So I met with Dr. C. yesterday about my thesis outline, and we went over all the sections and she helped me come up with some page guidelines, and it's looking like it's going to end up being about 70 pages of narrative. Believe it or not, this is a HUGE relief to me, because I was envisioning something more in the 150 page range. Now that I know I only have to do half that, I feel so much better. I'll still need to manage an average of ten pages a week, but that seems...possible. At various times in my academic career I've managed ten pages in a night, so I should certainly be able to do ten pages in a week.
The downside is that she told me she wants it BEFORE spring break, which is two weeks earlier than the official deadline for turning a thesis in to your committee. I told her I'd try, but frankly, I'm not going to kill myself trying to do it. Obviously I would love to have my thesis basically finished and behind me before I head off to New York, and I'd like to have over a month to just focus on studying for my comprehensive exams and editing when I get back. However, my committee mainly just wants my thesis early because it's convenient for them not to have to read five or six long documents at once (there are only seven graduate faculty members so all of our committees overlap quite a bit) and in the end what's more important, their convenience or my mental health?
So yeah, that's the thesis news. I'm sure you'd like to hear about something else going on in my life, but to be perfectly honest, there's really not much going on at this exact moment.
I realize I never told you about my trip to Houston. I love to do that, actually do something fun and somewhat notable and then not tell you about it but instead bore you to death with yet another entry about schoolwork. But...there's really not a lot to say about Houston either. It was great to see Jenny and Matthew and I had fun with both of them, I didn't drink nearly as much as I normally do when I'm with Jenny (which is a good thing, I suppose), Matthew and I got manicures, I met a guy in an "open marriage" (whatever), we had a hell of a time just trying to go bowling one night and finally got to do "X-treme Bowling" at a cheap discounted price (final verdict: not very X-treme), and I got lost a lot. Every time I drive in Houston I feel like all I do is make u-turns. I ended up in River Oaks three different times during the two days I was in Houston, and all three times I wasn't actually supposed to be there ("I'm on Kirby AGAIN?! How does this keep happening?!"). All in all it was a pretty good time.
Um, what else? I had a good weekend this weekend. I spent a lot of time with my siblings and my sister's boyfriend, they came down on Saturday and we had lunch and drinks and then played football at the park. Well, they played football, I tried in vain to get Cohen interested in playing fetch (basset says "no dice"). Then on Sunday I went up to Austin and Shane and I ate dinner at the restaurant where Chelsea works. I had a lot of amusing conversations with my brother. I think the highlights were when he informed me that he hopes his future girlfriend never plays golf because he needs the golf course to be the place where he escapes from her, and that he actually schedules classes and workouts and life in general around the series of TV programs he watches from 4:00 until 6:00 every weekday afternoon. Oh, and at one point he actually said, "Is she hot and stupid? 'Cause if she is, I'll date her." My brother is such a boy.
On Friday night I went to an undergrad party, which I kind of promised myself that I wouldn't do for a while after the fiasco at the last undergrad party I went to, but a bunch of us grads were out at a bar on Friday night and we ran into one of the undergrads who asked if we were going to the party. And we all just kind of looked at each other and shrugged and she said, "Well, I know you all don't usually hang out with undergrads, but if you feel like slumming tonight you should stop by." And she was totally joking, but how could we not at least make an appearance after that? So we went "slumming", and it was fun enough but completely predictable, especially the part where the cops showed up at 2 in the morning. I did end up giving my phone number to a cute enough, friendly guy who asked for it and told him he could call me Saturday and maybe I'd go out for a drink with him. But then he didn't end up calling, he just sent me a text message at 9:00 Saturday night saying, "So what are you doing?" and is it wrong that I ignored his message? I mean, I didn't have his phone number, so technically it was an anonymous text message (obviously it was from him, but still), and besides, I think that's kind of a pussy thing to do, texting a girl when you've never called her before and not even bothering to say who the text is from. That is kind of a weak thing to do, right? A cool guy would have called me, and would have done it before 9:00, right? (Forget the fact that if the shoe were on the other foot I probably would have sent a text message, too. After all, I can't possibly date someone as phobic of the telephone as I am, that would never work! Somebody has to have the balls in the relationship, and I have no desire for that person to be me.)
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just looking for excuses to reject guys. I'm being way too picky. I know. But I think I'm finally starting to really enjoy this whole hiatus thing, and why shouldn't I be picky?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Another Wedding!
I just wrote a long post and then Blogger decided to eat it, and I no longer have the energy or the time to re-write the whole thing.
But the basic gist of it was that my best friend from high school, Melissa, called me on Friday night to tell me that she's getting married in December!
We hadn't talked in a very long time and had managed to lose touch completely over the past two years, so it was good to hear from her again. We didn't lose touch on purpose, it's just weird how that happens when you're someone like me that's notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. One day it was like we had just talked (she had a long-term boyfriend and they were getting ready to move to Minneapolis, I was getting ready to move here to start grad school), and then suddenly it had been six months, then a year, and then I realized I didn't have a working phone number for her anymore, and then I couldn't find her on MySpace (the easiest way for antisocial people like me to keep in touch), and I realized that I could just call her parents and say, "Where is your daughter?" but that seemed like it would be an awkward conversation and I'm a wuss when it comes to making potentially uncomfortable phone calls, and then I got all paranoid and started thinking things like, "Well, maybe she's mad at me for some reason. I mean, wouldn't she have called me at Christmas if she really wanted to see me?" even though I know that I personally would have enjoyed seeing her but I didn't get brave and make the phone call either, and all of a sudden almost two years had gone by and we hadn't talked at all. But we've always been pretty good at picking up where we left off, and I just assumed we'd get in touch again somehow eventually, probably when something really big happened to one of us.
And sure enough, she called to get my address to send me a wedding invitation. I'm really excited and happy for her, and not too surprised since the last time we spoke she already had a feeling she and Matt would be getting engaged before too long. But if you'd asked me when I was seventeen which person in my close circle of friends I thought would get married first, Melissa would definitely not have been my first choice. In fact, Melissa would have been my very last choice, not because she's unattractive or unappealing or because I think she'd be bad at long term relationships (quite the contrary), but because...well, I think I've told you about the physics teacher that used to try to predict our futures based on what he knew about us, right? Well, he predicted that Melissa would end up running off to the woods and living in a rustic cabin by herself being all philosophical and kind of subversive, and that if she ever got married it would be much later in life to some sort of academic guy twenty years her senior. Because that was Melissa in high school. She had a serious boyfriend, a couple, actually, but she was adamantly not the marrying type. And yet here she is getting married, and she's probably going to beat out both Briar and Kristen (who, for the record, I would have placed my money on in the "Who Will Get Married First?" bet).
Then again, if you'd asked me when I was 17 if I thought I'd be 24 and single and working on my masters degree, I would have laughed at you and said "I'm not that smart, and I'll have a serious boyfriend by then for sure." And if you'd asked my physics teacher what I'd be doing at 24, he'd have said, "Taking out her inner anguish through cake decorating".
Which just goes to show...what? That you can't judge what a person's life is going to be like based on how they behaved in high school? That you can try to predict your own life path as much as you want but you're pretty much always going to be wrong, wrong, wrong?
Or maybe, hopefully, it just goes to show that you often end up happiest taking the path you least expected you would take.
After all, who would have thought Melissa, stomping around campus in an army fatigue jacket, proudly proclaiming that she was never going to get married young or pop out babies or live a typical life, would be living in Milwaukee and working in insurance and planning a wedding at only 24? And who would have thought that I'd happily be doing what I'm doing right now (whatever it is exactly that I'm doing right now)?
Sometimes I love that life is full of surprises and never works out how you think it's going to, and this is one of those times. I'm thrilled for Mel. I don't know where I'll be in December, but I hope for one day at least I'll be in South Bend celebrating with one of the best friends I've had on her wedding day.
But the basic gist of it was that my best friend from high school, Melissa, called me on Friday night to tell me that she's getting married in December!
We hadn't talked in a very long time and had managed to lose touch completely over the past two years, so it was good to hear from her again. We didn't lose touch on purpose, it's just weird how that happens when you're someone like me that's notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. One day it was like we had just talked (she had a long-term boyfriend and they were getting ready to move to Minneapolis, I was getting ready to move here to start grad school), and then suddenly it had been six months, then a year, and then I realized I didn't have a working phone number for her anymore, and then I couldn't find her on MySpace (the easiest way for antisocial people like me to keep in touch), and I realized that I could just call her parents and say, "Where is your daughter?" but that seemed like it would be an awkward conversation and I'm a wuss when it comes to making potentially uncomfortable phone calls, and then I got all paranoid and started thinking things like, "Well, maybe she's mad at me for some reason. I mean, wouldn't she have called me at Christmas if she really wanted to see me?" even though I know that I personally would have enjoyed seeing her but I didn't get brave and make the phone call either, and all of a sudden almost two years had gone by and we hadn't talked at all. But we've always been pretty good at picking up where we left off, and I just assumed we'd get in touch again somehow eventually, probably when something really big happened to one of us.
And sure enough, she called to get my address to send me a wedding invitation. I'm really excited and happy for her, and not too surprised since the last time we spoke she already had a feeling she and Matt would be getting engaged before too long. But if you'd asked me when I was seventeen which person in my close circle of friends I thought would get married first, Melissa would definitely not have been my first choice. In fact, Melissa would have been my very last choice, not because she's unattractive or unappealing or because I think she'd be bad at long term relationships (quite the contrary), but because...well, I think I've told you about the physics teacher that used to try to predict our futures based on what he knew about us, right? Well, he predicted that Melissa would end up running off to the woods and living in a rustic cabin by herself being all philosophical and kind of subversive, and that if she ever got married it would be much later in life to some sort of academic guy twenty years her senior. Because that was Melissa in high school. She had a serious boyfriend, a couple, actually, but she was adamantly not the marrying type. And yet here she is getting married, and she's probably going to beat out both Briar and Kristen (who, for the record, I would have placed my money on in the "Who Will Get Married First?" bet).
Then again, if you'd asked me when I was 17 if I thought I'd be 24 and single and working on my masters degree, I would have laughed at you and said "I'm not that smart, and I'll have a serious boyfriend by then for sure." And if you'd asked my physics teacher what I'd be doing at 24, he'd have said, "Taking out her inner anguish through cake decorating".
Which just goes to show...what? That you can't judge what a person's life is going to be like based on how they behaved in high school? That you can try to predict your own life path as much as you want but you're pretty much always going to be wrong, wrong, wrong?
Or maybe, hopefully, it just goes to show that you often end up happiest taking the path you least expected you would take.
After all, who would have thought Melissa, stomping around campus in an army fatigue jacket, proudly proclaiming that she was never going to get married young or pop out babies or live a typical life, would be living in Milwaukee and working in insurance and planning a wedding at only 24? And who would have thought that I'd happily be doing what I'm doing right now (whatever it is exactly that I'm doing right now)?
Sometimes I love that life is full of surprises and never works out how you think it's going to, and this is one of those times. I'm thrilled for Mel. I don't know where I'll be in December, but I hope for one day at least I'll be in South Bend celebrating with one of the best friends I've had on her wedding day.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Full Plate
Today when I went up to campus to pick up a copy of the play I'm stage managing for Richie this semester (this one, if you're curious) I ran into Debbie and she told me she really needed to talk to me. Turns out another grad student, Adam, who is finishing up his MA in playwriting, wrote a play for his thesis and the faculty want to give him the opportunity to see it in performance so Debbie is going to direct it for him. And she wants me to be their dramaturg. And I agreed to do it. It's not 100% definite yet, but I'd like to try to take on the project. It sounds like it shouldn't be too terribly overwhelming, kind of along the lines of what I did for Kelly during her show last semester in terms of time commitment. Basically, a little bit of research, maybe a couple of meetings with the cast to talk about the history and current events they need to know for the play, a vocabulary list of terms in the play, stuff like that.
