Today Has Been Okay

I know I'm not the busiest person in the world. Not even close. I'm not even the busiest person around here. But sometimes, like this week, I have a hard time remembering that a lot of people actually have it harder than I do.
So I try to put things in perspective. I'm not directing a show right now, and the one I'm stage managing is over in two weeks. I'm only taking nine hours of classes instead of the twelve I took last year. I'm working two jobs, but I do realize that one of them is still totally optional and could be quit at any time. And I'm not pregnant. One of my fellow grad students is in her first trimester right now and I can't even imagine how she does everything I do while coping with morning sickness. Compared to that, I have it easy.
Still, I'll be damn happy when it's mid-November and the hardest part of the semester is behind me. There's still that whole applying to doctoral programs thing to worry about, but I also keep trying to remind myself that in the worst case scenario, there's no REAL reason why that needs to be done this year. I mean, it would be good and obviously it's in my best interest to apply if I can. But if I can't and it's just too much or it's just not possible this year, it's not the end of the world.

Oh, and I went out with that guy again on Saturday and I'm pretty much just feeling ambivalent. We definitely have a good time when we're together, but when he's not around I'm not thinking about him or thinking, "Wow, I can't wait until I can get home to talk to him." Honestly, it's just something to do, and right now when I'm so busy it just feels like one more thing on top of my already crazy schedule. I think I'll keep seeing him occasionally for now just because well, like I said, it's something to do (not "do" in that sense, sickos). But I'm not sure how fair that is to him, considering he's clearly pretty into me. I don't mean to brag but really, he is.

There's something wrong with me, I think. Why can't I get excited about a perfectly nice, attractive, fun guy? I say I don't want to be alone, but then the minute I have the chance to really be with someone in a meaningful way I decide that actually, I would rather just be alone and not worry about it. Can I possibly be that apathetic about my love life? Apparently, the answer is YES.