we always have a lot to talk about and we have fun together. Oh, and I've had fun getting to know Matthew, although I don't think he counts since technically he was already an acquaintance prior to this year.
38) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. If you actually sleep and work out regularly, you really will feel better! It's not just a load of crap, that get-8-hours-of-sleep stuff. I don't actually know if I learned anything valuable. Probably not!
39) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Gonna find my baby
Gonna hold her tight
Gonna have some afternoon delight.
Yeah, I don't know. Mike just called and told me he's on his way to pick me up for a New Year's Eve party so I don't have time to actually think about this one. If I come up with anything profound tonight I'll post it tomorrow.
Feliz Ano Nuevo!
2006. Damn...
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Break-ing
Hey. It's been a while since I actually wrote an update about my life. There's no real excuse for that since I spend several hours each day just lounging around the house reading and watching TV and playing with the dogs and basically doing nothing important, and I keep meaning to get on the internet and update this thing but I just never think about it at convenient times.
I guess one of the reasons I haven't updated much is that there hasn't been much to say. I've been having a really great break, there just hasn't been a lot to talk about. It has been a really relaxing, fun, relatively drama-free break. I spend most of my days at home with my family-well, my mom and sister really since Dad is usually at work and Shane is god-knows-where most of the time. I play with the dogs in the backyard, we go to movies and watch movies here at home, I've finished three books already since I've been home.
When I'm not with my family I'm usually with Mike. We go to lunch together most days and end up doing random things together, like today we went to the mall so he could buy some socks. Sock shopping! That's what I've always really liked about Mike, though, that we can spend an afternoon doing pretty much nothing and somehow it ends up being fun and entertaining. We've gone out with his friends several times to the bars on Cincinnati Street and to UTEP basketball games and I'm starting to actually get to know some of them. I no longer feel like such a tag along when I'm with them. I do still feel a bit awkward at times, though. Like it's Mike's birthday today but I told him to go ahead and go out with all of his friends without me since I sort of feel like he ends up having to go out of his way to keep me entertained and explain things when I'm with his friends and I just don't want to be a burden tonight. Especially since I bet a ton of people will go out, and a lot of them will be girls, and I'll just end up feeling like I'm in the way even if he does legitimately want me there. I did tell him I'd go if he wanted me to, but he told me he "doesn't know". This whole thing can get kinda complicated at times. I wish we just lived in the same city so we could be in a serious relationship again and save ourselves all the what-are-we-doing-should-I-feel-bad-for-dating-other-people? drama. Maybe this is better, though, because since we're not in the same city and aren't going to be for at least a year it gives us plenty of time to figure out what we both really want. Especially since neither of us are still in any rush to settle down regardless.
What else? The whole first week I was here Mike and I rented a hotel room, which was awesome. That's the only thing that really sucks about being in El Paso. Mike lives with his parents and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with Mike in my parents' house and fooling around in car is possible but just kinda sucks when it's cold out. So we got a room for $120 a week at this cheap ghetto hotel right by all the college bars. Obviously at only $120 a week it's not even like, Motel 6 quality, but it's also not nearly as scary as you would expect it to be from the price and the location. I mean, I'd never want to actually stay there for an entire week and have to shower there and stuff, but to use the room for a few hours every night for "fucking purposes" (Mike's quote, not mine!) it's not bad at all. It would actually make a cool set for a quirky movie. It was built in the late 50s or early 60s I'd guess and it definitely hasn't been remodeled since. The rooms have green shag carpet and the walls are made of glazed rocks (know what I'm talking about?) and the comforters are shiny and brown and the TV has rabbit ear antennas, I'm not even kidding! The hotel seemingly exists to service two types of people: illegal immigrants from Mexico on their way through town after crossing the border (I got this idea from the sign prominently displayed on the check-in desk stating "We DO NOT rent rooms to illegal aliens"-if they have to actually put a sign up it's clearly a problem) and college students who are either a) too drunk to drive back to the east side of town after a night at the bars or b) want a room to hook up. Mike and I fondly referred to our room for the week as the "Murder Room" because the first night when we checked in Mike noticed some reddish stains on the number plate on the door and immediately decided it was blood. I pointed out that it was actually just red paint that had almost all chipped off but by then he'd already decided that we had the murder room. Nothing is funnier than a text message that says, "Want to get a drink and then go to the murder room?" Ha.
Let's see, I also have gone out with my friend Cassie a couple of times since I've been home and I met her boyfriend for the first time, which was fun. And last night at the Ale House was one of those random nights where I went to the bar expecting to meet one friend and then ran into about sixteen other people that I hadn't seen since high school graduation. It was actually really fun because I ran into a bunch of people I used to do theatre and student council with. Most of them are actually a year older than me and I hadn't seen them since they graduated in 2000 so it was really good to see everybody again and find out what everyone has been doing with their lives for the past 5 1/2 years. And there was this awesome moment where my friend Deena ordered twenty Red Headed Sluts and passed them out to everyone we knew at the bar plus two or three random people who just happened to be standing near us. I've never seen so many shot glasses raised in the air at once. We owned the bar last night! (I mean, my dad DOES own the bar technically, but we OWNED it). It was a fun night.
All in all it has been a really fun couple of weeks. I feel like I was going to say something else, but now I've forgotten what it was. Oh well. I leave you with the following:
Conversation of the day:
Me: I'll take my belly button ring out when I get fat.
Mike: (teasing and tickling my belly) Then you should have taken it out already!
Me: Shut up! You shouldn't tell me things like that!
Mike: I only say it because you know you're thin.
Me: I know, I got happy today because at my doctor's appointment this morning he congratulated me on my weight and my blood pressure and said I must be doing a good job of working out to stay so thin.
Mike: He was probably just saying that to try to get in your pants.
Me: But he's my gynecologist. He doesn't really have to try very hard to make that happen.
Mike: Ha. That's a different sort of getting into the pants entirely.
I guess one of the reasons I haven't updated much is that there hasn't been much to say. I've been having a really great break, there just hasn't been a lot to talk about. It has been a really relaxing, fun, relatively drama-free break. I spend most of my days at home with my family-well, my mom and sister really since Dad is usually at work and Shane is god-knows-where most of the time. I play with the dogs in the backyard, we go to movies and watch movies here at home, I've finished three books already since I've been home.
When I'm not with my family I'm usually with Mike. We go to lunch together most days and end up doing random things together, like today we went to the mall so he could buy some socks. Sock shopping! That's what I've always really liked about Mike, though, that we can spend an afternoon doing pretty much nothing and somehow it ends up being fun and entertaining. We've gone out with his friends several times to the bars on Cincinnati Street and to UTEP basketball games and I'm starting to actually get to know some of them. I no longer feel like such a tag along when I'm with them. I do still feel a bit awkward at times, though. Like it's Mike's birthday today but I told him to go ahead and go out with all of his friends without me since I sort of feel like he ends up having to go out of his way to keep me entertained and explain things when I'm with his friends and I just don't want to be a burden tonight. Especially since I bet a ton of people will go out, and a lot of them will be girls, and I'll just end up feeling like I'm in the way even if he does legitimately want me there. I did tell him I'd go if he wanted me to, but he told me he "doesn't know". This whole thing can get kinda complicated at times. I wish we just lived in the same city so we could be in a serious relationship again and save ourselves all the what-are-we-doing-should-I-feel-bad-for-dating-other-people? drama. Maybe this is better, though, because since we're not in the same city and aren't going to be for at least a year it gives us plenty of time to figure out what we both really want. Especially since neither of us are still in any rush to settle down regardless.
What else? The whole first week I was here Mike and I rented a hotel room, which was awesome. That's the only thing that really sucks about being in El Paso. Mike lives with his parents and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with Mike in my parents' house and fooling around in car is possible but just kinda sucks when it's cold out. So we got a room for $120 a week at this cheap ghetto hotel right by all the college bars. Obviously at only $120 a week it's not even like, Motel 6 quality, but it's also not nearly as scary as you would expect it to be from the price and the location. I mean, I'd never want to actually stay there for an entire week and have to shower there and stuff, but to use the room for a few hours every night for "fucking purposes" (Mike's quote, not mine!) it's not bad at all. It would actually make a cool set for a quirky movie. It was built in the late 50s or early 60s I'd guess and it definitely hasn't been remodeled since. The rooms have green shag carpet and the walls are made of glazed rocks (know what I'm talking about?) and the comforters are shiny and brown and the TV has rabbit ear antennas, I'm not even kidding! The hotel seemingly exists to service two types of people: illegal immigrants from Mexico on their way through town after crossing the border (I got this idea from the sign prominently displayed on the check-in desk stating "We DO NOT rent rooms to illegal aliens"-if they have to actually put a sign up it's clearly a problem) and college students who are either a) too drunk to drive back to the east side of town after a night at the bars or b) want a room to hook up. Mike and I fondly referred to our room for the week as the "Murder Room" because the first night when we checked in Mike noticed some reddish stains on the number plate on the door and immediately decided it was blood. I pointed out that it was actually just red paint that had almost all chipped off but by then he'd already decided that we had the murder room. Nothing is funnier than a text message that says, "Want to get a drink and then go to the murder room?" Ha.
Let's see, I also have gone out with my friend Cassie a couple of times since I've been home and I met her boyfriend for the first time, which was fun. And last night at the Ale House was one of those random nights where I went to the bar expecting to meet one friend and then ran into about sixteen other people that I hadn't seen since high school graduation. It was actually really fun because I ran into a bunch of people I used to do theatre and student council with. Most of them are actually a year older than me and I hadn't seen them since they graduated in 2000 so it was really good to see everybody again and find out what everyone has been doing with their lives for the past 5 1/2 years. And there was this awesome moment where my friend Deena ordered twenty Red Headed Sluts and passed them out to everyone we knew at the bar plus two or three random people who just happened to be standing near us. I've never seen so many shot glasses raised in the air at once. We owned the bar last night! (I mean, my dad DOES own the bar technically, but we OWNED it). It was a fun night.
All in all it has been a really fun couple of weeks. I feel like I was going to say something else, but now I've forgotten what it was. Oh well. I leave you with the following:
Conversation of the day:
Me: I'll take my belly button ring out when I get fat.
Mike: (teasing and tickling my belly) Then you should have taken it out already!
Me: Shut up! You shouldn't tell me things like that!
Mike: I only say it because you know you're thin.
Me: I know, I got happy today because at my doctor's appointment this morning he congratulated me on my weight and my blood pressure and said I must be doing a good job of working out to stay so thin.
Mike: He was probably just saying that to try to get in your pants.
Me: But he's my gynecologist. He doesn't really have to try very hard to make that happen.
Mike: Ha. That's a different sort of getting into the pants entirely.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Christmas Quotes 2005
Happy Christmas Eve!
Dad and I are watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, our late night Christmas Eve tradition. I love this movie, seriously. It's highly underrated, it has wonderful music. Really, it does. Watch it someday and you'll see what I mean.
I'm having a fun Christmas so far, tonight we went to Grandma and Grandpa's for fondue. As always when I'm with my crazy family on holidays, I have kept track of the Quotes of the Night for your entertainment. Without further adieu, here is tonight's list:
1. Chelsea: You can't make money in the porn industry unless you're willing to go both ways. Seriously, you have to go two ways.
Grandma: Actually, you need to go THREE ways.
Chelsea: What, like with animals?
Shane: That isn't that popular.
Grandma: No, animal porn is coming back in vogue!
[Why we were even having this discussion at the family dinner table is beyond me!]
2. "This thing doesn't have a dick!"-Grandpa, looking at a garden gnome that Shane gave my grandmother.
3. Grandpa: You'll hear about Tenley Albricht. 1956, she was the USA's hope for a gold medal in figure skating. But she had a problem, she had dysmenorrhea.
Me: Which means...?
Grandpa: Really painful periods, cramps so bad that she couldn't work or go to school while she was having her period. Well, they looked at the calendar and she was supposed to be on her period at the same time as she was supposed to compete in the Olympics.
Me: What did they do? Why didn't she just get on the Pill and skip it?
Grandpa: It was 1956, honey. No birth control pill. So what do you think they did?
Chelsea: She got pregnant!!!
Grandpa: [laughs]
Chelsea: What?! That would stop it!
Grandpa: Well...yes, I guess that would be one solution.
[Incidentally, she was given a shot of Depo-Provera, a new drug they were experimenting with at Harvard at the time, which of course wasn't actually approved for use until the 90s. Apparently it worked, but she also didn't have a period for five whole years after that. Kind of an interesting story, actually. My grandfather knows the most random things]
Following the above story:
Dad: When did all of this happen? 1956? I don't remember that.
Mom: Why would you remember that?! You weren't BORN yet!
Mom: Mom, do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?
Grandma: No
Grandpa: YES!
Mom: Who asked you?
Grandpa: You'd better help her, otherwise she'll have to clean it all herself and I'll be miserable the rest of the night.