I will admit that I'm a little worried that I'm taking on too much. I have to write basically my entire thesis. I have to manage the box office. I have to do at least B-quality work in my Classical and Renaissance class, which shouldn't be impossible but it does involve a lot of reading. I've committed to stage managing Richie's show, and we start on that tomorrow. I work at the restaurant. And now if I add this project, it's basically going to be about as busy as I was last semester, if not more so.
The thing is, if the faculty will agree to let me take on this project, I can't pass it up. It's the chance to dramaturg an original work that has major contemporary relevance (I haven't seen a script yet, but I believe it has a lot to do with the conflict in Iraq), which is the exact sort of work I want to do. It'd be a great thing to put on my resume, and I have a very hard time turning down any job that will enhance my resume, especially if I'm going to have to apply to more Ph.D. programs next fall. The more work I can do now, while I'm in school and it's readily available, the better, since who knows what chances I'll come across in the next year.
Plus I can always quit at Applebees. I forget that fact sometimes, but that's one thing I definitely don't HAVE to do.
I will admit that I'm a little worried that I'm taking on too much. I have to write basically my entire thesis. I have to manage the box office. I have to do at least B-quality work in my Classical and Renaissance class, which shouldn't be impossible but it does involve a lot of reading. I've committed to stage managing Richie's show, and we start on that tomorrow. I work at the restaurant. And now if I add this project, it's basically going to be about as busy as I was last semester, if not more so.
The thing is, if the faculty will agree to let me take on this project, I can't pass it up. It's the chance to dramaturg an original work that has major contemporary relevance (I haven't seen a script yet, but I believe it has a lot to do with the conflict in Iraq), which is the exact sort of work I want to do. It'd be a great thing to put on my resume, and I have a very hard time turning down any job that will enhance my resume, especially if I'm going to have to apply to more Ph.D. programs next fall. The more work I can do now, while I'm in school and it's readily available, the better, since who knows what chances I'll come across in the next year.
Plus I can always quit at Applebees. I forget that fact sometimes, but that's one thing I definitely don't HAVE to do.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
It's Greek to Me
So I'm feeling a bit better about my thesis today. I talked to Dr. C after our class tonight and told her that I want her to look over my outline and help me set up some guidelines and hash out some details, and instead of being like, "You're just barely developing an outline?!" she was like, "Sure, we'll go over it," and that makes me feel good. I was afraid that I'd see her and she'd be like, "Let's meet on Monday and look at the chapters you have so far" so I'm pleased she doesn't seem to be implying that I need to have a ton of writing done already (which is good, because I have, um, very little in the way of actual writing).
I'm also feeling pretty good about the class I started tonight, Classical and Renaissance Drama. Lord knows I need brush up on the classical stuff for my comprehensive exam in April (I could only remembre 4 out of 6 of Aristotle's elements of theatre today and considering his Poetics is the most important piece of dramatic theory in western theatre, that is decidedly not good). Plus it's mostly just reading a lot of plays, which I enjoy, and discussion, which I enjoy even more. I made a little bit of a stir today when one of the guys in class was talking about how strange it is that the Greeks were having festivals celebrating gods that were "not real" and how absurd it was to believe that lightning bolts were being thrown by the gods and Dionysus was gestated in Zeus' thigh, and finally I burst out, "How is that any more strange and unbelievable than burning bushes and an immaculate conception?!" And then I followed it up with something along the lines of, "For someone who isn't a Christian, the stories the Greeks believed don't sound any more bizarre than anything you find in the Bible." Fortunately he replied, "Huh. Yeah, I guess you're right," because I really could have gotten into it over that one. For the record, I feel a certain amount of admiration for people that can have such pure faith they believe the words of the Bible as literal truth. I wish I had that sort of unwavering confidence in, well, anything. But I can't help wondering how someone can justify believing a man walked on water and rose from the dead yet belittle people who believed basically the same things, just about a different god(s). In actuality, we haven't evolved so very much at all. Speaking of, Peter sent me a link yesterday talking about how some people in Greece who worship Zeus are pushing to have their religion recognized by the Greek government. I can only hope that eventually this will lead to a renewed interest in the worship of Dionysus as well, because there's nothing I would love more than attending a religious festival devoted solely to drinking, sex, and theatre. I'm trivializing it, but in all seriousness, I don't see why that sort of worship can't be just as valid as anything else. And finally, to finish off this rambling and now very off-topic paragraph, can I just say that I am struggling a lot with my spirituality these days? I'm no longer at a place where I can be satisfied with the teachings and beliefs of the Christianity I grew up with, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get back to that place. There's just too much I cannot possibly make myself believe. At the same time, I haven't found anything else that makes me feel satisfied and makes sense to me other than my vague theories about spiritual energy and I think I kind of made that up, and picking and choosing the parts I like from various traditions seems like cheating somehow. I pray often but don't even know exactly what I think I'm praying to. I feel like I need to do more research into this, though, because I am this odd juxtaposition of someone who really wants to have faith in something (my grandparents are atheists and I definitely know that I am not) but at the same time needs a lot of logic and there's just not a lot of logic when we're talking about the unknowns of gods and creation and purposes. And agnosticism just seems like kind of a cop out, although I'm closest to that at the moment, I suppose. I keep hoping that eventually I'll have the time to really research everything that interests me and that something will jump out at me and make me go "Yes! That's something I can believe in!" but I also don't think it really works like that. I don't even know why I'm talking about this right now, it's not like it's a problem that's going to get solved any time in the near future, or probably any time in my entire life in this form here on Earth.
I need to go do some reading. Oh, but before I go, Richie asked me stage manage his show today! Yay! I get to work with Richie, and have more stage management experience to put on my resume. The show goes up in early March. I'll let you know more about it, as soon as I get the script and figure out what show it actually IS (Richie called to ask me and I agreed right away to do the job and only realized later that I can't remember what show he told me he's directing when he first told me about it last semester, and I felt too embarassed to ask him about it because we've already talked about it before).
I'm also feeling pretty good about the class I started tonight, Classical and Renaissance Drama. Lord knows I need brush up on the classical stuff for my comprehensive exam in April (I could only remembre 4 out of 6 of Aristotle's elements of theatre today and considering his Poetics is the most important piece of dramatic theory in western theatre, that is decidedly not good). Plus it's mostly just reading a lot of plays, which I enjoy, and discussion, which I enjoy even more. I made a little bit of a stir today when one of the guys in class was talking about how strange it is that the Greeks were having festivals celebrating gods that were "not real" and how absurd it was to believe that lightning bolts were being thrown by the gods and Dionysus was gestated in Zeus' thigh, and finally I burst out, "How is that any more strange and unbelievable than burning bushes and an immaculate conception?!" And then I followed it up with something along the lines of, "For someone who isn't a Christian, the stories the Greeks believed don't sound any more bizarre than anything you find in the Bible." Fortunately he replied, "Huh. Yeah, I guess you're right," because I really could have gotten into it over that one. For the record, I feel a certain amount of admiration for people that can have such pure faith they believe the words of the Bible as literal truth. I wish I had that sort of unwavering confidence in, well, anything. But I can't help wondering how someone can justify believing a man walked on water and rose from the dead yet belittle people who believed basically the same things, just about a different god(s). In actuality, we haven't evolved so very much at all. Speaking of, Peter sent me a link yesterday talking about how some people in Greece who worship Zeus are pushing to have their religion recognized by the Greek government. I can only hope that eventually this will lead to a renewed interest in the worship of Dionysus as well, because there's nothing I would love more than attending a religious festival devoted solely to drinking, sex, and theatre. I'm trivializing it, but in all seriousness, I don't see why that sort of worship can't be just as valid as anything else. And finally, to finish off this rambling and now very off-topic paragraph, can I just say that I am struggling a lot with my spirituality these days? I'm no longer at a place where I can be satisfied with the teachings and beliefs of the Christianity I grew up with, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get back to that place. There's just too much I cannot possibly make myself believe. At the same time, I haven't found anything else that makes me feel satisfied and makes sense to me other than my vague theories about spiritual energy and I think I kind of made that up, and picking and choosing the parts I like from various traditions seems like cheating somehow. I pray often but don't even know exactly what I think I'm praying to. I feel like I need to do more research into this, though, because I am this odd juxtaposition of someone who really wants to have faith in something (my grandparents are atheists and I definitely know that I am not) but at the same time needs a lot of logic and there's just not a lot of logic when we're talking about the unknowns of gods and creation and purposes. And agnosticism just seems like kind of a cop out, although I'm closest to that at the moment, I suppose. I keep hoping that eventually I'll have the time to really research everything that interests me and that something will jump out at me and make me go "Yes! That's something I can believe in!" but I also don't think it really works like that. I don't even know why I'm talking about this right now, it's not like it's a problem that's going to get solved any time in the near future, or probably any time in my entire life in this form here on Earth.
I need to go do some reading. Oh, but before I go, Richie asked me stage manage his show today! Yay! I get to work with Richie, and have more stage management experience to put on my resume. The show goes up in early March. I'll let you know more about it, as soon as I get the script and figure out what show it actually IS (Richie called to ask me and I agreed right away to do the job and only realized later that I can't remember what show he told me he's directing when he first told me about it last semester, and I felt too embarassed to ask him about it because we've already talked about it before).
Monday, January 22, 2007
Mild Panic
I just mailed off my last Ph.D. application. Actually, technically this last one was an M.F.A. application for the only program I applied to that's not a Ph.D. program, although if you knew what school it was you would know why I'd be way, WAY more than perfectly content with an M.F.A. from said school. Also, I'm never going to actually get accepted there, but the fact that people in my life think I have the potential for it to even be worth my effort to try makes me happy enough.
Also, I got an official notice in my box today with all the deadlines for graduation and I found out that my thesis is due to my committee by March 23rd. March 23rd! That's only two months from tomorrow. Frankly, I don't want to talk about it.
And apparently I actually have to start class tomorrow. Blargh.
Also, I got an official notice in my box today with all the deadlines for graduation and I found out that my thesis is due to my committee by March 23rd. March 23rd! That's only two months from tomorrow. Frankly, I don't want to talk about it.
And apparently I actually have to start class tomorrow. Blargh.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
More March
Remember the Tool concert? The one Mandi and I were supposed to go to in September? Well, I finally got an e-mail today saying it has been rescheduled for March 26th, which is perfect!! It's a Monday night so I don't have class and I won't have to work a show for box office, either, since the March show ends the 25th. And the show Mandi is ADing is done by then, too, so we get to see Tool in March!
March is going to be crazy. Look:
5 March: Justin Timberlake concert in Dallas
13-19 March: Trip to New York City
21 March: The Lion King in Austin w/ Chelsea and Mike (ah, The Lion King the musical, it's so good)
26 March: Tool in San Antonio
I keep trying to ignore the fact that March is also the month in which I'll be trying to wrap up my thesis and prepare for my defense and my oral and written exams, but that's okay. I have all of February to get a jump on that stuff (HA!) and all of the above will be great stress relief. I'm sorry to keep talking about it, but I'm just so excited.
I did end up going to Houston for the past two nights so, maybe I'll tell you about that eventually. In the meantime I feel the need to get in a workout right now even though it's 8:30 on Saturday night and I've already been out to dinner and had three drinks. Maybe I'll just lift some weights?
March is going to be crazy. Look:
5 March: Justin Timberlake concert in Dallas
13-19 March: Trip to New York City
21 March: The Lion King in Austin w/ Chelsea and Mike (ah, The Lion King the musical, it's so good)
26 March: Tool in San Antonio
I keep trying to ignore the fact that March is also the month in which I'll be trying to wrap up my thesis and prepare for my defense and my oral and written exams, but that's okay. I have all of February to get a jump on that stuff (HA!) and all of the above will be great stress relief. I'm sorry to keep talking about it, but I'm just so excited.
