Why We're Down

The past 24 hours have been weird.
Last night I had a talk with Mike and ended up getting really depressed and sad, and basically deciding that I hate him, hate myself, and that there's no point in being hopeful for anything because even if good things happen they're always only temporary. And of course, that's not me. I don't hate myself at all. I may somewhat hate the way I've been acting at certain times during the past six weeks, but I don't hate ME. And I don't hate him, either. Not even remotely. And that's not actually how I feel about life most of the time at all. The majority of my life has been very good, and I have no reason to expect that it won't continue to be good. Just because I'm in a bit of a slump right now relationship-wise is no reason to freak out and change my entire outlook on life. Besides, the rest of my life is going remarkably well at the moment, as far as friendships and school go. I realize that I need to focus on the positive and quit letting my mind spiral into negativity. And I'm going to stop focusing on the negative. REALLY.
Of course, it's easy to say that right now after a good, busy day. I still don't have a lot of control over the sadness. It still hits me like a wave sometimes and just sends me into this insane, self-destructive mode (Not physically self-destructive, nothing that intense. It's a mental thing) . Luckily the waves of sadness get farther and farther apart week by week, and I know that they'll just keep spacing out more and more. Seriously, though, I'm determined to try my best to keep focusing on the positive. I don't need anymore nights like last night.
And hey, after my bad night last night I had that candy dream that I mentioned in the post I made earlier today. So who knows, maybe all my troubles really are gonna go away soon.

This post wasn't supposed to be about me, though. I'm getting bored with talking about me and my stupid emotions. It's not entertaining to anyone. Not that I'm actually trying to be entertaining here, per se, but I'm pretty sure I've exhausted the whole Me-and-Mike-and-Is-He-The-One?-And-Why-Does-He-Have-A-Girlfriend-Who-Doesn't-Even-Give-Me-The-Satisfaction-Of-Actually-Being-Better-Than-Me-In-Any-Way?-And-Why-Do-I-Even-Care-About-Him?-I-Can-Find-Someone-Else topic.
No, what I wanted to say is that the past 24 hours have not been a good time for relationships in general. Kymberli called me last night crying and upset about issues with her boyfriend. I felt awful for her, especially since I can commiserate right now, being so down about a guy myself. I helped as much as possible (which probably wasn't much at all, honestly). Then this morning Jenny called me, also crying about relationship stuff. So in the past 24 hours I have cried, and two of my best friends have called me in tears.
I was telling Matthew about it on our way to rehearsal this afternoon, and I said, "This is ridiculous. On the bright side, at least it's not just me. Something has to be up in the world right now."
And Matthew said, in all seriousness, "Oh yeah. Mercury went into retrograde today, AND there's a solar eclipse."
Thank you, Matthew. That must be it. I always overlook the obvious answers like the planets affecting my sense of well-being. [Insert dripping sarcasm here]
Matthew makes me smile. Honestly, though, at least now I have a good excuse for not being myself yesterday. I blame it all on Mercury. Fuckin' Mercury.