Blog gods is the most fun thing to say that I've made up in my head today.
The most fun thing to say that I didn't make up in my head today is this: "The Chilean government fears this invasion of giant beavers." I swear to god that's an actual quote I heard in a story on NPR tonight as I was driving home from a rehearsal. Apparently these beavers have invaded Chile from an island off the coast (an island they weren't supposed to be on in the first place) and now they're eating fish and mussels, which is not a natural part of a beaver's diet. So they've gotten huge. They're like, seventy pound beavers. And the Chilean government fears them. This is not a made-up story, this is actual news. And I love it. I immediately wrote the quote down in my playwriting journal when I got home. I'm not sure how I'd possibly work a quote about giant Chilean beavers into any play I might write, but maybe it'll provide some inspiration for...something.
Anyway, I'm making an entry right now because if I don't do it right now odds are another entire week will go by without a blog entry and somehow in my head that's just unacceptable even though I have absolutely nothing exciting to say anyway.
In current news, I almost killed my laptop last night. I picked up my water bottle, which was sitting right beside my computer, and as I picked it up a couple of drops of water sloshed out onto my keyboard. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was only three little drops of water, but damn if that H20 didn't wreck total havoc. My keyboard went nuts and the keys weren't typing the right letters and symbols. So I sat on the floor blowdrying my keyboard on low for, oh, about forty minutes. It was not my finest moment. The thing is, I thought I had fixed it. When I went to bed last night it seemed to be working just fine. But when I woke up this morning the keyboard wasn't working at all. So I bought an external keyboard and plugged it into my laptop and this is working fine temporarily. Rueben-the-computer-fixer-guy is supposed to come over tomorrow afternoon to fix the laptop itself. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he CAN fix it, because this giant keyboard attached to my laptop is incredibly annoying. I guess I should just be grateful I didn't ruin it entirely, though. It could be worse.
In the continuing files of CRAZY, remember that guy who freaked me out talking through my window just before the holiday break? The guy who likes me but who I'm not interested in at all? I did an entry about him back in December, I would link to it but I'm being lazy. Well, I've been avoiding him for weeks and weeks now. He still calls me two or three times a week and I ignore his call every single time. You'd think at some point he'd give up, but no, he persists in believing that I'm just really busy but that eventually I'll have time in my schedule to go out with him. At least he has stopped coming by my apartment uninvited, but he's replaced that annoying habit with the equally annoying habit of stopping me in the halls and parking lots at school and saying hi to me and then berating me for not saying hi to him first. I swear, he has managed to tell me about six times since the semester started that he's hurt that I don't say hi to him. Truthfully, I would probably ignore him even if I did see him. But the fact is, I'm not ignoring him on purpose. I really just don't notice him. And it's not a personal thing against Crazy, I unintentionally ignore a lot of people. I walk really fast and I am always thinking about things and working things out in my head, and that's especially true when I'm on campus. When I'm on campus I'm not in relaxation/play mode, I'm in work mode. I'm usually running late, and I'm always thinking ahead to what is coming up in class or at work and what I'm going to be expected to do. That combination is not very conducive to noticing people and saying hello. So I pretty much don't say hi to anyone unless they say hello to me first. End of story. But apparently I'm supposed to stop in my tracks and say hello to him and he finds it extremely insulting when I don't. So I've managed to avoid him successfully for an entire week, until tonight when I went up to school to make the box office deposit and he happened to be sitting on the steps in the lobby. Damn. I walked right past him into the box office and he followed me (uninvited, of course) and then made the very astute observation, "Oh. You're still managing the box office this semester?" (No, dude, I just have a pair of keys and I come up here after hours and sabotage things to screw up the person who actually manages the box office). Anyway, I said yes and he said, "I guess since you have to work the box office you can't come see the show with me then?" and I said, "Nope, I can't. I got your message last week [in which you invited me to do something TWO WEEKS FROM NOW in the hopes of pinning me down way in advance because you just don't comprehend that I purposely always have plans when you call, Crazy] and I can't do it so I didn't call you back." He then proceeded to congratulate me for actually waving hello to him last Wednesday. For the record, I have absolutely no recollection of waving hello to him last Wednesday. For all I know I did, because like I said I'm not paying much attention to my surroundings when I'm walking on campus so it's entirely possible I waved to him. I don't know why the hell I'd do that even subconsciously though, so it might not actually have been me. Anyway, I told him that I don't remember waving to him, and he got all indignant and said, "I'm just trying to compliment you on actually being observant for once," and I said, "And I'm just telling you that I still wasn't being observant because I don't remember seeing you or doing that. I'm just not an observant person." And he replied, "Yeah, that's what I've heard. "
"Yeah, that's what I've heard"? He makes it sound as if all the undergrad kids I barely know sit around on the lobby steps talking about how unobservant I am. As if that's my reputation. Some people sleep around, others are alcoholics, others are nerds, Ashley is unobservant. What the hell? Who on earth would actually have a conversation about that? There's no way he and other people have sat around talking about how I never notice anyone. He's so bizarre.
Well, I need to go. I'm having to reapply for all my scholarships (they don't just renew automatically here if you keep your grades up, which annoys the hell out of me but that's a whole other entry) so I need to touch up my resume, and I have Dramaturgy stuff to read. So much to do, always.
I think I might go to Padre for spring break, though, drive down and meet Mike and his friends. That would be so much fun. I hope it works out.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Why is the time stamp always wrong on this journal?
Sorry it has been so long since I posted. Classes are going full swing, I'm already really busy, what else is new?
The answer is pretty much nothing. If anything really exciting had happened you can bet I would have posted about it.
Instead, it's been a pretty typical week. I go to classes, I do a lot of reading, I spend some quality time with my pets, I spend far too long talking to my friends on IM most nights, and I work out. That's pretty much all I do every day.
Actually, a few fun and exciting things have happened since I last posted. Here they are:
1) My best grad school friend Mandi and I went out drinking on Thursday night. We both got really buzzed. I had a great time. It was awesome!
2) Kymberli came to town for the weekend and I got to see her on Saturday night. Kymberli, Matthew, my sister and I went to a party Maggie Maes. We all got really buzzed...okay, DRUNK. I had a great time. It was awesome!
3) My dad was in town last weekend. I spent a lot of the weekend hanging out with him and with my relatives in San Antonio. We drank some margaritas but did not get buzzed. I had a great time. It was awesome!
4) I cooked again! This time I made these really nifty little bacon/tomato/egg/toast things. They were sort of like muffins, they were cooked in a muffin tin. It was basically toast with an egg cooked inside and a tasty topping. I also made salad dressing!! Salad dressing! This makes me very happy even though it was the easiest thing in the world (Dijon mustard, lemon juice, olive oil. That's it!)
So yeah, that's about it. You haven't missed much. I can't believe I've already been in school for two weeks, though. Time is flying.
The answer is pretty much nothing. If anything really exciting had happened you can bet I would have posted about it.
Instead, it's been a pretty typical week. I go to classes, I do a lot of reading, I spend some quality time with my pets, I spend far too long talking to my friends on IM most nights, and I work out. That's pretty much all I do every day.
Actually, a few fun and exciting things have happened since I last posted. Here they are:
1) My best grad school friend Mandi and I went out drinking on Thursday night. We both got really buzzed. I had a great time. It was awesome!
2) Kymberli came to town for the weekend and I got to see her on Saturday night. Kymberli, Matthew, my sister and I went to a party Maggie Maes. We all got really buzzed...okay, DRUNK. I had a great time. It was awesome!
3) My dad was in town last weekend. I spent a lot of the weekend hanging out with him and with my relatives in San Antonio. We drank some margaritas but did not get buzzed. I had a great time. It was awesome!
4) I cooked again! This time I made these really nifty little bacon/tomato/egg/toast things. They were sort of like muffins, they were cooked in a muffin tin. It was basically toast with an egg cooked inside and a tasty topping. I also made salad dressing!! Salad dressing! This makes me very happy even though it was the easiest thing in the world (Dijon mustard, lemon juice, olive oil. That's it!)
So yeah, that's about it. You haven't missed much. I can't believe I've already been in school for two weeks, though. Time is flying.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Two Things
1) I ordered all of my books for this semester from private sellers on Amazon, figuring it would save me money (and it did, although it was a fairly negligible amount of money. Mainly it saved me time because now I don't have to walk all the way up the huge hill to get to the campus bookstore and then make the trip three or four different times since the books are never all in the first time you go, or the second...). Today my first book came in the mail. Luckily, it's the exact book I really needed to get this week since it's for my directing class and we have a reading due on Thursday. Anyway, I unwrapped the package and got all excited when I saw that it was A Director Prepares. I was much, much less excited when I saw that the seller had included a flier with the book entitled "Go Vegan for Life" complete with pictures of pigs in slaughterhouses and a phone number to call for a free Vegan Starter Kit. To Amazon seller Imagradstudent, whoever you may be: I'm a grad student too! What a coincidence! This may make us allies in some ways, but not in all of them. Yes, I may be studying theatre, which you may have infered from my order. However, the fact that I'm a theatre grad student does not automatically make me a super-liberal granola-y sort of person. I realize how one might make that assumption about someone ordering Anne Bogart's directing book but that just goes to show you that you should never make assumptions based on one's reading and/or entertainment selections (incidentally, Amazon.com, you need to listen to this as well-I ordered one Muppet Movie ONCE as a Christmas gift a year ago. Please stop assuming I want everything Jim Henson ever created). Anyway, Imagradstudent, even if I did agree with you and your PETA-esque ways that still doesn't mean I want your propaganda included with my text book. Thanks but no thanks.
2) Tonight in my Dramatic Theory class Christin was lecturing and she filled the chalkboard with our musings on "Theory is..."and then realized that there was no eraser so that she could erase the board and we could move on to "Criticism is..." But I saved the day (okay, the class...okay, not even the class) when I realized that I had tissues in my bag. Well, the tissues are these holiday patterned tissues that Mom put in my Christmas stocking. They have ornaments on them. They're also the thickest tissues known to man and are pretty horrible for actually using on your nose but they function well as napkins (and chalkboard erasers, as it turns out). Anyway, I pulled the tissues out and handed one to Christin and she said, "Wow! These are so festive!" and everyone in the class started laughing and Shanthi said, "That's why we love Ashley!" and Amanda said, "That's the exact sort of thing that Ashley would have" and everyone else in the class nodded and agreed. Which leaves me wondering, am I really a festive holiday tissue person? Really? Enough to make an entire class full of people nod their heads and say, "Yup, that's Ashey!" Who knew?!
As a side note, the first day of class went well. I'm looking forward to all three of my classes so far, for the most part anyway. It's gonna be a hell of a lot of work again, but at least it should be interesting, possibly even enjoyable work so I can't really complain...yet.
2) Tonight in my Dramatic Theory class Christin was lecturing and she filled the chalkboard with our musings on "Theory is..."and then realized that there was no eraser so that she could erase the board and we could move on to "Criticism is..." But I saved the day (okay, the class...okay, not even the class) when I realized that I had tissues in my bag. Well, the tissues are these holiday patterned tissues that Mom put in my Christmas stocking. They have ornaments on them. They're also the thickest tissues known to man and are pretty horrible for actually using on your nose but they function well as napkins (and chalkboard erasers, as it turns out). Anyway, I pulled the tissues out and handed one to Christin and she said, "Wow! These are so festive!" and everyone in the class started laughing and Shanthi said, "That's why we love Ashley!" and Amanda said, "That's the exact sort of thing that Ashley would have" and everyone else in the class nodded and agreed. Which leaves me wondering, am I really a festive holiday tissue person? Really? Enough to make an entire class full of people nod their heads and say, "Yup, that's Ashey!" Who knew?!
As a side note, the first day of class went well. I'm looking forward to all three of my classes so far, for the most part anyway. It's gonna be a hell of a lot of work again, but at least it should be interesting, possibly even enjoyable work so I can't really complain...yet.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Kitchen Adventures
Remember my new year's resolution to start cooking for myself more, ideally at least two home cooked meals a month?-Well, wait, first let me interrupt myself and say this: that resolution sounds kind of misleading, because it makes it sound as if I never make meals for myself at home. The truth is that I do make meals for myself at home fairly often, and not just heating up frozen food, either (although to be honest that's most of it). I make sandwiches, hot dogs, a variety of quesadillas, three or four different types of eggs, pancakes once in a while, the occasional salad...so I do make things for myself fairly often but I hardly ever do cooking that involves actually following a recipe and using kitchen tools like cutting boards and whisks and stuff like that.
So anyway, my resolution is to make two homecooked meals a month. The other day at the store I bought one of those large chef's skillets figuring that if I dropped twenty bucks on a skillet I'd be a lot more willing to actually stick to this resolution. I also bought all of the ingredients to make a macaroni and cheese meal from my Rachael Ray cookbook. The recipe seemed easy enough, and my goal was to start out with something I probably couldn't screw up.
Well, the recipe wasn't as foolproof as I thought. The recipes in this Rachael Ray cookbook are already basically "Cooking for Dummies". I apparently need "Cooking for Completely Incompetent and Inept Idiots". Here are things that almost tripped me up:
1) My cheese grater is complete and utter crap, which I didn't discover until I tried to use it tonight and it basically broke in my hand. So I ended up having to chop the cheese into slivers using a knife. Note to self: Buy better grater. Oh, and I also realized about midway through the cheese chopping process that I could have just bought a bag of pre-shredded sharp cheddar cheese and saved myself five minutes. It's okay though because the cheese still melted like it was supposed to and it was probably better quality cheese than the pre-shredded stuff anyway.
2) Speaking of the cheese, I forgot all about it until my pasta water was already boiling. I prepped everything else before I started but forgot all about the cheese so I had to chop it up as fast as I could, all the while hoping my pasta wouldn't boil over in the meantime. Luckily the timing worked out perfectly on that somehow and I finished with the cheese right as my pasta was ready.
3) My sauce almost boiled over three different times. Each time I picked it up off the burner just in time to prevent a giant mess.
4) I thought this would be really easy, but it was actually kind of tricky because both the pasta and the sauce were cooking on the stove at once, and once the sauce started cooking everything had to come together really fast which kind of stressed me out because I'm more of a one-step-at-a-time kind of person.
But nothing burned, and nothing boiled over, and it actually came out really good!
All in all I'm pretty proud of myself, and I'm going to try to actually stick to this resolution and try something else within the next couple of weeks. It may be a very small and stupid accomplishment, but hey, it's something. Next meal I'm determined to do something with meat because I've never in my life handled raw meat. I'm scared of meals involving cooking meat, I guess because the chances of getting sick are high if I don't do it properly. That and I'm kind of indimidated by the meat department at the grocery store. But I'm going to get over my stupid intimidation and just do it. People much less intelligent than me have successfully cooked a chicken breast.
So yeah, I definitely want to learn to be a better and more confident cook, and the only way I can do that is to just get a lot of practice. The thing is, it's going to be harder to do once school starts. This meal tonight took me about forty minutes to prepare including prep time and cleaning time. Then it took me twenty minutes to eat, so all told I spent an hour on dinner tonight. It's kind of hard to justify spending an hour or more on dinner when normally it takes about twenty to thirty minutes total including cooking and eating time. But I'm sure I can manage twice a month. The only other problem is the amount of food. This meal I made tonight serves four, and it's BIG portions, too. I ate some for dinner and just portioned out some leftovers to take over to Matthew (I'm glad I have a neighbor to share leftovers with) but I still have enough to probably eat three more meals. And I highly doubt I'm gonna want mac and cheese three more times this week.