I did end up going to Houston for the past two nights so, maybe I'll tell you about that eventually. In the meantime I feel the need to get in a workout right now even though it's 8:30 on Saturday night and I've already been out to dinner and had three drinks. Maybe I'll just lift some weights?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Ennui
I'm really tired of not feeling like I can go anywhere or do anything. It has finally stopped icing/sleeting/snowing, but since the temperature still hasn't gotten above 30 degrees today all the accumulated ice hasn't melted at all. My car has these ice spikes that have formed off the side of it and the icicles on the front are making him look like a tired old man. (Yes, the car is a him, and his name is Bostwick) The grass is totally frozen over and crunchy when I walk on it. Sidewalk walking is still a sketchy prospect. Technically I could go somewhere and do something since the roads in town aren't too terrible anymore, but what? Most businesses are still closed, I don't feel like spending ten minutes unthawing my car, blah, blah, blah.
I did take Cohen for a walk today and ended up buying chocolate cupcakes at the corner store, the only place I've been other than the laundry room since, um, Sunday. Poor Cohen totally wiped out on an icy patch of sidewalk outside the apartment complex office and ended up rolling into the parking lot along with the shards of ice his big muffin paws had kicked up. He stood up, shook his head indignantly and then stared up at me as if to say, "Is this your idea of a joke?!" Poor basset!
I still haven't decided if I'm going to Houston tomorrow. It would be stupid to try to drive if there's even a slight chance the roads will still be icy since it's not like I have to go to Houston. Then again, if I spend one more day just sitting in my apartment without doing anything other than half-heartedly doing thesis research and watching terrible television, I might lose it.
Speaking of terrible TV, how about American Idol? Jesus, I've never watched anything so painful in my whole life. How can people possibly be that tone deaf? How can no one have ever been kind enough to point out to them that singing is not their talent? How can anyone have such a false sense of their own talents and capabilities? Please, please, PLEASE don't ever let me do that to myself. Please be honest. If I think I'm good at something and I actually suck at it, please, for the love of all that is good, PLEASE tell me about it before I humiliate myself in front of the American public. And I wouldn't mind if I thought these people were doing it on purpose just to get on television, but sadly, I think some of these people really are sincere about their wish to be on the show and really are just that bad, and it's just way too depressing. There is a reason I haven't watched the past four seasons of this show. I think I'm going back to watching Food Network, which never makes me want to curl up under my blanket and die.
I did take Cohen for a walk today and ended up buying chocolate cupcakes at the corner store, the only place I've been other than the laundry room since, um, Sunday. Poor Cohen totally wiped out on an icy patch of sidewalk outside the apartment complex office and ended up rolling into the parking lot along with the shards of ice his big muffin paws had kicked up. He stood up, shook his head indignantly and then stared up at me as if to say, "Is this your idea of a joke?!" Poor basset!
I still haven't decided if I'm going to Houston tomorrow. It would be stupid to try to drive if there's even a slight chance the roads will still be icy since it's not like I have to go to Houston. Then again, if I spend one more day just sitting in my apartment without doing anything other than half-heartedly doing thesis research and watching terrible television, I might lose it.
Speaking of terrible TV, how about American Idol? Jesus, I've never watched anything so painful in my whole life. How can people possibly be that tone deaf? How can no one have ever been kind enough to point out to them that singing is not their talent? How can anyone have such a false sense of their own talents and capabilities? Please, please, PLEASE don't ever let me do that to myself. Please be honest. If I think I'm good at something and I actually suck at it, please, for the love of all that is good, PLEASE tell me about it before I humiliate myself in front of the American public. And I wouldn't mind if I thought these people were doing it on purpose just to get on television, but sadly, I think some of these people really are sincere about their wish to be on the show and really are just that bad, and it's just way too depressing. There is a reason I haven't watched the past four seasons of this show. I think I'm going back to watching Food Network, which never makes me want to curl up under my blanket and die.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Idiots
The news anchors are now referring to yesterday and today (and tomorrow, I suppose) as "Ice Storm '07!" It's so stupid.
But yeah, we are iced in. Sort of. I've walked Cohen around the apartment complex a few times and decided that I don't particularly feel like driving anywhere since the sidewalks are kinda treacherous and I assume the roads must be, too. Plus I don't know where I'd go, since I'm assuming most restaurants and businesses in town are closed. But a few people are still driving around.
I keep watching out my front window as various neighbors attempt to get into their cars and drive off (where are people going?). It always starts with them yanking on car door, which is frozen shut, and finally getting it opened with a lot of effort. That's funny enough. Then they start the car to begin warming it up. And then I watch as they make trip after trip from their apartment back to the car with bowls of hot water to unthaw their windshield. This strikes me as completely ridiculous. They're making five or six trips back and forth across the parking lot carrying bowls or soup pots or tea kettles. I watch them slip and stumble across the parking lot, pour the water over the car, and then make their way back inside to warm up more water.
Wouldn't it be much, much easier to just turn on the car and let it warm up for a while as you stay warm and cozy inside your house? Surely that will start to loosen up the ice about as fast as waiting for a kettle of water to boil six times. And am I the only one who owns an ice scraper?
Sometimes I feel really, really tired of people.
But yeah, we are iced in. Sort of. I've walked Cohen around the apartment complex a few times and decided that I don't particularly feel like driving anywhere since the sidewalks are kinda treacherous and I assume the roads must be, too. Plus I don't know where I'd go, since I'm assuming most restaurants and businesses in town are closed. But a few people are still driving around.
I keep watching out my front window as various neighbors attempt to get into their cars and drive off (where are people going?). It always starts with them yanking on car door, which is frozen shut, and finally getting it opened with a lot of effort. That's funny enough. Then they start the car to begin warming it up. And then I watch as they make trip after trip from their apartment back to the car with bowls of hot water to unthaw their windshield. This strikes me as completely ridiculous. They're making five or six trips back and forth across the parking lot carrying bowls or soup pots or tea kettles. I watch them slip and stumble across the parking lot, pour the water over the car, and then make their way back inside to warm up more water.
Wouldn't it be much, much easier to just turn on the car and let it warm up for a while as you stay warm and cozy inside your house? Surely that will start to loosen up the ice about as fast as waiting for a kettle of water to boil six times. And am I the only one who owns an ice scraper?
Sometimes I feel really, really tired of people.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Ice Ice Baby
So the first day of class, which was supposed to be tomorrow, has been canceled due to ice on the roads (which has still yet to actually show up in any serious and dangerous way, but it's only 9:30 and still 32 degrees out so I guess we'll see what happens overnight). Since my only class this semester is Tuesday nights from 5 until 8, I suppose this means I get a whole extra week of winter break! Although knowing Dr. C I wouldn't put it past her to send us all an e-mail tomorrow giving us at least a reading assignment to have ready for next week. To be honest, I'm kind of bummed. I was looking forward to seeing everyone together tomorrow night and getting back into my academic groove and now I guess I'll just have to spend another few days lying around the house and thinking about how I should be working on my thesis but not actually doing any substantial work on it.
But hey, I did finish another Ph.D. application today. For those of you keeping track of the oh-so-thrilling process, that's five applications down, only one more to go. And since the only application I have left to finish is for my major, major, never-gonna-happen-so-why-am-I-even-bothering reach school, I basically feel like I'm done with the process. All of the applications that actually have a shot of getting me into a program for fall 2007 are in the hands of committee members and there's nothing else I can do at this point except wait. I'd like to be optimistic, but eh...
I have the Golden Globes on TV in the background right now and I've come to the realization that I've seen about zero movies this year. Seriously, I haven't seen anything. I think the only movie they've mentioned so far that I actually saw was Little Miss Sunshine. And the only other movie I can think of off the top of my head that I saw this year was The Holiday. I don't think it can be possible that I only saw two movies in theaters in 2006, can it? And yet I can't remember seeing anything else. I did watch a lot of TV, though. And as much as I enjoy Grey's Anatomy, I don't think it should have won Best TV Drama, mostly because I wouldn't really classify it as a drama. But I suppose it's not a comedy either and it needs to be in one of the two categories and it's more drama than comedy so yeah, okay. But it shouldn't have beat Big Love. It's good and it's entertaining, but it's not HBO calibur. (Can't wait for season two of Big Love, by the way!) Also, who even saw Babel? All the belated hype about that movie is annoying me. Nobody talked about how good it supposedly is when it actually came out. It's like the whole year went by and everyone was just waiting and waiting for something really great to come out and when nothing did everyone went, "Oh crap, where are all the award-worthy movies that were supposed to come out in December? What now?" "Well, there's that Babel movie that was released several months ago, that one was okay. We could really talk that one up, I guess. We have to do something!"
I thought I had something else to say, but I can't remember what it was. I guess I can tell you that if the weather clears up I think I'm going to drive to Houston on Thursday and stay with Matthew for a couple of nights. My friend Jenny has to go to a hospital in Houston for some tests and I told her I'd do my best to come down there and see her so that it's not a boring/depressing weekend of hanging out in doctor's offices. I had wanted to visit her in Fort Worth before Christmas but my managers at work (shockingly) ended up screwing up my schedule and I didn't end up being able to make it, so this will make up for my not visiting her for her Christmas party, plus I'll get the chance to see Matthew, too. It should be fun.
There are finally icicles forming on my car. Good. Because if I'm going to be stuck in my apartment with nothing to do and nobody to see for at least the next 24 hours and possibly longer I'd at least like there to actually be visible ice. ("Potentially one of the longest lasting ice storms we've seen in modern history, says the KXAN First Warning Weather! man". Hmmmm...Perhaps I should not mock the weather?)
But hey, I did finish another Ph.D. application today. For those of you keeping track of the oh-so-thrilling process, that's five applications down, only one more to go. And since the only application I have left to finish is for my major, major, never-gonna-happen-so-why-am-I-even-bothering reach school, I basically feel like I'm done with the process. All of the applications that actually have a shot of getting me into a program for fall 2007 are in the hands of committee members and there's nothing else I can do at this point except wait. I'd like to be optimistic, but eh...
I have the Golden Globes on TV in the background right now and I've come to the realization that I've seen about zero movies this year. Seriously, I haven't seen anything. I think the only movie they've mentioned so far that I actually saw was Little Miss Sunshine. And the only other movie I can think of off the top of my head that I saw this year was The Holiday. I don't think it can be possible that I only saw two movies in theaters in 2006, can it? And yet I can't remember seeing anything else. I did watch a lot of TV, though. And as much as I enjoy Grey's Anatomy, I don't think it should have won Best TV Drama, mostly because I wouldn't really classify it as a drama. But I suppose it's not a comedy either and it needs to be in one of the two categories and it's more drama than comedy so yeah, okay. But it shouldn't have beat Big Love. It's good and it's entertaining, but it's not HBO calibur. (Can't wait for season two of Big Love, by the way!) Also, who even saw Babel? All the belated hype about that movie is annoying me. Nobody talked about how good it supposedly is when it actually came out. It's like the whole year went by and everyone was just waiting and waiting for something really great to come out and when nothing did everyone went, "Oh crap, where are all the award-worthy movies that were supposed to come out in December? What now?" "Well, there's that Babel movie that was released several months ago, that one was okay. We could really talk that one up, I guess. We have to do something!"
I thought I had something else to say, but I can't remember what it was. I guess I can tell you that if the weather clears up I think I'm going to drive to Houston on Thursday and stay with Matthew for a couple of nights. My friend Jenny has to go to a hospital in Houston for some tests and I told her I'd do my best to come down there and see her so that it's not a boring/depressing weekend of hanging out in doctor's offices. I had wanted to visit her in Fort Worth before Christmas but my managers at work (shockingly) ended up screwing up my schedule and I didn't end up being able to make it, so this will make up for my not visiting her for her Christmas party, plus I'll get the chance to see Matthew, too. It should be fun.
