Home for Christmas

I got to El Paso for Christmas today. Cohen and Jose did well on the 9 hour car trip and were also really good while we stayed at Kymberli's in Fort Worth for the past few days. Cohen hasn't actually met my parents' dogs yet. Chelsea's animals are here, too, and Morty met Lola and Marley today. Morty and Lola get along well, Marley is kinda nervous. I'm worried about adding Cohen to the mix, but hopefully he'll be fine. My big fear is that they'll all start roughing each other up just playfully but Cohen will get hurt because he's smaller than the others. Hopefully things will work out better than I think they will.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole spending-almost-three-weeks-in-El-Paso thing. I was pretty excited about it at first, but now it seems as though Mike is really into this new girl he's dating. And since other than hanging out with my family the only thing I do in El Paso is spend time with Mike, if he's busy dating someone else it's going to make this whole break much less fun than I thought it would be. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family because I love them like crazy, but sometimes we all need a break and since I don't know many people in El Paso these days I kind of rely on Mike to entertain me. Which is unfair to him, I suppose, since there's no real reason he's obligated to spend time with me. But oh, the jealousy, it's a bitch. It seems like I always end up in these partial relationships that can be so much fun but are fundamentally a lose-lose situation. 'Cause I do end up getting jealous and upset when a guy I'm dating falls for other girls but then I get mad at myself for doing it because what right do I have to get upset, and why should I actually care? We're not in a relationship, that has already been clearly determined. So I make myself be cool about it and most of the time I honestly can be. But then I also get mad at myself for not letting myself expect more from these guys, because I feel like maybe it's a sign that I'm not as confident as I pretend to be that I don't have the balls to say "If you want to date me it needs to be all or nothing." Of course, this is assuming I want all or nothing, which I'm not sure I do. And therein lies the problem. Because I think if I was positive I wanted to be in a relationship right now I'd have no problem laying down an ultimatum. But as much as I think I'm at a point where I'm done with Wild and Crazy and would like to just relax and settle down, I'm not positive I'm there yet and I don't want to rush anything and screw it up. Complicated stuff.

My trip to Fort Worth was fun, other than the part where I got really drunk on champagne at Ellen's graduation party on Thursday night and then got incredibly belligerent and had a half hour screaming fight with a certain someone on the phone. Apparently champagne makes me a belligerent drunk. Who knew? The next morning Kymberli was like, "Wow, I've never heard you yell about anything like that before, " which should give you some indication of how rarely I do stuff like that because Kymberli and I were pretty much inseperable during college. The thing is, I don't really feel bad for yelling at this person. Or rather, I feel bad for screaming at him (because I don't think anyone needs to listen to me yell for half an hour) but I feel like I made a lot of valid points that he really needed to hear from someone. Apparently I didn't make as big an impression as I had hoped since by Saturday night he was calling me and trying to pretend like our fight had never happened, but he's not getting off that easily this time. And I have to admit that it felt really good to yell like that. A few times I almost started laughing because in a twisted way I was having fun being a bitch, but laughing would have totally killed my momentum. Ha.
The rest of my trip to Fort Worth was basically uneventful but fun. I went to Jenny's pinning ceremony as she graduated from the nursing department and afterwards I had dinner with her family at P.F. Chang's and then had some quality Pub time. And on Saturday I spent the evening with Scott and Katy; we went to dinner and then went to see the show Kymberli is in right now, a comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It was fun getting to hang out and talk with them for a while since we hadn't really gotten to catch up since I moved in August even though I've seen Katy a couple of times since then. One of us is always in such a rush whenever we actually manage to catch each other on the phone, and when we've seen each other recently it's always been in groups so it's been hard to really have a long uninterrupted conversation. So I'm really glad we finally got to do that yesterday. She and Scott told me they're having a house built. I can't believe I have friends who are getting married and buying houses. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that somehow within the past year or two I became a legitimate adult. It still blows my mind.