Fantasy

I guess all those memories of high school must have lodged themselves in my subconscious because I had a dream about an old high school friend last night. I no longer remember the details of it all, but in the dream we were having an argument, and she mainly seemed to be angry at me for being "too flashy". Over and over again the argument would come back to that, her yelling, "Look, you're just too flashy!" In the dream I remember mostly feeling really puzzled because I was wearing a turquoise halter top and khaki-colored shorts with sandals, my hair was pulled up, and I think the most outrageous thing about the entire outfit was that I was wearing teal-colored eyeliner (which is something I do sometimes in real life and has never struck me as particularly flashy or over-the-top). True, I suppose my outfit was a bit more exciting than her dream outfit, a navy blue t-shirt and jeans combination, but flashy? I didn't get it in the dream, and I don't really get it now that I'm awake, either. Mostly in the dream I was trying to figure out what on earth about my outfit or personality would make her call me "flashy" and why that should be an insult in the first place. I woke up feeling angry in that irrational way one often feels after a dream like that, where you want to find the person in real life and punch him/her in the face even though you are fully aware that it was just a dream. So now I've been thinking about her on and off throughout the day, something I haven't done in years. Weird. All I can say is that I hope whatever she's up to today that she has lightened up a little bit (because honestly, I think part of the reason I woke up angry is because the way she was acting in the dream was just the sort of infuriating, irrational, jealous way she often acted in real life, only I never bothered to actually deal with my issues with her in real life, I just let them go).

Speaking of dreams (sort of), here are a few things I've been fantasizing about lately. I should warn you that most of them are incredibly lame:

1) A Dyson vacuum (Yes, still. Be quiet.)
2) Suit Guy. I wear a black cocktail dress, he buys me a martini at an upscale bar, yada, yada, yada.
3) Alternately, Kayak Guy. I have no idea where the heck this one comes from since in general I don't date athletic guys (because, um, have you SEEN this little weak body and noted that my interests don't involve most outdoor activities?). But the hill country is full of rivers and, subsequently, cute guys in kayaks, so now I like to daydream about doing athletic stuff on the river (as opposed to just floating and drinking beer on the river). I have a feeling this outdoorsy side of me is in fact just that: a fantasy. Still, I like the idea of a guy that likes to take me boating and rock climbing and surfing and stuff like that. Don't ask me why.
4) Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I cannot wait to have space for lots of bookshelves, or ideally have built-in bookshelves. My current book situation is not as ridiculous as I thought now that I reorganized everything. I possibly even have room for four or five more (small) books. But still, I'd love to have shelves to fill. I want to be that professor that doesn't even have visible walls in her office, just bookshelves. I uploaded all of my books onto LibraryThing today (very fun and convenient for bookworms like me and free up to 200 books, try it!) and I have 114 books, the majority of which are theatre books since I've never sold back anything from any of my theatre classes. I was kind of shocked that there are that many books in this little apartment, I thought for sure I'd top out around 50-75. And now I'm envisioning my mother's living room and all her bookshelves and realizing that she must have at least 400 books in there. At least.
5) Also in terms of a fantasy home, I've been daydreaming about a kitchen bigger than the size of a walk-in closet. Do you know every single time I cook anything on my stove other than soup the smoke alarm goes off? Even if I can't detect any smoke at all? I think I've mentioned this before. It's really annoying, and I think it happens every time because the smoke detector is only about three feet from the stove. It's ridiculous. I mean, I'm glad the thing is working, but still, ridiculous. Also, to have enough space to prepare basically anything I have to lay a cutting board across my sink to give myself more counter space. I mean, it's not like I cook or bake all that often, and the two times I've already cooked this month have been something of an anomaly, but still, it would be nice to have more than a foot or two of counter space. And a pantry. And a whole bunch of other stuff I won't be able to afford in the next ten years and possibly never.
6) A massage (I do have that gift certificate, but feel as though I should save it for at least a few months until I really need it, since I can't say I'm exactly highly stressed out right now)
7) A part-time job where my managers aren't idiots. Guess how many times I'm scheduled to work this week? ONCE. Our schedules start on Thursdays, and I'm scheduled to work exactly one time between tomorrow and next Thursday. Why? I have no freakin' idea! I specifically wrote a note to my manager saying when I got back from Christmas that I could work any day or night shift until classes start on the 16th. How many shifts did I get last week? Only two. Luckily it became three since I picked up a shift for someone. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up at least one more shift this week, but everyone is broke right now from the holidays so I'm not counting on it. I'm so annoyed with the whole situation, because the one time I actually have a lot of free time and can work a lot, I don't get scheduled at all. And knowing my idiot schedule-making manager, the minute classes start again and I get horribly busy with school and my other job, he'll start scheduling me for five shifts a week and then wondering why I'm always trying to give up shifts. I keep trying to tell myself that really it's a good thing to have so many days completely off because it will give me a chance to get some work done on my thesis, and because it's kind of nice to slack off for a little while and because it's not like I REALLY need the money from the restaurant job since I have another source of income and blah, blah, blah. But really? I'm annoyed. I was hoping to save up some extra money for New York, and if I never get to work again that's going to be a lot harder to do. (Incidentally, if you're thinking what I was thinking at first, I have it on very good authority that they're not in fact trying to subtly phase me out and it was just an oversight. So that's good, I guess, but still. Idiots.)

So yeah. Those are the stupid things I think about these days when my brain is not occupied with equally stupid things like reading chick lit and watching The Duel on MTV. And you can tell me all day that you don't have equally stupid/weird daydreams, but know what? I know you're a liar.