There are finally icicles forming on my car. Good. Because if I'm going to be stuck in my apartment with nothing to do and nobody to see for at least the next 24 hours and possibly longer I'd at least like there to actually be visible ice. ("Potentially one of the longest lasting ice storms we've seen in modern history, says the KXAN First Warning Weather! man". Hmmmm...Perhaps I should not mock the weather?)
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My Life in 25 (Long) Sentences
I'm bored and sometimes when I'm bored I do memes. Like this one I discovered today, which is pretty simple: you write a sentence for each year of your life. It can sum up the whole year, or a single notable event remembered from that year or whatever. Pointless, as most memes are, but it's 11:00 on a Sunday night and if the news and weather channel are to be believed the town is about to freeze over for the next couple of days so I don't think anyone is going out tonight after all (we initially had these big grad student reunion plans since we haven't all been together for five weeks, but I don't think Richie's plane ended up getting in on time and it's freezing so people are being homebodies, I guess). Speaking of the weather, I'm tired of everyone acting like the world is going to end just because there might possibly, POSSIBLY be an ice storm tomorrow. Debbie was making me laugh talking about how when she was out earlier people were storming the HEB and clearing the shelves of bottled water and canned goods as if we're going to be snowed in for weeks and weeks and not, like, hours. It is Texas. It is not North Dakota. People are idiots.
Anyway, here goes the meme (And I'm starting with zero rather than one because...well, that makes sense to me. One implies the year I was one year old, zero would be the year I was actually born, understand? Yeah, okay, cool.)
0. I was supposed to be born on Thanksgiving but instead opted to make an early arrival on November 5th at the county hospital in El Paso.
1. According to my mother I spent a lot of time shredding up books when I was supposed to be taking afternoon naps, so I suppose it's kind of surprising I grew up to be such a voracious reader.
2. My sister Chelsea was born and meanwhile I wandered around looking pretty pathetic with an eye patch and a teeny tiny pair of glasses before I finally had surgery to correct my lazy eye (and thank god my parents agreed to let me be operated on that young because I'm not kidding when I say there is no doubt in my mind I'd be a very, VERY different person today had I been forced to grow up cross-eyed...I wish I was being facetious, but kids are mean and guys are shallow and I'm so, so glad that little problem of mine was fixed before I was old enough for it to matter).
3. I started preschool at St. Andrew's, where I immediately befriended a girl named Melissa and was so enamored of her that I named my stuffed cat in her honor.
4. We moved from my first home to the house in El Paso where my parents still live, and my brother Shane was born two weeks later.
5. In October I skipped a week of kindergarten and went to Disney World and a Florida beach with my family and grandparents, the first vacation I remember in pretty good detail.
6. I realized that my mother was the tooth fairy and simultaneously confirmed my long-standing suspicion that my parents were also Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
7. By night I was going through a period of intense insomnia and by day I was busy constantly pretending I was sick and leaving my first grade classroom to hide out in the nurse's office because I was so freakin' sensitive that just watching my classmates fight/get in trouble made me a nervous wreck.
8. My best friend Shanna and I were very into Nintendo and Sega, building elaborate sand towns in her backyard, coloring stickers, and that TV show Dinosaurs.
9. I sat next to a boy named Danny in my third grade class and he spent a lot of time making me laugh, which meant we spent a lot of time getting scolded, but it turned out that wasn't such a big deal, which made me realize that a person can actually speak in school, and that realization pretty much changed my life.
10. Over spring break we drove thirteen hours to Telluride, Colorado for a skiing trip, at the time the longest car trip I'd ever made in my life (and still one of the longest).
11. A boy in my 5th grade class became slightly obsessed with me and freaked me (and my father) out one night by showing up on the front porch on his bicycle at 11 PM to give me a stuffed teddy bear.
12. I played a starring role in our sixth grade play about Africa, the event that I pinpoint as the moment in life that I decided I wanted a career in theatre.
13. I grew four inches in one summer and finally started my period a month before my 14th birthday and what felt like years after all the other girls I knew.
14. For Christmas my grandma surprised my family by telling us that come June we'd be spending two weeks in Europe, and the trip through the Netherlands, France, Germany, and Switzerland was the most exciting thing I'd done in my life up to that point, as far as I was concerned.
15. I wasted tons and tons of time with my girl friends (one of them was Melissa, who I re-met in middle school) giggling and whispering about this group of boys we thought were so fine (incidentally, said guys grew up to be somewhat disappointing on the whole).
16. I went to Europe again over the summer, this time minus parents plus my high school High-Q team, and I realize this sounds incredibly nerdy but it was actually tons of fun and we saw beautiful places and amazing things and I think it was the first time I really drank without parental permission/supervision.
17. I got really involved in high school theatre, finally learned how to flirt, had my first relationship (a summer fling, basically), had my first real, meaningful kiss while in that relationship, and then eventually began dating Mike a few weeks before my eighteenth birthday (even in retrospect, seventeen was a great year).
18. I fell in love with Mike (and, because I am the ultimate cliche, we gave up--not lost, quite willingly gave up-- our virginity in a hotel room immediately following our senior prom).
19. I began spending a lot of time with Kymberli, Katy, Meg, Jenny, and Holly, I discovered the wild world of the college theatre party, and I stopped moping so much about my boyfriend back home and began to see the full potential of college and life in Fort Worth.
20. Mike and I started having some problems with our committed long distance relationship and he decided we should "see other people", at which point I proceeded to do exactly that and thus my 20th year was fantastically wild and I spent quite a bit of time doing many of the things I personally feel one needs to do as a young single woman so that when you're 52 and married you have absolutely no reason to look back on your life and go, "Wow, I wish I'd tried [blank] when I was single" because, hey, you DID do it when you were single and now it's out of your system, thank god!
21. My not-really-ever-a-relationship-but-definitely-something with College Ex was at its peak and I was having a great time since I felt sexy all the time and never had to deal with real relationship stuff, I became a regular at the Pub, I directed for the first time and fell in love with it, and I got to spend a month living in London with a bunch of my closest friends and the guy I was sleeping with, so it was basically the best study abroad trip imaginable (in retrospect, 21 was also a really great year).
22. I phoned in my last semester of college while spending more time hanging out and partying with my friends than I actually did working, I somehow still graduated summa cum laude from college, and then I moved to my current home to start my masters program, which was overwhelming and a bit lonely at first.
23. I came into my stride in my masters program, had a lot of academic successes, and made a bunch of great friends, while meanwhile my love life totally went to hell (but I did get to live in England again for a while!).
24. We'll see...
Anyway, here goes the meme (And I'm starting with zero rather than one because...well, that makes sense to me. One implies the year I was one year old, zero would be the year I was actually born, understand? Yeah, okay, cool.)
0. I was supposed to be born on Thanksgiving but instead opted to make an early arrival on November 5th at the county hospital in El Paso.
1. According to my mother I spent a lot of time shredding up books when I was supposed to be taking afternoon naps, so I suppose it's kind of surprising I grew up to be such a voracious reader.
2. My sister Chelsea was born and meanwhile I wandered around looking pretty pathetic with an eye patch and a teeny tiny pair of glasses before I finally had surgery to correct my lazy eye (and thank god my parents agreed to let me be operated on that young because I'm not kidding when I say there is no doubt in my mind I'd be a very, VERY different person today had I been forced to grow up cross-eyed...I wish I was being facetious, but kids are mean and guys are shallow and I'm so, so glad that little problem of mine was fixed before I was old enough for it to matter).
3. I started preschool at St. Andrew's, where I immediately befriended a girl named Melissa and was so enamored of her that I named my stuffed cat in her honor.
4. We moved from my first home to the house in El Paso where my parents still live, and my brother Shane was born two weeks later.
5. In October I skipped a week of kindergarten and went to Disney World and a Florida beach with my family and grandparents, the first vacation I remember in pretty good detail.
6. I realized that my mother was the tooth fairy and simultaneously confirmed my long-standing suspicion that my parents were also Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
7. By night I was going through a period of intense insomnia and by day I was busy constantly pretending I was sick and leaving my first grade classroom to hide out in the nurse's office because I was so freakin' sensitive that just watching my classmates fight/get in trouble made me a nervous wreck.
8. My best friend Shanna and I were very into Nintendo and Sega, building elaborate sand towns in her backyard, coloring stickers, and that TV show Dinosaurs.
9. I sat next to a boy named Danny in my third grade class and he spent a lot of time making me laugh, which meant we spent a lot of time getting scolded, but it turned out that wasn't such a big deal, which made me realize that a person can actually speak in school, and that realization pretty much changed my life.
10. Over spring break we drove thirteen hours to Telluride, Colorado for a skiing trip, at the time the longest car trip I'd ever made in my life (and still one of the longest).
11. A boy in my 5th grade class became slightly obsessed with me and freaked me (and my father) out one night by showing up on the front porch on his bicycle at 11 PM to give me a stuffed teddy bear.
12. I played a starring role in our sixth grade play about Africa, the event that I pinpoint as the moment in life that I decided I wanted a career in theatre.
13. I grew four inches in one summer and finally started my period a month before my 14th birthday and what felt like years after all the other girls I knew.
14. For Christmas my grandma surprised my family by telling us that come June we'd be spending two weeks in Europe, and the trip through the Netherlands, France, Germany, and Switzerland was the most exciting thing I'd done in my life up to that point, as far as I was concerned.
15. I wasted tons and tons of time with my girl friends (one of them was Melissa, who I re-met in middle school) giggling and whispering about this group of boys we thought were so fine (incidentally, said guys grew up to be somewhat disappointing on the whole).
16. I went to Europe again over the summer, this time minus parents plus my high school High-Q team, and I realize this sounds incredibly nerdy but it was actually tons of fun and we saw beautiful places and amazing things and I think it was the first time I really drank without parental permission/supervision.
17. I got really involved in high school theatre, finally learned how to flirt, had my first relationship (a summer fling, basically), had my first real, meaningful kiss while in that relationship, and then eventually began dating Mike a few weeks before my eighteenth birthday (even in retrospect, seventeen was a great year).
18. I fell in love with Mike (and, because I am the ultimate cliche, we gave up--not lost, quite willingly gave up-- our virginity in a hotel room immediately following our senior prom).
19. I began spending a lot of time with Kymberli, Katy, Meg, Jenny, and Holly, I discovered the wild world of the college theatre party, and I stopped moping so much about my boyfriend back home and began to see the full potential of college and life in Fort Worth.
20. Mike and I started having some problems with our committed long distance relationship and he decided we should "see other people", at which point I proceeded to do exactly that and thus my 20th year was fantastically wild and I spent quite a bit of time doing many of the things I personally feel one needs to do as a young single woman so that when you're 52 and married you have absolutely no reason to look back on your life and go, "Wow, I wish I'd tried [blank] when I was single" because, hey, you DID do it when you were single and now it's out of your system, thank god!
21. My not-really-ever-a-relationship-but-definitely-something with College Ex was at its peak and I was having a great time since I felt sexy all the time and never had to deal with real relationship stuff, I became a regular at the Pub, I directed for the first time and fell in love with it, and I got to spend a month living in London with a bunch of my closest friends and the guy I was sleeping with, so it was basically the best study abroad trip imaginable (in retrospect, 21 was also a really great year).
22. I phoned in my last semester of college while spending more time hanging out and partying with my friends than I actually did working, I somehow still graduated summa cum laude from college, and then I moved to my current home to start my masters program, which was overwhelming and a bit lonely at first.
23. I came into my stride in my masters program, had a lot of academic successes, and made a bunch of great friends, while meanwhile my love life totally went to hell (but I did get to live in England again for a while!).