Oh well. I'm proud of myself!
So, this was the most boring enter ever, wasn't it?
So anyway, my resolution is to make two homecooked meals a month. The other day at the store I bought one of those large chef's skillets figuring that if I dropped twenty bucks on a skillet I'd be a lot more willing to actually stick to this resolution. I also bought all of the ingredients to make a macaroni and cheese meal from my Rachael Ray cookbook. The recipe seemed easy enough, and my goal was to start out with something I probably couldn't screw up.
Well, the recipe wasn't as foolproof as I thought. The recipes in this Rachael Ray cookbook are already basically "Cooking for Dummies". I apparently need "Cooking for Completely Incompetent and Inept Idiots". Here are things that almost tripped me up:
1) My cheese grater is complete and utter crap, which I didn't discover until I tried to use it tonight and it basically broke in my hand. So I ended up having to chop the cheese into slivers using a knife. Note to self: Buy better grater. Oh, and I also realized about midway through the cheese chopping process that I could have just bought a bag of pre-shredded sharp cheddar cheese and saved myself five minutes. It's okay though because the cheese still melted like it was supposed to and it was probably better quality cheese than the pre-shredded stuff anyway.
2) Speaking of the cheese, I forgot all about it until my pasta water was already boiling. I prepped everything else before I started but forgot all about the cheese so I had to chop it up as fast as I could, all the while hoping my pasta wouldn't boil over in the meantime. Luckily the timing worked out perfectly on that somehow and I finished with the cheese right as my pasta was ready.
3) My sauce almost boiled over three different times. Each time I picked it up off the burner just in time to prevent a giant mess.
4) I thought this would be really easy, but it was actually kind of tricky because both the pasta and the sauce were cooking on the stove at once, and once the sauce started cooking everything had to come together really fast which kind of stressed me out because I'm more of a one-step-at-a-time kind of person.
But nothing burned, and nothing boiled over, and it actually came out really good!
All in all I'm pretty proud of myself, and I'm going to try to actually stick to this resolution and try something else within the next couple of weeks. It may be a very small and stupid accomplishment, but hey, it's something. Next meal I'm determined to do something with meat because I've never in my life handled raw meat. I'm scared of meals involving cooking meat, I guess because the chances of getting sick are high if I don't do it properly. That and I'm kind of indimidated by the meat department at the grocery store. But I'm going to get over my stupid intimidation and just do it. People much less intelligent than me have successfully cooked a chicken breast.
So yeah, I definitely want to learn to be a better and more confident cook, and the only way I can do that is to just get a lot of practice. The thing is, it's going to be harder to do once school starts. This meal tonight took me about forty minutes to prepare including prep time and cleaning time. Then it took me twenty minutes to eat, so all told I spent an hour on dinner tonight. It's kind of hard to justify spending an hour or more on dinner when normally it takes about twenty to thirty minutes total including cooking and eating time. But I'm sure I can manage twice a month. The only other problem is the amount of food. This meal I made tonight serves four, and it's BIG portions, too. I ate some for dinner and just portioned out some leftovers to take over to Matthew (I'm glad I have a neighbor to share leftovers with) but I still have enough to probably eat three more meals. And I highly doubt I'm gonna want mac and cheese three more times this week.
Oh well. I'm proud of myself!
So, this was the most boring enter ever, wasn't it?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Long time no blog!
Hola. Or, if you prefer, holla!!
Wow, it has been a while, hasn't it? So much has happened since I last posted. In fact, the first couple of weeks of this year have been very close to perfect. To talk about everything I've done in the past couple of weeks would take a lot of energy that I don't really feel like expending right now, plus you probably wouldn't really want to read about it anyway. Because, honestly, how many times can I say, "Mike and I did such-and-such and we had a great time!" before you get bored?
Actually, there was more to the past two weeks than Mike. There was my brief whirlwind trip to Las Vegas. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Chelsea and I went to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I had a great time. We only stayed for two nights and one full day so it was an incredibly short trip, but we crammed a lot of fun and luxury into a short time. We stayed at the Bellagio and for a Vegas hotel room it was great. My favorite things were the buttons that opened and closed the drapes (You could do it from bed! It was actually really cheesy now that I think about it) and the giant bathtub. We ate at a couple of good restaurants Olives and Jasmine. We went to the hotel spa and got massages and I took a shower in the coolest shower ever. It was a "light therapy" shower. I don't know what the hell light therapy is actually supposed to do other than make easily amused people like myself happy, but the shower had three different shower heads (one that came down from above like rain) and the lighting would subtly change from red to blue to green to yellow to pink and repeat the cycle in some kind of random pattern I never did figure out even though I stood in the shower for a while. We saw Avenue Q at the Wynn Hotel and it was excellent except for the part where my Grandpa almost passed out from dehydration right before intermission. All through intermission ushers were hovering around us and there was talk of bringing in a wheelchair and calling an ambulance. Apparently my Grandpa knew that he just needed water or Gatorade and apparently my dad has seen this happen on the golf course before so they weren't worried, but all us womenfolk (ha) were pretty freaked out. I thought he was having a heart attack or something. The whole thing scared me because it made me realize that my grandparents are getting old and they won't be around forever. One day someone will have to call that ambulance, you know? It scares me. Luckily he recovered in time for the second act and I ended up really liking the show. I'm so glad I got to see it. I won $175 playing blackjack, which was really awesome because I never win anything. We also went to the Rum Jungle club at Mandalay Bay, which sucked, and Studio 54 at the MGM, which was so much fun. Chelsea and I met these guys from New Jersey who ended up being fun dance partners. I normally hate guys at clubs because they tend to just start grinding on you uninvited when you're just trying to dance with your girlfriends (Why do guys do this? Why?) but these two were actually polite. They were quite possibly the most polite guys I've ever met at a club. The guy I ended up hanging out with actually introduced himself and chatted to me for a while without making idiot comments about my "beautiful smile" or "hot legs in that skirt" or any other variety of the stupid pick up lines I usually get. Then he politely invited me to dance and once we were dancing together he didn't put his hands on me until I touched his shoulders first which I really appreciate. And then he bought me a couple of drinks when we got tired of dancing (we all danced together for two straight hours, the DJ was rockin') and at the end of the night when Chelsea and I went to head home he didn't try to kiss me and he didn't beg me to stay out longer or come back to his room with him. And the guy Chelsea was with seemed to be the same way. They weren't guys I'd be interested in dating even if there wasn't the complication of me being in Texas and them being in New Jersey, but it was the first time in a long time that I've been in a bar or club without feeling like a piece of meat to be drooled over, and I appreciated that a lot. Apparently there are still decent guys out there.
Speaking of decent guys, I had so much fun with Mike during break. I seriously can't even explain how comfortable I am with him and how much fun we have together. It feels like we've come full circle. We dated, we fell in love, we broke up because long distance relationships suck and we were only 20 years old and we needed to see what else was out there, we had some rough times and some hurtful things were said as we tried to get over each other, we realized getting over each other was impossible but we both wanted to really be done with the relationship so there were a couple of awkward years where we both tried our best to date other people and get over each other but somehow kept sleeping together each time we saw each other anyway, and all along we kept talking pretty much every day. And then came last year. We still talked a lot but not as much. Sometimes a week or two would go by with just a few text messages. And when we did talk I didn't feel needy and I didn't feel jealous. We finally got to the point where we could talk about our other relationships and although it stung a little hearing about him with other girls no longer made me want to cry. We finally reached the point where we were just really close friends who had once dated. And then this past fall we started getting to be even closer friends. We got back to talking every day again, and one night for some reason I stopped fighting it and let myself flirt with him again. And he flirted back. And then there was Thanksgiving, and then Christmas break. And now Mike describes our relationship as "best friends that sleep together" and yeah, that's pretty much exactly what this is. Whatever our relationship is right now it feels good. I feel like we're both more mature and we both understand each other better than we ever did in the past. It still sucks because we're still in limbo and we're basically stuck in a position of wanting to be together but not being able to have things the way we want them to be. And I don't think either of us want to be exclusive again unless we can be in the same place and have the full relationship we both want. So who knows if that will happen. I know I'd like it to happen, and I think he'd like it to happen, but I know that as long as we're living in different places there are a whole lot of factors that could come into play, and a whole lot can happen in a year and a half (which is probably reasonably how long it would be before we could be in the same place even if things do head that way). Basically all I know is that we have a great time together, and he makes me happier than any other person I know, and we had a really great time together this month and I suppose that's all that matters right now. I need to stop rambling.
Mike was here at my apartment with me all week and we had a great time. We were together literally 24/7 for a whole week and I never once got annoyed with him being here or wished he would get out of my space, which is pretty impressive considering how much I like being alone. We did touristy things like hanging out on 6th Street and the drag and shopping at the outlet malls, and we ate A LOT. My god, did we eat. There are all these restaurants here that Mike loves that they don't have in El Paso, so we'd basically plan our day around where we wanted to eat. Haha. We also just bummed around a lot. We'd take Cohen on walks in the park, and one night we just stayed in and rented a movie (2046, I highly recommend it), we chilled in the hot tub one night...one night we were both lying on the couch and he was watching football and I was reading and I thought wow, we are an old married couple...and I could definitely get used to this. All in all it was great.
Of course, now I'm feeling down because my apartment feels really empty and I have no idea when Mike and I are going to get to see each other again so that sucks. But I am feeling hopeful right now.
Anyway, I'm talking to Kirby online and I haven't talked to him in months so trying to do both this and that at the same time is really hard. So I'm done with this.
Wow, it has been a while, hasn't it? So much has happened since I last posted. In fact, the first couple of weeks of this year have been very close to perfect. To talk about everything I've done in the past couple of weeks would take a lot of energy that I don't really feel like expending right now, plus you probably wouldn't really want to read about it anyway. Because, honestly, how many times can I say, "Mike and I did such-and-such and we had a great time!" before you get bored?
Actually, there was more to the past two weeks than Mike. There was my brief whirlwind trip to Las Vegas. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Chelsea and I went to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I had a great time. We only stayed for two nights and one full day so it was an incredibly short trip, but we crammed a lot of fun and luxury into a short time. We stayed at the Bellagio and for a Vegas hotel room it was great. My favorite things were the buttons that opened and closed the drapes (You could do it from bed! It was actually really cheesy now that I think about it) and the giant bathtub. We ate at a couple of good restaurants Olives and Jasmine. We went to the hotel spa and got massages and I took a shower in the coolest shower ever. It was a "light therapy" shower. I don't know what the hell light therapy is actually supposed to do other than make easily amused people like myself happy, but the shower had three different shower heads (one that came down from above like rain) and the lighting would subtly change from red to blue to green to yellow to pink and repeat the cycle in some kind of random pattern I never did figure out even though I stood in the shower for a while. We saw Avenue Q at the Wynn Hotel and it was excellent except for the part where my Grandpa almost passed out from dehydration right before intermission. All through intermission ushers were hovering around us and there was talk of bringing in a wheelchair and calling an ambulance. Apparently my Grandpa knew that he just needed water or Gatorade and apparently my dad has seen this happen on the golf course before so they weren't worried, but all us womenfolk (ha) were pretty freaked out. I thought he was having a heart attack or something. The whole thing scared me because it made me realize that my grandparents are getting old and they won't be around forever. One day someone will have to call that ambulance, you know? It scares me. Luckily he recovered in time for the second act and I ended up really liking the show. I'm so glad I got to see it. I won $175 playing blackjack, which was really awesome because I never win anything. We also went to the Rum Jungle club at Mandalay Bay, which sucked, and Studio 54 at the MGM, which was so much fun. Chelsea and I met these guys from New Jersey who ended up being fun dance partners. I normally hate guys at clubs because they tend to just start grinding on you uninvited when you're just trying to dance with your girlfriends (Why do guys do this? Why?) but these two were actually polite. They were quite possibly the most polite guys I've ever met at a club. The guy I ended up hanging out with actually introduced himself and chatted to me for a while without making idiot comments about my "beautiful smile" or "hot legs in that skirt" or any other variety of the stupid pick up lines I usually get. Then he politely invited me to dance and once we were dancing together he didn't put his hands on me until I touched his shoulders first which I really appreciate. And then he bought me a couple of drinks when we got tired of dancing (we all danced together for two straight hours, the DJ was rockin') and at the end of the night when Chelsea and I went to head home he didn't try to kiss me and he didn't beg me to stay out longer or come back to his room with him. And the guy Chelsea was with seemed to be the same way. They weren't guys I'd be interested in dating even if there wasn't the complication of me being in Texas and them being in New Jersey, but it was the first time in a long time that I've been in a bar or club without feeling like a piece of meat to be drooled over, and I appreciated that a lot. Apparently there are still decent guys out there.
Speaking of decent guys, I had so much fun with Mike during break. I seriously can't even explain how comfortable I am with him and how much fun we have together. It feels like we've come full circle. We dated, we fell in love, we broke up because long distance relationships suck and we were only 20 years old and we needed to see what else was out there, we had some rough times and some hurtful things were said as we tried to get over each other, we realized getting over each other was impossible but we both wanted to really be done with the relationship so there were a couple of awkward years where we both tried our best to date other people and get over each other but somehow kept sleeping together each time we saw each other anyway, and all along we kept talking pretty much every day. And then came last year. We still talked a lot but not as much. Sometimes a week or two would go by with just a few text messages. And when we did talk I didn't feel needy and I didn't feel jealous. We finally got to the point where we could talk about our other relationships and although it stung a little hearing about him with other girls no longer made me want to cry. We finally reached the point where we were just really close friends who had once dated. And then this past fall we started getting to be even closer friends. We got back to talking every day again, and one night for some reason I stopped fighting it and let myself flirt with him again. And he flirted back. And then there was Thanksgiving, and then Christmas break. And now Mike describes our relationship as "best friends that sleep together" and yeah, that's pretty much exactly what this is. Whatever our relationship is right now it feels good. I feel like we're both more mature and we both understand each other better than we ever did in the past. It still sucks because we're still in limbo and we're basically stuck in a position of wanting to be together but not being able to have things the way we want them to be. And I don't think either of us want to be exclusive again unless we can be in the same place and have the full relationship we both want. So who knows if that will happen. I know I'd like it to happen, and I think he'd like it to happen, but I know that as long as we're living in different places there are a whole lot of factors that could come into play, and a whole lot can happen in a year and a half (which is probably reasonably how long it would be before we could be in the same place even if things do head that way). Basically all I know is that we have a great time together, and he makes me happier than any other person I know, and we had a really great time together this month and I suppose that's all that matters right now. I need to stop rambling.
Mike was here at my apartment with me all week and we had a great time. We were together literally 24/7 for a whole week and I never once got annoyed with him being here or wished he would get out of my space, which is pretty impressive considering how much I like being alone. We did touristy things like hanging out on 6th Street and the drag and shopping at the outlet malls, and we ate A LOT. My god, did we eat. There are all these restaurants here that Mike loves that they don't have in El Paso, so we'd basically plan our day around where we wanted to eat. Haha. We also just bummed around a lot. We'd take Cohen on walks in the park, and one night we just stayed in and rented a movie (2046, I highly recommend it), we chilled in the hot tub one night...one night we were both lying on the couch and he was watching football and I was reading and I thought wow, we are an old married couple...and I could definitely get used to this. All in all it was great.