All of us: YOU'LL be miserable?!
There were several more, but those were some of the highlights. I need to go focus on my movie now.
Merry Christmas!
Dad and I are watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, our late night Christmas Eve tradition. I love this movie, seriously. It's highly underrated, it has wonderful music. Really, it does. Watch it someday and you'll see what I mean.
I'm having a fun Christmas so far, tonight we went to Grandma and Grandpa's for fondue. As always when I'm with my crazy family on holidays, I have kept track of the Quotes of the Night for your entertainment. Without further adieu, here is tonight's list:
1. Chelsea: You can't make money in the porn industry unless you're willing to go both ways. Seriously, you have to go two ways.
Grandma: Actually, you need to go THREE ways.
Chelsea: What, like with animals?
Shane: That isn't that popular.
Grandma: No, animal porn is coming back in vogue!
[Why we were even having this discussion at the family dinner table is beyond me!]
2. "This thing doesn't have a dick!"-Grandpa, looking at a garden gnome that Shane gave my grandmother.
3. Grandpa: You'll hear about Tenley Albricht. 1956, she was the USA's hope for a gold medal in figure skating. But she had a problem, she had dysmenorrhea.
Me: Which means...?
Grandpa: Really painful periods, cramps so bad that she couldn't work or go to school while she was having her period. Well, they looked at the calendar and she was supposed to be on her period at the same time as she was supposed to compete in the Olympics.
Me: What did they do? Why didn't she just get on the Pill and skip it?
Grandpa: It was 1956, honey. No birth control pill. So what do you think they did?
Chelsea: She got pregnant!!!
Grandpa: [laughs]
Chelsea: What?! That would stop it!
Grandpa: Well...yes, I guess that would be one solution.
[Incidentally, she was given a shot of Depo-Provera, a new drug they were experimenting with at Harvard at the time, which of course wasn't actually approved for use until the 90s. Apparently it worked, but she also didn't have a period for five whole years after that. Kind of an interesting story, actually. My grandfather knows the most random things]
Following the above story:
Dad: When did all of this happen? 1956? I don't remember that.
Mom: Why would you remember that?! You weren't BORN yet!
Mom: Mom, do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?
Grandma: No
Grandpa: YES!
Mom: Who asked you?
Grandpa: You'd better help her, otherwise she'll have to clean it all herself and I'll be miserable the rest of the night.
All of us: YOU'LL be miserable?!
There were several more, but those were some of the highlights. I need to go focus on my movie now.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Quick check in
I would just like to say that I'm alive, and having a really awesome break and a lot of fun. It's been pretty perfect so far, actually.
I'll update for real in a couple of days but right now I need to wrap all my Christmas presents since my last package from Amazon finally came in the mail today and I just realized that Christmas Eve is, um, tomorrow! That and my sister is technically using the computer right now and I just snuck on here real quick while she went to the bathroom and she'll be back in a second and probably get pissed. Sharing the internet is FUN.
Anyway, it's been a great week. I'll update tomorrow maybe, or Christmas, or like, two weeks from now when I'm done going all the time.
Adios.
I'll update for real in a couple of days but right now I need to wrap all my Christmas presents since my last package from Amazon finally came in the mail today and I just realized that Christmas Eve is, um, tomorrow! That and my sister is technically using the computer right now and I just snuck on here real quick while she went to the bathroom and she'll be back in a second and probably get pissed. Sharing the internet is FUN.
Anyway, it's been a great week. I'll update tomorrow maybe, or Christmas, or like, two weeks from now when I'm done going all the time.
Adios.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I spoke too soon...
...So it appears that although Mike might be feelin' this new blonde, she might not be as into him as he would like. It also appears that even if he is liking her he's definitely down for spending a lot of time with me. Which is awesome. Today we went out for lunch and then hung out late night, so I'm feeling pretty good about the potential for the rest of this month after all.
And I love my basset hound.
It's 3:30 in the morning, that's all I have to say right now.
And I love my basset hound.
It's 3:30 in the morning, that's all I have to say right now.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Home for Christmas
I got to El Paso for Christmas today. Cohen and Jose did well on the 9 hour car trip and were also really good while we stayed at Kymberli's in Fort Worth for the past few days. Cohen hasn't actually met my parents' dogs yet. Chelsea's animals are here, too, and Morty met Lola and Marley today. Morty and Lola get along well, Marley is kinda nervous. I'm worried about adding Cohen to the mix, but hopefully he'll be fine. My big fear is that they'll all start roughing each other up just playfully but Cohen will get hurt because he's smaller than the others. Hopefully things will work out better than I think they will.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole spending-almost-three-weeks-in-El-Paso thing. I was pretty excited about it at first, but now it seems as though Mike is really into this new girl he's dating. And since other than hanging out with my family the only thing I do in El Paso is spend time with Mike, if he's busy dating someone else it's going to make this whole break much less fun than I thought it would be. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family because I love them like crazy, but sometimes we all need a break and since I don't know many people in El Paso these days I kind of rely on Mike to entertain me. Which is unfair to him, I suppose, since there's no real reason he's obligated to spend time with me. But oh, the jealousy, it's a bitch. It seems like I always end up in these partial relationships that can be so much fun but are fundamentally a lose-lose situation. 'Cause I do end up getting jealous and upset when a guy I'm dating falls for other girls but then I get mad at myself for doing it because what right do I have to get upset, and why should I actually care? We're not in a relationship, that has already been clearly determined. So I make myself be cool about it and most of the time I honestly can be. But then I also get mad at myself for not letting myself expect more from these guys, because I feel like maybe it's a sign that I'm not as confident as I pretend to be that I don't have the balls to say "If you want to date me it needs to be all or nothing." Of course, this is assuming I want all or nothing, which I'm not sure I do. And therein lies the problem. Because I think if I was positive I wanted to be in a relationship right now I'd have no problem laying down an ultimatum. But as much as I think I'm at a point where I'm done with Wild and Crazy and would like to just relax and settle down, I'm not positive I'm there yet and I don't want to rush anything and screw it up. Complicated stuff.
My trip to Fort Worth was fun, other than the part where I got really drunk on champagne at Ellen's graduation party on Thursday night and then got incredibly belligerent and had a half hour screaming fight with a certain someone on the phone. Apparently champagne makes me a belligerent drunk. Who knew? The next morning Kymberli was like, "Wow, I've never heard you yell about anything like that before, " which should give you some indication of how rarely I do stuff like that because Kymberli and I were pretty much inseperable during college. The thing is, I don't really feel bad for yelling at this person. Or rather, I feel bad for screaming at him (because I don't think anyone needs to listen to me yell for half an hour) but I feel like I made a lot of valid points that he really needed to hear from someone. Apparently I didn't make as big an impression as I had hoped since by Saturday night he was calling me and trying to pretend like our fight had never happened, but he's not getting off that easily this time. And I have to admit that it felt really good to yell like that. A few times I almost started laughing because in a twisted way I was having fun being a bitch, but laughing would have totally killed my momentum. Ha.
The rest of my trip to Fort Worth was basically uneventful but fun. I went to Jenny's pinning ceremony as she graduated from the nursing department and afterwards I had dinner with her family at P.F. Chang's and then had some quality Pub time. And on Saturday I spent the evening with Scott and Katy; we went to dinner and then went to see the show Kymberli is in right now, a comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It was fun getting to hang out and talk with them for a while since we hadn't really gotten to catch up since I moved in August even though I've seen Katy a couple of times since then. One of us is always in such a rush whenever we actually manage to catch each other on the phone, and when we've seen each other recently it's always been in groups so it's been hard to really have a long uninterrupted conversation. So I'm really glad we finally got to do that yesterday. She and Scott told me they're having a house built. I can't believe I have friends who are getting married and buying houses. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that somehow within the past year or two I became a legitimate adult. It still blows my mind.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole spending-almost-three-weeks-in-El-Paso thing. I was pretty excited about it at first, but now it seems as though Mike is really into this new girl he's dating. And since other than hanging out with my family the only thing I do in El Paso is spend time with Mike, if he's busy dating someone else it's going to make this whole break much less fun than I thought it would be. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family because I love them like crazy, but sometimes we all need a break and since I don't know many people in El Paso these days I kind of rely on Mike to entertain me. Which is unfair to him, I suppose, since there's no real reason he's obligated to spend time with me. But oh, the jealousy, it's a bitch. It seems like I always end up in these partial relationships that can be so much fun but are fundamentally a lose-lose situation. 'Cause I do end up getting jealous and upset when a guy I'm dating falls for other girls but then I get mad at myself for doing it because what right do I have to get upset, and why should I actually care? We're not in a relationship, that has already been clearly determined. So I make myself be cool about it and most of the time I honestly can be. But then I also get mad at myself for not letting myself expect more from these guys, because I feel like maybe it's a sign that I'm not as confident as I pretend to be that I don't have the balls to say "If you want to date me it needs to be all or nothing." Of course, this is assuming I want all or nothing, which I'm not sure I do. And therein lies the problem. Because I think if I was positive I wanted to be in a relationship right now I'd have no problem laying down an ultimatum. But as much as I think I'm at a point where I'm done with Wild and Crazy and would like to just relax and settle down, I'm not positive I'm there yet and I don't want to rush anything and screw it up. Complicated stuff.
My trip to Fort Worth was fun, other than the part where I got really drunk on champagne at Ellen's graduation party on Thursday night and then got incredibly belligerent and had a half hour screaming fight with a certain someone on the phone. Apparently champagne makes me a belligerent drunk. Who knew? The next morning Kymberli was like, "Wow, I've never heard you yell about anything like that before, " which should give you some indication of how rarely I do stuff like that because Kymberli and I were pretty much inseperable during college. The thing is, I don't really feel bad for yelling at this person. Or rather, I feel bad for screaming at him (because I don't think anyone needs to listen to me yell for half an hour) but I feel like I made a lot of valid points that he really needed to hear from someone. Apparently I didn't make as big an impression as I had hoped since by Saturday night he was calling me and trying to pretend like our fight had never happened, but he's not getting off that easily this time. And I have to admit that it felt really good to yell like that. A few times I almost started laughing because in a twisted way I was having fun being a bitch, but laughing would have totally killed my momentum. Ha.
The rest of my trip to Fort Worth was basically uneventful but fun. I went to Jenny's pinning ceremony as she graduated from the nursing department and afterwards I had dinner with her family at P.F. Chang's and then had some quality Pub time. And on Saturday I spent the evening with Scott and Katy; we went to dinner and then went to see the show Kymberli is in right now, a comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It was fun getting to hang out and talk with them for a while since we hadn't really gotten to catch up since I moved in August even though I've seen Katy a couple of times since then. One of us is always in such a rush whenever we actually manage to catch each other on the phone, and when we've seen each other recently it's always been in groups so it's been hard to really have a long uninterrupted conversation. So I'm really glad we finally got to do that yesterday. She and Scott told me they're having a house built. I can't believe I have friends who are getting married and buying houses. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that somehow within the past year or two I became a legitimate adult. It still blows my mind.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Put a Fork in Me
I just finished printing out my script analysis for directing, my final project for the semester. Know what that means? It means this semester is OVER. Hell yeah!!! I mean, it's not officially over until I go to my Directing final tomorrow, but since my Directing final consists of turning in my production book and script analysis and then sitting around for two hours discussing the shows that were performed a week and a half ago that I now barely remember, it's basically over.
The end of a semester is always such a relief. I love the first few days of vacation best, the days when I'm sitting around thinking, "There's something I should be doing right now, isn't there?" and realizing, there's not!! It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.
This break is going to be especially good, because it will be the first break since my junior year of high school where I literally get a total break and don't have to do anything unless I feel like it. Senior year of high school I spent Christmas break finishing college applications. Freshmen through junior year of college there was always the burden of spring auditions hanging over my head. Not that I ever actually seriously prepared for spring auditions until the day before spring auditions (Which incidentally may be why I was never cast in a mainstage spring show...well, that and the fact that even when I am prepared I'm the suckiest auditioner on the planet. Suffice it to say there's a reason I focus on directing and theatre history nowadays) but I spent every day of Christmas break thinking to myself, "I really should choose a monologue today" and then not actually doing it and then stressing because I hadn't done it. Senior year of college I spent Christmas break working on graduate school applications. Next year I'll probably spend Christmas break working on my thesis.
But this year? This year I'm actually going to take a real break. I don't have any school work to do, I don't have a job that I need to go to, I already submitted to a call for papers that has a deadline over winter break so I don't need to stress about that. Hell, I've even already done the majority of my Christmas shopping. It's going to be a very relaxing holiday.
Thursday I'm loading up my car with everything I need for a three week trip, everything the animals need for a three week trip, and Cohen AND Jose themselves, and heading up to Fort Worth to celebrate Jenny's graduation, see Kymberli's show, and have some early Christmas fun with all of my friends there. Plans include, um, drinking a lot, probably. I haven't actually made any plans other than confirming with Kymberli that my pets and I can stay with her and confirming with Jenny that yes, I'm down to party hard. So I don't know what to expect in Fort Worth, but I'm sure it will be fun.