24. We'll see...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Numerology
Because I'm apparently not working anymore (thanks, idiot managers!) and classes don't start until Tuesday, and pretty much everyone exciting is out of town at the moment, I've had a lot of time to do lame things on the internet. Today's Lame Thing was doing one of those sample numerology reports. Here are the highlights:
My Life Path is 9 (whatever the heck that means):
"You probably feel responsible for keeping up the morality or spirit of mankind in some way, or even responsible for their very souls." Hmmm. Spirit, sure. Morality, not so much, unless you want to count the fact that I get very worked up about things like Flavor of Love and the lyrics of most current popular songs. But it's not so much that I'm worried about people's morality (because frankly, I could care less about how much you want to shake your moneymaker). It's not even that I dislike most of these songs and worry that they're corrupting the youth or whatever. It's just that I think people need to acknowledge that on some level it's all VERY degrading. And then everyong can feel free to enjoy them.
As many nines are also very artistic, this connection with the higher powers might also be expressed through a talent such as writing, music or painting. Well, that's fun. My artistic skills sure don't come in the form of painting, though, that's for sure.
At some point in your life you have probably sworn to yourself to make this world a better place. You are extremely compassionate and feel above the matters that you feel causes factions of society to be divided. You are very aware of feeling as insignificant as a grain of sand in the Universe and believe that materialism, prejudice and lust just don't matter in the long run. Hey, that's actually true.
You have a charismatic and very open personality that attracts you a lot of friends. You are very social, sometimes at the expense of your other responsibilities. Really? Sure, I have friends, but this seems to be implying social butterfly and that is wrong, wrong, wrong.
This triggers a period of time that lasts a few years that is often called the "dark night of the soul." It is usually during this period of your life that you find the extreme courage and strength to become what is called a wounded healer. Oh, GREAT. I can't wait for this to happen.
As you are naturally very lonely and insecure, you are particularly vulnerable to joining a cult or becoming fanatical in the religious sense. Hahahaha. This is one of my favorite parts, because I think we can safely say that in any given group of people I'd probably be voted LEAST likely to become a religious fanatic or join a cult. Also, doesn't this directly contradict the part about being charismatic and having lots of friends? Shockingly, I'm beginning to think this whole reading is a sham.
Now onto my "Expression Number", which is 3, apparently. This is supposed to tell me my Potential Natural Talents and Abilities:
You are at the height of your self-expression when you feel that others are experiencing "being high on life" like you are. One of your personal goals may be to uplift humanity or spread joy or enthusiasm wherever you go. You know how to unite others through the magic of performance, song dance, singing, acting or literature. For this reason, you are fated to entertain others in some way, whether you are in showbiz or not! Well, alright. I like that.
You consider the accumulation of experiences to be your greatest wealth so you may choose a career in which you travel a lot so you can meet as many people and encounter as many different kinds of situations as possible. Wow, Numerology Report, you're right! I'm sorry I called you a sham, I was just kidding!
You often speak in full paragraphs and are a captivating storyteller. Or, you know, I bore the hell out of and/or overwhelm people and they just want me to shut up already. Ask my brother, his favorite thing to tell me is, "You talk to much" (this is coming from Shane, however, who doesn't really speak in complete sentences most of the time...in fact, he mostly just speaks in sound effects)
For this reason many of you make incredible actors, opera singers, teachers or performers. [This has nothing to do with anything, but am I supposed to care that Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are in some kind of feud? Because the TV and the Internet won't shut up about it.]
Threes are often blessed with a natural sense of comic timing as well as rhythm. This makes you an excellent dancer and lover. Thanks, Numerology Report! I'm liking you more and more all the time!
You love philosophy and the old cliches that are true in life so when you feel lost emotionally you rely on wise words to get you through. You rarely take anything that happens to you in life personally, a trait that frustrates your enemies to no end. This ability to let stuff "roll off your back" serves you well in the many complex emotional situations that threes often get into. That's actually true, too. Well, most of the time. Nobody's a duck in the rain all of the time.
Finally, there's my Soul Urge number, which is a 4. What is a "soul urge"? I have no idea:
Your soul craves stability, beauty and order. You are continually distressed by the natural chaos that often describes life and your own life may be entirely devoted to restoring things to balance. That's just a kind way of saying I'm a hyper-organized neat freak. Which is completely, entirely true.
You are decisive, thorough and intolerant by nature and nothing disturbs you more than a messy room, undone dishes or unclipped grass. Your spirit often moves you to accomplish ten times as much as most people would in a day as you set about combating decay and dirt. Am I sensing a theme here?
Life often has you feeling powerless so controlling the little details makes you feel more emotionally secure. Unfortunately this tendency can extend to trying to control the behavior of your family, friends and coworkers. This earns you a reputation for being stern, pushy and stubborn. Alright, Report, chill. I know, I know.
You secretly resent people who seem to be unconventional or free thinkers as you consider yourself to be among the ones that work very hard to keep the fabric of society stitched together. As your own self-esteem is gauged by how hard you work you have absolutely zero tolerance for those who seem intent on questioning or destroying the values that you have slaved so hard to maintain. This is also kind of true, actually.
You need to remember that you have the capability to traumatize a person for life. This is a valuable skill when it comes to protecting your territory or setting boundaries but it is not healthy for your children or your spouse. I have the capability to TRAUMATIZE A PERSON FOR LIFE. That's...amazing! I realize this is supposed to be a warning, but actually, it just sounds really cool.
When you are in a sunny mood there is nobody more delightful to be with you. Love radiates from you like the light of the sun and your life is full of love and laughter. You are a respected member of the community and others seek out your approval and advice. Awwww.
Love radiates from me like the sun, and I'm capable of traumatizing people for life. I'd say that's a pretty well-balanced personality, wouldn't you?
My Life Path is 9 (whatever the heck that means):
"You probably feel responsible for keeping up the morality or spirit of mankind in some way, or even responsible for their very souls." Hmmm. Spirit, sure. Morality, not so much, unless you want to count the fact that I get very worked up about things like Flavor of Love and the lyrics of most current popular songs. But it's not so much that I'm worried about people's morality (because frankly, I could care less about how much you want to shake your moneymaker). It's not even that I dislike most of these songs and worry that they're corrupting the youth or whatever. It's just that I think people need to acknowledge that on some level it's all VERY degrading. And then everyong can feel free to enjoy them.
As many nines are also very artistic, this connection with the higher powers might also be expressed through a talent such as writing, music or painting. Well, that's fun. My artistic skills sure don't come in the form of painting, though, that's for sure.
At some point in your life you have probably sworn to yourself to make this world a better place. You are extremely compassionate and feel above the matters that you feel causes factions of society to be divided. You are very aware of feeling as insignificant as a grain of sand in the Universe and believe that materialism, prejudice and lust just don't matter in the long run. Hey, that's actually true.
You have a charismatic and very open personality that attracts you a lot of friends. You are very social, sometimes at the expense of your other responsibilities. Really? Sure, I have friends, but this seems to be implying social butterfly and that is wrong, wrong, wrong.
This triggers a period of time that lasts a few years that is often called the "dark night of the soul." It is usually during this period of your life that you find the extreme courage and strength to become what is called a wounded healer. Oh, GREAT. I can't wait for this to happen.
As you are naturally very lonely and insecure, you are particularly vulnerable to joining a cult or becoming fanatical in the religious sense. Hahahaha. This is one of my favorite parts, because I think we can safely say that in any given group of people I'd probably be voted LEAST likely to become a religious fanatic or join a cult. Also, doesn't this directly contradict the part about being charismatic and having lots of friends? Shockingly, I'm beginning to think this whole reading is a sham.
Now onto my "Expression Number", which is 3, apparently. This is supposed to tell me my Potential Natural Talents and Abilities:
You are at the height of your self-expression when you feel that others are experiencing "being high on life" like you are. One of your personal goals may be to uplift humanity or spread joy or enthusiasm wherever you go. You know how to unite others through the magic of performance, song dance, singing, acting or literature. For this reason, you are fated to entertain others in some way, whether you are in showbiz or not! Well, alright. I like that.
You consider the accumulation of experiences to be your greatest wealth so you may choose a career in which you travel a lot so you can meet as many people and encounter as many different kinds of situations as possible. Wow, Numerology Report, you're right! I'm sorry I called you a sham, I was just kidding!
You often speak in full paragraphs and are a captivating storyteller. Or, you know, I bore the hell out of and/or overwhelm people and they just want me to shut up already. Ask my brother, his favorite thing to tell me is, "You talk to much" (this is coming from Shane, however, who doesn't really speak in complete sentences most of the time...in fact, he mostly just speaks in sound effects)
For this reason many of you make incredible actors, opera singers, teachers or performers. [This has nothing to do with anything, but am I supposed to care that Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are in some kind of feud? Because the TV and the Internet won't shut up about it.]
Threes are often blessed with a natural sense of comic timing as well as rhythm. This makes you an excellent dancer and lover. Thanks, Numerology Report! I'm liking you more and more all the time!
You love philosophy and the old cliches that are true in life so when you feel lost emotionally you rely on wise words to get you through. You rarely take anything that happens to you in life personally, a trait that frustrates your enemies to no end. This ability to let stuff "roll off your back" serves you well in the many complex emotional situations that threes often get into. That's actually true, too. Well, most of the time. Nobody's a duck in the rain all of the time.
Finally, there's my Soul Urge number, which is a 4. What is a "soul urge"? I have no idea:
Your soul craves stability, beauty and order. You are continually distressed by the natural chaos that often describes life and your own life may be entirely devoted to restoring things to balance. That's just a kind way of saying I'm a hyper-organized neat freak. Which is completely, entirely true.
You are decisive, thorough and intolerant by nature and nothing disturbs you more than a messy room, undone dishes or unclipped grass. Your spirit often moves you to accomplish ten times as much as most people would in a day as you set about combating decay and dirt. Am I sensing a theme here?
Life often has you feeling powerless so controlling the little details makes you feel more emotionally secure. Unfortunately this tendency can extend to trying to control the behavior of your family, friends and coworkers. This earns you a reputation for being stern, pushy and stubborn. Alright, Report, chill. I know, I know.
You secretly resent people who seem to be unconventional or free thinkers as you consider yourself to be among the ones that work very hard to keep the fabric of society stitched together. As your own self-esteem is gauged by how hard you work you have absolutely zero tolerance for those who seem intent on questioning or destroying the values that you have slaved so hard to maintain. This is also kind of true, actually.
You need to remember that you have the capability to traumatize a person for life. This is a valuable skill when it comes to protecting your territory or setting boundaries but it is not healthy for your children or your spouse. I have the capability to TRAUMATIZE A PERSON FOR LIFE. That's...amazing! I realize this is supposed to be a warning, but actually, it just sounds really cool.
When you are in a sunny mood there is nobody more delightful to be with you. Love radiates from you like the light of the sun and your life is full of love and laughter. You are a respected member of the community and others seek out your approval and advice. Awwww.
Love radiates from me like the sun, and I'm capable of traumatizing people for life. I'd say that's a pretty well-balanced personality, wouldn't you?
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Pictures
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I posted all of my pictures from Las Vegas/Christmas/Cassie's wedding. If you want to see them, the link is in my AIM profile. If you don't have my screenname, leave me a message here or send me an e-mail and I'll send you the link. This is assuming you care at all, and believe me, it's totally okay if you don't.
