Won't You Be My Neighbor?

My upstairs neighbor is outside right now blasting music from his car as he cleans it out. Or at least it looks like he's cleaning it out. I don't know, I can't really tell exactly what he's doing since I'm just being a nosy neighbor glancing at him through my window (in my defense, I wouldn't have even noticed he was out there in the first place if he hadn't been blaring the music). He's milling around moving stuff in and out of the car and occassionally carrying things upstairs.

I mention this in the first place because this neighbor is such a mystery to me. Actually, pretty much all of my neighbors are enigmas to me, but this guy I really can't figure out. I can't figure out if he's single or not. I'm somewhat intrigued by this neighbor, not because I find him particularly attractive (he's cute enough but definitely not keeping me up nights) or interesting (we've never really talked other than greetings), but mainly because he has an In-N-Out Burger license plate holder, which intrigues me because it means he has family or interests in California/Arizona/somewhere not Texas, and I like that.
I can't figure out what his deal is, though.
Like:
He's almost always by himself when he pulls up in his car and he often has a bag of fast food and a single drink. This leads me to believe he's eating most of his meals on his own and not bringing home food for anyone else, so he's single.
His car is sometimes gone overnight. He must have somewhere else where he spends nights. He's in a relationship.
Every now and then a girl is in his car when he pulls up. He's in a relationship.
Weeks will go by without me seeing the girl at all. Clearly she's just a friend and he's single.
He's cleaning out his car. Single guys don't usually clean their cars unless it's to impress someone. He's gotta be in a relationship.
He always parks like a jackass, slanted across two parking spaces on purpose. And his car is NOT that cool. If he had a girlfriend, she wouldn't let him park his car like that. He's gotta be single.
I noticed when he was cleaning out his car that there was a bright pink bag in the back of it. HOPEFULLY he's in a relationship, because I'm not sure with a straight guy is doing with a girly pink bag otherwise.

In other neighbor mysteries, there's the guy that lives next door to me. I was completely convinced that he was gay, mostly because of his mannerisms and because of the fact that he's always unnaturally tan, even in the middle of winter. I just love making assumptions about people I barely know! Ha. That, and one night at around 4:30 A.M. when I was outside with Cohen I saw the neighbor showing a guy out of the apartment. True, it could just be a straight guy friend leaving after a night of videogames or something, but do guys walk each other to the door and stuff like that? I'm pretty sure they don't.
But then about a month ago I walked out my door one afternoon right into the middle of a screaming, crying fight this neighbor was having with a girl. From what I saw and heard of it (and it wasn't much, since I pretty much turned around and took the dog right back inside as soon as I realized there was a screaming match going on in the breezeway) it definitely seemed like a lovers' quarrel. So I can't figure out what's going on there, either.

Then there's the girl who lives directly above me. I won't hear a single sound from upstairs for weeks at a time. No footsteps, no water running, no nothing. Then suddenly for several nights in a row I'll hear banging and crashing late at night, or foosteps and the sound of the shower running in the morning and I'll know that somebody is actually living up there. But for weeks at a time it's like nobody is there at all. I have no idea what's up with that.

And then there's the apartment across the hall. It used to belong to my friend Kolby, but she moved out in January and sublet it to someone. In late January a big group of people came along and moved some furniture in, but then nobody actually came to live there for another month or so. It was like it was just being used as a storage unit (I know that nobody was living there because the apartment managers leave notes on our doors about various events all the time, and the notes would stay on the door across the hall for days until they finally blew away). Then one day last month some random girl said hello to me in the parking lot and introduced herself, so I figured she must be the new neighbor. But I haven't seen her since. Meanwhile, right after spring break I was coming home one evening and saw a kinda creepy looking older Hispanic guy waiting to be let into the apartment across the hall, and now for a couple of weeks there's been some sort of Nascar cardboard cutout prominently displayed on the patio, which doesn't lead me to believe that it's a girl's home after all. And I still never, ever, EVER see anybody going in or out of that apartment, and the blinds are always closed. So maybe there's still nobody living there.

So basically, I've just used this entire entry to admit that I spy on all of my neighbors but my detective skills really suck. I should probably go back to doing useful things...like homework. Or watching more of The Sopranos. I started watching the first season over the weekend. A whole bunch of people have been talking about it for years, so I finally decided to give it a try. I realize I'm definitely coming in at the eleventh hour here and I'm the last person in the entire damn country to jump on the Sopranos bandwagon, but I'm so glad I did. I'm on episode 9 already! That means I've watched 8 hours of The Sopranos in the past, oh, three days. It's just that good, people. I'm hoping they'll release the first part of the sixth season on DVD this year (once the first part of the season actually finishes up, that is) and then I'll be able to catch up completely and watch the final episodes with everyone else. I also plan to start and then catch up with Lost in time to watch the third season, too. Aren't you proud that I have such ambitious plans for TV viewing?