Christmas Quotes 2005

Happy Christmas Eve!
Dad and I are watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, our late night Christmas Eve tradition. I love this movie, seriously. It's highly underrated, it has wonderful music. Really, it does. Watch it someday and you'll see what I mean.
I'm having a fun Christmas so far, tonight we went to Grandma and Grandpa's for fondue. As always when I'm with my crazy family on holidays, I have kept track of the Quotes of the Night for your entertainment. Without further adieu, here is tonight's list:
1. Chelsea: You can't make money in the porn industry unless you're willing to go both ways. Seriously, you have to go two ways.
Grandma: Actually, you need to go THREE ways.
Chelsea: What, like with animals?
Shane: That isn't that popular.
Grandma: No, animal porn is coming back in vogue!
[Why we were even having this discussion at the family dinner table is beyond me!]

2. "This thing doesn't have a dick!"-Grandpa, looking at a garden gnome that Shane gave my grandmother.

3. Grandpa: You'll hear about Tenley Albricht. 1956, she was the USA's hope for a gold medal in figure skating. But she had a problem, she had dysmenorrhea.
Me: Which means...?
Grandpa: Really painful periods, cramps so bad that she couldn't work or go to school while she was having her period. Well, they looked at the calendar and she was supposed to be on her period at the same time as she was supposed to compete in the Olympics.
Me: What did they do? Why didn't she just get on the Pill and skip it?
Grandpa: It was 1956, honey. No birth control pill. So what do you think they did?
Chelsea: She got pregnant!!!
Grandpa: [laughs]
Chelsea: What?! That would stop it!
Grandpa: Well...yes, I guess that would be one solution.
[Incidentally, she was given a shot of Depo-Provera, a new drug they were experimenting with at Harvard at the time, which of course wasn't actually approved for use until the 90s. Apparently it worked, but she also didn't have a period for five whole years after that. Kind of an interesting story, actually. My grandfather knows the most random things]

Following the above story:
Dad: When did all of this happen? 1956? I don't remember that.
Mom: Why would you remember that?! You weren't BORN yet!

Mom: Mom, do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?
Grandma: No
Grandpa: YES!
Mom: Who asked you?
Grandpa: You'd better help her, otherwise she'll have to clean it all herself and I'll be miserable the rest of the night.
All of us: YOU'LL be miserable?!

There were several more, but those were some of the highlights. I need to go focus on my movie now.

Merry Christmas!