On Sunday I'm heading to El Paso, where I'll be until just after New Year's Day. Plans include all the traditional holiday festivites with my family, plenty of time chillin' with Mike and Co., hopefully getting together for drinks with some of the high school friends who've recently found me again on MySpace (has anyone else experience a MySpace explosion in the past month? Suddenly I'm getting friend requests every day, which is weird 'cause I've been on MySpace for over a year now), and ensuring that Morty, Cohen, Lola and Marley don't kill each other in a massive dog fight when all of my family members' dogs meet for the first time.
January 2nd Mom, Dad, Chelsea and I are off to Las Vegas to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I think maybe my grandparents are coming, too. Shane opted to skip out on the trip so that he can host poker parties and hook up with bitches while we're all out of town, I guess. That and somebody has to take care of the above-mentioned pack of dogs that will be at my house over Christmas. There will also be a pack of cats, but they can take care of themselves. (As a sidenote, none of us even have actual childen yet and Christmas at my family's house is already getting ridiculous). Also, don't feel too bad for Shane, since he's only 18 and can't really properly enjoy Las Vegas anyway. Vegas plans include a lot of black jack and A LOT of drinking. And dressing up, 'cause I like dressing up in Vegas even though nobody else really does anymore.
Then January 6th Mike will be driving back with me (and the animals) to San Marcos. He's gonna visit me for almost a week. Plans so far include hanging out on Sixth Street, outlet mall shopping, Fazoli's, Freebirds and all the other restaurants Mike is deprived of in El Paso, and lots of time spent in the hot tub (and, let's be honest here, my bedroom).
I love that the only things on my to-do list right now are fun things.
Anyway, it's 3:30 AM (despite the fact that the timestamp on this dumb journal probably says something totally different) and I have my last class at 11:30 tomorrow, so I need to sleep.
I may not update again for a while since I highly doubt I'll update from Fort Worth. Miss me until next week...or until I get bored and start rambling again tomorrow.
The end of a semester is always such a relief. I love the first few days of vacation best, the days when I'm sitting around thinking, "There's something I should be doing right now, isn't there?" and realizing, there's not!! It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.
This break is going to be especially good, because it will be the first break since my junior year of high school where I literally get a total break and don't have to do anything unless I feel like it. Senior year of high school I spent Christmas break finishing college applications. Freshmen through junior year of college there was always the burden of spring auditions hanging over my head. Not that I ever actually seriously prepared for spring auditions until the day before spring auditions (Which incidentally may be why I was never cast in a mainstage spring show...well, that and the fact that even when I am prepared I'm the suckiest auditioner on the planet. Suffice it to say there's a reason I focus on directing and theatre history nowadays) but I spent every day of Christmas break thinking to myself, "I really should choose a monologue today" and then not actually doing it and then stressing because I hadn't done it. Senior year of college I spent Christmas break working on graduate school applications. Next year I'll probably spend Christmas break working on my thesis.
But this year? This year I'm actually going to take a real break. I don't have any school work to do, I don't have a job that I need to go to, I already submitted to a call for papers that has a deadline over winter break so I don't need to stress about that. Hell, I've even already done the majority of my Christmas shopping. It's going to be a very relaxing holiday.
Thursday I'm loading up my car with everything I need for a three week trip, everything the animals need for a three week trip, and Cohen AND Jose themselves, and heading up to Fort Worth to celebrate Jenny's graduation, see Kymberli's show, and have some early Christmas fun with all of my friends there. Plans include, um, drinking a lot, probably. I haven't actually made any plans other than confirming with Kymberli that my pets and I can stay with her and confirming with Jenny that yes, I'm down to party hard. So I don't know what to expect in Fort Worth, but I'm sure it will be fun.
On Sunday I'm heading to El Paso, where I'll be until just after New Year's Day. Plans include all the traditional holiday festivites with my family, plenty of time chillin' with Mike and Co., hopefully getting together for drinks with some of the high school friends who've recently found me again on MySpace (has anyone else experience a MySpace explosion in the past month? Suddenly I'm getting friend requests every day, which is weird 'cause I've been on MySpace for over a year now), and ensuring that Morty, Cohen, Lola and Marley don't kill each other in a massive dog fight when all of my family members' dogs meet for the first time.
January 2nd Mom, Dad, Chelsea and I are off to Las Vegas to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I think maybe my grandparents are coming, too. Shane opted to skip out on the trip so that he can host poker parties and hook up with bitches while we're all out of town, I guess. That and somebody has to take care of the above-mentioned pack of dogs that will be at my house over Christmas. There will also be a pack of cats, but they can take care of themselves. (As a sidenote, none of us even have actual childen yet and Christmas at my family's house is already getting ridiculous). Also, don't feel too bad for Shane, since he's only 18 and can't really properly enjoy Las Vegas anyway. Vegas plans include a lot of black jack and A LOT of drinking. And dressing up, 'cause I like dressing up in Vegas even though nobody else really does anymore.
Then January 6th Mike will be driving back with me (and the animals) to San Marcos. He's gonna visit me for almost a week. Plans so far include hanging out on Sixth Street, outlet mall shopping, Fazoli's, Freebirds and all the other restaurants Mike is deprived of in El Paso, and lots of time spent in the hot tub (and, let's be honest here, my bedroom).
I love that the only things on my to-do list right now are fun things.
Anyway, it's 3:30 AM (despite the fact that the timestamp on this dumb journal probably says something totally different) and I have my last class at 11:30 tomorrow, so I need to sleep.
I may not update again for a while since I highly doubt I'll update from Fort Worth. Miss me until next week...or until I get bored and start rambling again tomorrow.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Ugh
Just finished my stage management project!! Now all I have to do is finish my directing prompt book and I'm done with this semester. And I just checked grades and I officially have an A in both of the classes I already finished. Now I'm going to be really, really angry at myself if I don't get the 4.0 since the two classes I have to finish this week are both undergraduate/graduate mix classes, and if I can't get an A in a class that's basically an undergrad class, I have problems.
In other news, not to be alarmist, but I think I'm bleeding internally. I called my grandpa the doctor and through an assessment of my symptoms from 800 miles away he assures me that I am not in fact bleeding internally, but something is definitely wrong. I don't care to go into any details about why exactly I think I might be bleeding internally, but my body is conspiring to freak me the fuck out this evening. If I never update about this again it means it ended up actually being nothing, which I hope is the case. But I'm documenting it here because don't you enjoy stories about me being a total hypochondriac?
To change the subject completely, I HATE the Black Eyed Peas song about humps and lovely lady lumps. I realize I'm months and months late in making this statement, but I suddenly feel that it needs to be said. I do not want anything on my body being described as a lump. Or a hump for that matter. Hump implies hunchback in my mind, which is possibly why the song horrifies me so much. I get this mental image of a chick with a hunched back standing at a dark bar and thursting her hips around while guys stare at her hunchback and wonder what she's gonna do with all those breasts inside her shirt. The whole thing just grosses me out.
Also, I hate feeling jealous. I hardly ever feel jealous, but when I do it makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like someone is stabbing a knife into my gut and twisting it and simultaneously my chest starts aching and I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It's bad. I wish I didn't have such a visceral reaction to jealousy, especially since when I do get jealous it's always over the most ridiculous things. Like, I can watch a guy I like kiss another girl and that might upset me a bit, but not so much that I feel the jealousy. But the same guy can utter a phrase as simple as, "She's a lot of fun, I really like talking to her," and immediately my chest constricts. Why? Why does that happen? And why does it not happen every time? I never can tell what's going to upset me and what isn't, because half the time I can listen to guys I like talk about other girls all day long and nothing, and then other times out of the blue it will almost make me cry. And yet I'm a total masochist about it, too, because sometimes I specifically ask about stuff that I know is probably going to upset me, just because I'd rather be upset about something than be left in the dark about anything that's going on. Anyway, whenever I feel jealous I just end up getting mad at myself and feeling like I'm being stupid. And I know it's a normal feeling and I should just let myself experience it and be done with it, but I have a hard time accepting that an emotion that makes me feel so sick can possibly be healthy.
Well, this entry has certainly been full of hate, hasn't it? To make it more balanced, here are some things I love:
1) My Christmas lights
2) Sitting on the couch the way I am right now, with the basset hound draped over my feet keeping my toes warm and the cat curled up on my lap with his head resting on the keyboard.
3) Paul Simon singing about diamonds on the soles of their shoes.
4) The fact that this semester is over the day after tomorrow.
5) My grandpa for not mocking me when I call him panicked because I'm afraid I might be bleeding internally.
6) The peppermint chocolate covered cherries they sell for Christmas
7) The Street of Lights. So strange, so fun, so Austin.
8) This sudden feeling that I'll ultimately end up in a really good place, even if I don't know exactly what that place is yet.
How sappy. Time for me to go try to re-load my Musicmatch Jukebox and do some more work on my promptbook. Good night.
In other news, not to be alarmist, but I think I'm bleeding internally. I called my grandpa the doctor and through an assessment of my symptoms from 800 miles away he assures me that I am not in fact bleeding internally, but something is definitely wrong. I don't care to go into any details about why exactly I think I might be bleeding internally, but my body is conspiring to freak me the fuck out this evening. If I never update about this again it means it ended up actually being nothing, which I hope is the case. But I'm documenting it here because don't you enjoy stories about me being a total hypochondriac?
To change the subject completely, I HATE the Black Eyed Peas song about humps and lovely lady lumps. I realize I'm months and months late in making this statement, but I suddenly feel that it needs to be said. I do not want anything on my body being described as a lump. Or a hump for that matter. Hump implies hunchback in my mind, which is possibly why the song horrifies me so much. I get this mental image of a chick with a hunched back standing at a dark bar and thursting her hips around while guys stare at her hunchback and wonder what she's gonna do with all those breasts inside her shirt. The whole thing just grosses me out.
Also, I hate feeling jealous. I hardly ever feel jealous, but when I do it makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like someone is stabbing a knife into my gut and twisting it and simultaneously my chest starts aching and I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It's bad. I wish I didn't have such a visceral reaction to jealousy, especially since when I do get jealous it's always over the most ridiculous things. Like, I can watch a guy I like kiss another girl and that might upset me a bit, but not so much that I feel the jealousy. But the same guy can utter a phrase as simple as, "She's a lot of fun, I really like talking to her," and immediately my chest constricts. Why? Why does that happen? And why does it not happen every time? I never can tell what's going to upset me and what isn't, because half the time I can listen to guys I like talk about other girls all day long and nothing, and then other times out of the blue it will almost make me cry. And yet I'm a total masochist about it, too, because sometimes I specifically ask about stuff that I know is probably going to upset me, just because I'd rather be upset about something than be left in the dark about anything that's going on. Anyway, whenever I feel jealous I just end up getting mad at myself and feeling like I'm being stupid. And I know it's a normal feeling and I should just let myself experience it and be done with it, but I have a hard time accepting that an emotion that makes me feel so sick can possibly be healthy.
Well, this entry has certainly been full of hate, hasn't it? To make it more balanced, here are some things I love:
1) My Christmas lights
2) Sitting on the couch the way I am right now, with the basset hound draped over my feet keeping my toes warm and the cat curled up on my lap with his head resting on the keyboard.
3) Paul Simon singing about diamonds on the soles of their shoes.
4) The fact that this semester is over the day after tomorrow.
5) My grandpa for not mocking me when I call him panicked because I'm afraid I might be bleeding internally.
6) The peppermint chocolate covered cherries they sell for Christmas
7) The Street of Lights. So strange, so fun, so Austin.
8) This sudden feeling that I'll ultimately end up in a really good place, even if I don't know exactly what that place is yet.
How sappy. Time for me to go try to re-load my Musicmatch Jukebox and do some more work on my promptbook. Good night.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Iced up
I'm in such a good mood tonight, mainly because I think I might actually end up with a 4.0 this semester! I kind of can't believe that might actually happen, but at this point it definitely could. I finished my only actual final exam tonight, and all I need to get on the final to get an A in the class is a 70. And I am positive I made at least that. And remember that paper that I wrote pretty much in one day on Tuesday? Yeah, well, I turned that in on Wednesday and got it back today. My professor gave me the exact criticisms I would have given myself if I'd been grading it (not enough in-depth discussion at a few points and a sorta weak conclusion) but then went ahead and gave me a 92 on the paper anyway! Which means I got an A in that class, and that was the one class where I thought I'd likely get a B. So now all I have to do is finish my stage management and directing projects, and although both will be tedious they're both easy. Unless I completely fuck those up, I think I'll get As in those classes too.
So I'm feeling good.