Of course, now I'm feeling down because my apartment feels really empty and I have no idea when Mike and I are going to get to see each other again so that sucks. But I am feeling hopeful right now.
Anyway, I'm talking to Kirby online and I haven't talked to him in months so trying to do both this and that at the same time is really hard. So I'm done with this.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy 2006!!
Can you believe it's 2006? Time is such a strange thing. It simultaneously feels like there's no way an entire year has gone by and like it has been six lifetimes since I was living in Fort Worth and student teaching in Grapevine last spring.
I'm excited about 2006. I like the potential of New Year's Day, of not having any idea what might come my way in the next year. There's always the possibility that 2006 could be the first year of my life that really sucks. But I'm an optimist so I like to think that maybe this will be the best year I've ever had. Or at the very least that I'll manage to be pretty content this year.
If the first eighteen hours are any indication, 2006 could end up being really good. I spent basically all day yesterday with Mike. His older brother got married yesterday. They had a Justice of the Peace marry them at a courthouse so I didn't go to the wedding ceremony itself, but Mike invited me to the reception which was just a casual food-and-cake deal at his sister Amy's house. It was mainly Mike's family there, Patty (Devin's new wife)'s family, and some friends of Devin's from work. I had fun. The food was delicious, and I like Mike's family. They're nice people.
Then last night Mike took me to his friend Brian's New Year's Eve party. I'd been kind of stressed about New Year's Eve since I didn't know who was going to be at the party and I was irrationally worried that I was gonna have to beat dumb chicks off Mike with a stick all night long, but it ended up being so much fun. Mike kept me close to him all night and introduced me to people and I never felt left out at all, which was awesome. It also helps that I'm finally getting to know everybody now, and can sometimes keep up with at least some of their group gossip. It helps that I can at least put faces to most of the names now. I'm also finally starting to get why Mike loves his guy friends so much, because they really are funny as hell. Turns out it just takes a while for them to warm up to an outsider like me, I guess. I have to say I still don't like most of the girls, though, and it's honestly not a jealousy thing. I would admit it if it was. I just feel like most of the girls in the group are, well, dumb. There are some girls in the group that I actually do like, but a lot of them make me sad. Maybe they're intelligent, friendly, rational people, but most of them come across as ditzy. Plus I keep hearing stories about them that just depress me. Like the girl Mike was dating for a while who is basically just a basketcase who got evicted from her apartment and can never pay her bills (and not because she had a legitimate emergency that caused her to lose her money, just because she's an irresponsible person). Or the girl who is married and screwing around with seemingly all of the guys in the group (apparently she's getting divorced now, thank god). Or the girl who is always out with the guys whenever I go out who has a baby at home. I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for a girl with a baby. It was her stupid mistake getting pregnant in the first place (There is no reason for an accidental pregnancy, there just isn't. And you can't convince me there is, so don't even try), and her even bigger mistake choosing to have and keeping the baby. So I don't feel bad that she couldn't come to the new year's party because her baby daddy didn't come to pick up the kid. When she chose to have the baby she chose to give up her going out drinking and partying non-stop lifestyle. Or at least, she should have in order to be a good mother. That's not to say you can't go out and have a good time once you have kids, because I fully intend to continue drinking and partying once I'm a mom. But not as often as this girl seems to. She's the kind of parent that makes me sad.
So yeah, I'm getting way off topic. Most of the girls are lame, but the guys make me laugh.
The party was a lot of fun, and it was a sleep over so I got to spend all night cuddling with Mike, which was pretty perfect.
Crap, I have to go eat dinner right now so I cant elaborate like I wanted to. But I'll leave you with my favorite quotes of the evening/morning:
Matt: Only thirty seconds left! Quick, if you wanted to do something in 2005 and you never did it, do it right now! I never did this: [Breaks out in bizarre gyrating dance move, head thrown back and hands waving in the air]
Carla (from across the room): Yes you did!
Matt: I did?
Carla: In Austin. Alllll of Austin.
Matt: Damn! 10! 9! 8!...
"Wow Bob. That wasn't very G-Unit of you."-Bubba, staring down the stairs towards the bathroom, where Bob had just finished puking all over the bathroom door and the hall floor [yeah, it was a pretty ridiculous party]
"Hey, Bob. This blanket? It's gangster!...This loveseat? Not so gangster."-Matt. That was the first thing he said upon waking up this morning. Like, literally the very first thing. It KILLED me.
Me: Why did you sleep on that short loveseat? You're the tallest person here.
Matt: When I came to bed it was the only place that wasn't already taken up by people or throw up.
There was so much more, but apparently we're going to dinner like, NOW, so I'm out. All in all, it was a pretty awesome night.
I'm excited about 2006. I like the potential of New Year's Day, of not having any idea what might come my way in the next year. There's always the possibility that 2006 could be the first year of my life that really sucks. But I'm an optimist so I like to think that maybe this will be the best year I've ever had. Or at the very least that I'll manage to be pretty content this year.
If the first eighteen hours are any indication, 2006 could end up being really good. I spent basically all day yesterday with Mike. His older brother got married yesterday. They had a Justice of the Peace marry them at a courthouse so I didn't go to the wedding ceremony itself, but Mike invited me to the reception which was just a casual food-and-cake deal at his sister Amy's house. It was mainly Mike's family there, Patty (Devin's new wife)'s family, and some friends of Devin's from work. I had fun. The food was delicious, and I like Mike's family. They're nice people.
Then last night Mike took me to his friend Brian's New Year's Eve party. I'd been kind of stressed about New Year's Eve since I didn't know who was going to be at the party and I was irrationally worried that I was gonna have to beat dumb chicks off Mike with a stick all night long, but it ended up being so much fun. Mike kept me close to him all night and introduced me to people and I never felt left out at all, which was awesome. It also helps that I'm finally getting to know everybody now, and can sometimes keep up with at least some of their group gossip. It helps that I can at least put faces to most of the names now. I'm also finally starting to get why Mike loves his guy friends so much, because they really are funny as hell. Turns out it just takes a while for them to warm up to an outsider like me, I guess. I have to say I still don't like most of the girls, though, and it's honestly not a jealousy thing. I would admit it if it was. I just feel like most of the girls in the group are, well, dumb. There are some girls in the group that I actually do like, but a lot of them make me sad. Maybe they're intelligent, friendly, rational people, but most of them come across as ditzy. Plus I keep hearing stories about them that just depress me. Like the girl Mike was dating for a while who is basically just a basketcase who got evicted from her apartment and can never pay her bills (and not because she had a legitimate emergency that caused her to lose her money, just because she's an irresponsible person). Or the girl who is married and screwing around with seemingly all of the guys in the group (apparently she's getting divorced now, thank god). Or the girl who is always out with the guys whenever I go out who has a baby at home. I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for a girl with a baby. It was her stupid mistake getting pregnant in the first place (There is no reason for an accidental pregnancy, there just isn't. And you can't convince me there is, so don't even try), and her even bigger mistake choosing to have and keeping the baby. So I don't feel bad that she couldn't come to the new year's party because her baby daddy didn't come to pick up the kid. When she chose to have the baby she chose to give up her going out drinking and partying non-stop lifestyle. Or at least, she should have in order to be a good mother. That's not to say you can't go out and have a good time once you have kids, because I fully intend to continue drinking and partying once I'm a mom. But not as often as this girl seems to. She's the kind of parent that makes me sad.
So yeah, I'm getting way off topic. Most of the girls are lame, but the guys make me laugh.
The party was a lot of fun, and it was a sleep over so I got to spend all night cuddling with Mike, which was pretty perfect.
Crap, I have to go eat dinner right now so I cant elaborate like I wanted to. But I'll leave you with my favorite quotes of the evening/morning:
Matt: Only thirty seconds left! Quick, if you wanted to do something in 2005 and you never did it, do it right now! I never did this: [Breaks out in bizarre gyrating dance move, head thrown back and hands waving in the air]
Carla (from across the room): Yes you did!
Matt: I did?
Carla: In Austin. Alllll of Austin.
Matt: Damn! 10! 9! 8!...
"Wow Bob. That wasn't very G-Unit of you."-Bubba, staring down the stairs towards the bathroom, where Bob had just finished puking all over the bathroom door and the hall floor [yeah, it was a pretty ridiculous party]
"Hey, Bob. This blanket? It's gangster!...This loveseat? Not so gangster."-Matt. That was the first thing he said upon waking up this morning. Like, literally the very first thing. It KILLED me.
Me: Why did you sleep on that short loveseat? You're the tallest person here.
Matt: When I came to bed it was the only place that wasn't already taken up by people or throw up.
There was so much more, but apparently we're going to dinner like, NOW, so I'm out. All in all, it was a pretty awesome night.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
2005 In Review
It's my annual New Year's Eve day tradition:
1). What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Lived completely on my own without my family or a roommate, lived in central Texas, took graduate school classes and wrote graduate-level research papers, owned a dog...those are the major ones I suppose.
2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year's resolutions:
#1 Graduate from college--Yeah I did!!!!
#2 Get into a graduate school and ideally get an assistantship to help pay for it--Done and done!
#3 Stop rationalizing that having sex counts as working out and actually work out outside of the bedroom at least four times a week. Think how great your body could be if you were having sex AND working out! Besides, it’s clearly not a good idea to depend on regular sex for the health benefits. --Other than the months of January and February when I was hurt and the month of June where I was really busy with the Van Cliburn competition at work (and technically running around a lot anyway) I worked out twenty or more days a month. So all in all I did pretty damn good on keeping my new years' resolutions this year.
Resolutions for 2006:
#1 Keep up my workout routine and continue working out at least twenty days a month, hopefully every single month this year.
#2 Start cooking at home more often. It was the Christmas of cookbooks-I got two of them for some reason-so I think that's a sign that I need to translate my Food Network addiction into some actual cooking. I was originally going to resolve to make a home cooked meal once a week, but I think I'll start out with at least twice a month and work my way up from there. And only meals that actually require a recipe count towards this goal.
#3 Get a paper published and/or accepted for presentation at a conference.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really. A couple of my cousins popped out babies but that doesn't really count since I am not really close to either of them.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Me: Hey, did we know anyone that died this year? Not really, huh?
Chelsea: Great-Grandma.
Me: Oh yeah. Well, there's that.
So that answers that question. My great-grandmother died a few days before Christmas. I'd just visited her over the summer but prior to that hadn't seen her in three years and even though I liked her just fine I can't say we were close.
5) What countries did you visit? Sadly, none. I didn't even manage to make it to Mexico this year.
6) What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More money!! I don't know. Honestly, I have pretty much everything I want right now. I guess if I have to pick something I'll say I'd like to make a really close grad school friend, since at this point I have a lot of friends that I hang out with in class and outside of class sometimes but not really anyone that I call to gossip with everyday and I kinda miss that.
7) What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I've actually been thinking about this the past few days and I think that date would be May 13th. I remember the actual date because it was the day before I graduated from TCU. It was just an awesome day. The day of graduation itself was exhausting and, to be honest, kind of boring, but the day before graduation was PERFECT. I was already in a great mood from all the partying we'd been doing all week long, and that was the day of my graduation party at Michael's. My whole family was there, and pretty much everyone I'd met and loved during my college years came out to celebrate, and I was just really, really happy. Not to mention that's the day I got my Cohen!!
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into graduate school and getting all the scholarships and the assistantship to pay for it, definitely. Well, and actually graduating from college of course but it has sort of been a given my whole life that I was gonna graduate from college eventually so that didn't feel like such a huge accomplishment, even though I know that technically it is. Graduating summa cum laude was pretty big, I suppose.
9) What was your biggest failure? Honestly, while I passed the course and got certified and actually got good reviews from my supervising teacher and my professors, I don't think I did so great at student teaching. I definitely phoned in that entire semester and completely coasted through that job. So I didn't fail, but in retrospect I know I could have done it all a lot better if I hadn't been so busy drinking and fooling around and sleeping only four hours a night for most of the semester. Haha.
10) Did you suffer illness or injury? Way back in January I fell down some stairs in a parking garage at a theatre conference and sprained my ankle pretty badly and had to be on crutches for a while. And then I proceeded to limp around until like, March. That SUCKED. And then in August my wisdom teeth started hurting like hell (right as I was in the middle of my big move, thanks a lot teeth!) and I had to have all four of them pulled. Those were the worst things.
11) What was the best thing you bought? I didn't buy anything awesome, but the best thing I got this year was definitely Cohen. When my sister dropped him into my lap at lunch the day before graduation and told me he was mine, it was seriously one of the happiest moments of my life. I can't remember ever being so excited about anything. I love that basset hound way too much. I tell him every night that he can't leave me until I have more basset hounds and preferably a human family of my own. Because pathetic as it is, if something were to happen to him right now I'd be a wreck. I always knew I wanted a dog, but I never knew it would be as much fun as it is.
12) Whose behavior merited celebration? Oh hell, I don't know. Let's say everyone who graduated with me. That's a good answer. Oh, oh, and Kymberli for finally taking a serious step towards getting her weight under control and getting healthy. I'm so proud of her for starting a program and I hope she sticks with it. Oh, and I almost forgot, I was really proud of my dad when he got inducted into the Texas Restaurant Hall of Honor this year. That was cool.
13) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Every year I do this, and every year I HATE this question. I hate it even more than the merited celebration question and I think that one is pretty stupid too. Hmmmm...maybe Jorge. For a while I thought he had potential to actually do something with his life if he could just get his act together, but lately he just seems to be on a huge downward spiral. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to him much anymore because I just know he's going to be drunk and ridiculous, which is sad because six months ago I considered him one of my best friends.
14) Where did most of your money go? Rent, same as always. I have to spend about half of my monthly paycheck on rent for my one-bedroom apartment (obviously, I don't get paid much). Other than that, probably eating out. I eat way too much fast food. I'm cutting back in 2006. That's why I need to learn to cook.
15) What did you get really, really, really excited about? Graduating from college. The week prior to graduation was the single most exciting week of the entire year. Moving to my new hometown was also exciting, but it was a more bittersweet excitement because I had to leave behind so many people I love in Fort Worth.
16) What song will always remind you of 2005? Hmmm...Kanye West's "Gold Digger".
17) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I think I'm happier. At this exact moment, on New Year's Eve, I am happier than I was on New Year's Eve last year. I think 2006 has a lot of potential.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner by a few pounds. Although I was even thinner before I came home for Christmas. I've been eating non-stop for two weeks now. I still think I'm thinner than I was last year, though.
iii. richer or poorer? I'm technically poorer (poorer? Is that really a word? It's awful) but because I'm more or less supporting myself now I feel richer. I can't wait to get my scholarship money next month, though, I NEED it.
18) What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I'd accepted more invitations. I'm so damn antisocial. My classmates invite me out fairly often and I say no a lot, and I don't even know why. I'm too lazy, I'd seriously rather just chill on my couch with the dog. But I need to stop doing that because I don't have enough good stories anymore. I think in 2006 I need to go out more often.
19) What do you wish you'd done less of? I need to spend less time on the internet. Seriously. The amount of time I wasted browsing the internet when I was supposed to be doing research is ridiculous.
20) How did you spend Christmas? Man, Christmas came and went really fast this year. I would think it hadn't even happened yet except that my bottom dresser drawer is full of opened gifts and, hey, it's New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was fondue and presents at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Christmas Day was stockings, presents, and cinnamon rolls here in the morning, then a prime rib Christmas dinner in the evening. And then on Christmas night Mike and I went to Maverick's and I got to hang out with his friend Haley for the first time and then he and I spent the rest of the night snuggling and other not-so-innocent things in the "murder room". It was a good Christmas, it just wasn't very eventful and it really did come and go faster than any other Christmas in my life so far.