Fantasy
I guess all those memories of high school must have lodged themselves in my subconscious because I had a dream about an old high school friend last night. I no longer remember the details of it all, but in the dream we were having an argument, and she mainly seemed to be angry at me for being "too flashy". Over and over again the argument would come back to that, her yelling, "Look, you're just too flashy!" In the dream I remember mostly feeling really puzzled because I was wearing a turquoise halter top and khaki-colored shorts with sandals, my hair was pulled up, and I think the most outrageous thing about the entire outfit was that I was wearing teal-colored eyeliner (which is something I do sometimes in real life and has never struck me as particularly flashy or over-the-top). True, I suppose my outfit was a bit more exciting than her dream outfit, a navy blue t-shirt and jeans combination, but flashy? I didn't get it in the dream, and I don't really get it now that I'm awake, either. Mostly in the dream I was trying to figure out what on earth about my outfit or personality would make her call me "flashy" and why that should be an insult in the first place. I woke up feeling angry in that irrational way one often feels after a dream like that, where you want to find the person in real life and punch him/her in the face even though you are fully aware that it was just a dream. So now I've been thinking about her on and off throughout the day, something I haven't done in years. Weird. All I can say is that I hope whatever she's up to today that she has lightened up a little bit (because honestly, I think part of the reason I woke up angry is because the way she was acting in the dream was just the sort of infuriating, irrational, jealous way she often acted in real life, only I never bothered to actually deal with my issues with her in real life, I just let them go).
Speaking of dreams (sort of), here are a few things I've been fantasizing about lately. I should warn you that most of them are incredibly lame:
1) A Dyson vacuum (Yes, still. Be quiet.)
2) Suit Guy. I wear a black cocktail dress, he buys me a martini at an upscale bar, yada, yada, yada.
3) Alternately, Kayak Guy. I have no idea where the heck this one comes from since in general I don't date athletic guys (because, um, have you SEEN this little weak body and noted that my interests don't involve most outdoor activities?). But the hill country is full of rivers and, subsequently, cute guys in kayaks, so now I like to daydream about doing athletic stuff on the river (as opposed to just floating and drinking beer on the river). I have a feeling this outdoorsy side of me is in fact just that: a fantasy. Still, I like the idea of a guy that likes to take me boating and rock climbing and surfing and stuff like that. Don't ask me why.
4) Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I cannot wait to have space for lots of bookshelves, or ideally have built-in bookshelves. My current book situation is not as ridiculous as I thought now that I reorganized everything. I possibly even have room for four or five more (small) books. But still, I'd love to have shelves to fill. I want to be that professor that doesn't even have visible walls in her office, just bookshelves. I uploaded all of my books onto LibraryThing today (very fun and convenient for bookworms like me and free up to 200 books, try it!) and I have 114 books, the majority of which are theatre books since I've never sold back anything from any of my theatre classes. I was kind of shocked that there are that many books in this little apartment, I thought for sure I'd top out around 50-75. And now I'm envisioning my mother's living room and all her bookshelves and realizing that she must have at least 400 books in there. At least.
5) Also in terms of a fantasy home, I've been daydreaming about a kitchen bigger than the size of a walk-in closet. Do you know every single time I cook anything on my stove other than soup the smoke alarm goes off? Even if I can't detect any smoke at all? I think I've mentioned this before. It's really annoying, and I think it happens every time because the smoke detector is only about three feet from the stove. It's ridiculous. I mean, I'm glad the thing is working, but still, ridiculous. Also, to have enough space to prepare basically anything I have to lay a cutting board across my sink to give myself more counter space. I mean, it's not like I cook or bake all that often, and the two times I've already cooked this month have been something of an anomaly, but still, it would be nice to have more than a foot or two of counter space. And a pantry. And a whole bunch of other stuff I won't be able to afford in the next ten years and possibly never.
6) A massage (I do have that gift certificate, but feel as though I should save it for at least a few months until I really need it, since I can't say I'm exactly highly stressed out right now)
7) A part-time job where my managers aren't idiots. Guess how many times I'm scheduled to work this week? ONCE. Our schedules start on Thursdays, and I'm scheduled to work exactly one time between tomorrow and next Thursday. Why? I have no freakin' idea! I specifically wrote a note to my manager saying when I got back from Christmas that I could work any day or night shift until classes start on the 16th. How many shifts did I get last week? Only two. Luckily it became three since I picked up a shift for someone. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up at least one more shift this week, but everyone is broke right now from the holidays so I'm not counting on it. I'm so annoyed with the whole situation, because the one time I actually have a lot of free time and can work a lot, I don't get scheduled at all. And knowing my idiot schedule-making manager, the minute classes start again and I get horribly busy with school and my other job, he'll start scheduling me for five shifts a week and then wondering why I'm always trying to give up shifts. I keep trying to tell myself that really it's a good thing to have so many days completely off because it will give me a chance to get some work done on my thesis, and because it's kind of nice to slack off for a little while and because it's not like I REALLY need the money from the restaurant job since I have another source of income and blah, blah, blah. But really? I'm annoyed. I was hoping to save up some extra money for New York, and if I never get to work again that's going to be a lot harder to do. (Incidentally, if you're thinking what I was thinking at first, I have it on very good authority that they're not in fact trying to subtly phase me out and it was just an oversight. So that's good, I guess, but still. Idiots.)
So yeah. Those are the stupid things I think about these days when my brain is not occupied with equally stupid things like reading chick lit and watching The Duel on MTV. And you can tell me all day that you don't have equally stupid/weird daydreams, but know what? I know you're a liar.
Speaking of dreams (sort of), here are a few things I've been fantasizing about lately. I should warn you that most of them are incredibly lame:
1) A Dyson vacuum (Yes, still. Be quiet.)
2) Suit Guy. I wear a black cocktail dress, he buys me a martini at an upscale bar, yada, yada, yada.
3) Alternately, Kayak Guy. I have no idea where the heck this one comes from since in general I don't date athletic guys (because, um, have you SEEN this little weak body and noted that my interests don't involve most outdoor activities?). But the hill country is full of rivers and, subsequently, cute guys in kayaks, so now I like to daydream about doing athletic stuff on the river (as opposed to just floating and drinking beer on the river). I have a feeling this outdoorsy side of me is in fact just that: a fantasy. Still, I like the idea of a guy that likes to take me boating and rock climbing and surfing and stuff like that. Don't ask me why.
4) Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I cannot wait to have space for lots of bookshelves, or ideally have built-in bookshelves. My current book situation is not as ridiculous as I thought now that I reorganized everything. I possibly even have room for four or five more (small) books. But still, I'd love to have shelves to fill. I want to be that professor that doesn't even have visible walls in her office, just bookshelves. I uploaded all of my books onto LibraryThing today (very fun and convenient for bookworms like me and free up to 200 books, try it!) and I have 114 books, the majority of which are theatre books since I've never sold back anything from any of my theatre classes. I was kind of shocked that there are that many books in this little apartment, I thought for sure I'd top out around 50-75. And now I'm envisioning my mother's living room and all her bookshelves and realizing that she must have at least 400 books in there. At least.
5) Also in terms of a fantasy home, I've been daydreaming about a kitchen bigger than the size of a walk-in closet. Do you know every single time I cook anything on my stove other than soup the smoke alarm goes off? Even if I can't detect any smoke at all? I think I've mentioned this before. It's really annoying, and I think it happens every time because the smoke detector is only about three feet from the stove. It's ridiculous. I mean, I'm glad the thing is working, but still, ridiculous. Also, to have enough space to prepare basically anything I have to lay a cutting board across my sink to give myself more counter space. I mean, it's not like I cook or bake all that often, and the two times I've already cooked this month have been something of an anomaly, but still, it would be nice to have more than a foot or two of counter space. And a pantry. And a whole bunch of other stuff I won't be able to afford in the next ten years and possibly never.
6) A massage (I do have that gift certificate, but feel as though I should save it for at least a few months until I really need it, since I can't say I'm exactly highly stressed out right now)
7) A part-time job where my managers aren't idiots. Guess how many times I'm scheduled to work this week? ONCE. Our schedules start on Thursdays, and I'm scheduled to work exactly one time between tomorrow and next Thursday. Why? I have no freakin' idea! I specifically wrote a note to my manager saying when I got back from Christmas that I could work any day or night shift until classes start on the 16th. How many shifts did I get last week? Only two. Luckily it became three since I picked up a shift for someone. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up at least one more shift this week, but everyone is broke right now from the holidays so I'm not counting on it. I'm so annoyed with the whole situation, because the one time I actually have a lot of free time and can work a lot, I don't get scheduled at all. And knowing my idiot schedule-making manager, the minute classes start again and I get horribly busy with school and my other job, he'll start scheduling me for five shifts a week and then wondering why I'm always trying to give up shifts. I keep trying to tell myself that really it's a good thing to have so many days completely off because it will give me a chance to get some work done on my thesis, and because it's kind of nice to slack off for a little while and because it's not like I REALLY need the money from the restaurant job since I have another source of income and blah, blah, blah. But really? I'm annoyed. I was hoping to save up some extra money for New York, and if I never get to work again that's going to be a lot harder to do. (Incidentally, if you're thinking what I was thinking at first, I have it on very good authority that they're not in fact trying to subtly phase me out and it was just an oversight. So that's good, I guess, but still. Idiots.)
So yeah. Those are the stupid things I think about these days when my brain is not occupied with equally stupid things like reading chick lit and watching The Duel on MTV. And you can tell me all day that you don't have equally stupid/weird daydreams, but know what? I know you're a liar.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
All About Marriage
In all the holiday business I forgot to tell you about a couple of things. Like the conversation I had with my dad (and sort of with my mom) one night over dinner. The extremely abridged version went something like this:
On the subject of finding a perfect relationship for you, my friend Cassie got married on December 30th. It was so much fun, but also very surreal. I've had a couple of other friends get married, but none as good as Cas. Cassie and I have been friends for ten years. (TEN YEARS. Man, I feel old!)
My earliest memory of Cassie is from 8th grade, the day she passed me a note in stupid Ms. Hernandez's 9th period Spanish class that said, simply, "Do you preach the gospel?" I scrawled back something very intelligent and witty and funny, something like "Um...what are you talking about?" and a friendship was born. I still have all of our Spanish class notes in a box in my closet back home in El Paso, and all of them are equally nonsensical. My favorites include, "What if you were black and turned white like Michael Jackson?" and "We can't go see Evita this weekend because I got a 76 in Art and I'm grounded" and the infamous "Dear Ashley, You are a piece of caca with hair" (that one, which also included drawings of our friend Kelli with clown feet and our friend Lisette with a tomato head, was intercepted by Ms. H and earned us a trip to the hallway and threats about referrals to the vice principal's office...Ms. H was constantly threatening to send people to the office). The entire point of Cassie's notes was to try to make me laugh out loud and get into trouble. She was also a bad influence in our 6th period P.E. class, convincing me that Coach Gamboa wouldn't notice if we skipped participating for the ENTIRE SEMESTER and just hid out on the tennis courts (incidentally, she was right about that one and we both got "A"s for sitting on our butts all year).
Dad: You're never going to meet a guy as smart as you.
Me: Sure I will.
Me: Sure I will.
Dad: No, you won't. You need to stop thinking like that. Look at me and your mom, I'm not as smart as she is.
Me: Yes you are. That's why your relationship works. You're not as educated, but you're just as smart. "Smart" doesn't just mean "has several college degrees". There are a lot of ways to be smart. Intelligence is a separate thing from book learning. And if I don't meet someone that can carry on conversations that I find interesting and intelligent, then I'm never going to get married. Why would I want to be with someone who isn't at least as smart as I am?
Me: Yes you are. That's why your relationship works. You're not as educated, but you're just as smart. "Smart" doesn't just mean "has several college degrees". There are a lot of ways to be smart. Intelligence is a separate thing from book learning. And if I don't meet someone that can carry on conversations that I find interesting and intelligent, then I'm never going to get married. Why would I want to be with someone who isn't at least as smart as I am?
Dad: But the love of your life could be the UPS man!
Me: Yes. The love of my life could very well be a charming, intelligent, funny and kind UPS man. Who said I'm ruling out UPS men?!
Me: Yes. The love of my life could very well be a charming, intelligent, funny and kind UPS man. Who said I'm ruling out UPS men?!
Dad: I just don't want to hear you say you're never going to get married. You will.