I'm also in a good mood because we had some real winter weather here yesterday and today. There was an actual ice storm last night, which of course I was driving around in because sometimes I have to do incredibly stupid things just to prove that I can. Honestly, I was trying to get back at the weather. See, in September there was all this hype for days about Hurricane Rita and how it was gonna hit the Texas coast with such force that it would still be a level two hurricane by the time it reached the Austin/San Antonio area, and, well, you remember the news stories I'm sure. What actually ended up happening? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, no, I take that back. What ended up happening was that the weather got really screwed up and we had a couple of miserable 102 degree days at the end of September. But there was no level 2 hurricane here. It didn't even rain! Basically, everyone panicked and emptied the shelves at the HEB for absolutely nothing. And that's what always seems to happen, whenever weathermen hype the major storm that's on the way, it never actually hits. So yesterday when everyone was freaking out about the impending ice storm and my dad was calling me every half hour to give me weather updates (that's a bad habit of my dad's, he watches the Weather Channel all day long and then likes to call me to tell me what the weather is like here, as if I can't just walk outside and experience it for myself) I decided I might as well drive up to Austin for the night to wrap presents at Barnes and Noble to raise money to help the homeless basset hounds, as I had originally planned. Because the surefire way to actually make a storm come is to say "Fuck you, weather, when was the last time you actually delivered, huh?!?!"
Sure enough, I was only able to help with the gift wrapping for about an hour and a half before they closed the bookstore due to the inclement weather, and I had to drive to my sister's house in Austin over roads that were starting to get icy. The thing is, it was actually kind of exciting and it put me in a Christmas-y mood for some really bizarre reason. Nothing like cruising past hydroplaning Jeeps on frozen overpasses to put you in the holiday spirit! Fa la la la la.
I spent the night at Chelsea's, which I'd planned to do in the first place, and when we woke up this morning there were icicles everywhere and our car doors were frozen shut. When I finally drove back to my apartment late this afternoon it was probably the most beautiful commute I've ever had. The roads were just fine, but all of the fields were still covered in a layer of frost, and as the sun was setting it was glinting off of each individual blade of grass and the world looked like a giant diamond.
A week from tonight I'm going to be in Fort Worth. I was telling Kymberli tonight that I'm excited about going up there to see everybody. It will be fun to see Kymberli's show, and see Katy and Scott, and hopefully hit the Pub, and watch Jenny's graduation ceremony (I'm just going to the pinning ceremony, the ceremony for just the nursing students. There's no way I'm sitting through another TCU graduation ceremony unless I absolutely have to, my own graduation ceremony was boring enough and at least I had some adrenaline pumping that day). But as much as I'm looking forward to it, there's also a part of me that wishes I hadn't made all these commitments to everybody because I'd really like to just get home to El Paso as soon as possible. And a large part of that is because of Mike. He has been so much fun lately that I just want to get back to start chilling with him again.
Mike asked me the other day if I was going to visit my "Fort Worth lover", and the answer to that question is "I have no idea." He and I haven't been talking as much lately as we once did. Suddenly I just got really tired of the whole thing, mainly because I got tired of his late night phone calls that are always seemingly fueled by nothing but alcohol and horniness when there's another guy out there whose late night phone calls are fueled by a desire to actually talk to ME. Plus it's pretty easy to rouse yourself in the night for real sex (it is for me, anyway) but when I'm as tired as I've been the past couple of weeks the desire to have phone sex with him just isn't as overwhelming as the desire to sleep. Sad but true. He has called me a few times this past week sober (or as sober as he ever seems to get) just wanting to talk and not wanting phone sex for a change, and he seemed excited when I told him I was coming to town next week, but I just don't know. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it. I guess I'll just wait and see what sort of mood I'm in next weekend and go from there.
I know for sure I'm ready to get back to El Paso, though. And incidentally, any time I think something like that I suddenly feel like I've time-warped back to Holiday Season 2001. Especially when I'm on the phone with Kymberli and I tell her I'm looking forward to getting back to El Paso and she tells me that she lusted over a bunch of teenage boys during Thanksgiving break.
Some things change, babe, and some never will!
So I'm feeling good.
I'm also in a good mood because we had some real winter weather here yesterday and today. There was an actual ice storm last night, which of course I was driving around in because sometimes I have to do incredibly stupid things just to prove that I can. Honestly, I was trying to get back at the weather. See, in September there was all this hype for days about Hurricane Rita and how it was gonna hit the Texas coast with such force that it would still be a level two hurricane by the time it reached the Austin/San Antonio area, and, well, you remember the news stories I'm sure. What actually ended up happening? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, no, I take that back. What ended up happening was that the weather got really screwed up and we had a couple of miserable 102 degree days at the end of September. But there was no level 2 hurricane here. It didn't even rain! Basically, everyone panicked and emptied the shelves at the HEB for absolutely nothing. And that's what always seems to happen, whenever weathermen hype the major storm that's on the way, it never actually hits. So yesterday when everyone was freaking out about the impending ice storm and my dad was calling me every half hour to give me weather updates (that's a bad habit of my dad's, he watches the Weather Channel all day long and then likes to call me to tell me what the weather is like here, as if I can't just walk outside and experience it for myself) I decided I might as well drive up to Austin for the night to wrap presents at Barnes and Noble to raise money to help the homeless basset hounds, as I had originally planned. Because the surefire way to actually make a storm come is to say "Fuck you, weather, when was the last time you actually delivered, huh?!?!"
Sure enough, I was only able to help with the gift wrapping for about an hour and a half before they closed the bookstore due to the inclement weather, and I had to drive to my sister's house in Austin over roads that were starting to get icy. The thing is, it was actually kind of exciting and it put me in a Christmas-y mood for some really bizarre reason. Nothing like cruising past hydroplaning Jeeps on frozen overpasses to put you in the holiday spirit! Fa la la la la.
I spent the night at Chelsea's, which I'd planned to do in the first place, and when we woke up this morning there were icicles everywhere and our car doors were frozen shut. When I finally drove back to my apartment late this afternoon it was probably the most beautiful commute I've ever had. The roads were just fine, but all of the fields were still covered in a layer of frost, and as the sun was setting it was glinting off of each individual blade of grass and the world looked like a giant diamond.
A week from tonight I'm going to be in Fort Worth. I was telling Kymberli tonight that I'm excited about going up there to see everybody. It will be fun to see Kymberli's show, and see Katy and Scott, and hopefully hit the Pub, and watch Jenny's graduation ceremony (I'm just going to the pinning ceremony, the ceremony for just the nursing students. There's no way I'm sitting through another TCU graduation ceremony unless I absolutely have to, my own graduation ceremony was boring enough and at least I had some adrenaline pumping that day). But as much as I'm looking forward to it, there's also a part of me that wishes I hadn't made all these commitments to everybody because I'd really like to just get home to El Paso as soon as possible. And a large part of that is because of Mike. He has been so much fun lately that I just want to get back to start chilling with him again.
Mike asked me the other day if I was going to visit my "Fort Worth lover", and the answer to that question is "I have no idea." He and I haven't been talking as much lately as we once did. Suddenly I just got really tired of the whole thing, mainly because I got tired of his late night phone calls that are always seemingly fueled by nothing but alcohol and horniness when there's another guy out there whose late night phone calls are fueled by a desire to actually talk to ME. Plus it's pretty easy to rouse yourself in the night for real sex (it is for me, anyway) but when I'm as tired as I've been the past couple of weeks the desire to have phone sex with him just isn't as overwhelming as the desire to sleep. Sad but true. He has called me a few times this past week sober (or as sober as he ever seems to get) just wanting to talk and not wanting phone sex for a change, and he seemed excited when I told him I was coming to town next week, but I just don't know. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it. I guess I'll just wait and see what sort of mood I'm in next weekend and go from there.
I know for sure I'm ready to get back to El Paso, though. And incidentally, any time I think something like that I suddenly feel like I've time-warped back to Holiday Season 2001. Especially when I'm on the phone with Kymberli and I tell her I'm looking forward to getting back to El Paso and she tells me that she lusted over a bunch of teenage boys during Thanksgiving break.
Some things change, babe, and some never will!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Procrasting Nation
Why do people create internet journals/blogs/whatever and then password protect them? Or, even worse, use the Myspace option that makes the entry only viewable to the person who wrote it? I don't understand the point of that. If you're going to write a journal and you want it to be private, make it a Word document on your PC or write in a notebook old school style. Because when people do that it just drives other people (like me) crazy. It's such a tease, like "Yeah, I'll give you the title of this entry that's surely really dramatic and interesting since I feel the need to keep it a secret, but then you don't actually get to read it." I don't expect people to stop doing this since everyone seems to be doing it lately but hey, people, it's frustrating! I guess I can understand doing it once in a while just to have all of your entries in one place, but people who hide every single entry make me angry. Mike's semi-ex girlfriend* does that and it frustrates me because from his descriptions of her she seems like a real piece of work and I'd love to read the melodramatic stuff she's probably writing in her private internet journal.
*"Semi-ex girlfriend" because it never quite became an official committed relationship and they really only dated for a few months. To his face I like to refer to her as "Your girlfriend". I don't think he likes that much. Incidentally, I've never even met the girl and I have no real opinion on her except that she has a really bizarre take on birth control. She doesn't want to get on the pill because it's expensive and will make her fat. Because, you know, getting pregnant doesn't make you fat at all, and raising a child is incredibly cheap and affordable these days.
Enough about my pet peeves. I was working on my paper at a pretty good clip this afternoon and tonight and then I went to get my laundry out of the dryer and then I decided I wanted ice cream and then Iron Chef came on and that was the end of my momentum. I think I did most of my research, though, and now tomorrow I'll just have to sit down and actually write the whole thing. The good news is, I was supposed to go wrap presents at Barnes and Noble tomorrow night as a fundraiser for Helping Hands Basset Rescue, but it got cancelled so that gives me four extra hours of working time tomorrow. And I still get to wrap presents on Thursday and Saturday, so everybody wins (um, everybody being ME).
I'm already anticipating having to stay up most of the night tomorrow working on my paper, but I'm okay with that. And I'm pretty sure I only need a high B on this paper to get an A in this class. I don't feel very confident in my ability to get an A on this paper considering what a shoddy job I've done of preparing it so far, but I do feel fairly confident in my ability to get a B. And even if I get a C on this paper I'll still have a B in the class. In other words, I'm not going to stress too much over this paper. I just need to finish it, turn it in, and then...on to more projects! But! A week from tomorrow this semester is over and I'm 3/8ths of the way towards my masters degree. And then holiday fun can begin in earnest.
I like when things begin in earnest. Especially when you misinterpret it and think of it as things beginning in a person named Ernest. Saying that makes me think of this time when we were little and Chelsea was reading the Constitution for homework and she read aloud to my mother, "Prudence dictates-" and interrupted herself to ask, "Prudence dictates? Who's Prudence?!" Just remembering her shrill voice as she asked the question and the look on her face still makes me laugh out loud to this day.
Alright, I'm gonna try to at least type out my abstract before I go to bed so I don't have to start with an entirely blank document tomorrow. Even 2 pages would be a good start.
*"Semi-ex girlfriend" because it never quite became an official committed relationship and they really only dated for a few months. To his face I like to refer to her as "Your girlfriend". I don't think he likes that much. Incidentally, I've never even met the girl and I have no real opinion on her except that she has a really bizarre take on birth control. She doesn't want to get on the pill because it's expensive and will make her fat. Because, you know, getting pregnant doesn't make you fat at all, and raising a child is incredibly cheap and affordable these days.
Enough about my pet peeves. I was working on my paper at a pretty good clip this afternoon and tonight and then I went to get my laundry out of the dryer and then I decided I wanted ice cream and then Iron Chef came on and that was the end of my momentum. I think I did most of my research, though, and now tomorrow I'll just have to sit down and actually write the whole thing. The good news is, I was supposed to go wrap presents at Barnes and Noble tomorrow night as a fundraiser for Helping Hands Basset Rescue, but it got cancelled so that gives me four extra hours of working time tomorrow. And I still get to wrap presents on Thursday and Saturday, so everybody wins (um, everybody being ME).
I'm already anticipating having to stay up most of the night tomorrow working on my paper, but I'm okay with that. And I'm pretty sure I only need a high B on this paper to get an A in this class. I don't feel very confident in my ability to get an A on this paper considering what a shoddy job I've done of preparing it so far, but I do feel fairly confident in my ability to get a B. And even if I get a C on this paper I'll still have a B in the class. In other words, I'm not going to stress too much over this paper. I just need to finish it, turn it in, and then...on to more projects! But! A week from tomorrow this semester is over and I'm 3/8ths of the way towards my masters degree. And then holiday fun can begin in earnest.
I like when things begin in earnest. Especially when you misinterpret it and think of it as things beginning in a person named Ernest. Saying that makes me think of this time when we were little and Chelsea was reading the Constitution for homework and she read aloud to my mother, "Prudence dictates-" and interrupted herself to ask, "Prudence dictates? Who's Prudence?!" Just remembering her shrill voice as she asked the question and the look on her face still makes me laugh out loud to this day.
