Fake It Until You Make It

So this semester ends in a month, more or less. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. Actually, I can't believe how fast this entire year has gone by. It's already getting to be time to start thinking about what I want to do after I finish grad school, which is kind of a scary prospect.
I'm not as worried about it all as I was when I was getting to this point of my undergrad work, though, mostly because to a certain extent I feel that I'm already set. I'm certified to teach high school, and after this I have the masters and should have no problem getting a teaching job somewhere. I've always known I wanted the masters, but in my mind the doctorate is a little more optional. Yes, I'd like it and I want it eventually, but I don't feel the need to go directly into a doctoral program. If it works out that way, great. If not, well, I feel like I can get some theatre-related job, or maybe even do something completely different for a while. Part of me still really loves the idea of doing some travel-related job for a while, especially if I'm not in any sort of relationship and there's nothing to tie me down by the time I'm getting close to finishing school. The only downside to that would be leaving Cohen and Jose. I'm not sure if I could leave my basset and cat for months at a time if I got some sort of travel job. Of course, this is all a moot point and I really don't need to start thinking seriously about this until later in the year anyway.

What I do need to think about right now, though, is all the crap I have to get done in the next three-ish weeks. The basic list:
-Education outreach Powerpoint for The Rover, the show that I'm now assistant dramaturging (surprise!)
-Write an original one-act play (ha, reading that it just sounds ridiculous, but I'm actually already about six or seven pages into it)
-Write a 15-20 page dramaturgical paper on From Morn to Midnight
-Write a 5 page analysis of a show for Theory
-Major season planning group project for Dramaturgy
-Final performance of my twenty minute Directing scene, and the scene that I'm performing in as well (this includes several rehearsals between now and then and figuring out/finding costumes and music)

That's all the major stuff. The nice thing is after that I really only have to take two finals, and one of them will be a take home final. So if I can just make it through April 26th I think I'll have gotten through the toughest part.
If I'm not around much between now and then, well, now you see why.

I would write about something more interesting than my grueling school schedule, but I'm not in the mood. Good things have been happening, though. Lots of fun times with Matthew and my girl friends and my family (when I'm not so busy maybe I'll tell you about the night last weekend when Chelsea and I attempted to ride her bike to the Common concert, "attempted" being the key word), some nice volunteer stuff, some successes at school. Nothing guy-related, unfortunately, since I still spend way too much time thinking about how dumb Mike is. The good thing about this is the more time I spend thinking of ways he's being dumb, the more able I am to honestly say, "Wow, getting over him really is a good thing." I'm still kind of wary about trying to make myself get over him because I still believe that he and I have something special, but the longer he's with this bartender girlfriend of his, the more I realize that if he stays with her that just means I can and will do better for myself. I hate to get all vengeful and petty because I know that's stupid, but part of me firmly believes that I will ultimately have the last laugh in all this. I just wish someone better would come along soon 'cause I think that's the last step I'm missing. I've pretty much gotten my act back together, now I just miss having a guy for entertainment. But let me say that even though I tend to think about Mike whenever I come here to write, in general I'm not really sad anymore.
When I was in high school my friend Melissa always used to make fun of me because when I was mildly unhappy with something I'd usually just pretend I was okay with it until I actually WAS okay with it. (Note that I said mildly unhappy. I don't believe in this theory when you're actually in a really bad, miserable, emotionally or physically damaging situation. That's just unhealthy). Melissa used to always tell me that I should let myself feel sad and angry, but you know what I've discovered about myself? I don't LIKE feeling sad and angry. Not for extended amounts of time, anyway. It's cathartic to a certain extent and then it just gets old and starts making me feel out of control, and we all know how much I hate feeling out of control. Plus there are always, always reasons to be sad and angry, and the more you let yourself feel that way the more you find other ways to continue feeling that way, and it just gets worse. It does for me, anyway. So instead I let myself get the initial period of intense sadness and anger out of the way, and then I subscribe to the "Fake it until you make it" philosophy.
I had already been doing this myself for years, and then I found actual scientific evidence backing it up. Given, this scientific evidence came from some magazine along the lines of Glamour so I'm not sure how much credibility it actually has, but whatever. The article said that studies show that if you're not quite happy, you need to fake it until suddenly one day you'll realize you're not faking it anymore and you actually ARE happy.
And you know what? That works for me. If I'm mildly unhappy (like I have been for the past month or so. The first two weeks I was seriously miserable, after that it just turned into mild unhappiness) the best way to get myself out of it is just to pretend that I'm perfectly happy and that everything is just fine and that I don't care about whatever is bugging me. And that forces me to start focusing on the positive instead of on the negative, and before long I'm actually more or less happy again. That doesn't mean there aren't still days that come along and knock me down and set me back a few steps again, but for the most part now I really am feeling happy.
It has been so long since I've been really unhappy about something that I'd forgotten about that theory, but I'm glad I rediscovered it. Like I said, I don't pretend this would ever work for true depression, but for mild ennui and mopiness, it really does work wonders for me.
Anyway, I'll be back soon with exciting stories. In the meantime let me do my school work, okay?