Me: I might. I might if I find the right guy. But there is in fact a possibility that getting married is something I will never do. All I was trying to say was it's a possibility that I'll always be single.
Dad: I think you're holding out for too much. You're probably not going to find a relationship like the one Mom and I have. Very few people ever do.
Me: Then I'm not going to get married! Why would I settle for less than what you have? I've seen what a really good marriage looks like, how could I possibly be happy knowing that my own relationship wasn't as good as it possibly could be? That's the downside of having you as my parents, truthfully, because I've seen a relationship that's pretty damn amazing so now my own relationships have a lot of expecations to live up to. But you found a great relationship, and I could, too. And if I don't I'll just be alone.
Dad: You won't be alone!
Me: You don't know that. And why does it matter if I am? There's nothing I can do with a husband that I can't do just as well or maybe even better on my own.
Dad: You can't have that sort of attitude!
Mom: What are you talking about?! Of course she can have that kind of attitude, that's a GOOD attitude. Ashley, stop listening to your Dad, I don't know what he's talking about right now.
Me: I might. I might if I find the right guy. But there is in fact a possibility that getting married is something I will never do. All I was trying to say was it's a possibility that I'll always be single.
Dad: I think you're holding out for too much. You're probably not going to find a relationship like the one Mom and I have. Very few people ever do.
Me: Then I'm not going to get married! Why would I settle for less than what you have? I've seen what a really good marriage looks like, how could I possibly be happy knowing that my own relationship wasn't as good as it possibly could be? That's the downside of having you as my parents, truthfully, because I've seen a relationship that's pretty damn amazing so now my own relationships have a lot of expecations to live up to. But you found a great relationship, and I could, too. And if I don't I'll just be alone.
Dad: You won't be alone!
Me: You don't know that. And why does it matter if I am? There's nothing I can do with a husband that I can't do just as well or maybe even better on my own.
Dad: You can't have that sort of attitude!
Mom: What are you talking about?! Of course she can have that kind of attitude, that's a GOOD attitude. Ashley, stop listening to your Dad, I don't know what he's talking about right now.
Dad: I'm just saying that you need to stop being so picky.
Me: Did he basically just tell me to settle?
Me: Did he basically just tell me to settle?
Mom: Yes, and I don't know what he's talking about. You shouldn't ever settle, you do whatever you want to do.
Dad: But you're going to end up with somebody. You will.
Me: Okay. You're probably right, I probably will. I just don't understand what the big obsession with marriage is all of a sudden.
Dad: I thought you wanted to have children.
Dad: But you're going to end up with somebody. You will.
Me: Okay. You're probably right, I probably will. I just don't understand what the big obsession with marriage is all of a sudden.
Dad: I thought you wanted to have children.
Me: Yes. I do. And I can also do that on my own, if I really have to.
And from there Dad tried to go off about single parenting and how I might go about having a baby and how I "wouldn't try to adopt a child, would you? Wouldn't you want it to have your own genes?" and I wisely said, "We're done talking about this for the night" because I'm not about to have an argument about a hypothetical decision that won't happen for fifteen years if it happens at all.
So yeah. I don't know what's up with Dad. What happened to being Daddy's Baby Girl and Dad running potential suitors off the porch with a shotgun and all those other cliches? And isn't the mother supposed to be the one that's all gung ho about marrying off her eligible daughters? What's with the role reversal?
I talked about it with my grandma a bit and her theory is that it's sort of a pride thing for my dad. He wants to believe his daughter is worthy of being married off, so to speak, so it bothers him because he thinks I don't think I'm worthy of finding a husband. (Wow, how archaic) But for me that's not what it's about at all. For me it's the total opposite. I am worthy. I'm worthy of waiting, holding out, finding a guy that's perfect for me. I don't have to settle for the first, second, or third guy that comes along and expresses an interest in me. I can hold out and wait for someone awesome to show up, and that's why I say things like "I'm going to be single forever". Because I'd rather be single forever than be with someone who isn't great for me. I don't see any problem with being picky, especially since the alternative to any guy is just me, by myself, and that's a pretty good thing to be most of the time.
Incidentally, Grandma ended the whole conversation by saying, "It's just that we look at you and we just know you're going to end up with somebody, so you have nothing to worry about."
Sigh. Thanks for understanding, guys.
On the subject of finding a perfect relationship for you, my friend Cassie got married on December 30th. It was so much fun, but also very surreal. I've had a couple of other friends get married, but none as good as Cas. Cassie and I have been friends for ten years. (TEN YEARS. Man, I feel old!)
My earliest memory of Cassie is from 8th grade, the day she passed me a note in stupid Ms. Hernandez's 9th period Spanish class that said, simply, "Do you preach the gospel?" I scrawled back something very intelligent and witty and funny, something like "Um...what are you talking about?" and a friendship was born. I still have all of our Spanish class notes in a box in my closet back home in El Paso, and all of them are equally nonsensical. My favorites include, "What if you were black and turned white like Michael Jackson?" and "We can't go see Evita this weekend because I got a 76 in Art and I'm grounded" and the infamous "Dear Ashley, You are a piece of caca with hair" (that one, which also included drawings of our friend Kelli with clown feet and our friend Lisette with a tomato head, was intercepted by Ms. H and earned us a trip to the hallway and threats about referrals to the vice principal's office...Ms. H was constantly threatening to send people to the office). The entire point of Cassie's notes was to try to make me laugh out loud and get into trouble. She was also a bad influence in our 6th period P.E. class, convincing me that Coach Gamboa wouldn't notice if we skipped participating for the ENTIRE SEMESTER and just hid out on the tennis courts (incidentally, she was right about that one and we both got "A"s for sitting on our butts all year).
We never ran in quite the same circle of friends, but our circles overlapped somewhat and we stayed friends all through high school. We weren't the sort of friends who ate lunch together daily or even hung out on weekends all that much, but we had a few classes together throughout high school, most notably our theatre production class. Cassie's favorite thing to do in that class was rope me into being her partner for Flashbacks [this show we did annually that was basically Karaoke With Costumes and Rehearsed Dance Routines] and then insist that our friend Kristen or I sing the bulk of the song while she danced in the background, therefore giving herself the opportunity to say "What are you talking about? I wasn't on stage at all" if something went wrong (and Cas was always convinced things were going to go badly). Our entire friendship has always been like that, full of teasing and tormenting and getting each other into trouble and laughing, laughing, and more laughing.
There was the time we went to Taco Cabana and had to run out of there full speed after one of us (we never can recall who it was exactly) broke the sink so that water was flowing onto the floor. Prom junior year, when a big group of us got together for a lasagna dinner at Cassie's house and then took a trolley to the dance and listened to "The Thong Song" over and over again. The fact that she called me "Queen Latifah" for months before I finally thought to ask why and her answer was, "Because she's your total opposite. She's big and black, you're skinny and white," as if that was a totally reasonable explanation.
When we graduated from high school in 2001, I honestly didn't expect to stay in touch with Cassie. We'd always been good friends but not BEST friends, and I thought we'd probably end up going our separate ways. Over the years I did in fact lose touch with many of my high school friends, and in fact I lost track of most of my very best friends, the ones I thought I'd always know (incidentally, this is probably more my fault than anyone else's, as I am terrible at staying in touch). Somehow, though, Cassie and I always stayed friends. Every time I was in town on a break from school we'd get together, and she would call me whenever she happened to be in Dallas/Fort Worth and later in Austin/San Antonio and we'd spend an afternoon or evening hanging out and catching up. We spent many an hour talking about our relationships of the moment, the good parts, the bad parts, and the crazy parts (and oh, there were some crazy parts).
Last December Cassie introduced me to Jason, and even though he wasn't feeling well and was very quiet that night at the Ale House, I could tell he was a really good guy. When she called me two weeks later to tell me they were getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, I agreed right away.
An entire year went by somehow, and I got to know Jason for real. My initial impression wasn't wrong; he is in fact a fun, nice, good guy. And most importantly, Cassie and Jason are very happy together. And, perhaps even more importantly than that, actually, Cassie seems to be completely and totally herself with him. In my opinion, there is no better gauge of a relationship than that.
The morning of her wedding we were getting our hair done at the salon and Cassie turned to me and said, "You need to go tell Katie that her eye makeup is pretty. Katie gets really self-conscious when you tell her she looks pretty, and I'm hoping you'll make her cry. My goal is for all of my bridesmaids to cry today." Typical Cassie, teasing and tormenting even as her wedding veil is being pinned in place.
I wouldn't have her any other way. I hope Jason and Cassie have years of happiness and love. (And I still can't believe she's actually MARRIED!)
P.S.-She met her husband in a nursing home. Just goes to show that you really never know where you're gonna come across that special guy, huh?
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Why I Can't Wait for March
Guess what I did yesterday!
I bought a ticket to see Justin Timberlake in Dallas on March 5th!! I've always liked him as a solo artist, but over the past month or two I've found myself growing more and more...well, "obsessed" is a bit too extreme a word to describe it. Fixated? Completely incapable of dragging myself away anytime I come across one of his videos? Yes. Not to mention Justin Timberlake is the only man in the entire universe that Kymberli and I both find sexy. Seriously, we never, ever find the same guy attractive, and most of our friendship has been spent with one of us saying, "He's so hot" and the other one raising her eyebrows and saying, "Really? If you say so..." (which is possibly why we're such great friends, because we're never in a situation where we want the same guy). I think the fact that we both agree that Justin Timberlake is sexy is proof that the boy truly has universal sex appeal. Although for me it's not a physical thing, since I think he looks exactly like every other semi-handsome white male in America. It's all about his current image with the disheveled suits and that sort of Michael Jackson/Rat Pack/rap star mix he has going on that shouldn't work at all but somehow does. Oh, and the dancing. Mmmm, the dancing.
That's mainly why I bought a concert ticket, actually. I just want to see the guy dance for an hour and a half. I think it's gonna be great. I'm going with my brothers (Shane and Gus, my Adopted Mexican Brother). We invited Chelsea, too, but she's not at all interested in Justin Timberlake (How? How is that possible?). We don't have great seats since we bought the cheapest tickets possible (I love Justin, but I don't 150 dollars love him), but I don't care. I'm just excited to be going. I figure we'll go up for just the night, and I'm hoping to stay with Katy and Scott or some of my other DFW friends. It will be good to see them.
So that's Really Exciting Thing Number One.
As for Even More Exciting Thing Number Two, guess what else I bought yesterday!
A plane ticket to go to New York City for spring break!!!! Mandi got her ticket, too. (Incidentally, did you know that Jet Blue offers a direct flight from Austin to JFK and that tickets for said flight cost less than what I paid to fly home to El Paso in October? Crazy!) I can't believe we're actually going to do this trip for real. Mandi and I have been talking about New York for an entire year, so the fact that we finally have plane tickets feels surreal. We celebrated our purchase by drinking a bottle of champagne and saying, "I can't believe we're really going!" over and over again.
Now comes the really fun part where we pick which shows we want to see and plan all the nerdy hick-tourists-in-the-big-city things we need to do while we're there. We're going to be there for five entire days and six nights, plenty of time to make fools of ourselves. Mandi has never been there at all, so I can't wait to see her reaction to everything. (This will be my fourth trip, I think, although this will be the longest time I've stayed in the city itself since every other time I've been there I was just doing day trips from New Jersey. This will also be the first time that I'm legally old enough to appreciate the nightlife.)
The thing I'm looking forward to most is having my two closest friends in the same place. We're going to stay with Kymberli and Cody for most of the week, and I can't wait for Kymberli and Mandi to meet. I hope they get along. I'm pretty positive they will.
So I have to get through the next two months of thesis writing and box office managing and Ph.D. applications and waiting tables, and I have to do it all spending as little money as possible so that I can afford to tear it up New York City for a week. But with that much to look forward to in March, I have plenty of good stuff to keep me going!