Alright, I'm gonna try to at least type out my abstract before I go to bed so I don't have to start with an entirely blank document tomorrow. Even 2 pages would be a good start.
A little freaky, and not in a kinky fun way
It shouldn't be possible to have a weekend as busy as I did and still feel like nothing was accomplished. Especially since I actually accomplished a lot. I was stuck stage managing those scenes basically all day on Friday and Saturday, but the upside of that is that they are now over (THANK GOD) and my scene went off better than I thought it would considering the last minute actor switch. I also did my major grocery shopping since it had been more than two weeks since I'd been to the store and I was out of basically everything, and I thoroughly cleaned the apartment, and I worked out a lot, and I addressed all 70 of my Christmas cards so I can put them in the mail tomorrow. I'm doing a Christmas card exchange with my internet basset hound mailing list, hence the large amount of cards. And yes, I realize that if you ever thought I was cool I totally and utterly killed that delusion with the phrase "my internet basset hound mailing list", but I'm okay with that. It's time we all faced reality. (If you're reading this and you'd like a Christmas card let me know. Unfortunately I'm not in a slutty Mrs. Claus outfit as in cards past because sadly I think those crazy days are over, but the basset hound is wearing a festive sweater and reindeer antlers!)
A couple of little weird things happened this weekend. Like I saw the same very distinctive woman twice in the same weekend in different places in town. I guess that's not too strange because it's not as if this place is exactly enormous, but the thing that made it weird was that she was a very white woman wearing traditional African clothing. I saw her on Friday morning in the theatre building and then again on Saturday night when I was at the town Christmas festival with my sister and the dogs. The strange clothing combined with seeing her twice in two days was just kind of odd.
Then today at the grocery store I picked up a box of razor blades and an alarm started going off! So I put it back down on the shelf, and the alarm stopped. Reached up to grab it again, the alarm went off again. Repeated this two or three times. What the hell?! So I wandered up and down the aisle as stealthily as possible, pretending to check out feminine hygiene products but secretly eyeing the razor blades and looking for directions on what to do, hoping that somebody else would come by to buy razor blades so I could figure out what the heck I was supposed to do to get my blades without sirens wailing. There was no sign telling me that I couldn't take razor blades myself, but the alarm was really unnerving. Finally an HEB employee wandered down the aisle and I asked her what was up with the alarm and she told me that a lot of razor blades have been stolen lately, "especially from the men's side" so they put an alarm on them so that store employees can tell whenever someone is in the razor blade aisle. How weird is that? Does anyone else's grocery store do this or is my HEB crazy? I've never seen that sort of alarm on a product before.
And then a kind of big weird thing happened. There's this kid in my directing class who seems to be kinda into me (well, I say kid, he's at least 21 since I know he goes to the bars, but he's an undergrad and in my mind they're all kids, even though many of them are older than me). He has called me by name all semester, weeks and weeks before I figured out his name. Sometimes he waits outside the building to trap me into conversation after class. Whenever food is being passed around directing class he always offers some to me before taking any for himself. The scene I directed was about comic book heroes and yesterday he brought me one of the comics featured in the play, still wrapped in plastic and everything. I thought he had just brought it to show it to me and I was thinking, "Wow, that's really nerdy, but I suppose that's a nice thing to do," but then he was like, "Keep it. Turn it in as part of your production book." I told him no, that I couldn't keep it, but he insisted. At this point I was starting to finally really get concerned because I realized he probably likes me and I'm just not interested in him at all whatsoever. I'm not attracted to him and he's just kind of a geek. But he was harmless, I thought. Until today. Now I'm not so sure. Because get this: this evening I was cleaning my bathroom when there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and it was the guy! I was like, "Uh...hi..." and he said, "I thought that was you!" Again all I could say was, "Uh..." and he added, "I was just going to check my mail and I noticed you. I live in apartment 233, I didn't realize you lived in this complex too!" There are several problems with this encounter. Number 1, he knocked on a random person's door without knowing for sure that it was going to be me. Number 2, it's not like I was outside and he noticed me walking by the mailroom or something. He noticed me through my apartment window. It was dusk and I hadn't gotten around to closing the blinds yet so he must have looked through the doorway to my patio and seen me cleaning my bathroom sink. That's pretty damn creepy. Number 3, we had this really awkward conversation because he's a really awkward person, and when I mentioned I was cleaning my apartment he said, "Oh, why, are your parents coming to visit or something?" I told him, "No, I clean every week," and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "WHY?" and I looked at him like he was crazy (because apparently he is) and said, "Because I don't like to live in a dirty apartment." I can't imagine the state of this guy's apartment if he only bothers cleaning when someone is coming to visit. I can't believe there are really people that live like that. It would drive me insane. Anyway, he left and went back to his place, but two hours later he showed up again and invited me to take a "study break" at Starbucks with him. I declined because I'd just gotten back from the store and was unloading all of my stuff and I still needed to do a bunch of stuff around the apartment and, well, I just didn't want to go anywhere with him. I think he's being unnaturally, almost scarily forward now. I just hope he doesn't start knocking on my door every day, because there's nothing I hate more than having to have one of those "Listen, I'm just not interested in you..." conversations. I feel like I've had an inordinate amount of those conversations in my life already. And there's no way I can pretend I'm not home when I am, because a) I park right outside my apartment and even if I didn't this complex is so small he'd see my car no matter where it was in the parking lot and b) if my TV is on-and it always is-you can hear it through the front door no matter how low I have the volume on. So basically, I'm screwed. Greeaaaat.
Somehow it's already 1 in the morning and I really do have to work hard on my paper tomorrow and Tuesday so I need to go to bed. I cannot believe I'm going to attempt to write a 10 page paper in just two days. All I have so far is six note cards of information, two articles, and an outline. The outline makes me feel better about where this paper is going, but I still don't know how the hell I'm planning to pull this off. I've never pulled off procrastination this extreme before, so I'm worried. We'll see what happens.
A couple of little weird things happened this weekend. Like I saw the same very distinctive woman twice in the same weekend in different places in town. I guess that's not too strange because it's not as if this place is exactly enormous, but the thing that made it weird was that she was a very white woman wearing traditional African clothing. I saw her on Friday morning in the theatre building and then again on Saturday night when I was at the town Christmas festival with my sister and the dogs. The strange clothing combined with seeing her twice in two days was just kind of odd.
Then today at the grocery store I picked up a box of razor blades and an alarm started going off! So I put it back down on the shelf, and the alarm stopped. Reached up to grab it again, the alarm went off again. Repeated this two or three times. What the hell?! So I wandered up and down the aisle as stealthily as possible, pretending to check out feminine hygiene products but secretly eyeing the razor blades and looking for directions on what to do, hoping that somebody else would come by to buy razor blades so I could figure out what the heck I was supposed to do to get my blades without sirens wailing. There was no sign telling me that I couldn't take razor blades myself, but the alarm was really unnerving. Finally an HEB employee wandered down the aisle and I asked her what was up with the alarm and she told me that a lot of razor blades have been stolen lately, "especially from the men's side" so they put an alarm on them so that store employees can tell whenever someone is in the razor blade aisle. How weird is that? Does anyone else's grocery store do this or is my HEB crazy? I've never seen that sort of alarm on a product before.
And then a kind of big weird thing happened. There's this kid in my directing class who seems to be kinda into me (well, I say kid, he's at least 21 since I know he goes to the bars, but he's an undergrad and in my mind they're all kids, even though many of them are older than me). He has called me by name all semester, weeks and weeks before I figured out his name. Sometimes he waits outside the building to trap me into conversation after class. Whenever food is being passed around directing class he always offers some to me before taking any for himself. The scene I directed was about comic book heroes and yesterday he brought me one of the comics featured in the play, still wrapped in plastic and everything. I thought he had just brought it to show it to me and I was thinking, "Wow, that's really nerdy, but I suppose that's a nice thing to do," but then he was like, "Keep it. Turn it in as part of your production book." I told him no, that I couldn't keep it, but he insisted. At this point I was starting to finally really get concerned because I realized he probably likes me and I'm just not interested in him at all whatsoever. I'm not attracted to him and he's just kind of a geek. But he was harmless, I thought. Until today. Now I'm not so sure. Because get this: this evening I was cleaning my bathroom when there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and it was the guy! I was like, "Uh...hi..." and he said, "I thought that was you!" Again all I could say was, "Uh..." and he added, "I was just going to check my mail and I noticed you. I live in apartment 233, I didn't realize you lived in this complex too!" There are several problems with this encounter. Number 1, he knocked on a random person's door without knowing for sure that it was going to be me. Number 2, it's not like I was outside and he noticed me walking by the mailroom or something. He noticed me through my apartment window. It was dusk and I hadn't gotten around to closing the blinds yet so he must have looked through the doorway to my patio and seen me cleaning my bathroom sink. That's pretty damn creepy. Number 3, we had this really awkward conversation because he's a really awkward person, and when I mentioned I was cleaning my apartment he said, "Oh, why, are your parents coming to visit or something?" I told him, "No, I clean every week," and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "WHY?" and I looked at him like he was crazy (because apparently he is) and said, "Because I don't like to live in a dirty apartment." I can't imagine the state of this guy's apartment if he only bothers cleaning when someone is coming to visit. I can't believe there are really people that live like that. It would drive me insane. Anyway, he left and went back to his place, but two hours later he showed up again and invited me to take a "study break" at Starbucks with him. I declined because I'd just gotten back from the store and was unloading all of my stuff and I still needed to do a bunch of stuff around the apartment and, well, I just didn't want to go anywhere with him. I think he's being unnaturally, almost scarily forward now. I just hope he doesn't start knocking on my door every day, because there's nothing I hate more than having to have one of those "Listen, I'm just not interested in you..." conversations. I feel like I've had an inordinate amount of those conversations in my life already. And there's no way I can pretend I'm not home when I am, because a) I park right outside my apartment and even if I didn't this complex is so small he'd see my car no matter where it was in the parking lot and b) if my TV is on-and it always is-you can hear it through the front door no matter how low I have the volume on. So basically, I'm screwed. Greeaaaat.
Somehow it's already 1 in the morning and I really do have to work hard on my paper tomorrow and Tuesday so I need to go to bed. I cannot believe I'm going to attempt to write a 10 page paper in just two days. All I have so far is six note cards of information, two articles, and an outline. The outline makes me feel better about where this paper is going, but I still don't know how the hell I'm planning to pull this off. I've never pulled off procrastination this extreme before, so I'm worried. We'll see what happens.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Love my pointless post
I don't even know why I bother doing posts like this, where all I say is "Hello, I don't have time to write." It's so pointless. And yet here I am doing it.
I also know I said I wouldn't just use this thing to bitch so I'm going to try to refrain from doing that but
FUCK, my lead actor dropped out of my directing scene TODAY. Today is Tuesday. The final performance is on SATURDAY. I want to kill this kid, but I can't. I can't even call him and yell at him because the motherfucker doesn't have a cell phone and trying to convey the amount of anger and disappointment I'm feeling through an e-mail is just going to frustrate me even more. Luckily my friend Skyler volunteered to step into the role when I called him in a blind panic this afternoon so he's hopefully memorizing lines right this second and we're gonna have two rehearsals between now and Saturday and since it should be very clear to my professor that I had to have a last minute actor switch I hope he'll grade leniently and everything should be okay. The whole thing pissed me off, though. A month of rehearsals down the drain. This is exactly why I hate projects that require me to rely on other people. I will never trust again! (Melodramatic gasp, hand to forehead, faints to couch, etc.)
This particular week is going to suck because I have to stage manage directing scenes every night this week from 3 until midnight and then on Saturday from 11 until 6. RIDICULOUS, in a very bad way. The mornings are taken up by various rehearsals and attempting to wear the dog out as much as possible so that he's okay with being home alone for 9 hours every day. And somewhere in there I have to memorize lines and blocking for the scene I'm in on Saturday and write the 10 page paper that's due next Wednesday. Wednesday night I'll cram for my final on Thursday. Next Friday I'll finally have a free day and I figure I'll really need to rest by then. Which leaves that Saturday and Sunday to work on the final Stage Management paper that's due Monday and my final promptbook and script analysis for Directing that's due on Tuesday. Oh, and my dog needs to do several obedience classes Saturday-Tuesday so I can get my money's worth by finishing the course before I leave for Christmas.
It's gonna suck. But this pre-Christmas vacation time of year kind of sucks for everyone, I think. As much as I love Thanksgiving, it just gives me a taste of vacation that makes it that much harder to wait until Christmas.
Christmas is so soon, though! And it's gonna be a great break. For the first time in five years I won't have anything to do over break at all. No schoolwork, no preparing for auditions, no working on college or grad school applications. An entire month of doing absolutely nothing unless I want to do it! And so many fun things are lined up: visiting my friends in Fort Worth for a few days, Christmas itself, the family trip to Vegas for Chelsea's birthday, Mike coming here to San Marcos to stay for almost a week...I cannot wait.
