Hodgepodge

So it has been three whole days and I haven't broken down and talked to Mike yet! Congratulate me, because I seriously didn't think I'd be brave enough to last even this long. But I'm staying strong. I've told myself that I need to wait at least a month, and I think if I can force myeslf to wait that long then it should be easy to just keep going. Or maybe at that point I can reassess and decide it's time for us to start communicating again, I don't know. I don't know how much time I need.
I still don't even know if this was the right decision at all. I was thinking about it last night and it suddenly dawned on me that he could die tomorrow and then I'd just be incredibly angry at myself for cutting someone I loved out of my life and not talking to him while I had the chance just because I wasn't strong enough to force myself to get over him while we were still talking. Ugh, that would be horrible! And then I start going down that path and I'm like, "Why would it really be so bad for us to continue talking? Now that I know for a fact that he really does just want to be friends and nothing more and we're never going to be able to have a relationship, there's nothing complicated anymore. I know exactly where we stand, period. So why can't we just be friends?" Which would be lovely except I need to make damn sure first that I really do know that it's over.
Plus it can't hurt for him to miss me a little bit, right? (I'm kidding, I'm kidding. The last thing I need is people inferring that this is just some kind of twisted game I'm playing.)

Anyway. I started my new job today. It seems okay, although it's not as organized as my past jobs have been. "Training" today was just following around the hostess, to-go person, bartender, and a server in half hour blocks, and then I got to go home. Nobody even bothered to do the most basic things, like show me a sheet with table numbers. I had to ask to be taught how to clock in. When I asked if I could keep the apron and notepad I'd been given the answer was, "Uh, I guess. That might actually belong to someone else, though, I don't know." And at one point I was rolling silverware with the to-go girl and I said, "So, is this your job, or my job, or the host's job, or what?" and she just gave me a blank look and said, "Well, we all try to get out of doing it, but if silverware is up and needs to be rolled you should be a good apple buddy and do it." I almost keeled over (and not just because she used the phrase "apple buddy" in what appeared to be seriousness). Yes, teamwork is important, but I'm already very wary of a place that doesn't have specifically assigned jobs. Of course everyone is going to try to avoid it if it's not someone's specific job!
In some ways I guess it's okay since a relaxed environment can be useful for certain things (getting time off, for example) but there's a difference between "relaxed" and "total mayhem" and I hope it's the former and not the latter. I'm also just glad I already have so much waitressing experience 'cause it doesn't appear that they do much training here. Oh well, if it sucks it sucks and I'll just quit in September. No big thing.

In other news, Cohen went to the vet today to have surgery to get the mystery lump removed from his mouth. The surgery went fine and he's back home with me already tonight, a little hoarse from the tube they had put down his throat but just fine other than that. They're sending the lump off to be tested and I should know in a couple of weeks if everything is okay or not. I really, really hope he's fine. I need that basset!

Alright, I'm off. I need to actually get some work done on my thesis project since my director called last week and insinuated he'd like to meet sometime this week and I suppose it would be wise to go into the meeting with a few images or SOMETHING other than the absolutely nothing I have done right now.