I bought a ticket to see Justin Timberlake in Dallas on March 5th!! I've always liked him as a solo artist, but over the past month or two I've found myself growing more and more...well, "obsessed" is a bit too extreme a word to describe it. Fixated? Completely incapable of dragging myself away anytime I come across one of his videos? Yes. Not to mention Justin Timberlake is the only man in the entire universe that Kymberli and I both find sexy. Seriously, we never, ever find the same guy attractive, and most of our friendship has been spent with one of us saying, "He's so hot" and the other one raising her eyebrows and saying, "Really? If you say so..." (which is possibly why we're such great friends, because we're never in a situation where we want the same guy). I think the fact that we both agree that Justin Timberlake is sexy is proof that the boy truly has universal sex appeal. Although for me it's not a physical thing, since I think he looks exactly like every other semi-handsome white male in America. It's all about his current image with the disheveled suits and that sort of Michael Jackson/Rat Pack/rap star mix he has going on that shouldn't work at all but somehow does. Oh, and the dancing. Mmmm, the dancing.
That's mainly why I bought a concert ticket, actually. I just want to see the guy dance for an hour and a half. I think it's gonna be great. I'm going with my brothers (Shane and Gus, my Adopted Mexican Brother). We invited Chelsea, too, but she's not at all interested in Justin Timberlake (How? How is that possible?). We don't have great seats since we bought the cheapest tickets possible (I love Justin, but I don't 150 dollars love him), but I don't care. I'm just excited to be going. I figure we'll go up for just the night, and I'm hoping to stay with Katy and Scott or some of my other DFW friends. It will be good to see them.
So that's Really Exciting Thing Number One.
As for Even More Exciting Thing Number Two, guess what else I bought yesterday!
A plane ticket to go to New York City for spring break!!!! Mandi got her ticket, too. (Incidentally, did you know that Jet Blue offers a direct flight from Austin to JFK and that tickets for said flight cost less than what I paid to fly home to El Paso in October? Crazy!) I can't believe we're actually going to do this trip for real. Mandi and I have been talking about New York for an entire year, so the fact that we finally have plane tickets feels surreal. We celebrated our purchase by drinking a bottle of champagne and saying, "I can't believe we're really going!" over and over again.
Now comes the really fun part where we pick which shows we want to see and plan all the nerdy hick-tourists-in-the-big-city things we need to do while we're there. We're going to be there for five entire days and six nights, plenty of time to make fools of ourselves. Mandi has never been there at all, so I can't wait to see her reaction to everything. (This will be my fourth trip, I think, although this will be the longest time I've stayed in the city itself since every other time I've been there I was just doing day trips from New Jersey. This will also be the first time that I'm legally old enough to appreciate the nightlife.)
The thing I'm looking forward to most is having my two closest friends in the same place. We're going to stay with Kymberli and Cody for most of the week, and I can't wait for Kymberli and Mandi to meet. I hope they get along. I'm pretty positive they will.
So I have to get through the next two months of thesis writing and box office managing and Ph.D. applications and waiting tables, and I have to do it all spending as little money as possible so that I can afford to tear it up New York City for a week. But with that much to look forward to in March, I have plenty of good stuff to keep me going!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Ready for Action
Well, I'm back home. And by "home" I mean my apartment, not El Paso (obviously, right?). I use the term "home" very loosely and interchangably to describe both my home here where all my stuff is and El Paso, which I guess will never stop feeling like home to a certain extent, at least until my parents aren't there anymore.
The drive back today was harrowing. It really was! For once I'm not being completely melodramatic. It was fine until just past Fort Stockton, and then it started raining and it rained the entire rest of the drive. And for those of you unfamiliar with the joys of I-10 between El Paso and San Antonio, Fort Stockton isn't even quite the halfway point when you're driving east. I spent, oh, about FOUR AND A HALF HOURS driving in the rain. Which may not sound bad to you, except that it wasn't just a drizzle, it ranged from, "Wow, guess I'd better turn my windshield wipers up to high speed" to "Fuck, I can't see anything!" I hydroplaned minorly five or six times before finally saying screw it and just cruising in the left lane for the next three hours because I was hydroplaning every time I tried to switch lanes no matter how much I slowed down. I contemplated stopping and staying the night in a motel several times, but every time I got to a town that was actually substantial enough to have a motel, the rain would let up just enough to make me think, "Okay, this isn't so bad anymore" and I'd cruise past the motels only to have a the downpour start again ten miles later.
When I was 160 miles from home I got the added bonus of fog, and by the time I got to San Antonio there was lightning, too. Just outside of San Antonio there was a wreck that caused another wreck as everyone else slammed on their brakes to avoid the first wreck. I was far enough back that I was able to come to a stop without hitting anyone, but even though I did everything I know to avoid hydroplaning, it's just impossible not to hydroplane when you're going 50 mph and have to stop rather abrubtly with an inch of water on the road, so my car zig zagged back and forth across two lanes several times before I came to a stop. It scared me. A lot. I'm just glad I had stayed out of the main crush of cars and avoided both wrecks. When I was just fifteen miles from home I watched as a pickup truck up ahead of me hydroplaned and plowed right into the barrier dividing the highway. By the time I passed him the guy had already climbed out of his truck and was on his cell phone so he was obviously okay, but man. It was bad.
I hope I never have to make a drive like that again in my life. Also, I hope the fact that I keep witnessing all these car wrecks is a fluke and not a new trend because that's not really how I want to spend my new year.
The other fun part about all the rain was that I got to unload my car in it! It was raining so hard when I pulled up to my apartment that Cohen flat out refused to get out of the car and I finally had to drag him from the car and carry him inside. Then I had to make about six more trips for the rest of my stuff. And yes, I did consider just leaving everything other than the basset hound and the cat in the car and getting it all out when the rain eventually stopped, except that it's 2 in the morning and still raining steadily so I'm glad I just sucked it up and brought everything in earlier.
I spent the night taking down my Christmas decorations, unpacking and reorganizing all of the animals' stuff and weeding out some of Cohen's toys (Does he really need three old chew hooves, or a half-chewed plastic frisbee? I don't think so, but I snuck them out of the apartment when he was sleeping in case he thinks otherwise), washing and packing up my old bedding and making up the bed with all my new stuff (it's all silvery blue and very soothing looking and I can't wait to go to bed), and catching up on two and a half weeks of mail. Plans for the weekend include organizing my closet to free up hangers for my new clothes, uploading my latest pictures, and trying to figure out if there's any possible way to fit another book (or seven) onto my already overstuffed bookshelves. I kind of want to do a total overhaul and organize all my books into categories, but eh...the thing is, I know I'm moving in less than five months so part of me doesn't even want to bother organizing right now when I'm just going to do another purge of all my junk in a matter of months. But the new year hype is hard to ignore, and the book situation really is getting out of hand. Really.
I. Am. So. Exciting!
The drive back today was harrowing. It really was! For once I'm not being completely melodramatic. It was fine until just past Fort Stockton, and then it started raining and it rained the entire rest of the drive. And for those of you unfamiliar with the joys of I-10 between El Paso and San Antonio, Fort Stockton isn't even quite the halfway point when you're driving east. I spent, oh, about FOUR AND A HALF HOURS driving in the rain. Which may not sound bad to you, except that it wasn't just a drizzle, it ranged from, "Wow, guess I'd better turn my windshield wipers up to high speed" to "Fuck, I can't see anything!" I hydroplaned minorly five or six times before finally saying screw it and just cruising in the left lane for the next three hours because I was hydroplaning every time I tried to switch lanes no matter how much I slowed down. I contemplated stopping and staying the night in a motel several times, but every time I got to a town that was actually substantial enough to have a motel, the rain would let up just enough to make me think, "Okay, this isn't so bad anymore" and I'd cruise past the motels only to have a the downpour start again ten miles later.
When I was 160 miles from home I got the added bonus of fog, and by the time I got to San Antonio there was lightning, too. Just outside of San Antonio there was a wreck that caused another wreck as everyone else slammed on their brakes to avoid the first wreck. I was far enough back that I was able to come to a stop without hitting anyone, but even though I did everything I know to avoid hydroplaning, it's just impossible not to hydroplane when you're going 50 mph and have to stop rather abrubtly with an inch of water on the road, so my car zig zagged back and forth across two lanes several times before I came to a stop. It scared me. A lot. I'm just glad I had stayed out of the main crush of cars and avoided both wrecks. When I was just fifteen miles from home I watched as a pickup truck up ahead of me hydroplaned and plowed right into the barrier dividing the highway. By the time I passed him the guy had already climbed out of his truck and was on his cell phone so he was obviously okay, but man. It was bad.
I hope I never have to make a drive like that again in my life. Also, I hope the fact that I keep witnessing all these car wrecks is a fluke and not a new trend because that's not really how I want to spend my new year.
The other fun part about all the rain was that I got to unload my car in it! It was raining so hard when I pulled up to my apartment that Cohen flat out refused to get out of the car and I finally had to drag him from the car and carry him inside. Then I had to make about six more trips for the rest of my stuff. And yes, I did consider just leaving everything other than the basset hound and the cat in the car and getting it all out when the rain eventually stopped, except that it's 2 in the morning and still raining steadily so I'm glad I just sucked it up and brought everything in earlier.
I spent the night taking down my Christmas decorations, unpacking and reorganizing all of the animals' stuff and weeding out some of Cohen's toys (Does he really need three old chew hooves, or a half-chewed plastic frisbee? I don't think so, but I snuck them out of the apartment when he was sleeping in case he thinks otherwise), washing and packing up my old bedding and making up the bed with all my new stuff (it's all silvery blue and very soothing looking and I can't wait to go to bed), and catching up on two and a half weeks of mail. Plans for the weekend include organizing my closet to free up hangers for my new clothes, uploading my latest pictures, and trying to figure out if there's any possible way to fit another book (or seven) onto my already overstuffed bookshelves. I kind of want to do a total overhaul and organize all my books into categories, but eh...the thing is, I know I'm moving in less than five months so part of me doesn't even want to bother organizing right now when I'm just going to do another purge of all my junk in a matter of months. But the new year hype is hard to ignore, and the book situation really is getting out of hand. Really.
I. Am. So. Exciting!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Best Resolutions Ever!
I just took this dumb "What Should Your New Year's Resolutions Be?" quiz, and these are my results:
1) Get a pet frog
2) Eat more whipped cream
3) Travel to India
4) Study magic
5) Get in shape with dodgeball
I love all of the above, except for the part about the pet frog. I personally wouldn't mind a pet frog, but I can't see either of my current pets being thrilled with that.
It's snowing outside right now, and much to my surprise it's actually sticking. I'm supposed to drive home tomorrow since I'm scheduled to work on Thursday morning. Part of me is hoping that all of a sudden this little snow storm turns into something really substantial and I get to stay here a couple of extra days, but I also know I need to get home and go back to work, organize my closet, really get going on my thesis and finish my last three applications. I don't get any work done in El Paso, I'm a lazy bum here. So we'll see what happens I guess, but I suppose I'm probably still going back tomorrow.
1) Get a pet frog
2) Eat more whipped cream
3) Travel to India
4) Study magic
5) Get in shape with dodgeball
I love all of the above, except for the part about the pet frog. I personally wouldn't mind a pet frog, but I can't see either of my current pets being thrilled with that.
It's snowing outside right now, and much to my surprise it's actually sticking. I'm supposed to drive home tomorrow since I'm scheduled to work on Thursday morning. Part of me is hoping that all of a sudden this little snow storm turns into something really substantial and I get to stay here a couple of extra days, but I also know I need to get home and go back to work, organize my closet, really get going on my thesis and finish my last three applications. I don't get any work done in El Paso, I'm a lazy bum here. So we'll see what happens I guess, but I suppose I'm probably still going back tomorrow.
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