Anyway, I was gonna attempt to get some work done on my paper tonight but after our final theatre history class all of us including the professor went to the bar for drinks and two hours and a few drinks later I'm no longer in a working mood. I am in a GOOD mood, though. I think every class should end at the bar. It was great to just chill with everyone for a while and not think about school-related things. And of course we all vowed to hang out a lot more often because we had so much fun together but it's just so hard to find the time. Graduate school really is a strangely solitary thing.
I also can't concentrate on my paper because I keep thinking about how awesome Thanksgiving was and how I really just want to be sitting somewhere laughing with Mike right now.
Soon, soon, soon.
Alright, I'm gonna go organize my stage management notebook and memorize my lines since that doesn't require complete sobriety.
I also know I said I wouldn't just use this thing to bitch so I'm going to try to refrain from doing that but
FUCK, my lead actor dropped out of my directing scene TODAY. Today is Tuesday. The final performance is on SATURDAY. I want to kill this kid, but I can't. I can't even call him and yell at him because the motherfucker doesn't have a cell phone and trying to convey the amount of anger and disappointment I'm feeling through an e-mail is just going to frustrate me even more. Luckily my friend Skyler volunteered to step into the role when I called him in a blind panic this afternoon so he's hopefully memorizing lines right this second and we're gonna have two rehearsals between now and Saturday and since it should be very clear to my professor that I had to have a last minute actor switch I hope he'll grade leniently and everything should be okay. The whole thing pissed me off, though. A month of rehearsals down the drain. This is exactly why I hate projects that require me to rely on other people. I will never trust again! (Melodramatic gasp, hand to forehead, faints to couch, etc.)
This particular week is going to suck because I have to stage manage directing scenes every night this week from 3 until midnight and then on Saturday from 11 until 6. RIDICULOUS, in a very bad way. The mornings are taken up by various rehearsals and attempting to wear the dog out as much as possible so that he's okay with being home alone for 9 hours every day. And somewhere in there I have to memorize lines and blocking for the scene I'm in on Saturday and write the 10 page paper that's due next Wednesday. Wednesday night I'll cram for my final on Thursday. Next Friday I'll finally have a free day and I figure I'll really need to rest by then. Which leaves that Saturday and Sunday to work on the final Stage Management paper that's due Monday and my final promptbook and script analysis for Directing that's due on Tuesday. Oh, and my dog needs to do several obedience classes Saturday-Tuesday so I can get my money's worth by finishing the course before I leave for Christmas.
It's gonna suck. But this pre-Christmas vacation time of year kind of sucks for everyone, I think. As much as I love Thanksgiving, it just gives me a taste of vacation that makes it that much harder to wait until Christmas.
Christmas is so soon, though! And it's gonna be a great break. For the first time in five years I won't have anything to do over break at all. No schoolwork, no preparing for auditions, no working on college or grad school applications. An entire month of doing absolutely nothing unless I want to do it! And so many fun things are lined up: visiting my friends in Fort Worth for a few days, Christmas itself, the family trip to Vegas for Chelsea's birthday, Mike coming here to San Marcos to stay for almost a week...I cannot wait.
Anyway, I was gonna attempt to get some work done on my paper tonight but after our final theatre history class all of us including the professor went to the bar for drinks and two hours and a few drinks later I'm no longer in a working mood. I am in a GOOD mood, though. I think every class should end at the bar. It was great to just chill with everyone for a while and not think about school-related things. And of course we all vowed to hang out a lot more often because we had so much fun together but it's just so hard to find the time. Graduate school really is a strangely solitary thing.
I also can't concentrate on my paper because I keep thinking about how awesome Thanksgiving was and how I really just want to be sitting somewhere laughing with Mike right now.
Soon, soon, soon.
Alright, I'm gonna go organize my stage management notebook and memorize my lines since that doesn't require complete sobriety.
Monday, November 28, 2005
(Insert tiny smiley face here)
Thanksgiving Break has succeeded my expectations.
I'd like to attempt to write about it eventually but I have way too much work this week and this break has been one of those things that's gonna be kinda tricky to get into words anyway. So good, so fun, so much more complicated than I'd like to pretend it all is.
But I'm happy, and even knowing I have to go back to school tomorrow and work to the point of exhaustion for the next two weeks doesn't make me feel down. Because it's almost Christmas and two weeks go by so fast and there's a lot to look forward to right now.
I'd like to attempt to write about it eventually but I have way too much work this week and this break has been one of those things that's gonna be kinda tricky to get into words anyway. So good, so fun, so much more complicated than I'd like to pretend it all is.
But I'm happy, and even knowing I have to go back to school tomorrow and work to the point of exhaustion for the next two weeks doesn't make me feel down. Because it's almost Christmas and two weeks go by so fast and there's a lot to look forward to right now.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Thanksgiving Break tomorrow!!!
Tomorrow I'm flying home for Thanksgiving.
It's been years since I've looked forward to going to El Paso this much. I'm excited about Thanksgiving dinner, and meeting my parents' dog Lola the basset-shepherd mix for the first time (she looks so awesome in pictures!), and eating at Hudson's and Julio's, and drinking at the Ale House, and being "best friends" with Mike for a few days.
It's gonna be awesome. Even if break is only half as good as I think it's going to be, it's still going to be pretty damn good.
Even though I never did write Major Paper number 2 and will now have to work on it at least a little bit over break. Oh well, whatever. Maybe I'll be able to focus better at home (Ha. Haha). On the bright side, my Stage Management professor changed our final project to something much, much easier today so that's one less thing to stress out about. So I'm gonna try to rest and have a good time and rejuvenate so that even if I have to work my ass off when I get back it won't kill me.
Maybe I'll update when I'm in El Paso, maybe I won't. Have a happy Thanksgiving either way.
It's been years since I've looked forward to going to El Paso this much. I'm excited about Thanksgiving dinner, and meeting my parents' dog Lola the basset-shepherd mix for the first time (she looks so awesome in pictures!), and eating at Hudson's and Julio's, and drinking at the Ale House, and being "best friends" with Mike for a few days.
It's gonna be awesome. Even if break is only half as good as I think it's going to be, it's still going to be pretty damn good.
Even though I never did write Major Paper number 2 and will now have to work on it at least a little bit over break. Oh well, whatever. Maybe I'll be able to focus better at home (Ha. Haha). On the bright side, my Stage Management professor changed our final project to something much, much easier today so that's one less thing to stress out about. So I'm gonna try to rest and have a good time and rejuvenate so that even if I have to work my ass off when I get back it won't kill me.
Maybe I'll update when I'm in El Paso, maybe I won't. Have a happy Thanksgiving either way.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Any man of mine
This morning I was on the phone with Mike and we got on the subject of how he's a girl juggler, how he'll sometimes have several girls he's dating/seeing/talking to/whatever all together at the same bar on the same night and how he's proud of his ability to...how shall I say this...well, to work all of them simultaneously without pissing anybody off.
I admitted to him that yes, that's a skill, and that most guys suck at that. But I also told him that women aren't stupid and that we always see through that no matter how smooth the guy is. I warned him that the minute he leaves, all of the girls get together and wonder aloud who he's really interested in and what kind of game he's trying to play. Any woman reading this knows I'm right, because that's what girls do. And I warned him that right now the girls are playing along, but that they won't play along forever.
And I think any woman reading this will agree. If not, forgive me for generalizing. But seriously, here's how it works for me, and I'm assuming for most people because I see it in action all the time.
If I'm out somewhere and I run into a guy I'm interested in, and he's clearly flirting with me as well as several other girls at the bar, I'll play along for one night. Why? Because it's competition. In that way guys are smart. They know that we girls instinctively want to beat out all of the other girls and be the most desirable one in the room, so we're gonna do our best to look hot, to turn on the charm, to come across as witty and sexy and fun. I do it, and every other girl I know does it whether she admits it or not. The hope is always that I'm gonna be the "winner", that even though said guy has been flirting with half a dozen people over the course of the night, I'm the one that's going to get the phone number, the ride home, the goodnight kiss, the invitation to come home with him, the prize.
The thing is-and I really do believe this-the better girls are only going to play the game for so long. I personally will only work for a guy one time. Maybe, maybe twice, if I really think that there's an undeniable special bond between us. I find it degrading to have to work for a guy's attention. Call it old school if you will, but I believe if a guy is really interested in me he's going to be the one to ask for my number, he's going to call me, he's going to leave his group of friends to come over to talk to me, etc. I just don't believe that a guy I could have a great relationship with is going to make me be the one to make the first move and work for the relationship. Simply because that's not the sort of guy I'm attracted to. I believe that if the guy is right for me I won't have to work hard to attract him. And vice versa, since I don't think the right guy will have to work hard to attract me, either.
I would like to believe that any girl with self confidence and self respect feels the same way. If this sort of attitude makes me hard to get, or a snob, so be it. I personally don't feel like that's the case. Mike sort of implied that this attitude is going to make it hard for me to find a guy, but I disagree completely. It's gonna make it easier for me to find a guy that's compatible with me.
It works like this: Say Hypothetical Guy, Hypothetical Slut, Hypothetical Angel-Girl, and I are all at a bar. HS, HAG (haha, hag) and I are all flirting with HG. If HG doesn't realize pretty quickly that I'm the best of all of the girls he's flirting with and make some sort of commitment to me (taking my number and not theirs, talking much more to me than to them, whatever), then he's obviously not the one for me. Maybe he can't see that I'm the best. Maybe for him I'm honestly NOT the best (which is often the case and I readily admit that, I by no means believe I'm the best possible girl in the world for every guy). In either case, I'm not gonna try to convince him otherwise. Because the thing is, I am confident enough to believe that there are enough guys in the world who will naturally think that I AM the best girl for them that I shouldn't have to bust my ass convincing the others to fall for me. And if that's not the case, if there's not a single guy in the world for whom I'm the most desirable girl on the planet, then I'd rather just be alone. I would honestly rather be single forever than to be with a guy that I had to work for.
Because I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near it. I have plenty of flaws that a lot of people would never want to deal with. But I'm smart and driven and am the sort of person that will always make ends meet no matter what I have to do and will never just sit at home drinking up the paycheck. I'm really good at keeping the house neat. I won't give you a hard time about having women friends because I'm good at keeping jealous feelings to myself (when I have them at all). I'll let you go to strip clubs and watch football and play videogames without complaining about it (well, so long as you're not playing videogames instead of like, holding down a steady job). I'll even do those things with you if you want me to! I'm pretty and ( am determined to never be one of those married women that lets herself go and if my mother is any indication I might even get better looking as I get older. I am adventerous and like to travel and try new things and I'd be willing to try almost any crazy idea you had in mind. I don't expect fancy presents and I don't want to be spoiled. I'm very easy-to-please. I have a great sense of humor. I'm a lot of fun in bed. I think I'd be a really good (albeit somewhat neurotic) mother to your children-even though I can't guarantee I won't let the shopping cart go in a parking lot with our child still strapped into the seat. I'll make you feel really, really special.
The best possible guy out there for me will realize all of that without me having to throw myself at him to make him see it. He's going to be able to see how awesome I am on his own, without me having to find a way to convince him. I believe that.
And that's why this girl doesn't work for any man.
I admitted to him that yes, that's a skill, and that most guys suck at that. But I also told him that women aren't stupid and that we always see through that no matter how smooth the guy is. I warned him that the minute he leaves, all of the girls get together and wonder aloud who he's really interested in and what kind of game he's trying to play. Any woman reading this knows I'm right, because that's what girls do. And I warned him that right now the girls are playing along, but that they won't play along forever.
And I think any woman reading this will agree. If not, forgive me for generalizing. But seriously, here's how it works for me, and I'm assuming for most people because I see it in action all the time.
If I'm out somewhere and I run into a guy I'm interested in, and he's clearly flirting with me as well as several other girls at the bar, I'll play along for one night. Why? Because it's competition. In that way guys are smart. They know that we girls instinctively want to beat out all of the other girls and be the most desirable one in the room, so we're gonna do our best to look hot, to turn on the charm, to come across as witty and sexy and fun. I do it, and every other girl I know does it whether she admits it or not. The hope is always that I'm gonna be the "winner", that even though said guy has been flirting with half a dozen people over the course of the night, I'm the one that's going to get the phone number, the ride home, the goodnight kiss, the invitation to come home with him, the prize.
The thing is-and I really do believe this-the better girls are only going to play the game for so long. I personally will only work for a guy one time. Maybe, maybe twice, if I really think that there's an undeniable special bond between us. I find it degrading to have to work for a guy's attention. Call it old school if you will, but I believe if a guy is really interested in me he's going to be the one to ask for my number, he's going to call me, he's going to leave his group of friends to come over to talk to me, etc. I just don't believe that a guy I could have a great relationship with is going to make me be the one to make the first move and work for the relationship. Simply because that's not the sort of guy I'm attracted to. I believe that if the guy is right for me I won't have to work hard to attract him. And vice versa, since I don't think the right guy will have to work hard to attract me, either.
