Progress?

So, it has been three weeks since I was in El Paso.

That means it has been three whole weeks since I communicated with Mike in any way. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for saying I was going to do something in terms of a relationship and then actually following through, even though I have to admit that I still question my decision every day. The thing is, I've had a lot of time to think about it all over the past three weeks, and the ability to just think about it without any interference from ongoing events as far as he is concerned has been really healthy for me. I know for certain now that I can have a fairly happy life without Mike in it at all. That's really good to know. However, I'm also fairly certain that I'll be happier with him in my life in any aspect. One of the reasons for this is that I feel intensely guilty for trying to cut him out of my life. I was expecting a lot of conflicting emotions when I made this decision, but guilt was not honestly something I anticipated. So that has been...interesting. I know some of you would say that he doesn't deserve my guilt, and I don't know, maybe you're right. But the feeling is there anyway. At any rate, I know that I do want him in my life and I do want to attempt just a friendship. It's just a matter of when I want to try this new step, and that's something I still don't quite know.

On a lighter note, it has also been three weeks since I went to the dentist, and that means I have now been flossing my teeth every night (well, almost every night) for three weeks! This is a major step for me, people. I am a notoriously poor flosser. I usually floss really well for about the first week after I've been to the dentist and then after that I turn into a flossing slacker and before long I'm back to just flossing once a month or so when I happen to remember or when my teeth feel gross. But this time I promised myself I'd actually make an effort, and so far so good! It finally feels like a part of my nightly routine, something I just do automatically like brushing my teeth or taking my pill. So I'm proud of myself for flossing, too, I guess.

And it has also been almost three weeks since I started my new job, and last night I finally actually went out with work people. By "out" I mean that I went over to the home of a couple of guys I work with who were throwing a small keg party. The keg really was pretty unnecessary, actually, since the most people that were ever there at one time was about fifteen to twenty. But hey, that's just more beer for us! It was mostly my co-workers, and we had a good time. There were videogames and drinking games and one of the roommates has a pet chameleon, which I thought was pretty awesome. It wasn't a night to rave about, but I definitely didn't have a bad time, either. I had fun. And I feel like I've broken the ice with everyone now, so that's a good feeling. I was getting there slowly but surely at work, but it's amazing how a mutual love of beer can form deep and lasting bonds.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. I'm trying to decide whether I should drive to Kymberli's hometown and see her before she moves to New York City on Thursday. I really want to see her, but it is kind of hard to justify driving almost 6 hours each way and spending all that money on gas to really only be there one full day (since I'm only off work Monday through Wednesday this week). Then again, it is Kymberli and I really would love to see her one more time while she's not an entire plane flight away. I don't know. Either way I need to grocery shop and do laundry and work out before work tomorrow just in case I do decide to pack up Cohen and take a last-minute road trip on Monday.