21) Did you fall in love in 2005? I don't know yet. I'm scared to think too hard about that question right now.
22) How many one-night stands? None. I was really good this year. Or really boring, depending on how you look at things.
23) What was your favorite TV program? Curb Your Enthusiasm, America's Next Top Model, and every single thing on the Food Network other than Emeril Live.
24) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope. There is that creepy guy that lives in my apartment complex, but I certainly don't hate him I'm just a little scared of him. Luckily, he hasn't called me on break so perhaps he has actually given up. Plus I'm going to try to ensure that he'll run into me and Mike hanging out in the apartment complex hot tub one night while Mike's in town and he'll figure that I'm taken and leave me alone from now on.
25) What was the best book you read? I read so many books it's hard to keep track....I don't know if I'd say it's the best thing I read all year, but the thing that made the biggest impression on me (and it's actually a play) was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
26) What was your greatest musical discovery? Um, I discovered that I really, really like The Rolling Stones. I don't think that counts, though, since obviously I knew they existed long before 2005.
27) What did you want and get? Mainly I just wanted to get into graduate school and have a plan for something to do after college graduation, and thankfully I got that.
28) What did you want and not get? I think last year I mentioned that I'd like a committed relationship, a guy to call my boyfriend. And I still don't have that. But I'm also STILL not positive that I want that right now, so it's all good.
29) What was your favorite film of this year? Sadly, there was not a single movie that made a big impression on me this year. I was just thinking the other day that 2005 was a pretty lackluster year as far as movies go. Here's hoping 2006 will be more exciting.
30) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23. It was a pretty low key birthday. My grandparents were in town for it and threw me a birthday party at McCormick and Schmick's in Austin. My siblings were there, and my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was really good. Then the next day my sister surprised me by cooking me the birthday dinner Mom always used to make while I was growing up. It was a good birthday but very, very tame compared to my past few birthdays.
31) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I hate this question, too. I don't know. I was pretty satisfied as it was. I know that's a cop-out answer, but seriously, I don't know.
32) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? In early 2005 I was teaching so I had to dress up pretty much every day and I wore dress pants and skirts and a lot of sweaters and dress shirts. Since I moved I've been pretty lazy and I wear jeans basically non-stop, except when I go to class in my workout clothes, which I do far too often. I've kind of gone from one extreme to the other. I still love dressing up to go out, I just don't do it much these days.
33) What kept you sane? Writing in my private journal, and being able to bitch about stuff to Mike, Kymberli, and Jenny.
34) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I've never been one to lust over celebrities, and the older I get the less I care. Although my sister and I do like talking about how hot Nigel from America's Next Top Model is.
35) What political issue stirred you the most? I've been depressingly apathetic this year. I hate to be one of those young Americans who doesn't care but, well, for the most part I just can't get interested in politics. I vote, I keep a bit of a pulse on things I really care about like abortion rights, but beyond that I don't pay much attention. I guess you could consider Hurricane Katrina a political issue, and if that's the case that's about the only one I really cared much about. It was the first time I've ever donated money to disaster relief funds. (Confession I probably shouldn't make but will anyway: I donated more money to animal relief than I did to the Red Cross. But hey, at least I donated, right?)
36) Whom did you miss? I miss all of my Fort Worth friends, especially Kymberli. I hate not being able to go out for drinks with her or just lie on the floor watching trash TV with her whenever we feel like it. I also miss Mike, but I'm so used that feeling now I can't really remember when I didn't miss him.
37) Who was the best new person you met? I'd have to say my friend Mandi. Of all my grad school friends she is the one that I have most clicked with. She's in a really serious relationship so we don't go out much, but when we do we always have a lot to talk about and we have fun together. Oh, and I've had fun getting to know Matthew, although I don't think he counts since technically he was already an acquaintance prior to this year.
38) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. If you actually sleep and work out regularly, you really will feel better! It's not just a load of crap, that get-8-hours-of-sleep stuff. I don't actually know if I learned anything valuable. Probably not!
39) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Gonna find my baby
Gonna hold her tight
Gonna have some afternoon delight.
Yeah, I don't know. Mike just called and told me he's on his way to pick me up for a New Year's Eve party so I don't have time to actually think about this one. If I come up with anything profound tonight I'll post it tomorrow.
Feliz Ano Nuevo!
2006. Damn...
1). What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Lived completely on my own without my family or a roommate, lived in central Texas, took graduate school classes and wrote graduate-level research papers, owned a dog...those are the major ones I suppose.
2) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year's resolutions:
#1 Graduate from college--Yeah I did!!!!
#2 Get into a graduate school and ideally get an assistantship to help pay for it--Done and done!
#3 Stop rationalizing that having sex counts as working out and actually work out outside of the bedroom at least four times a week. Think how great your body could be if you were having sex AND working out! Besides, it’s clearly not a good idea to depend on regular sex for the health benefits. --Other than the months of January and February when I was hurt and the month of June where I was really busy with the Van Cliburn competition at work (and technically running around a lot anyway) I worked out twenty or more days a month. So all in all I did pretty damn good on keeping my new years' resolutions this year.
Resolutions for 2006:
#1 Keep up my workout routine and continue working out at least twenty days a month, hopefully every single month this year.
#2 Start cooking at home more often. It was the Christmas of cookbooks-I got two of them for some reason-so I think that's a sign that I need to translate my Food Network addiction into some actual cooking. I was originally going to resolve to make a home cooked meal once a week, but I think I'll start out with at least twice a month and work my way up from there. And only meals that actually require a recipe count towards this goal.
#3 Get a paper published and/or accepted for presentation at a conference.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really. A couple of my cousins popped out babies but that doesn't really count since I am not really close to either of them.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Me: Hey, did we know anyone that died this year? Not really, huh?
Chelsea: Great-Grandma.
Me: Oh yeah. Well, there's that.
So that answers that question. My great-grandmother died a few days before Christmas. I'd just visited her over the summer but prior to that hadn't seen her in three years and even though I liked her just fine I can't say we were close.
5) What countries did you visit? Sadly, none. I didn't even manage to make it to Mexico this year.
6) What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More money!! I don't know. Honestly, I have pretty much everything I want right now. I guess if I have to pick something I'll say I'd like to make a really close grad school friend, since at this point I have a lot of friends that I hang out with in class and outside of class sometimes but not really anyone that I call to gossip with everyday and I kinda miss that.
7) What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I've actually been thinking about this the past few days and I think that date would be May 13th. I remember the actual date because it was the day before I graduated from TCU. It was just an awesome day. The day of graduation itself was exhausting and, to be honest, kind of boring, but the day before graduation was PERFECT. I was already in a great mood from all the partying we'd been doing all week long, and that was the day of my graduation party at Michael's. My whole family was there, and pretty much everyone I'd met and loved during my college years came out to celebrate, and I was just really, really happy. Not to mention that's the day I got my Cohen!!
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into graduate school and getting all the scholarships and the assistantship to pay for it, definitely. Well, and actually graduating from college of course but it has sort of been a given my whole life that I was gonna graduate from college eventually so that didn't feel like such a huge accomplishment, even though I know that technically it is. Graduating summa cum laude was pretty big, I suppose.
9) What was your biggest failure? Honestly, while I passed the course and got certified and actually got good reviews from my supervising teacher and my professors, I don't think I did so great at student teaching. I definitely phoned in that entire semester and completely coasted through that job. So I didn't fail, but in retrospect I know I could have done it all a lot better if I hadn't been so busy drinking and fooling around and sleeping only four hours a night for most of the semester. Haha.
10) Did you suffer illness or injury? Way back in January I fell down some stairs in a parking garage at a theatre conference and sprained my ankle pretty badly and had to be on crutches for a while. And then I proceeded to limp around until like, March. That SUCKED. And then in August my wisdom teeth started hurting like hell (right as I was in the middle of my big move, thanks a lot teeth!) and I had to have all four of them pulled. Those were the worst things.
11) What was the best thing you bought? I didn't buy anything awesome, but the best thing I got this year was definitely Cohen. When my sister dropped him into my lap at lunch the day before graduation and told me he was mine, it was seriously one of the happiest moments of my life. I can't remember ever being so excited about anything. I love that basset hound way too much. I tell him every night that he can't leave me until I have more basset hounds and preferably a human family of my own. Because pathetic as it is, if something were to happen to him right now I'd be a wreck. I always knew I wanted a dog, but I never knew it would be as much fun as it is.
12) Whose behavior merited celebration? Oh hell, I don't know. Let's say everyone who graduated with me. That's a good answer. Oh, oh, and Kymberli for finally taking a serious step towards getting her weight under control and getting healthy. I'm so proud of her for starting a program and I hope she sticks with it. Oh, and I almost forgot, I was really proud of my dad when he got inducted into the Texas Restaurant Hall of Honor this year. That was cool.
13) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Every year I do this, and every year I HATE this question. I hate it even more than the merited celebration question and I think that one is pretty stupid too. Hmmmm...maybe Jorge. For a while I thought he had potential to actually do something with his life if he could just get his act together, but lately he just seems to be on a huge downward spiral. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to him much anymore because I just know he's going to be drunk and ridiculous, which is sad because six months ago I considered him one of my best friends.
14) Where did most of your money go? Rent, same as always. I have to spend about half of my monthly paycheck on rent for my one-bedroom apartment (obviously, I don't get paid much). Other than that, probably eating out. I eat way too much fast food. I'm cutting back in 2006. That's why I need to learn to cook.
15) What did you get really, really, really excited about? Graduating from college. The week prior to graduation was the single most exciting week of the entire year. Moving to my new hometown was also exciting, but it was a more bittersweet excitement because I had to leave behind so many people I love in Fort Worth.
16) What song will always remind you of 2005? Hmmm...Kanye West's "Gold Digger".
17) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I think I'm happier. At this exact moment, on New Year's Eve, I am happier than I was on New Year's Eve last year. I think 2006 has a lot of potential.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner by a few pounds. Although I was even thinner before I came home for Christmas. I've been eating non-stop for two weeks now. I still think I'm thinner than I was last year, though.
iii. richer or poorer? I'm technically poorer (poorer? Is that really a word? It's awful) but because I'm more or less supporting myself now I feel richer. I can't wait to get my scholarship money next month, though, I NEED it.
18) What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I'd accepted more invitations. I'm so damn antisocial. My classmates invite me out fairly often and I say no a lot, and I don't even know why. I'm too lazy, I'd seriously rather just chill on my couch with the dog. But I need to stop doing that because I don't have enough good stories anymore. I think in 2006 I need to go out more often.
19) What do you wish you'd done less of? I need to spend less time on the internet. Seriously. The amount of time I wasted browsing the internet when I was supposed to be doing research is ridiculous.
20) How did you spend Christmas? Man, Christmas came and went really fast this year. I would think it hadn't even happened yet except that my bottom dresser drawer is full of opened gifts and, hey, it's New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was fondue and presents at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Christmas Day was stockings, presents, and cinnamon rolls here in the morning, then a prime rib Christmas dinner in the evening. And then on Christmas night Mike and I went to Maverick's and I got to hang out with his friend Haley for the first time and then he and I spent the rest of the night snuggling and other not-so-innocent things in the "murder room". It was a good Christmas, it just wasn't very eventful and it really did come and go faster than any other Christmas in my life so far.
21) Did you fall in love in 2005? I don't know yet. I'm scared to think too hard about that question right now.
22) How many one-night stands? None. I was really good this year. Or really boring, depending on how you look at things.
23) What was your favorite TV program? Curb Your Enthusiasm, America's Next Top Model, and every single thing on the Food Network other than Emeril Live.
24) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope. There is that creepy guy that lives in my apartment complex, but I certainly don't hate him I'm just a little scared of him. Luckily, he hasn't called me on break so perhaps he has actually given up. Plus I'm going to try to ensure that he'll run into me and Mike hanging out in the apartment complex hot tub one night while Mike's in town and he'll figure that I'm taken and leave me alone from now on.
25) What was the best book you read? I read so many books it's hard to keep track....I don't know if I'd say it's the best thing I read all year, but the thing that made the biggest impression on me (and it's actually a play) was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
26) What was your greatest musical discovery? Um, I discovered that I really, really like The Rolling Stones. I don't think that counts, though, since obviously I knew they existed long before 2005.
27) What did you want and get? Mainly I just wanted to get into graduate school and have a plan for something to do after college graduation, and thankfully I got that.
28) What did you want and not get? I think last year I mentioned that I'd like a committed relationship, a guy to call my boyfriend. And I still don't have that. But I'm also STILL not positive that I want that right now, so it's all good.
29) What was your favorite film of this year? Sadly, there was not a single movie that made a big impression on me this year. I was just thinking the other day that 2005 was a pretty lackluster year as far as movies go. Here's hoping 2006 will be more exciting.
30) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23. It was a pretty low key birthday. My grandparents were in town for it and threw me a birthday party at McCormick and Schmick's in Austin. My siblings were there, and my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was really good. Then the next day my sister surprised me by cooking me the birthday dinner Mom always used to make while I was growing up. It was a good birthday but very, very tame compared to my past few birthdays.
31) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I hate this question, too. I don't know. I was pretty satisfied as it was. I know that's a cop-out answer, but seriously, I don't know.
32) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? In early 2005 I was teaching so I had to dress up pretty much every day and I wore dress pants and skirts and a lot of sweaters and dress shirts. Since I moved I've been pretty lazy and I wear jeans basically non-stop, except when I go to class in my workout clothes, which I do far too often. I've kind of gone from one extreme to the other. I still love dressing up to go out, I just don't do it much these days.
33) What kept you sane? Writing in my private journal, and being able to bitch about stuff to Mike, Kymberli, and Jenny.
34) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I've never been one to lust over celebrities, and the older I get the less I care. Although my sister and I do like talking about how hot Nigel from America's Next Top Model is.
35) What political issue stirred you the most? I've been depressingly apathetic this year. I hate to be one of those young Americans who doesn't care but, well, for the most part I just can't get interested in politics. I vote, I keep a bit of a pulse on things I really care about like abortion rights, but beyond that I don't pay much attention. I guess you could consider Hurricane Katrina a political issue, and if that's the case that's about the only one I really cared much about. It was the first time I've ever donated money to disaster relief funds. (Confession I probably shouldn't make but will anyway: I donated more money to animal relief than I did to the Red Cross. But hey, at least I donated, right?)
36) Whom did you miss? I miss all of my Fort Worth friends, especially Kymberli. I hate not being able to go out for drinks with her or just lie on the floor watching trash TV with her whenever we feel like it. I also miss Mike, but I'm so used that feeling now I can't really remember when I didn't miss him.
37) Who was the best new person you met? I'd have to say my friend Mandi. Of all my grad school friends she is the one that I have most clicked with. She's in a really serious relationship so we don't go out much, but when we do we always have a lot to talk about and we have fun together. Oh, and I've had fun getting to know Matthew, although I don't think he counts since technically he was already an acquaintance prior to this year.
38) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. If you actually sleep and work out regularly, you really will feel better! It's not just a load of crap, that get-8-hours-of-sleep stuff. I don't actually know if I learned anything valuable. Probably not!
39) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Gonna find my baby
Gonna hold her tight
Gonna have some afternoon delight.
Yeah, I don't know. Mike just called and told me he's on his way to pick me up for a New Year's Eve party so I don't have time to actually think about this one. If I come up with anything profound tonight I'll post it tomorrow.
Feliz Ano Nuevo!
2006. Damn...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Break-ing
Hey. It's been a while since I actually wrote an update about my life. There's no real excuse for that since I spend several hours each day just lounging around the house reading and watching TV and playing with the dogs and basically doing nothing important, and I keep meaning to get on the internet and update this thing but I just never think about it at convenient times.
I guess one of the reasons I haven't updated much is that there hasn't been much to say. I've been having a really great break, there just hasn't been a lot to talk about. It has been a really relaxing, fun, relatively drama-free break. I spend most of my days at home with my family-well, my mom and sister really since Dad is usually at work and Shane is god-knows-where most of the time. I play with the dogs in the backyard, we go to movies and watch movies here at home, I've finished three books already since I've been home.
When I'm not with my family I'm usually with Mike. We go to lunch together most days and end up doing random things together, like today we went to the mall so he could buy some socks. Sock shopping! That's what I've always really liked about Mike, though, that we can spend an afternoon doing pretty much nothing and somehow it ends up being fun and entertaining. We've gone out with his friends several times to the bars on Cincinnati Street and to UTEP basketball games and I'm starting to actually get to know some of them. I no longer feel like such a tag along when I'm with them. I do still feel a bit awkward at times, though. Like it's Mike's birthday today but I told him to go ahead and go out with all of his friends without me since I sort of feel like he ends up having to go out of his way to keep me entertained and explain things when I'm with his friends and I just don't want to be a burden tonight. Especially since I bet a ton of people will go out, and a lot of them will be girls, and I'll just end up feeling like I'm in the way even if he does legitimately want me there. I did tell him I'd go if he wanted me to, but he told me he "doesn't know". This whole thing can get kinda complicated at times. I wish we just lived in the same city so we could be in a serious relationship again and save ourselves all the what-are-we-doing-should-I-feel-bad-for-dating-other-people? drama. Maybe this is better, though, because since we're not in the same city and aren't going to be for at least a year it gives us plenty of time to figure out what we both really want. Especially since neither of us are still in any rush to settle down regardless.
What else? The whole first week I was here Mike and I rented a hotel room, which was awesome. That's the only thing that really sucks about being in El Paso. Mike lives with his parents and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with Mike in my parents' house and fooling around in car is possible but just kinda sucks when it's cold out. So we got a room for $120 a week at this cheap ghetto hotel right by all the college bars. Obviously at only $120 a week it's not even like, Motel 6 quality, but it's also not nearly as scary as you would expect it to be from the price and the location. I mean, I'd never want to actually stay there for an entire week and have to shower there and stuff, but to use the room for a few hours every night for "fucking purposes" (Mike's quote, not mine!) it's not bad at all. It would actually make a cool set for a quirky movie. It was built in the late 50s or early 60s I'd guess and it definitely hasn't been remodeled since. The rooms have green shag carpet and the walls are made of glazed rocks (know what I'm talking about?) and the comforters are shiny and brown and the TV has rabbit ear antennas, I'm not even kidding! The hotel seemingly exists to service two types of people: illegal immigrants from Mexico on their way through town after crossing the border (I got this idea from the sign prominently displayed on the check-in desk stating "We DO NOT rent rooms to illegal aliens"-if they have to actually put a sign up it's clearly a problem) and college students who are either a) too drunk to drive back to the east side of town after a night at the bars or b) want a room to hook up. Mike and I fondly referred to our room for the week as the "Murder Room" because the first night when we checked in Mike noticed some reddish stains on the number plate on the door and immediately decided it was blood. I pointed out that it was actually just red paint that had almost all chipped off but by then he'd already decided that we had the murder room. Nothing is funnier than a text message that says, "Want to get a drink and then go to the murder room?" Ha.
Let's see, I also have gone out with my friend Cassie a couple of times since I've been home and I met her boyfriend for the first time, which was fun. And last night at the Ale House was one of those random nights where I went to the bar expecting to meet one friend and then ran into about sixteen other people that I hadn't seen since high school graduation. It was actually really fun because I ran into a bunch of people I used to do theatre and student council with. Most of them are actually a year older than me and I hadn't seen them since they graduated in 2000 so it was really good to see everybody again and find out what everyone has been doing with their lives for the past 5 1/2 years. And there was this awesome moment where my friend Deena ordered twenty Red Headed Sluts and passed them out to everyone we knew at the bar plus two or three random people who just happened to be standing near us. I've never seen so many shot glasses raised in the air at once. We owned the bar last night! (I mean, my dad DOES own the bar technically, but we OWNED it). It was a fun night.
All in all it has been a really fun couple of weeks. I feel like I was going to say something else, but now I've forgotten what it was. Oh well. I leave you with the following:
Conversation of the day:
Me: I'll take my belly button ring out when I get fat.
Mike: (teasing and tickling my belly) Then you should have taken it out already!
Me: Shut up! You shouldn't tell me things like that!
Mike: I only say it because you know you're thin.
Me: I know, I got happy today because at my doctor's appointment this morning he congratulated me on my weight and my blood pressure and said I must be doing a good job of working out to stay so thin.
Mike: He was probably just saying that to try to get in your pants.
Me: But he's my gynecologist. He doesn't really have to try very hard to make that happen.
Mike: Ha. That's a different sort of getting into the pants entirely.
I guess one of the reasons I haven't updated much is that there hasn't been much to say. I've been having a really great break, there just hasn't been a lot to talk about. It has been a really relaxing, fun, relatively drama-free break. I spend most of my days at home with my family-well, my mom and sister really since Dad is usually at work and Shane is god-knows-where most of the time. I play with the dogs in the backyard, we go to movies and watch movies here at home, I've finished three books already since I've been home.
When I'm not with my family I'm usually with Mike. We go to lunch together most days and end up doing random things together, like today we went to the mall so he could buy some socks. Sock shopping! That's what I've always really liked about Mike, though, that we can spend an afternoon doing pretty much nothing and somehow it ends up being fun and entertaining. We've gone out with his friends several times to the bars on Cincinnati Street and to UTEP basketball games and I'm starting to actually get to know some of them. I no longer feel like such a tag along when I'm with them. I do still feel a bit awkward at times, though. Like it's Mike's birthday today but I told him to go ahead and go out with all of his friends without me since I sort of feel like he ends up having to go out of his way to keep me entertained and explain things when I'm with his friends and I just don't want to be a burden tonight. Especially since I bet a ton of people will go out, and a lot of them will be girls, and I'll just end up feeling like I'm in the way even if he does legitimately want me there. I did tell him I'd go if he wanted me to, but he told me he "doesn't know". This whole thing can get kinda complicated at times. I wish we just lived in the same city so we could be in a serious relationship again and save ourselves all the what-are-we-doing-should-I-feel-bad-for-dating-other-people? drama. Maybe this is better, though, because since we're not in the same city and aren't going to be for at least a year it gives us plenty of time to figure out what we both really want. Especially since neither of us are still in any rush to settle down regardless.
What else? The whole first week I was here Mike and I rented a hotel room, which was awesome. That's the only thing that really sucks about being in El Paso. Mike lives with his parents and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with Mike in my parents' house and fooling around in car is possible but just kinda sucks when it's cold out. So we got a room for $120 a week at this cheap ghetto hotel right by all the college bars. Obviously at only $120 a week it's not even like, Motel 6 quality, but it's also not nearly as scary as you would expect it to be from the price and the location. I mean, I'd never want to actually stay there for an entire week and have to shower there and stuff, but to use the room for a few hours every night for "fucking purposes" (Mike's quote, not mine!) it's not bad at all. It would actually make a cool set for a quirky movie. It was built in the late 50s or early 60s I'd guess and it definitely hasn't been remodeled since. The rooms have green shag carpet and the walls are made of glazed rocks (know what I'm talking about?) and the comforters are shiny and brown and the TV has rabbit ear antennas, I'm not even kidding! The hotel seemingly exists to service two types of people: illegal immigrants from Mexico on their way through town after crossing the border (I got this idea from the sign prominently displayed on the check-in desk stating "We DO NOT rent rooms to illegal aliens"-if they have to actually put a sign up it's clearly a problem) and college students who are either a) too drunk to drive back to the east side of town after a night at the bars or b) want a room to hook up. Mike and I fondly referred to our room for the week as the "Murder Room" because the first night when we checked in Mike noticed some reddish stains on the number plate on the door and immediately decided it was blood. I pointed out that it was actually just red paint that had almost all chipped off but by then he'd already decided that we had the murder room. Nothing is funnier than a text message that says, "Want to get a drink and then go to the murder room?" Ha.
Let's see, I also have gone out with my friend Cassie a couple of times since I've been home and I met her boyfriend for the first time, which was fun. And last night at the Ale House was one of those random nights where I went to the bar expecting to meet one friend and then ran into about sixteen other people that I hadn't seen since high school graduation. It was actually really fun because I ran into a bunch of people I used to do theatre and student council with. Most of them are actually a year older than me and I hadn't seen them since they graduated in 2000 so it was really good to see everybody again and find out what everyone has been doing with their lives for the past 5 1/2 years. And there was this awesome moment where my friend Deena ordered twenty Red Headed Sluts and passed them out to everyone we knew at the bar plus two or three random people who just happened to be standing near us. I've never seen so many shot glasses raised in the air at once. We owned the bar last night! (I mean, my dad DOES own the bar technically, but we OWNED it). It was a fun night.
All in all it has been a really fun couple of weeks. I feel like I was going to say something else, but now I've forgotten what it was. Oh well. I leave you with the following:
Conversation of the day:
Me: I'll take my belly button ring out when I get fat.
Mike: (teasing and tickling my belly) Then you should have taken it out already!
Me: Shut up! You shouldn't tell me things like that!
Mike: I only say it because you know you're thin.
Me: I know, I got happy today because at my doctor's appointment this morning he congratulated me on my weight and my blood pressure and said I must be doing a good job of working out to stay so thin.
Mike: He was probably just saying that to try to get in your pants.
Me: But he's my gynecologist. He doesn't really have to try very hard to make that happen.
Mike: Ha. That's a different sort of getting into the pants entirely.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Christmas Quotes 2005
Happy Christmas Eve!
Dad and I are watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, our late night Christmas Eve tradition. I love this movie, seriously. It's highly underrated, it has wonderful music. Really, it does. Watch it someday and you'll see what I mean.
I'm having a fun Christmas so far, tonight we went to Grandma and Grandpa's for fondue. As always when I'm with my crazy family on holidays, I have kept track of the Quotes of the Night for your entertainment. Without further adieu, here is tonight's list:
1. Chelsea: You can't make money in the porn industry unless you're willing to go both ways. Seriously, you have to go two ways.
Grandma: Actually, you need to go THREE ways.
Chelsea: What, like with animals?
Shane: That isn't that popular.
Grandma: No, animal porn is coming back in vogue!
[Why we were even having this discussion at the family dinner table is beyond me!]
2. "This thing doesn't have a dick!"-Grandpa, looking at a garden gnome that Shane gave my grandmother.
3. Grandpa: You'll hear about Tenley Albricht. 1956, she was the USA's hope for a gold medal in figure skating. But she had a problem, she had dysmenorrhea.
Me: Which means...?
Grandpa: Really painful periods, cramps so bad that she couldn't work or go to school while she was having her period. Well, they looked at the calendar and she was supposed to be on her period at the same time as she was supposed to compete in the Olympics.
Me: What did they do? Why didn't she just get on the Pill and skip it?
Grandpa: It was 1956, honey. No birth control pill. So what do you think they did?
Chelsea: She got pregnant!!!
Grandpa: [laughs]
Chelsea: What?! That would stop it!
Grandpa: Well...yes, I guess that would be one solution.
[Incidentally, she was given a shot of Depo-Provera, a new drug they were experimenting with at Harvard at the time, which of course wasn't actually approved for use until the 90s. Apparently it worked, but she also didn't have a period for five whole years after that. Kind of an interesting story, actually. My grandfather knows the most random things]
Following the above story:
Dad: When did all of this happen? 1956? I don't remember that.
Mom: Why would you remember that?! You weren't BORN yet!
Mom: Mom, do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?
Grandma: No
Grandpa: YES!
Mom: Who asked you?
Grandpa: You'd better help her, otherwise she'll have to clean it all herself and I'll be miserable the rest of the night.
All of us: YOU'LL be miserable?!
There were several more, but those were some of the highlights. I need to go focus on my movie now.
Merry Christmas!
Dad and I are watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, our late night Christmas Eve tradition. I love this movie, seriously. It's highly underrated, it has wonderful music. Really, it does. Watch it someday and you'll see what I mean.
I'm having a fun Christmas so far, tonight we went to Grandma and Grandpa's for fondue. As always when I'm with my crazy family on holidays, I have kept track of the Quotes of the Night for your entertainment. Without further adieu, here is tonight's list:
1. Chelsea: You can't make money in the porn industry unless you're willing to go both ways. Seriously, you have to go two ways.
Grandma: Actually, you need to go THREE ways.
Chelsea: What, like with animals?
Shane: That isn't that popular.
Grandma: No, animal porn is coming back in vogue!
[Why we were even having this discussion at the family dinner table is beyond me!]
2. "This thing doesn't have a dick!"-Grandpa, looking at a garden gnome that Shane gave my grandmother.
3. Grandpa: You'll hear about Tenley Albricht. 1956, she was the USA's hope for a gold medal in figure skating. But she had a problem, she had dysmenorrhea.
Me: Which means...?
Grandpa: Really painful periods, cramps so bad that she couldn't work or go to school while she was having her period. Well, they looked at the calendar and she was supposed to be on her period at the same time as she was supposed to compete in the Olympics.
Me: What did they do? Why didn't she just get on the Pill and skip it?
Grandpa: It was 1956, honey. No birth control pill. So what do you think they did?
Chelsea: She got pregnant!!!
Grandpa: [laughs]
Chelsea: What?! That would stop it!
Grandpa: Well...yes, I guess that would be one solution.
[Incidentally, she was given a shot of Depo-Provera, a new drug they were experimenting with at Harvard at the time, which of course wasn't actually approved for use until the 90s. Apparently it worked, but she also didn't have a period for five whole years after that. Kind of an interesting story, actually. My grandfather knows the most random things]
Following the above story:
Dad: When did all of this happen? 1956? I don't remember that.
Mom: Why would you remember that?! You weren't BORN yet!
Mom: Mom, do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?
Grandma: No
Grandpa: YES!
Mom: Who asked you?
Grandpa: You'd better help her, otherwise she'll have to clean it all herself and I'll be miserable the rest of the night.
All of us: YOU'LL be miserable?!
There were several more, but those were some of the highlights. I need to go focus on my movie now.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Quick check in
I would just like to say that I'm alive, and having a really awesome break and a lot of fun. It's been pretty perfect so far, actually.
I'll update for real in a couple of days but right now I need to wrap all my Christmas presents since my last package from Amazon finally came in the mail today and I just realized that Christmas Eve is, um, tomorrow! That and my sister is technically using the computer right now and I just snuck on here real quick while she went to the bathroom and she'll be back in a second and probably get pissed. Sharing the internet is FUN.
Anyway, it's been a great week. I'll update tomorrow maybe, or Christmas, or like, two weeks from now when I'm done going all the time.