I would like to believe that any girl with self confidence and self respect feels the same way. If this sort of attitude makes me hard to get, or a snob, so be it. I personally don't feel like that's the case. Mike sort of implied that this attitude is going to make it hard for me to find a guy, but I disagree completely. It's gonna make it easier for me to find a guy that's compatible with me.
It works like this: Say Hypothetical Guy, Hypothetical Slut, Hypothetical Angel-Girl, and I are all at a bar. HS, HAG (haha, hag) and I are all flirting with HG. If HG doesn't realize pretty quickly that I'm the best of all of the girls he's flirting with and make some sort of commitment to me (taking my number and not theirs, talking much more to me than to them, whatever), then he's obviously not the one for me. Maybe he can't see that I'm the best. Maybe for him I'm honestly NOT the best (which is often the case and I readily admit that, I by no means believe I'm the best possible girl in the world for every guy). In either case, I'm not gonna try to convince him otherwise. Because the thing is, I am confident enough to believe that there are enough guys in the world who will naturally think that I AM the best girl for them that I shouldn't have to bust my ass convincing the others to fall for me. And if that's not the case, if there's not a single guy in the world for whom I'm the most desirable girl on the planet, then I'd rather just be alone. I would honestly rather be single forever than to be with a guy that I had to work for.
Because I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near it. I have plenty of flaws that a lot of people would never want to deal with. But I'm smart and driven and am the sort of person that will always make ends meet no matter what I have to do and will never just sit at home drinking up the paycheck. I'm really good at keeping the house neat. I won't give you a hard time about having women friends because I'm good at keeping jealous feelings to myself (when I have them at all). I'll let you go to strip clubs and watch football and play videogames without complaining about it (well, so long as you're not playing videogames instead of like, holding down a steady job). I'll even do those things with you if you want me to! I'm pretty and ( am determined to never be one of those married women that lets herself go and if my mother is any indication I might even get better looking as I get older. I am adventerous and like to travel and try new things and I'd be willing to try almost any crazy idea you had in mind. I don't expect fancy presents and I don't want to be spoiled. I'm very easy-to-please. I have a great sense of humor. I'm a lot of fun in bed. I think I'd be a really good (albeit somewhat neurotic) mother to your children-even though I can't guarantee I won't let the shopping cart go in a parking lot with our child still strapped into the seat. I'll make you feel really, really special.
The best possible guy out there for me will realize all of that without me having to throw myself at him to make him see it. He's going to be able to see how awesome I am on his own, without me having to find a way to convince him. I believe that.
And that's why this girl doesn't work for any man.
The holidays are coming!
It's Christmas time at my apartment!! Fully aware of the fact that it is only November 19th, I put up Christmas decorations today anyway. I was thinking about it and realized that since I'm going to be in El Paso until November 28th and then in Fort Worth December 15th through the 18th and then back to El Paso for Christmas that I really won't have much time to actually enjoy the holiday season here. Only a couple of weeks, really. And I also realize that the week after Thanksgiving is probably going to be my most difficult school week so far so I doubt I'll have time to actually sleep much that week, much less hang lights on my patio. So I did it today. Now my apartment is all cute and Christmas-y (inside, anyway. Even though I already hung the outdoor lights I don't think I'll actually use them until after Thanksgiving because I don't think it's really fair to subject my neighbors to my own personal holiday festivities six whole weeks before Christmas). Anyway, my favorite part of the whole thing is my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree. It's a live tree but, well, I got it at Target. And it's only a foot tall. And now it's COVERED in lights and silver and red ornaments that completely overwhelm the poor little tree. And yet I sorta love it.
What else has been going on around here, you ask? Not much. We have a show going on at school this week so I've been dressing up and managing the box office every night since Tuesday. Tomorrow is the last day of the run and then my job is over for the rest of the semester, other than figuring out grades for all of my workers, which should be really easy. I think I have the easiest assistantship by far, even when people get trapped in the elevator after the show and Allyssa the house manager and I have to stand in the box office pretending that we're figuring out who to call for emergency help but secretly trying not to laugh too hard about the whole thing. And even when grumpy old men glare at me through the box office window and demand that I fix things that I a) didn't mess up in the first place and b) have no idea how to fix since they aren't actually my job. I'm nothing if not a problem solver.
I had a fun weekend. I once again have managed to completely avoid actually doing any meaningul work on my second research paper. Oh, but on the bright side I rocked-I mean seriously ROCKED-my first research paper. I got a 95 on my first draft, which shocked the hell out of me. And then when I presented my paper on Thursday the professor described my presentation as "polished" and my paper as "conference-ready", which is thrilling since I totally didn't practice my presentation at all and I still can't fathom that I wrote something that other scholars might actually find interesting. Hello, tangent. So, back on track. Major paper number 2. Paper number 2 doesn't exist yet, but that's what tomorrow is for. I plan to at least do the bulk of the research tomorrow. Seriously. Because all I've done so far this weekend is sleep a lot, go out for sushi and watch the new Harry Potter movie with my siblings, and hit the River Pub for post-show drinks with Allyssa and Jay. Which is all fine and good, but that's a whole lot of "social" for me and I really do need to get some work done tomorrow or I'm not going to be able to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving. And I really, really want to be able to do that.
What else has been going on around here, you ask? Not much. We have a show going on at school this week so I've been dressing up and managing the box office every night since Tuesday. Tomorrow is the last day of the run and then my job is over for the rest of the semester, other than figuring out grades for all of my workers, which should be really easy. I think I have the easiest assistantship by far, even when people get trapped in the elevator after the show and Allyssa the house manager and I have to stand in the box office pretending that we're figuring out who to call for emergency help but secretly trying not to laugh too hard about the whole thing. And even when grumpy old men glare at me through the box office window and demand that I fix things that I a) didn't mess up in the first place and b) have no idea how to fix since they aren't actually my job. I'm nothing if not a problem solver.
I had a fun weekend. I once again have managed to completely avoid actually doing any meaningul work on my second research paper. Oh, but on the bright side I rocked-I mean seriously ROCKED-my first research paper. I got a 95 on my first draft, which shocked the hell out of me. And then when I presented my paper on Thursday the professor described my presentation as "polished" and my paper as "conference-ready", which is thrilling since I totally didn't practice my presentation at all and I still can't fathom that I wrote something that other scholars might actually find interesting. Hello, tangent. So, back on track. Major paper number 2. Paper number 2 doesn't exist yet, but that's what tomorrow is for. I plan to at least do the bulk of the research tomorrow. Seriously. Because all I've done so far this weekend is sleep a lot, go out for sushi and watch the new Harry Potter movie with my siblings, and hit the River Pub for post-show drinks with Allyssa and Jay. Which is all fine and good, but that's a whole lot of "social" for me and I really do need to get some work done tomorrow or I'm not going to be able to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving. And I really, really want to be able to do that.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Turkey-flavored soda
Ugh, I can't bring myself to do anything productive these days. I haven't done any studying/writing at all today. I didn't really do any this weekend, either. I did the reading I absolutely had to do for tomorrow and nothing else. I have all of this stuff due in the two weeks after Thanksgiving, plus I have to stage manage a show when I get back here so I won't have much free time. Logically, this means I should be working my ass off this week but I just don't want to do it.
The only productive thing I've actually felt like doing lately is exercising, and at least that's something but it's not gonna help me finish the semester.
There's really no point to this entry, since I have nothing to say.
Have you seen those sodas flavored like Thanksgiving food? They come in a gift set at Target. There's turkey, stuffing, mashed potato, brussel sprout, and cranberry. They sound AWFUL (well, except for cranberry; that would probably be pretty g00d) and yet I really want to taste each one. Just to see what they are like. If it wasn't $2 per soda I'd probably buy the set just to see what it's like. It makes me think of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and that bubble gum that's a three-course meal. Maybe I can get some people to split the cost with me. If two or three people bought the set together it wouldn't be that expensive, and I bet you'd only want one sip of each of those sodas anyway. Who wants to try it?
I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. Food, family, fun, just chillin' for six days (assuming I get my act together and actually do my work this week, that is).
I'm so lazy. Also, I'm having intense difficulties making decisions right now, about little things and big things. Hopefully this doesn't last long, because I usually have a gut instinct about pretty much everything that I can more or less trust, but my instincts have apparently totally abandoned me this week. It sucks. How do you indecisive people live like this?
P.S.-I just told Mike about wanting to try the Thanksgiving-flavored sodas, and his respose was, "You're turning violet, Violet!" Exactly!! Let's get some!
The only productive thing I've actually felt like doing lately is exercising, and at least that's something but it's not gonna help me finish the semester.
There's really no point to this entry, since I have nothing to say.
Have you seen those sodas flavored like Thanksgiving food? They come in a gift set at Target. There's turkey, stuffing, mashed potato, brussel sprout, and cranberry. They sound AWFUL (well, except for cranberry; that would probably be pretty g00d) and yet I really want to taste each one. Just to see what they are like. If it wasn't $2 per soda I'd probably buy the set just to see what it's like. It makes me think of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and that bubble gum that's a three-course meal. Maybe I can get some people to split the cost with me. If two or three people bought the set together it wouldn't be that expensive, and I bet you'd only want one sip of each of those sodas anyway. Who wants to try it?
I'm so excited about Thanksgiving. Food, family, fun, just chillin' for six days (assuming I get my act together and actually do my work this week, that is).
I'm so lazy. Also, I'm having intense difficulties making decisions right now, about little things and big things. Hopefully this doesn't last long, because I usually have a gut instinct about pretty much everything that I can more or less trust, but my instincts have apparently totally abandoned me this week. It sucks. How do you indecisive people live like this?
P.S.-I just told Mike about wanting to try the Thanksgiving-flavored sodas, and his respose was, "You're turning violet, Violet!" Exactly!! Let's get some!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Lonely?
So, I was talking to Mike tonight about how we've been getting so close again within the past couple of months, and he hypothesized that maybe one of the reasons we're getting close again is that I'm lonely here and since I don't know many people I end up talking to him a lot more than I did when I was in Fort Worth and had any number of people to call and hang out with when I was feeling even remotely bored.
The thing is, I know he should be right. For all intents and purposes I probably should be feeling lonely here. The majority of my social interaction here happens before, in, and after class or with all of the people that work for me in the box office. Beyond that I hang out with my sister and brother in Austin, I make small talk with my neighbors and the people I've met at the dog park with Cohen, and Matthew and I go out together every once in a while. I went from a life in Fort Worth where it wasn't a weekend unless there had been a crazy night at the bar or a theme party and even on slow social weeks I was going out at least twice a week, to here where I actually dress up and go out two, maybe three times a month. The majority of my truly meaningful social interaction takes place over the phone with people that live elsewhere. All of that should probably make me sad, but it doesn't.
I feel very content here. For the first time since middle school I actually feel like I'm getting enough sleep most days (even when I'm "tired" now it's nowhere near the complete brain-fog exhaustion I felt so many mornings in high school and college). I enjoy my classes and after a semester that has been successful so far I feel pretty smart most days. I take a lot of walks and get a lot of exercise. I'm being good to myself in a way I haven't been in a long, long time. Even though most of the people I know here are still just acquaintances at this point, I can walk into the theatre building now and have people say, "Hi, Ashley!" I can sit with my fellow grad students and feel comfortable bitching about other people, which is a test of friendship for me. Ha. If I really need something, I feel like there are people I could call who would help me. I guess if I'm totally honest with myself I sometimes (much less often than one might think) feel a small pang of jealousy when I talk to Jenny or Mike or Kymberli or whoever and they are on their way out to meet friends at the bar, but oddly enough I just don't think of that sort of thing as part of my life here. I don't miss it because it just wouldn't fit somehow. Which is not to say I'm never gonna have a wild night at the bar again, just that I no longer feel unfulfilled without it.
The annoying thing is, I feel like I'm constantly having to justify my happiness to other people. I'm doing it right here in my own journal for god's sake! I'm perfectly happy with my life until someone else asks me if I did anything exciting over the weekend, or whether or not there are any interesting guys here. And then suddenly I feel inadequate, like I should invent some kind of guy drama just to make my life sound more interesting, or like I have to rationalize the fact that I really don't have much of a social life by explaining just how much hard work this masters program is and how I literally don't have time to go out anymore. Which is kind of true many weeks, but not always. Lord knows I could squeeze in time to go out and party hard if I really wanted to. But I don't want to. Not very often, anyway. It's sort of like when I first moved into the dorms when I was a freshman in college and some nights I would just want to lie in bed with a magazine but I didn't feel like I could do that because every single time I tried someone would be knocking on my door with a pitying look, asking if I wanted to come down to someone else's room to hang out so I wouldn't be lonely. I guess it's hard for other people to relate to someone who is as naturally introverted as I am. People who need other people to feel satisfied don't understand someone like me who can have one twenty minute conversation a day and honestly consider that enough social interaction. I get a lot more than that, and I don't want to imply that I don't appreciate all of my friends and love spending time with them because I do. I never regret the times I actually do go out and interact with the world. But in terms of sheer need, I don't really NEED many people. Friendships are a nice added bonus of life, but I don't need a ton of them. Two or three people who truly "get" me are all I've ever really needed. Maybe this is exactly why it does take me so long to warm up to get really close to new people. After all, I can't say I'm really desperately seeking them out.
