Sometimes I Like to Brag About Myself

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm a little bit too charming.

Haha.

I went to this party last night with a bunch of people I go to school with here. I haven't been to many parties since I moved down here. Back at TCU I went to all of the theatre parties, but so far I've never really gotten into that down here. I don't know why. Part of it is just that for reasons I still haven't figured out I feel a lot older than everyone here (which is ridiculous considering I'm one of the baby grad students-only Amanda is younger-and a whole lot of the undergrads are actually older than I am). Part of it is that I haven't gotten involved in as many shows down here and as a result my circle of friends here has just remained very small and actually, I've really liked it that way.

But you know, I actually had a really good time last night. It was just a bunch of people drinking from a keg on someone's back porch. I mainly just went because Amanda and Alex had invited me so I knew I'd know at least two people there, and then I ended up running into some other people that had been in England with me and some other people that I know, and I met some friendly people and it was good.

And I don't know what it was about last night, but I definitely had an ego-boosting night. I don't even think that I was particularly looking my best, but I kept catching guys watching me from across the room. Like, enought that I was almost getting self conscious about it. At one point a guy was pushing past me to get to the keg and he actually stopped in his tracks and said, "Ooh, you're cute!" before continuing to the beer. I happen to know that said guy is gay, but still, to have someone stop dead in his tracks just to tell me I'm cute is pretty flattering. Then this one guy sort of latched on to me and was flirting with me and following me around the rest of the night and although he is too young for me and lives in Boston most of the time so I immediately had to rule him out as any sort of real prospect, I really enjoyed talking to him. (19 is too young, wouldn't you agree? I don't know why I'm so picky about dating younger guys, but I just have a really hard time envisioning myself with someone my brother's age...I don't rule the possibility out entirely but a younger guy would have to be really amazing for me to overlook the age difference, especially a guy so young he couldn't go to the bar with me). And then Amanda told me that one of her guy friends kept asking about me and wanting to talk to me, but I pretty much automatically rule out any guy who isn't brave enough to talk to me himself and needs to send a friend over like we're eleven years old (I'm a picky bitch, I know). And then there was another guy who I had a feeling was sort of feelin' me, but I tried my best to ignore any vibes coming from him because I know for a fact he's been having a fling-or maybe more than a fling-with a friend of mine and I am not about to get in the middle of that. It's a little awkward, actually. Because we exchanged numbers last night so that Amanda and I could coordinate a Taco Cabana run with him and his friends, and so now this evening he has been texting me. At first he just asked what was up, but then he sent me a message that said, "Sorry if I sounded rude when I was asking you about your boy toy last night. I wasn't trying to be an ass, I guess maybe I was just a little envious." (I guess by "boy toy" he meant the other guy that was following me around; I'm not totally sure). And then he pulled the "Well, holler at me if you ever get bored," card, and we all know what that means. So yeah. It's just kind of weird because, like I said, he's definitely been having a thing with a friend of mine. And maybe I'm reading way too much into this and he just enjoyed meeting me last night and wants us to hang out as friends, which I'd be all about, but I'm always doubtful that anything is that innocent. At any rate, I'll just feel bad if it does turn out that he sort of has a crush on me, because while I thought he was very friendly, I don't think I would be feelin' him even if my friend wasn't involved. So it would just be one sucky triangle all around.

I guess the stars were just aligned right last night, or I happened to have just the right amount of alcohol to make me seem bubbly and approachable, or pink is my color, or something.

I have to admit that even though it's just little stupid stuff it made me feel good. It's always reassuring to know that I've still got it, you know? Especially right now when I'm trying to force myself to be on the market in a very big way.