Adios.
I'll update for real in a couple of days but right now I need to wrap all my Christmas presents since my last package from Amazon finally came in the mail today and I just realized that Christmas Eve is, um, tomorrow! That and my sister is technically using the computer right now and I just snuck on here real quick while she went to the bathroom and she'll be back in a second and probably get pissed. Sharing the internet is FUN.
Anyway, it's been a great week. I'll update tomorrow maybe, or Christmas, or like, two weeks from now when I'm done going all the time.
Adios.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I spoke too soon...
...So it appears that although Mike might be feelin' this new blonde, she might not be as into him as he would like. It also appears that even if he is liking her he's definitely down for spending a lot of time with me. Which is awesome. Today we went out for lunch and then hung out late night, so I'm feeling pretty good about the potential for the rest of this month after all.
And I love my basset hound.
It's 3:30 in the morning, that's all I have to say right now.
And I love my basset hound.
It's 3:30 in the morning, that's all I have to say right now.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Home for Christmas
I got to El Paso for Christmas today. Cohen and Jose did well on the 9 hour car trip and were also really good while we stayed at Kymberli's in Fort Worth for the past few days. Cohen hasn't actually met my parents' dogs yet. Chelsea's animals are here, too, and Morty met Lola and Marley today. Morty and Lola get along well, Marley is kinda nervous. I'm worried about adding Cohen to the mix, but hopefully he'll be fine. My big fear is that they'll all start roughing each other up just playfully but Cohen will get hurt because he's smaller than the others. Hopefully things will work out better than I think they will.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole spending-almost-three-weeks-in-El-Paso thing. I was pretty excited about it at first, but now it seems as though Mike is really into this new girl he's dating. And since other than hanging out with my family the only thing I do in El Paso is spend time with Mike, if he's busy dating someone else it's going to make this whole break much less fun than I thought it would be. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family because I love them like crazy, but sometimes we all need a break and since I don't know many people in El Paso these days I kind of rely on Mike to entertain me. Which is unfair to him, I suppose, since there's no real reason he's obligated to spend time with me. But oh, the jealousy, it's a bitch. It seems like I always end up in these partial relationships that can be so much fun but are fundamentally a lose-lose situation. 'Cause I do end up getting jealous and upset when a guy I'm dating falls for other girls but then I get mad at myself for doing it because what right do I have to get upset, and why should I actually care? We're not in a relationship, that has already been clearly determined. So I make myself be cool about it and most of the time I honestly can be. But then I also get mad at myself for not letting myself expect more from these guys, because I feel like maybe it's a sign that I'm not as confident as I pretend to be that I don't have the balls to say "If you want to date me it needs to be all or nothing." Of course, this is assuming I want all or nothing, which I'm not sure I do. And therein lies the problem. Because I think if I was positive I wanted to be in a relationship right now I'd have no problem laying down an ultimatum. But as much as I think I'm at a point where I'm done with Wild and Crazy and would like to just relax and settle down, I'm not positive I'm there yet and I don't want to rush anything and screw it up. Complicated stuff.
My trip to Fort Worth was fun, other than the part where I got really drunk on champagne at Ellen's graduation party on Thursday night and then got incredibly belligerent and had a half hour screaming fight with a certain someone on the phone. Apparently champagne makes me a belligerent drunk. Who knew? The next morning Kymberli was like, "Wow, I've never heard you yell about anything like that before, " which should give you some indication of how rarely I do stuff like that because Kymberli and I were pretty much inseperable during college. The thing is, I don't really feel bad for yelling at this person. Or rather, I feel bad for screaming at him (because I don't think anyone needs to listen to me yell for half an hour) but I feel like I made a lot of valid points that he really needed to hear from someone. Apparently I didn't make as big an impression as I had hoped since by Saturday night he was calling me and trying to pretend like our fight had never happened, but he's not getting off that easily this time. And I have to admit that it felt really good to yell like that. A few times I almost started laughing because in a twisted way I was having fun being a bitch, but laughing would have totally killed my momentum. Ha.
The rest of my trip to Fort Worth was basically uneventful but fun. I went to Jenny's pinning ceremony as she graduated from the nursing department and afterwards I had dinner with her family at P.F. Chang's and then had some quality Pub time. And on Saturday I spent the evening with Scott and Katy; we went to dinner and then went to see the show Kymberli is in right now, a comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It was fun getting to hang out and talk with them for a while since we hadn't really gotten to catch up since I moved in August even though I've seen Katy a couple of times since then. One of us is always in such a rush whenever we actually manage to catch each other on the phone, and when we've seen each other recently it's always been in groups so it's been hard to really have a long uninterrupted conversation. So I'm really glad we finally got to do that yesterday. She and Scott told me they're having a house built. I can't believe I have friends who are getting married and buying houses. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that somehow within the past year or two I became a legitimate adult. It still blows my mind.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole spending-almost-three-weeks-in-El-Paso thing. I was pretty excited about it at first, but now it seems as though Mike is really into this new girl he's dating. And since other than hanging out with my family the only thing I do in El Paso is spend time with Mike, if he's busy dating someone else it's going to make this whole break much less fun than I thought it would be. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family because I love them like crazy, but sometimes we all need a break and since I don't know many people in El Paso these days I kind of rely on Mike to entertain me. Which is unfair to him, I suppose, since there's no real reason he's obligated to spend time with me. But oh, the jealousy, it's a bitch. It seems like I always end up in these partial relationships that can be so much fun but are fundamentally a lose-lose situation. 'Cause I do end up getting jealous and upset when a guy I'm dating falls for other girls but then I get mad at myself for doing it because what right do I have to get upset, and why should I actually care? We're not in a relationship, that has already been clearly determined. So I make myself be cool about it and most of the time I honestly can be. But then I also get mad at myself for not letting myself expect more from these guys, because I feel like maybe it's a sign that I'm not as confident as I pretend to be that I don't have the balls to say "If you want to date me it needs to be all or nothing." Of course, this is assuming I want all or nothing, which I'm not sure I do. And therein lies the problem. Because I think if I was positive I wanted to be in a relationship right now I'd have no problem laying down an ultimatum. But as much as I think I'm at a point where I'm done with Wild and Crazy and would like to just relax and settle down, I'm not positive I'm there yet and I don't want to rush anything and screw it up. Complicated stuff.
My trip to Fort Worth was fun, other than the part where I got really drunk on champagne at Ellen's graduation party on Thursday night and then got incredibly belligerent and had a half hour screaming fight with a certain someone on the phone. Apparently champagne makes me a belligerent drunk. Who knew? The next morning Kymberli was like, "Wow, I've never heard you yell about anything like that before, " which should give you some indication of how rarely I do stuff like that because Kymberli and I were pretty much inseperable during college. The thing is, I don't really feel bad for yelling at this person. Or rather, I feel bad for screaming at him (because I don't think anyone needs to listen to me yell for half an hour) but I feel like I made a lot of valid points that he really needed to hear from someone. Apparently I didn't make as big an impression as I had hoped since by Saturday night he was calling me and trying to pretend like our fight had never happened, but he's not getting off that easily this time. And I have to admit that it felt really good to yell like that. A few times I almost started laughing because in a twisted way I was having fun being a bitch, but laughing would have totally killed my momentum. Ha.
The rest of my trip to Fort Worth was basically uneventful but fun. I went to Jenny's pinning ceremony as she graduated from the nursing department and afterwards I had dinner with her family at P.F. Chang's and then had some quality Pub time. And on Saturday I spent the evening with Scott and Katy; we went to dinner and then went to see the show Kymberli is in right now, a comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It was fun getting to hang out and talk with them for a while since we hadn't really gotten to catch up since I moved in August even though I've seen Katy a couple of times since then. One of us is always in such a rush whenever we actually manage to catch each other on the phone, and when we've seen each other recently it's always been in groups so it's been hard to really have a long uninterrupted conversation. So I'm really glad we finally got to do that yesterday. She and Scott told me they're having a house built. I can't believe I have friends who are getting married and buying houses. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that somehow within the past year or two I became a legitimate adult. It still blows my mind.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Put a Fork in Me
I just finished printing out my script analysis for directing, my final project for the semester. Know what that means? It means this semester is OVER. Hell yeah!!! I mean, it's not officially over until I go to my Directing final tomorrow, but since my Directing final consists of turning in my production book and script analysis and then sitting around for two hours discussing the shows that were performed a week and a half ago that I now barely remember, it's basically over.
The end of a semester is always such a relief. I love the first few days of vacation best, the days when I'm sitting around thinking, "There's something I should be doing right now, isn't there?" and realizing, there's not!! It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.
This break is going to be especially good, because it will be the first break since my junior year of high school where I literally get a total break and don't have to do anything unless I feel like it. Senior year of high school I spent Christmas break finishing college applications. Freshmen through junior year of college there was always the burden of spring auditions hanging over my head. Not that I ever actually seriously prepared for spring auditions until the day before spring auditions (Which incidentally may be why I was never cast in a mainstage spring show...well, that and the fact that even when I am prepared I'm the suckiest auditioner on the planet. Suffice it to say there's a reason I focus on directing and theatre history nowadays) but I spent every day of Christmas break thinking to myself, "I really should choose a monologue today" and then not actually doing it and then stressing because I hadn't done it. Senior year of college I spent Christmas break working on graduate school applications. Next year I'll probably spend Christmas break working on my thesis.
But this year? This year I'm actually going to take a real break. I don't have any school work to do, I don't have a job that I need to go to, I already submitted to a call for papers that has a deadline over winter break so I don't need to stress about that. Hell, I've even already done the majority of my Christmas shopping. It's going to be a very relaxing holiday.
Thursday I'm loading up my car with everything I need for a three week trip, everything the animals need for a three week trip, and Cohen AND Jose themselves, and heading up to Fort Worth to celebrate Jenny's graduation, see Kymberli's show, and have some early Christmas fun with all of my friends there. Plans include, um, drinking a lot, probably. I haven't actually made any plans other than confirming with Kymberli that my pets and I can stay with her and confirming with Jenny that yes, I'm down to party hard. So I don't know what to expect in Fort Worth, but I'm sure it will be fun.
On Sunday I'm heading to El Paso, where I'll be until just after New Year's Day. Plans include all the traditional holiday festivites with my family, plenty of time chillin' with Mike and Co., hopefully getting together for drinks with some of the high school friends who've recently found me again on MySpace (has anyone else experience a MySpace explosion in the past month? Suddenly I'm getting friend requests every day, which is weird 'cause I've been on MySpace for over a year now), and ensuring that Morty, Cohen, Lola and Marley don't kill each other in a massive dog fight when all of my family members' dogs meet for the first time.
January 2nd Mom, Dad, Chelsea and I are off to Las Vegas to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I think maybe my grandparents are coming, too. Shane opted to skip out on the trip so that he can host poker parties and hook up with bitches while we're all out of town, I guess. That and somebody has to take care of the above-mentioned pack of dogs that will be at my house over Christmas. There will also be a pack of cats, but they can take care of themselves. (As a sidenote, none of us even have actual childen yet and Christmas at my family's house is already getting ridiculous). Also, don't feel too bad for Shane, since he's only 18 and can't really properly enjoy Las Vegas anyway. Vegas plans include a lot of black jack and A LOT of drinking. And dressing up, 'cause I like dressing up in Vegas even though nobody else really does anymore.
Then January 6th Mike will be driving back with me (and the animals) to San Marcos. He's gonna visit me for almost a week. Plans so far include hanging out on Sixth Street, outlet mall shopping, Fazoli's, Freebirds and all the other restaurants Mike is deprived of in El Paso, and lots of time spent in the hot tub (and, let's be honest here, my bedroom).
I love that the only things on my to-do list right now are fun things.
Anyway, it's 3:30 AM (despite the fact that the timestamp on this dumb journal probably says something totally different) and I have my last class at 11:30 tomorrow, so I need to sleep.
I may not update again for a while since I highly doubt I'll update from Fort Worth. Miss me until next week...or until I get bored and start rambling again tomorrow.
The end of a semester is always such a relief. I love the first few days of vacation best, the days when I'm sitting around thinking, "There's something I should be doing right now, isn't there?" and realizing, there's not!! It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.
This break is going to be especially good, because it will be the first break since my junior year of high school where I literally get a total break and don't have to do anything unless I feel like it. Senior year of high school I spent Christmas break finishing college applications. Freshmen through junior year of college there was always the burden of spring auditions hanging over my head. Not that I ever actually seriously prepared for spring auditions until the day before spring auditions (Which incidentally may be why I was never cast in a mainstage spring show...well, that and the fact that even when I am prepared I'm the suckiest auditioner on the planet. Suffice it to say there's a reason I focus on directing and theatre history nowadays) but I spent every day of Christmas break thinking to myself, "I really should choose a monologue today" and then not actually doing it and then stressing because I hadn't done it. Senior year of college I spent Christmas break working on graduate school applications. Next year I'll probably spend Christmas break working on my thesis.
But this year? This year I'm actually going to take a real break. I don't have any school work to do, I don't have a job that I need to go to, I already submitted to a call for papers that has a deadline over winter break so I don't need to stress about that. Hell, I've even already done the majority of my Christmas shopping. It's going to be a very relaxing holiday.
Thursday I'm loading up my car with everything I need for a three week trip, everything the animals need for a three week trip, and Cohen AND Jose themselves, and heading up to Fort Worth to celebrate Jenny's graduation, see Kymberli's show, and have some early Christmas fun with all of my friends there. Plans include, um, drinking a lot, probably. I haven't actually made any plans other than confirming with Kymberli that my pets and I can stay with her and confirming with Jenny that yes, I'm down to party hard. So I don't know what to expect in Fort Worth, but I'm sure it will be fun.
On Sunday I'm heading to El Paso, where I'll be until just after New Year's Day. Plans include all the traditional holiday festivites with my family, plenty of time chillin' with Mike and Co., hopefully getting together for drinks with some of the high school friends who've recently found me again on MySpace (has anyone else experience a MySpace explosion in the past month? Suddenly I'm getting friend requests every day, which is weird 'cause I've been on MySpace for over a year now), and ensuring that Morty, Cohen, Lola and Marley don't kill each other in a massive dog fight when all of my family members' dogs meet for the first time.
January 2nd Mom, Dad, Chelsea and I are off to Las Vegas to celebrate Chelsea's 21st birthday. I think maybe my grandparents are coming, too. Shane opted to skip out on the trip so that he can host poker parties and hook up with bitches while we're all out of town, I guess. That and somebody has to take care of the above-mentioned pack of dogs that will be at my house over Christmas. There will also be a pack of cats, but they can take care of themselves. (As a sidenote, none of us even have actual childen yet and Christmas at my family's house is already getting ridiculous). Also, don't feel too bad for Shane, since he's only 18 and can't really properly enjoy Las Vegas anyway. Vegas plans include a lot of black jack and A LOT of drinking. And dressing up, 'cause I like dressing up in Vegas even though nobody else really does anymore.
Then January 6th Mike will be driving back with me (and the animals) to San Marcos. He's gonna visit me for almost a week. Plans so far include hanging out on Sixth Street, outlet mall shopping, Fazoli's, Freebirds and all the other restaurants Mike is deprived of in El Paso, and lots of time spent in the hot tub (and, let's be honest here, my bedroom).
I love that the only things on my to-do list right now are fun things.
