Who wants to make decisions for me?

I'm having one of those days where everything is overwhelming.
The biggest reason is that I have four MAJOR projects due next week and the only one of the four I actually feel okay about is my final directing scene (two out of the four projects I haven't even started on!).
And since I'm such a damn worrier lately I've decided to start stressing about things that make absolutely no difference at this exact moment, like trying to figure out where I might want to apply to get my PhD. Mandi and I had a long talk with Christin after class tonight. She's finishing up her dissertation at UT right now and lately she's been giving us advice about finding good programs, applying, etc. I know that I really do want my PhD eventually, but sometimes I have a very hard time envisioning myself as a PhD candidate. I just don't feel like I'm smart enough to handle it. Given, I felt the same way about getting a masters before I started this program and obviously I'm handling the work just fine. And logically, maintaining a 4.0 in a masters program (so far) should imply that I could get into a doctoral program and handle the work. But a doctoral program just seems so intense. For one thing, it would be another THREE TO FIVE YEARS of school. That's a whole lot of school. Given, I'd be teaching and working during that period, but still. It also doesn't help that I have no idea at this point what area I'd want to focus on for a dissertation. I know that I'm into dramaturgy, but even though I'd love to do that I'm not sure that I'm qualified to get into a dramaturgy program (mainly because I'm lacking the foreign language proficiency most of them want). I did feel relieved when Christin told me she didn't know what she wanted to do her dissertation on when she applied to her current program, so that's reassuring. And I realize I don't have to really get concerned about any of this until after the summer. I also realize that I have a ton of options. I don't have to go directly into a doctoral program. I can teach high school, I can get one of those travel jobs I've talked about, I can do something else entirely. But at the same time, having a Dr. before my name is something I'd like to accomplish, especially since I've already come this far. And it kind of seems like as long as I'm on a roll I should keep going.
Ah, Future, you're so scary! Exciting, but scary.
The other major thing that has me stressed out is a summer job. See, I thought I had this problem solved. Last Friday I applied for a job as a teller at the bank where Mandi is working right now. I passed the teller test and was basically promised by the manager that there will be a job for me when I come back from England in July. Which is perfect! A part-time job that starts in July. BUT. The job has a set schedule. A schedule that would work out ideally with my school and box office schedule. I actually love the idea of having a set schedule. The problem is that it's just too set, though. It's one of those "real" jobs that only lets you have one sick day a month and five days of vacation for the entire year. And I'm just not sure I can make that fly. At first I thought I could, but now that I'm thinking about it I'm just not sure. What if miraculously one of my papers actually gets chosen for a conference? I need to know that I can get a weekend off without consequence to go to it. And then there's December, when I'm supposed to be in two weddings, one of which is in El Paso. I'm gonna need a whole lot more than five days off during the month of December.
So now I'm thinking that maybe I do need to apply for some different jobs, but the idea of pounding the pavement and going from place to place filling out applications is not at all appealing. Plus a restaurant or bar job would probably have the opposite problem and be too flexible, not letting me have a set schedule during the school year when I'll really need one.
And not working during the summer and just waiting until I start getting my box office paycheck again in October is definitely not an option. I need to earn money somehow.
So I'm torn. Do I take the bank job and just quit come December when I'm gonna need all that time off? Do I try to find a restaurant job and hope that I can make it work when school starts in the fall?
The other thing with applying to restaurants right now is that I can't envision anyone wanting to hire me to start work immediately when I'm gonna be leaving for three weeks in June. Why hire me just a few weeks before I'm leaving the country? But I'd really like to have a job lined up for when I get back, and I can't really imagine anyone that needs help hiring someone in May who can't actually start until July.
So yeah, I don't know what to do. It's times like this when I really, really miss my job at Bass Hall. Damn, that job was ideal. Such good money, so flexible...

Oh well. I had a really good weekend! Drinking with Kelly, Shanthi, and then Matthew on Thursday night at Showdown, hanging out with Matthew and Chelsea on Friday and Saturday night, walking Cohen and Morty in a charity walk, and an Easter picnic with my siblings (Chelsea and I made deviled eggs and fancy ham sandwiches that involved caramelized onions and brie, among other ingredients. We're awesome. Shane, of course, heard us mention the word "ham" on the phone and decided he'd just buy his own lunch from Subway. Punk! He also somehow failed to realize that a picnic at the river might actually involve swimming so he showed up in khaki shorts and a polo shirt and had to roll his pants up to his thighs to wade with us, making him look like the cliched image of one of those ambiguous German tourists. I really wish I'd thought to take a blackmail picture. I love my goofy brother!)

So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. A little stressed, but I know this is just that day I have every two months or so when I have to panic about my future, and everything is gonna work out just fine.

I promise to stop stressing and whining soon.

P.S.-I found out today that there is someone living across the hall from me and his name is Roland and he works for Budweiser. I may not be doing anything I SHOULD be doing, but I'm getting better at this spying stuff!