Like I said, the only thing that bothers me about my current lifestyle is that I feel as though other people must find me extremely boring. And I wish I didn't care about that, but like I said, it's hard to justify to other people that I really am satisfied when I realize that to an observer my life must seem exceedingly dull.
Oh well. I'll be "exciting" when I'm on vacation in Fort Worth and have bar-hopping buddies. I may even be somewhat exciting when I'm in El Paso. But right here, right now, I just don't want to do anything more than what I'm doing. And I personally don't see what's wrong with that. Maybe someday I'll get bored with this and start seeking out more social interaction. But until then, I don't want people feeling bad for me. Just because my current lifestyle wouldn't make an interesting reality television show doesn't mean it isn't perfectly satisfying for me. And if I do eventually get really bored and lonely, I'll let you all know so you can save me.
The thing is, I know he should be right. For all intents and purposes I probably should be feeling lonely here. The majority of my social interaction here happens before, in, and after class or with all of the people that work for me in the box office. Beyond that I hang out with my sister and brother in Austin, I make small talk with my neighbors and the people I've met at the dog park with Cohen, and Matthew and I go out together every once in a while. I went from a life in Fort Worth where it wasn't a weekend unless there had been a crazy night at the bar or a theme party and even on slow social weeks I was going out at least twice a week, to here where I actually dress up and go out two, maybe three times a month. The majority of my truly meaningful social interaction takes place over the phone with people that live elsewhere. All of that should probably make me sad, but it doesn't.
I feel very content here. For the first time since middle school I actually feel like I'm getting enough sleep most days (even when I'm "tired" now it's nowhere near the complete brain-fog exhaustion I felt so many mornings in high school and college). I enjoy my classes and after a semester that has been successful so far I feel pretty smart most days. I take a lot of walks and get a lot of exercise. I'm being good to myself in a way I haven't been in a long, long time. Even though most of the people I know here are still just acquaintances at this point, I can walk into the theatre building now and have people say, "Hi, Ashley!" I can sit with my fellow grad students and feel comfortable bitching about other people, which is a test of friendship for me. Ha. If I really need something, I feel like there are people I could call who would help me. I guess if I'm totally honest with myself I sometimes (much less often than one might think) feel a small pang of jealousy when I talk to Jenny or Mike or Kymberli or whoever and they are on their way out to meet friends at the bar, but oddly enough I just don't think of that sort of thing as part of my life here. I don't miss it because it just wouldn't fit somehow. Which is not to say I'm never gonna have a wild night at the bar again, just that I no longer feel unfulfilled without it.
The annoying thing is, I feel like I'm constantly having to justify my happiness to other people. I'm doing it right here in my own journal for god's sake! I'm perfectly happy with my life until someone else asks me if I did anything exciting over the weekend, or whether or not there are any interesting guys here. And then suddenly I feel inadequate, like I should invent some kind of guy drama just to make my life sound more interesting, or like I have to rationalize the fact that I really don't have much of a social life by explaining just how much hard work this masters program is and how I literally don't have time to go out anymore. Which is kind of true many weeks, but not always. Lord knows I could squeeze in time to go out and party hard if I really wanted to. But I don't want to. Not very often, anyway. It's sort of like when I first moved into the dorms when I was a freshman in college and some nights I would just want to lie in bed with a magazine but I didn't feel like I could do that because every single time I tried someone would be knocking on my door with a pitying look, asking if I wanted to come down to someone else's room to hang out so I wouldn't be lonely. I guess it's hard for other people to relate to someone who is as naturally introverted as I am. People who need other people to feel satisfied don't understand someone like me who can have one twenty minute conversation a day and honestly consider that enough social interaction. I get a lot more than that, and I don't want to imply that I don't appreciate all of my friends and love spending time with them because I do. I never regret the times I actually do go out and interact with the world. But in terms of sheer need, I don't really NEED many people. Friendships are a nice added bonus of life, but I don't need a ton of them. Two or three people who truly "get" me are all I've ever really needed. Maybe this is exactly why it does take me so long to warm up to get really close to new people. After all, I can't say I'm really desperately seeking them out.
Like I said, the only thing that bothers me about my current lifestyle is that I feel as though other people must find me extremely boring. And I wish I didn't care about that, but like I said, it's hard to justify to other people that I really am satisfied when I realize that to an observer my life must seem exceedingly dull.
Oh well. I'll be "exciting" when I'm on vacation in Fort Worth and have bar-hopping buddies. I may even be somewhat exciting when I'm in El Paso. But right here, right now, I just don't want to do anything more than what I'm doing. And I personally don't see what's wrong with that. Maybe someday I'll get bored with this and start seeking out more social interaction. But until then, I don't want people feeling bad for me. Just because my current lifestyle wouldn't make an interesting reality television show doesn't mean it isn't perfectly satisfying for me. And if I do eventually get really bored and lonely, I'll let you all know so you can save me.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Peaceful
1. Lighting candles and stretching out on the couch with a good book.
2. Waking up early in the morning, cuddling up closer to a guy I love, and falling back to sleep.
3. The first night of summer or Christmas vacation.
4. Swimming with the current when I'm in the river.
5. A rainy afternoon.
6. A long shower after a good workout.
7. Rubbing my basset hound's belly.
8. Watching seals or dolphins or fish swim.
9. Sitting around a fireplace sipping hot chocolate and Baileys.
10. The cabin in Ruidoso.
You can play, too, if you want.
2. Waking up early in the morning, cuddling up closer to a guy I love, and falling back to sleep.
3. The first night of summer or Christmas vacation.
4. Swimming with the current when I'm in the river.
5. A rainy afternoon.
6. A long shower after a good workout.
7. Rubbing my basset hound's belly.
8. Watching seals or dolphins or fish swim.
9. Sitting around a fireplace sipping hot chocolate and Baileys.
10. The cabin in Ruidoso.
You can play, too, if you want.
Wasting Time
| You Belong in London |
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What City Do You Belong In?
Why does that result not surprise me at all?
It's Wednesday and I don't have school today, so I should be productive and work on my paper, but am I? Nope. I am gonna go to rehearsal in 3 hours, though, even if that's the only thing I actually do today. And I'm getting up at 3:45 a.m. so I can be in Austin by 5 a.m. tomorrow to feed the homeless for Alpha Psi Omega, so I figure I deserve to be lazy today.
Burnout sucks. I so don't feel like anything but sitting on the couch, watching Style Network, and eating leftover birthday cake.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Birthday Roundup
So, I turned 23 yesterday. 24 hours later, I will say it hasn't been bad so far. Even though I do wish for the first time in my life that I could actually be younger. I briefly considered doing 22 Part II, but I am beginning to embrace and accept 23. After all, I don't want to eventually be one of those ladies who claims to be turning 35 when everyone knows for a fact she's 42. Plus maybe 23/2006 will be the year something BIG happens. Whatever something BIG might be.
My birthday was fun. It was more lowkey than the birthday celebrations I've had the past few years, but since I've been living a more lowkey life in general lately I liked it that way. My birthday started with happy birthday phone calls (and one "Happy Birthday, let's have sex!" phone call, which is good because a birthday is just not everything it should be unless there's hot action in some form) on Friday night/Saturday afternoon (not Saturday morning, since I happily slept through Saturday morning!). Then I went to Cohen's obedience class on Saturday afternoon and he was really good in class. He focused, he didn't "talk" the whole time like he usually does. I like to think his cooperation was his birthday present to me. Haha.
Saturday night was my birthday dinner at McCormick and Schmick's. It was delicious. I ate so much fish and talked both Chelsea and my cousin Asra into getting desserts I wanted to try so I was able to have chocolate cake, pecan pie, and quatro leches (not tres, QUATRO!) for dessert, and the Cosmopolitans at McCormick and Schmick's are beyond perfect. It was great. My grandparents threw the little party, which was really, really nice of them, and my siblings came along with my aunt, uncle and cousins and my great aunt and uncle. Big, crazy family thing. I had a good time. I thought I'd be home in time to go out for a birthday drink with Matthew, but I didn't end up getting back here until almost midnight. That's okay, though, since I was more or less celebrated out anyway.
Then today I used some of my birthday money to hit the outlet malls. I got several things and had one of those awesome days when every time I took something to the register to pay expecting it to be a certain amount it was actually less. Once it was like, fifty bucks less than I thought it was gonna be because both items I had picked out were 65% off, which I hadn't realized when I picked them out. That made my day.
What made it even better was that my sister surprised me tonight with a great present. She told me to come up to her house around dinner time to pick up my gift and said, "Don't eat, we'll pick up food when you get here." Which of course should have tipped me off to her surprise, but I was being really dense today and was very focused on my new jeans so I didn't really think twice about it. Well, when I got to her house she gave me a casserole dish of chicken enchiladas! She made the birthday dinner my mom always made for me when I was growing up, the birthday dinner I haven't actually had since my 18th birthday, the last one I spent at home. How sweet is that?! And as if that weren't enough, after dinner she came out of her bedroom with my very favorite chocolate cake with 24 candles in it (yes, it now takes an entire box of candles to adorn my birthday cake if you add "one to grow on"). Chelsea is awesome at presents. Anyway, Shane came over and had dinner with us, too, and I loved it. It made the weekend complete.
Oh, and then tonight we took pictures for my Christmas cards. The basset and I are part of a basset hound "Howliday" Card Exchange and I ordered my cards tonight. As a preview, here is my favorite mistake picture:
My birthday was fun. It was more lowkey than the birthday celebrations I've had the past few years, but since I've been living a more lowkey life in general lately I liked it that way. My birthday started with happy birthday phone calls (and one "Happy Birthday, let's have sex!" phone call, which is good because a birthday is just not everything it should be unless there's hot action in some form) on Friday night/Saturday afternoon (not Saturday morning, since I happily slept through Saturday morning!). Then I went to Cohen's obedience class on Saturday afternoon and he was really good in class. He focused, he didn't "talk" the whole time like he usually does. I like to think his cooperation was his birthday present to me. Haha.
Saturday night was my birthday dinner at McCormick and Schmick's. It was delicious. I ate so much fish and talked both Chelsea and my cousin Asra into getting desserts I wanted to try so I was able to have chocolate cake, pecan pie, and quatro leches (not tres, QUATRO!) for dessert, and the Cosmopolitans at McCormick and Schmick's are beyond perfect. It was great. My grandparents threw the little party, which was really, really nice of them, and my siblings came along with my aunt, uncle and cousins and my great aunt and uncle. Big, crazy family thing. I had a good time. I thought I'd be home in time to go out for a birthday drink with Matthew, but I didn't end up getting back here until almost midnight. That's okay, though, since I was more or less celebrated out anyway.
Then today I used some of my birthday money to hit the outlet malls. I got several things and had one of those awesome days when every time I took something to the register to pay expecting it to be a certain amount it was actually less. Once it was like, fifty bucks less than I thought it was gonna be because both items I had picked out were 65% off, which I hadn't realized when I picked them out. That made my day.
What made it even better was that my sister surprised me tonight with a great present. She told me to come up to her house around dinner time to pick up my gift and said, "Don't eat, we'll pick up food when you get here." Which of course should have tipped me off to her surprise, but I was being really dense today and was very focused on my new jeans so I didn't really think twice about it. Well, when I got to her house she gave me a casserole dish of chicken enchiladas! She made the birthday dinner my mom always made for me when I was growing up, the birthday dinner I haven't actually had since my 18th birthday, the last one I spent at home. How sweet is that?! And as if that weren't enough, after dinner she came out of her bedroom with my very favorite chocolate cake with 24 candles in it (yes, it now takes an entire box of candles to adorn my birthday cake if you add "one to grow on"). Chelsea is awesome at presents. Anyway, Shane came over and had dinner with us, too, and I loved it. It made the weekend complete.
Oh, and then tonight we took pictures for my Christmas cards. The basset and I are part of a basset hound "Howliday" Card Exchange and I ordered my cards tonight. As a preview, here is my favorite mistake picture:
Isn't his sweater awesome? I never thought I'd be one of those women who dresses up dogs, but what can I say? I put it on him as a joke and then had to buy it. Oh, and his tongue is not actually in my mouth, but it was pretty damn close! If you want one of the real cards, e-mail me your mailing address and I'll send them out closer to the holidays.
Anyway, it's bedtime because tomorrow is Monday. Only two more weeks until Thanksgiving break!!
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