Anyway, it's 3:30 AM (despite the fact that the timestamp on this dumb journal probably says something totally different) and I have my last class at 11:30 tomorrow, so I need to sleep.
I may not update again for a while since I highly doubt I'll update from Fort Worth. Miss me until next week...or until I get bored and start rambling again tomorrow.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Ugh
Just finished my stage management project!! Now all I have to do is finish my directing prompt book and I'm done with this semester. And I just checked grades and I officially have an A in both of the classes I already finished. Now I'm going to be really, really angry at myself if I don't get the 4.0 since the two classes I have to finish this week are both undergraduate/graduate mix classes, and if I can't get an A in a class that's basically an undergrad class, I have problems.
In other news, not to be alarmist, but I think I'm bleeding internally. I called my grandpa the doctor and through an assessment of my symptoms from 800 miles away he assures me that I am not in fact bleeding internally, but something is definitely wrong. I don't care to go into any details about why exactly I think I might be bleeding internally, but my body is conspiring to freak me the fuck out this evening. If I never update about this again it means it ended up actually being nothing, which I hope is the case. But I'm documenting it here because don't you enjoy stories about me being a total hypochondriac?
To change the subject completely, I HATE the Black Eyed Peas song about humps and lovely lady lumps. I realize I'm months and months late in making this statement, but I suddenly feel that it needs to be said. I do not want anything on my body being described as a lump. Or a hump for that matter. Hump implies hunchback in my mind, which is possibly why the song horrifies me so much. I get this mental image of a chick with a hunched back standing at a dark bar and thursting her hips around while guys stare at her hunchback and wonder what she's gonna do with all those breasts inside her shirt. The whole thing just grosses me out.
Also, I hate feeling jealous. I hardly ever feel jealous, but when I do it makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like someone is stabbing a knife into my gut and twisting it and simultaneously my chest starts aching and I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It's bad. I wish I didn't have such a visceral reaction to jealousy, especially since when I do get jealous it's always over the most ridiculous things. Like, I can watch a guy I like kiss another girl and that might upset me a bit, but not so much that I feel the jealousy. But the same guy can utter a phrase as simple as, "She's a lot of fun, I really like talking to her," and immediately my chest constricts. Why? Why does that happen? And why does it not happen every time? I never can tell what's going to upset me and what isn't, because half the time I can listen to guys I like talk about other girls all day long and nothing, and then other times out of the blue it will almost make me cry. And yet I'm a total masochist about it, too, because sometimes I specifically ask about stuff that I know is probably going to upset me, just because I'd rather be upset about something than be left in the dark about anything that's going on. Anyway, whenever I feel jealous I just end up getting mad at myself and feeling like I'm being stupid. And I know it's a normal feeling and I should just let myself experience it and be done with it, but I have a hard time accepting that an emotion that makes me feel so sick can possibly be healthy.
Well, this entry has certainly been full of hate, hasn't it? To make it more balanced, here are some things I love:
1) My Christmas lights
2) Sitting on the couch the way I am right now, with the basset hound draped over my feet keeping my toes warm and the cat curled up on my lap with his head resting on the keyboard.
3) Paul Simon singing about diamonds on the soles of their shoes.
4) The fact that this semester is over the day after tomorrow.
5) My grandpa for not mocking me when I call him panicked because I'm afraid I might be bleeding internally.
6) The peppermint chocolate covered cherries they sell for Christmas
7) The Street of Lights. So strange, so fun, so Austin.
8) This sudden feeling that I'll ultimately end up in a really good place, even if I don't know exactly what that place is yet.
How sappy. Time for me to go try to re-load my Musicmatch Jukebox and do some more work on my promptbook. Good night.
In other news, not to be alarmist, but I think I'm bleeding internally. I called my grandpa the doctor and through an assessment of my symptoms from 800 miles away he assures me that I am not in fact bleeding internally, but something is definitely wrong. I don't care to go into any details about why exactly I think I might be bleeding internally, but my body is conspiring to freak me the fuck out this evening. If I never update about this again it means it ended up actually being nothing, which I hope is the case. But I'm documenting it here because don't you enjoy stories about me being a total hypochondriac?
To change the subject completely, I HATE the Black Eyed Peas song about humps and lovely lady lumps. I realize I'm months and months late in making this statement, but I suddenly feel that it needs to be said. I do not want anything on my body being described as a lump. Or a hump for that matter. Hump implies hunchback in my mind, which is possibly why the song horrifies me so much. I get this mental image of a chick with a hunched back standing at a dark bar and thursting her hips around while guys stare at her hunchback and wonder what she's gonna do with all those breasts inside her shirt. The whole thing just grosses me out.
Also, I hate feeling jealous. I hardly ever feel jealous, but when I do it makes me physically sick. It makes me feel like someone is stabbing a knife into my gut and twisting it and simultaneously my chest starts aching and I get a bitter taste in my mouth. It's bad. I wish I didn't have such a visceral reaction to jealousy, especially since when I do get jealous it's always over the most ridiculous things. Like, I can watch a guy I like kiss another girl and that might upset me a bit, but not so much that I feel the jealousy. But the same guy can utter a phrase as simple as, "She's a lot of fun, I really like talking to her," and immediately my chest constricts. Why? Why does that happen? And why does it not happen every time? I never can tell what's going to upset me and what isn't, because half the time I can listen to guys I like talk about other girls all day long and nothing, and then other times out of the blue it will almost make me cry. And yet I'm a total masochist about it, too, because sometimes I specifically ask about stuff that I know is probably going to upset me, just because I'd rather be upset about something than be left in the dark about anything that's going on. Anyway, whenever I feel jealous I just end up getting mad at myself and feeling like I'm being stupid. And I know it's a normal feeling and I should just let myself experience it and be done with it, but I have a hard time accepting that an emotion that makes me feel so sick can possibly be healthy.
Well, this entry has certainly been full of hate, hasn't it? To make it more balanced, here are some things I love:
1) My Christmas lights
2) Sitting on the couch the way I am right now, with the basset hound draped over my feet keeping my toes warm and the cat curled up on my lap with his head resting on the keyboard.
3) Paul Simon singing about diamonds on the soles of their shoes.
4) The fact that this semester is over the day after tomorrow.
5) My grandpa for not mocking me when I call him panicked because I'm afraid I might be bleeding internally.
6) The peppermint chocolate covered cherries they sell for Christmas
7) The Street of Lights. So strange, so fun, so Austin.
8) This sudden feeling that I'll ultimately end up in a really good place, even if I don't know exactly what that place is yet.
How sappy. Time for me to go try to re-load my Musicmatch Jukebox and do some more work on my promptbook. Good night.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Iced up
I'm in such a good mood tonight, mainly because I think I might actually end up with a 4.0 this semester! I kind of can't believe that might actually happen, but at this point it definitely could. I finished my only actual final exam tonight, and all I need to get on the final to get an A in the class is a 70. And I am positive I made at least that. And remember that paper that I wrote pretty much in one day on Tuesday? Yeah, well, I turned that in on Wednesday and got it back today. My professor gave me the exact criticisms I would have given myself if I'd been grading it (not enough in-depth discussion at a few points and a sorta weak conclusion) but then went ahead and gave me a 92 on the paper anyway! Which means I got an A in that class, and that was the one class where I thought I'd likely get a B. So now all I have to do is finish my stage management and directing projects, and although both will be tedious they're both easy. Unless I completely fuck those up, I think I'll get As in those classes too.
So I'm feeling good.
I'm also in a good mood because we had some real winter weather here yesterday and today. There was an actual ice storm last night, which of course I was driving around in because sometimes I have to do incredibly stupid things just to prove that I can. Honestly, I was trying to get back at the weather. See, in September there was all this hype for days about Hurricane Rita and how it was gonna hit the Texas coast with such force that it would still be a level two hurricane by the time it reached the Austin/San Antonio area, and, well, you remember the news stories I'm sure. What actually ended up happening? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, no, I take that back. What ended up happening was that the weather got really screwed up and we had a couple of miserable 102 degree days at the end of September. But there was no level 2 hurricane here. It didn't even rain! Basically, everyone panicked and emptied the shelves at the HEB for absolutely nothing. And that's what always seems to happen, whenever weathermen hype the major storm that's on the way, it never actually hits. So yesterday when everyone was freaking out about the impending ice storm and my dad was calling me every half hour to give me weather updates (that's a bad habit of my dad's, he watches the Weather Channel all day long and then likes to call me to tell me what the weather is like here, as if I can't just walk outside and experience it for myself) I decided I might as well drive up to Austin for the night to wrap presents at Barnes and Noble to raise money to help the homeless basset hounds, as I had originally planned. Because the surefire way to actually make a storm come is to say "Fuck you, weather, when was the last time you actually delivered, huh?!?!"
Sure enough, I was only able to help with the gift wrapping for about an hour and a half before they closed the bookstore due to the inclement weather, and I had to drive to my sister's house in Austin over roads that were starting to get icy. The thing is, it was actually kind of exciting and it put me in a Christmas-y mood for some really bizarre reason. Nothing like cruising past hydroplaning Jeeps on frozen overpasses to put you in the holiday spirit! Fa la la la la.
I spent the night at Chelsea's, which I'd planned to do in the first place, and when we woke up this morning there were icicles everywhere and our car doors were frozen shut. When I finally drove back to my apartment late this afternoon it was probably the most beautiful commute I've ever had. The roads were just fine, but all of the fields were still covered in a layer of frost, and as the sun was setting it was glinting off of each individual blade of grass and the world looked like a giant diamond.
A week from tonight I'm going to be in Fort Worth. I was telling Kymberli tonight that I'm excited about going up there to see everybody. It will be fun to see Kymberli's show, and see Katy and Scott, and hopefully hit the Pub, and watch Jenny's graduation ceremony (I'm just going to the pinning ceremony, the ceremony for just the nursing students. There's no way I'm sitting through another TCU graduation ceremony unless I absolutely have to, my own graduation ceremony was boring enough and at least I had some adrenaline pumping that day). But as much as I'm looking forward to it, there's also a part of me that wishes I hadn't made all these commitments to everybody because I'd really like to just get home to El Paso as soon as possible. And a large part of that is because of Mike. He has been so much fun lately that I just want to get back to start chilling with him again.
Mike asked me the other day if I was going to visit my "Fort Worth lover", and the answer to that question is "I have no idea." He and I haven't been talking as much lately as we once did. Suddenly I just got really tired of the whole thing, mainly because I got tired of his late night phone calls that are always seemingly fueled by nothing but alcohol and horniness when there's another guy out there whose late night phone calls are fueled by a desire to actually talk to ME. Plus it's pretty easy to rouse yourself in the night for real sex (it is for me, anyway) but when I'm as tired as I've been the past couple of weeks the desire to have phone sex with him just isn't as overwhelming as the desire to sleep. Sad but true. He has called me a few times this past week sober (or as sober as he ever seems to get) just wanting to talk and not wanting phone sex for a change, and he seemed excited when I told him I was coming to town next week, but I just don't know. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it. I guess I'll just wait and see what sort of mood I'm in next weekend and go from there.
I know for sure I'm ready to get back to El Paso, though. And incidentally, any time I think something like that I suddenly feel like I've time-warped back to Holiday Season 2001. Especially when I'm on the phone with Kymberli and I tell her I'm looking forward to getting back to El Paso and she tells me that she lusted over a bunch of teenage boys during Thanksgiving break.
Some things change, babe, and some never will!
So I'm feeling good.
I'm also in a good mood because we had some real winter weather here yesterday and today. There was an actual ice storm last night, which of course I was driving around in because sometimes I have to do incredibly stupid things just to prove that I can. Honestly, I was trying to get back at the weather. See, in September there was all this hype for days about Hurricane Rita and how it was gonna hit the Texas coast with such force that it would still be a level two hurricane by the time it reached the Austin/San Antonio area, and, well, you remember the news stories I'm sure. What actually ended up happening? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, no, I take that back. What ended up happening was that the weather got really screwed up and we had a couple of miserable 102 degree days at the end of September. But there was no level 2 hurricane here. It didn't even rain! Basically, everyone panicked and emptied the shelves at the HEB for absolutely nothing. And that's what always seems to happen, whenever weathermen hype the major storm that's on the way, it never actually hits. So yesterday when everyone was freaking out about the impending ice storm and my dad was calling me every half hour to give me weather updates (that's a bad habit of my dad's, he watches the Weather Channel all day long and then likes to call me to tell me what the weather is like here, as if I can't just walk outside and experience it for myself) I decided I might as well drive up to Austin for the night to wrap presents at Barnes and Noble to raise money to help the homeless basset hounds, as I had originally planned. Because the surefire way to actually make a storm come is to say "Fuck you, weather, when was the last time you actually delivered, huh?!?!"
Sure enough, I was only able to help with the gift wrapping for about an hour and a half before they closed the bookstore due to the inclement weather, and I had to drive to my sister's house in Austin over roads that were starting to get icy. The thing is, it was actually kind of exciting and it put me in a Christmas-y mood for some really bizarre reason. Nothing like cruising past hydroplaning Jeeps on frozen overpasses to put you in the holiday spirit! Fa la la la la.
I spent the night at Chelsea's, which I'd planned to do in the first place, and when we woke up this morning there were icicles everywhere and our car doors were frozen shut. When I finally drove back to my apartment late this afternoon it was probably the most beautiful commute I've ever had. The roads were just fine, but all of the fields were still covered in a layer of frost, and as the sun was setting it was glinting off of each individual blade of grass and the world looked like a giant diamond.
A week from tonight I'm going to be in Fort Worth. I was telling Kymberli tonight that I'm excited about going up there to see everybody. It will be fun to see Kymberli's show, and see Katy and Scott, and hopefully hit the Pub, and watch Jenny's graduation ceremony (I'm just going to the pinning ceremony, the ceremony for just the nursing students. There's no way I'm sitting through another TCU graduation ceremony unless I absolutely have to, my own graduation ceremony was boring enough and at least I had some adrenaline pumping that day). But as much as I'm looking forward to it, there's also a part of me that wishes I hadn't made all these commitments to everybody because I'd really like to just get home to El Paso as soon as possible. And a large part of that is because of Mike. He has been so much fun lately that I just want to get back to start chilling with him again.
Mike asked me the other day if I was going to visit my "Fort Worth lover", and the answer to that question is "I have no idea." He and I haven't been talking as much lately as we once did. Suddenly I just got really tired of the whole thing, mainly because I got tired of his late night phone calls that are always seemingly fueled by nothing but alcohol and horniness when there's another guy out there whose late night phone calls are fueled by a desire to actually talk to ME. Plus it's pretty easy to rouse yourself in the night for real sex (it is for me, anyway) but when I'm as tired as I've been the past couple of weeks the desire to have phone sex with him just isn't as overwhelming as the desire to sleep. Sad but true. He has called me a few times this past week sober (or as sober as he ever seems to get) just wanting to talk and not wanting phone sex for a change, and he seemed excited when I told him I was coming to town next week, but I just don't know. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it. I guess I'll just wait and see what sort of mood I'm in next weekend and go from there.
I know for sure I'm ready to get back to El Paso, though. And incidentally, any time I think something like that I suddenly feel like I've time-warped back to Holiday Season 2001. Especially when I'm on the phone with Kymberli and I tell her I'm looking forward to getting back to El Paso and she tells me that she lusted over a bunch of teenage boys during Thanksgiving break.
Some things change, babe, and some never will!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Procrasting Nation
Why do people create internet journals/blogs/whatever and then password protect them? Or, even worse, use the Myspace option that makes the entry only viewable to the person who wrote it? I don't understand the point of that. If you're going to write a journal and you want it to be private, make it a Word document on your PC or write in a notebook old school style. Because when people do that it just drives other people (like me) crazy. It's such a tease, like "Yeah, I'll give you the title of this entry that's surely really dramatic and interesting since I feel the need to keep it a secret, but then you don't actually get to read it." I don't expect people to stop doing this since everyone seems to be doing it lately but hey, people, it's frustrating! I guess I can understand doing it once in a while just to have all of your entries in one place, but people who hide every single entry make me angry. Mike's semi-ex girlfriend* does that and it frustrates me because from his descriptions of her she seems like a real piece of work and I'd love to read the melodramatic stuff she's probably writing in her private internet journal.
*"Semi-ex girlfriend" because it never quite became an official committed relationship and they really only dated for a few months. To his face I like to refer to her as "Your girlfriend". I don't think he likes that much. Incidentally, I've never even met the girl and I have no real opinion on her except that she has a really bizarre take on birth control. She doesn't want to get on the pill because it's expensive and will make her fat. Because, you know, getting pregnant doesn't make you fat at all, and raising a child is incredibly cheap and affordable these days.
Enough about my pet peeves. I was working on my paper at a pretty good clip this afternoon and tonight and then I went to get my laundry out of the dryer and then I decided I wanted ice cream and then Iron Chef came on and that was the end of my momentum. I think I did most of my research, though, and now tomorrow I'll just have to sit down and actually write the whole thing. The good news is, I was supposed to go wrap presents at Barnes and Noble tomorrow night as a fundraiser for Helping Hands Basset Rescue, but it got cancelled so that gives me four extra hours of working time tomorrow. And I still get to wrap presents on Thursday and Saturday, so everybody wins (um, everybody being ME).
I'm already anticipating having to stay up most of the night tomorrow working on my paper, but I'm okay with that. And I'm pretty sure I only need a high B on this paper to get an A in this class. I don't feel very confident in my ability to get an A on this paper considering what a shoddy job I've done of preparing it so far, but I do feel fairly confident in my ability to get a B. And even if I get a C on this paper I'll still have a B in the class. In other words, I'm not going to stress too much over this paper. I just need to finish it, turn it in, and then...on to more projects! But! A week from tomorrow this semester is over and I'm 3/8ths of the way towards my masters degree. And then holiday fun can begin in earnest.
I like when things begin in earnest. Especially when you misinterpret it and think of it as things beginning in a person named Ernest. Saying that makes me think of this time when we were little and Chelsea was reading the Constitution for homework and she read aloud to my mother, "Prudence dictates-" and interrupted herself to ask, "Prudence dictates? Who's Prudence?!" Just remembering her shrill voice as she asked the question and the look on her face still makes me laugh out loud to this day.
Alright, I'm gonna try to at least type out my abstract before I go to bed so I don't have to start with an entirely blank document tomorrow. Even 2 pages would be a good start.
*"Semi-ex girlfriend" because it never quite became an official committed relationship and they really only dated for a few months. To his face I like to refer to her as "Your girlfriend". I don't think he likes that much. Incidentally, I've never even met the girl and I have no real opinion on her except that she has a really bizarre take on birth control. She doesn't want to get on the pill because it's expensive and will make her fat. Because, you know, getting pregnant doesn't make you fat at all, and raising a child is incredibly cheap and affordable these days.
Enough about my pet peeves. I was working on my paper at a pretty good clip this afternoon and tonight and then I went to get my laundry out of the dryer and then I decided I wanted ice cream and then Iron Chef came on and that was the end of my momentum. I think I did most of my research, though, and now tomorrow I'll just have to sit down and actually write the whole thing. The good news is, I was supposed to go wrap presents at Barnes and Noble tomorrow night as a fundraiser for Helping Hands Basset Rescue, but it got cancelled so that gives me four extra hours of working time tomorrow. And I still get to wrap presents on Thursday and Saturday, so everybody wins (um, everybody being ME).
I'm already anticipating having to stay up most of the night tomorrow working on my paper, but I'm okay with that. And I'm pretty sure I only need a high B on this paper to get an A in this class. I don't feel very confident in my ability to get an A on this paper considering what a shoddy job I've done of preparing it so far, but I do feel fairly confident in my ability to get a B. And even if I get a C on this paper I'll still have a B in the class. In other words, I'm not going to stress too much over this paper. I just need to finish it, turn it in, and then...on to more projects! But! A week from tomorrow this semester is over and I'm 3/8ths of the way towards my masters degree. And then holiday fun can begin in earnest.
I like when things begin in earnest. Especially when you misinterpret it and think of it as things beginning in a person named Ernest. Saying that makes me think of this time when we were little and Chelsea was reading the Constitution for homework and she read aloud to my mother, "Prudence dictates-" and interrupted herself to ask, "Prudence dictates? Who's Prudence?!" Just remembering her shrill voice as she asked the question and the look on her face still makes me laugh out loud to this day.
Alright, I'm gonna try to at least type out my abstract before I go to bed so I don't have to start with an entirely blank document tomorrow. Even 2 pages would be a good start.
A little freaky, and not in a kinky fun way
It shouldn't be possible to have a weekend as busy as I did and still feel like nothing was accomplished. Especially since I actually accomplished a lot. I was stuck stage managing those scenes basically all day on Friday and Saturday, but the upside of that is that they are now over (THANK GOD) and my scene went off better than I thought it would considering the last minute actor switch. I also did my major grocery shopping since it had been more than two weeks since I'd been to the store and I was out of basically everything, and I thoroughly cleaned the apartment, and I worked out a lot, and I addressed all 70 of my Christmas cards so I can put them in the mail tomorrow. I'm doing a Christmas card exchange with my internet basset hound mailing list, hence the large amount of cards. And yes, I realize that if you ever thought I was cool I totally and utterly killed that delusion with the phrase "my internet basset hound mailing list", but I'm okay with that. It's time we all faced reality. (If you're reading this and you'd like a Christmas card let me know. Unfortunately I'm not in a slutty Mrs. Claus outfit as in cards past because sadly I think those crazy days are over, but the basset hound is wearing a festive sweater and reindeer antlers!)
A couple of little weird things happened this weekend. Like I saw the same very distinctive woman twice in the same weekend in different places in town. I guess that's not too strange because it's not as if this place is exactly enormous, but the thing that made it weird was that she was a very white woman wearing traditional African clothing. I saw her on Friday morning in the theatre building and then again on Saturday night when I was at the town Christmas festival with my sister and the dogs. The strange clothing combined with seeing her twice in two days was just kind of odd.
Then today at the grocery store I picked up a box of razor blades and an alarm started going off! So I put it back down on the shelf, and the alarm stopped. Reached up to grab it again, the alarm went off again. Repeated this two or three times. What the hell?! So I wandered up and down the aisle as stealthily as possible, pretending to check out feminine hygiene products but secretly eyeing the razor blades and looking for directions on what to do, hoping that somebody else would come by to buy razor blades so I could figure out what the heck I was supposed to do to get my blades without sirens wailing. There was no sign telling me that I couldn't take razor blades myself, but the alarm was really unnerving. Finally an HEB employee wandered down the aisle and I asked her what was up with the alarm and she told me that a lot of razor blades have been stolen lately, "especially from the men's side" so they put an alarm on them so that store employees can tell whenever someone is in the razor blade aisle. How weird is that? Does anyone else's grocery store do this or is my HEB crazy? I've never seen that sort of alarm on a product before.
And then a kind of big weird thing happened. There's this kid in my directing class who seems to be kinda into me (well, I say kid, he's at least 21 since I know he goes to the bars, but he's an undergrad and in my mind they're all kids, even though many of them are older than me). He has called me by name all semester, weeks and weeks before I figured out his name. Sometimes he waits outside the building to trap me into conversation after class. Whenever food is being passed around directing class he always offers some to me before taking any for himself. The scene I directed was about comic book heroes and yesterday he brought me one of the comics featured in the play, still wrapped in plastic and everything. I thought he had just brought it to show it to me and I was thinking, "Wow, that's really nerdy, but I suppose that's a nice thing to do," but then he was like, "Keep it. Turn it in as part of your production book." I told him no, that I couldn't keep it, but he insisted. At this point I was starting to finally really get concerned because I realized he probably likes me and I'm just not interested in him at all whatsoever. I'm not attracted to him and he's just kind of a geek. But he was harmless, I thought. Until today. Now I'm not so sure. Because get this: this evening I was cleaning my bathroom when there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and it was the guy! I was like, "Uh...hi..." and he said, "I thought that was you!" Again all I could say was, "Uh..." and he added, "I was just going to check my mail and I noticed you. I live in apartment 233, I didn't realize you lived in this complex too!" There are several problems with this encounter. Number 1, he knocked on a random person's door without knowing for sure that it was going to be me. Number 2, it's not like I was outside and he noticed me walking by the mailroom or something. He noticed me through my apartment window. It was dusk and I hadn't gotten around to closing the blinds yet so he must have looked through the doorway to my patio and seen me cleaning my bathroom sink. That's pretty damn creepy. Number 3, we had this really awkward conversation because he's a really awkward person, and when I mentioned I was cleaning my apartment he said, "Oh, why, are your parents coming to visit or something?" I told him, "No, I clean every week," and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "WHY?" and I looked at him like he was crazy (because apparently he is) and said, "Because I don't like to live in a dirty apartment." I can't imagine the state of this guy's apartment if he only bothers cleaning when someone is coming to visit. I can't believe there are really people that live like that. It would drive me insane. Anyway, he left and went back to his place, but two hours later he showed up again and invited me to take a "study break" at Starbucks with him. I declined because I'd just gotten back from the store and was unloading all of my stuff and I still needed to do a bunch of stuff around the apartment and, well, I just didn't want to go anywhere with him. I think he's being unnaturally, almost scarily forward now. I just hope he doesn't start knocking on my door every day, because there's nothing I hate more than having to have one of those "Listen, I'm just not interested in you..." conversations. I feel like I've had an inordinate amount of those conversations in my life already. And there's no way I can pretend I'm not home when I am, because a) I park right outside my apartment and even if I didn't this complex is so small he'd see my car no matter where it was in the parking lot and b) if my TV is on-and it always is-you can hear it through the front door no matter how low I have the volume on. So basically, I'm screwed. Greeaaaat.
Somehow it's already 1 in the morning and I really do have to work hard on my paper tomorrow and Tuesday so I need to go to bed. I cannot believe I'm going to attempt to write a 10 page paper in just two days. All I have so far is six note cards of information, two articles, and an outline. The outline makes me feel better about where this paper is going, but I still don't know how the hell I'm planning to pull this off. I've never pulled off procrastination this extreme before, so I'm worried. We'll see what happens.
A couple of little weird things happened this weekend. Like I saw the same very distinctive woman twice in the same weekend in different places in town. I guess that's not too strange because it's not as if this place is exactly enormous, but the thing that made it weird was that she was a very white woman wearing traditional African clothing. I saw her on Friday morning in the theatre building and then again on Saturday night when I was at the town Christmas festival with my sister and the dogs. The strange clothing combined with seeing her twice in two days was just kind of odd.
Then today at the grocery store I picked up a box of razor blades and an alarm started going off! So I put it back down on the shelf, and the alarm stopped. Reached up to grab it again, the alarm went off again. Repeated this two or three times. What the hell?! So I wandered up and down the aisle as stealthily as possible, pretending to check out feminine hygiene products but secretly eyeing the razor blades and looking for directions on what to do, hoping that somebody else would come by to buy razor blades so I could figure out what the heck I was supposed to do to get my blades without sirens wailing. There was no sign telling me that I couldn't take razor blades myself, but the alarm was really unnerving. Finally an HEB employee wandered down the aisle and I asked her what was up with the alarm and she told me that a lot of razor blades have been stolen lately, "especially from the men's side" so they put an alarm on them so that store employees can tell whenever someone is in the razor blade aisle. How weird is that? Does anyone else's grocery store do this or is my HEB crazy? I've never seen that sort of alarm on a product before.
And then a kind of big weird thing happened. There's this kid in my directing class who seems to be kinda into me (well, I say kid, he's at least 21 since I know he goes to the bars, but he's an undergrad and in my mind they're all kids, even though many of them are older than me). He has called me by name all semester, weeks and weeks before I figured out his name. Sometimes he waits outside the building to trap me into conversation after class. Whenever food is being passed around directing class he always offers some to me before taking any for himself. The scene I directed was about comic book heroes and yesterday he brought me one of the comics featured in the play, still wrapped in plastic and everything. I thought he had just brought it to show it to me and I was thinking, "Wow, that's really nerdy, but I suppose that's a nice thing to do," but then he was like, "Keep it. Turn it in as part of your production book." I told him no, that I couldn't keep it, but he insisted. At this point I was starting to finally really get concerned because I realized he probably likes me and I'm just not interested in him at all whatsoever. I'm not attracted to him and he's just kind of a geek. But he was harmless, I thought. Until today. Now I'm not so sure. Because get this: this evening I was cleaning my bathroom when there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and it was the guy! I was like, "Uh...hi..." and he said, "I thought that was you!" Again all I could say was, "Uh..." and he added, "I was just going to check my mail and I noticed you. I live in apartment 233, I didn't realize you lived in this complex too!" There are several problems with this encounter. Number 1, he knocked on a random person's door without knowing for sure that it was going to be me. Number 2, it's not like I was outside and he noticed me walking by the mailroom or something. He noticed me through my apartment window. It was dusk and I hadn't gotten around to closing the blinds yet so he must have looked through the doorway to my patio and seen me cleaning my bathroom sink. That's pretty damn creepy. Number 3, we had this really awkward conversation because he's a really awkward person, and when I mentioned I was cleaning my apartment he said, "Oh, why, are your parents coming to visit or something?" I told him, "No, I clean every week," and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "WHY?" and I looked at him like he was crazy (because apparently he is) and said, "Because I don't like to live in a dirty apartment." I can't imagine the state of this guy's apartment if he only bothers cleaning when someone is coming to visit. I can't believe there are really people that live like that. It would drive me insane. Anyway, he left and went back to his place, but two hours later he showed up again and invited me to take a "study break" at Starbucks with him. I declined because I'd just gotten back from the store and was unloading all of my stuff and I still needed to do a bunch of stuff around the apartment and, well, I just didn't want to go anywhere with him. I think he's being unnaturally, almost scarily forward now. I just hope he doesn't start knocking on my door every day, because there's nothing I hate more than having to have one of those "Listen, I'm just not interested in you..." conversations. I feel like I've had an inordinate amount of those conversations in my life already. And there's no way I can pretend I'm not home when I am, because a) I park right outside my apartment and even if I didn't this complex is so small he'd see my car no matter where it was in the parking lot and b) if my TV is on-and it always is-you can hear it through the front door no matter how low I have the volume on. So basically, I'm screwed. Greeaaaat.
Somehow it's already 1 in the morning and I really do have to work hard on my paper tomorrow and Tuesday so I need to go to bed. I cannot believe I'm going to attempt to write a 10 page paper in just two days. All I have so far is six note cards of information, two articles, and an outline. The outline makes me feel better about where this paper is going, but I still don't know how the hell I'm planning to pull this off. I've never pulled off procrastination this extreme before, so I'm worried. We'll see what happens.
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